You are the Music (423 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.42 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by goferforhire <goferforhire.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2006-11-14 13:22:36 EST
*Apologies to Uber, as this is something of a personal rant*
Are you listening? You rarely do so I'm just going to hope you are for once and you're not just going to turn around and call me some kind of satanist when I'm done talking. There's a reasonably good chance you're not even reading this, for God's sake, but I'm tired and hung over and I feel like saying something so that I've got a better chance of being able to take two steps in my own hometown without walking into an awkward situation or an evil eye. Barring that, I'd at least like to kill some of my time while I wait to go to class. Smooches.
You are the music. That's the most romantic thing I think I've ever said with any degree of sincerity, and I'm equally certain that it amounted to nothing. A sheer lack of trust. Let me explain some things about myself.
Music, art, poetry is my blood. I was born with perfect rhythm, though it faded a bit (don't ask me, a shrink told me about it) which explains a few things- it explains why I can't stand strobelights (the flash doesn't ever match the beat) and partially why I occasionally manage to write so well (natural grasp of rhythm, anybody?). I've never had *that* much musical talent, although my voice ain't too bad, but it's always been something I absorb. Something a lot of people don't realize is that music has an effect on your physical reality. Don't believe me? Scientists did research on it. I saw the models- three different scans of the brain- brain by itself, brain asleep, brain on music. Three vastly different explosions of color in the areas labeled auditory (duh) but also visual sensory packages. Long story short, music can change everything.
Not that long ago, though longer ago than I realized, I wrote a very long poem that unconsciously spat up every neurosis, every belief, every love and every image I hold dear. It's few readers might have noticed that the most prevalent themes were music, art, and writing. That means something. That means a lot.
Within that poem, I said something very powerful, at least to me. I said "you are the music/ you are the fire, the glory" or something to that effect (fire and glory being a piece of a repeated line). For a very long time I actually thought that just sounded pretty, but recently I've come to realize that wasn't it. You see (see above) music is my life.
Now I said that, and I said a lot of other things. I called you beautiful in a lot of other ways (switching back to a specific you, keep up) and maybe carried the thing too far for you to take me seriously. After all, you think I'm the AntiChrist these days. Well here's a secret: you were the music. I wasn't joking, and I wasn't lying. I've gotten it back, no worries, and I'm not trying to get *you* back, heavens no, but I want you to know that I wasn't lying. You hear me?
You'd like to think that everything I ever said to you was just a lie and a slim and clever attempt at getting you in bed. I think I know why, and since you already hate me I see no reason not to indulge in a little obnoxious psychoanalysis. I think you're scared. I think you've been seriously scarred- hints you've dropped here and there- and I think you've lost your ability to handle any sort of attachment. You trash-talk your friends, you back off of your obsession in a heartbeat when it works out for you, and I've not met someone who cares for you or cared for you that you haven't found someway to villainize, even if it's just on a shallow level. I don't care why, it happened.
You had no reason to believe what you ended up believing. I never pressured you for anything, took no liberties with you, and asked you several times if you were comfortable with me physically. Every step I took in any direction I took at your encouragement. Meanwhile I showered you with the most romantic shit I've ever come up with (and for a somewhat accomplished, if still amateur, poet that's saying something, you realize) and I never did anything to hurt you (except that one time I bit you, but that was an accident).
So here's the deal. Hate me all you like if you've got some other reasons other than the ones I've just discussed. Hate me for dragging out the closure process a month or so longer than necessary. Hate me for not trying to make you feel guilty when you couldn't come to that party. Hate me for a couple silly comments I made when I was trying to cover the awkwardness of you inviting yourself along with a friend the day after we broke up, hate me for apologizing for them, hate me for some stories I wrote about you, good and bad (the bad ones were a mistake and you know it), hate me for saying yes to someone else so soon after you said no to me, I don't even give a shit anymore. I'm past wanting you to like me, past caring if you grow into a bitter old person who would vote against me in a presidential election if my opponent was a double ticket of Hitler and The Artist Formerly Known as Prince. I just have one tiny request. Don't hate me because I didn't love you. Because I did.
For the rest of uber that has no idea what in God's name I'm talking about, I present you with this-
Drone
Think of me redundantly-
repeat your thoughts 'ad naus'-
an old extended metaphor
you cling to just because.
Think of me as allegore,
poetic, pleasant fuzz,
think of me repeatedly;
he is; we are; he was.
I am extended metaphor,
I am your soapy suds,
I am the rain that washes down
and waters all your buds.
I am the clouds and bursting seeds,
the branch that found the dove,
I am the dew on all the leaves
below, between, above.
So think of me redundantly-
repeat your thoughts 'ad naus'-
think of me between the lines
of strict poetic laws.
Think of me as imagery
you see, perceive and pause,
and think of me repeatedly;
I am; we are; I was.
User Reviews
Submitted by garudave (user info) at 2006-11-15 15:51:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Pretty decent piece.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-11-15 08:36:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Music = Man's Universal Symbolic Introspective Creation.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-11-14 18:46:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-11-14 17:59:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
music is and will always be a part of my soul.
It's awesome when other people understand that bit.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2006-11-14 18:46:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-11-14 17:59:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
music is and will always be a part of my soul.
It's awesome when other people understand that bit.
You did a good job explaining.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-11-14 17:51:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is even more painful than it looks.
-- Homer Simpson
Brother from the Same Planet
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-11-14 17:48:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
But stories always end
And if you read between the lines
You'll know that I'm just tryin' to understand
The feelings that you lack
I never thought I could feel this way
And I've got to say that I just don't get it
I don't know where we went wrong
But the feeling's gone
And I just can't get it back
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2006-11-14 17:37:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish I had perfect rhythm. That'd make playing my orchestral excerpts a hell of a lot easier.
Submitted by EhyehAsherEhyeh (user info) at 2006-11-14 17:06:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i sat under the bodhi tree for over two years. i sat and i meditated, and i sat until i forgot that i was meditating. i did not eat for over two years.
and when enlightenment came, it was this: that there is no enlightenment. and thus i was enlightened, and so i moved on.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-11-14 15:00:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
BARRY MANILOW IS WEEPING
Submitted by ruthless (user info) at 2006-11-14 14:31:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You're everywhere. You're omnivorous.
-- Homer Simpson, to God
There's No Disgrace Like Home
Submitted by GodtheFather (user info) at 2006-11-14 13:46:42 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2006-11-14 13:40:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I am not the music or the fire. I am the cyborg.
THE cyborg.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-11-14 13:34:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I wish you were happier.
I wish I was happier.
You know what though? Somewhere, we are the music.