with friends like these.... part one (283 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 0 on 8 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by nahnoneofit (View user info) at 2006-11-14 09:03:41 EST
Before I start I'd just like to say I've never really been much of a story teller. I don't intend or expect this post to find itself into your hearts or be profound oranything. I just feel like writing right now and the submit button at the top of my screen happened to be closer then the Wordpad icon in my start menu. So uhh fuck off if you peruse this site on daily basis scrutinizing peoples light hearted scribbling and trying to run their creative desire to express themselves through writing into the ground just because you've been writing shit here longer. Geeks.
So's anyways, I've got this friend, James. We went to highschool together, but never really got along then. He sat at that end of the cafeteria and I sat on this one, if you catch my drift. Stupid highscool clannish nonsense. Luckily for me I haven't set foot in the place since ninth grade, so I can and do feel supierior to you and your rigorously brainwashed, singular and fascist point of view :).
Me and James were fast friends once we crossed paths outside the slick white brick walls and hypnotic drone of flourescent lights that ensures a complacent, zombie like student body devoid of any enthusiasm for the education humdrumly pounded into ones psyche with the finesse that only an underpaid lifeless army of miserable fed up faculty can give.
But I digress. Highschool in all its ineptitude has nothing to do with this story. I am retarded. Perhpas they teach cognitive writing skills in tenth grade. Oh well, Lets move on.
James. An imposing young vagrant of irish descent with a thirst for blood and a taste for booze. Introduced me to the cheap beer and even cheaper vodka I love to hate and hate to love.
I forget how it was we started hangin out, however I do remember that since day one we had two collective, sentient goals in mind.
Avoid any productive, constructive, progressive or otherwise existential behavior at ALL costs,
and double team your mom.
Now the second one was easy, much like your sister. But the first one was becoming harder and harder to fullfill without a steady flow of income, and thusly the aformentioned cheap booze.
See James soon lost his job at a magazine factory 'cause we rented Baldurs gate for the Xbox and played it religiously for three days straight. Money was getting tight, and your moms anus ever looser by the second. We needed a plan. We needed to rack our brains, search our intellects for a constructive solution to our problem, so we could stop ourselves from searching our intellects for constructive solutions to our problems.
We needed beer.
---------------------------------------------
*cutscene to James and I sitting in his beat up Mazda atop a hill overlooking a deslote parking lot.
It's midnight
It's autumn
No we're not making out.
James- See that mountain of kegs over there behind that building?
Me- Bad idea.
James- We're stealing one for Jimmys party.
Me- Youre an idiot
James- You drive so I can jump out and grab one real quick.
Me- Cool.
James- Arright lets do this shit LEEEEROOOOOOOOOOYYY JENNNNNNNNNNKINNNNNSS!!!
I hop in the drivers seat, we cruise down behind this big brewery to this MOUNTAIN of kegs just sitting there, ripe for the picking. James gets out and muscles one into the back seat and we bust outta there like Chris Farley busting out of David Spades boxer shorts.
James- ahahahahahaha, dude we gotta go back.
Me- ...what the hell for?
James- get another one.
Me- Dude, come on, we got one, were halfway home, lets just leave it at that, we have a fucking KEG! Jimmys gonna shit his pants when we show up at his party with a stolen keg, we'll be heroes.
James- And if we show up at Jimmys party with TWO kegs, we'll be LEDGENDS.
Me- I hate you.
And that was the kind of irrefutable logic that just plain makes sense when you're hanging out with James. If it's there, why cant it be yours? someone else will come and take it if you don't. sometimes you just gotta stop stopping and thinking and just do it. Besides, we were already turned around heading back to the brewery.
part two?
User Reviews
Submitted by Timmaaaaah (user info) at 2006-11-14 09:45:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Only because that girl at the front is so beautiful :)
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2006-11-14 09:32:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Vaguely interested (only because James sounds like my buddy Dave) but come on get part 2 over with so I can drop this shit out of my mind.
Ta.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-11-14 09:26:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
wow a highschool drop out bragging about his failed life, and making up stories about stealing beer!!!
can't wait for part 2!!
Submitted by nahnoneofit (user info) at 2006-11-14 09:19:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i didnt make part two yet though
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-11-14 09:16:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You hate me?
Take a number and get in line.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-11-14 09:15:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You should have put part two in the same post
Submitted by nahnoneofit (user info) at 2006-11-14 09:14:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i hate you.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-11-14 09:12:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Where did you get that picture of young Caulaincourt in the japan bandanna?