Why to never live with foreigners…… (761 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0.92 on 27 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by C Stickney <cstick3.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2006-11-14 20:51:09 EST
Why to never live with foreigners......
As a college student from middle class white America, I took full advantage of the opportunities abound at college to culturally diversify....
BAD FUCKING IDEA
After living in a dorm of pretty much spoiled, dirty, jackass (man we did have a good time though) guys and girls, I decided to venture into the world of off campus housing. Since the only really good, honest, clean guy I knew in the dorms was this Indian kid, I said
"Instead of living with spoiled white kids who don't clean or do any sort of physical maintenance, I should live with a foreigner, they seem to have a better grasp of the real world"
DUMMMMB
So, in my experience over the past three years of living with a Mexican (he was really from central America, but I prefer to think of him as a dirty Mexican), and Indian (not the really clean one) and a Chinese guy I learned 5 important things
1. First and foremost people from other countries smell like shit for 3 main reasons...
a. They don't shower except during a full lunar eclipse
b. They think showering this often replaces the need for deodorant (it never does)
c. Well lets face it they just plain smell funny
2. They cook weird ass food and leave it on the stove for six weeks, or place it in a dozen ½ oz. containers in the fridge that never move till the day you kick them out..... these foods include
a. fermented soy beans (WHAT THE FUCK!) smells like animal feces
b. giant bags of frozen vegetable that look more like animal parts and usually things on top resembling hairs
c. everything curry (possibly the worst of all)
d. stuff with onions that has to sit in vinegar and wine in a window for 8-10 months
e. chicken in the most disgusting manner possible such as fermented in beer/wine or boiled whole (skin, feathers, claws, and the shit it layed in the previous month)
3. Possibly the worst bathroom etiquette possible not limited to
a. Urinating everywhere except in the toilet (but if they wipe the seat, it seems to make it ok???????)
b. Not putting anything but excrement in the toilet. This means everything from soiled toilet paper (as in SHIT on the paper), used q-tips, condoms (though none of these guys EVER EVER EVER had a girls over?????) and other smelly gross and disgusting things sit in the garbage which is also only to be removed on a full lunar eclipse
c. Never (and I mean never as in not once in a 12 month lease) cleaning their bathroom. The incredible hulk could be growing in their toilet, their bathtub painted black with mold, enough hair to make a sweater, and STILL the bathroom is not dirty enough to clean
d. One of the absolute worst (as voted by various girls I have had over) is the inability to close the door completely while using the bathroom. Think of a camel pissing at high pressure amplified 10X over a loud speaker into the room next to the bathroom usually my bedroom or the living room.
4. Inability to maintain normal living hours, I understand these people come from a different time zone, possibly a different planet, but there are some things that should not be done at 3 am such as but not limited to.....
a. Watching TV at full volume
b. ATTEMPTING (and I truly mean attempting) to cut grass, trim hedges, or other lawn maintenance
c. Wash clothes (especially important when the washing machine resides on the second floor, above my bedroom)
d. Walk into the bathroom while I attempt to fuck a girl, and then act like it is ok to stay in there and do some business (twice, two different girls, same damn Mexican)
e. Play a lute, or other odd instrument which resembles a person vomiting or animal dying when being played correctly
f. Invite all the other people from his time zone/planet to play weird foreign games which involve loud noises and or playing of instruments
g. Anything to do with cricket or other strange sports INDOORS
5. Their shit has special abilities.... It permeates walls, smells for weeks (after only one shit, so imagine the odor from 2-3 shits daily), and usually can't be flushed. You can double flush, put a pound of toilet paper on top, and somehow this stuff levitates above the surface of the water and never goes down
I could go on, but if you aren't scared yet and haven't learned from my lessons.... You just deserve what will come to you then.... So please, heed my warining and don't live with fuckers from other countries.... it plain sucks
User Reviews
Submitted by livEvil (user info) at 2006-11-16 15:00:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I wonder why you didn't find actual friends to move in with. I mean the kind that you get to interact with and measure hygiene levels before moving in with them.
Submitted by Mephisto (user info) at 2006-11-16 14:00:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Curry blows... tastes like sawdust
Submitted by supadupapupa (user info) at 2006-11-16 00:20:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I've lived with all types of foreigners, some of my best experiences being Sri Lankan - I love curry and if you eat it you can live forever! Chinese, cleanest most anal motherfuckers I know, and Japanese. Japanese women are the tops, if they are a little older. The new generation doesn't even know how to make instant ramen. I never have to lift a finger and just have to listen to her yell at me some times.
And one more thing, fermented soybeans, like curry, will make you live forever. Honest!
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2006-11-15 19:04:08 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Doing Tolerance; The American Way!
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-11-15 18:03:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
a camel pissing at high pressure amplified 10X over a loud speaker into the room
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nice imagery
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-11-15 16:54:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
i bet their english is better than yours cletus.
Submitted by garudave (user info) at 2006-11-15 16:36:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks for the tips.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-11-15 14:04:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This would have been much better if you didn't write like you too were a foreigner without a grasp of the language.
Submitted by homer42 (user info) at 2006-11-15 13:40:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've had no problems with Europeans - might better than Americans. Try them next time.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2006-11-15 12:33:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I lived in Mexico for a while once. Interesting but very, very, very dirty.
Submitted by creep_firebombing (user info) at 2006-11-15 08:38:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-11-14 20:57:08 (#)
Ranking: 1
See, I just never room with anyone, ever.
Everyone does this to varying degrees.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
My wife is a slob. I thought women were supposed to be clean. I'd never live with another guy after getting out of the Marines and then having a Canadian rock band drummer as a roomate, but I figured I was safe with a woman.
Nope. Live alone. It may cost you more, but your sanity will thank you.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-11-15 08:25:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Anyone who -2's this is probably brown.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-11-15 02:40:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
the reasons are quite simple...and i could explain them to you...but i won't
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2006-11-15 01:57:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I lived next to an Irishman for a while, I can empathize.
Plus curry rocks. And i'm drunk.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-11-14 23:10:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
the shit thing is so very, very, very horrifyingly true.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-11-14 22:58:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2006-11-14 21:05:15 (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm Australian, and i live with a guy who's done the following:
Microwaved salsa and cheese and left it on the table for 3 months.
Knocked our mini deep frier over and waited THREE DAYS to clean it up.
Vomited in the corridor and NEVER cleaned it up (i had to).
Smells like shit.
His room smells like shit.
Never buys toilet paper, uses magazines.
Yep, hes a middle class white American.
============================================
we refer to guys like that as whiskey tango
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-11-14 22:44:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i don't know if I'm tired or what but I couldn't stop laughitng
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2006-11-14 22:42:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
as much as it sucks living with them, i must admit that pricks are often the most hygenic people.
and they pay for the alcohol. the problem is its often of bad quality, but I cant complain about free alcohol.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-11-14 22:35:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by STIXS (user info) at 2006-11-14 22:09:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I had a roommate who shit in a cup and set it on fire last year. He wasn't foreign, he was just plain fucking stupid. And the bastard didn't tell me he did it by using my soup ladle to fish his shit out of the toilet, only to cut it on my cutting board with my fish knife. He sort of rinsed them off with Everclear and put them all back.
I burned everything while crying to the Norse gods.
Submitted by GMCrayon (user info) at 2006-11-14 22:01:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was LOL good. Curry kicks ass though.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-11-14 21:27:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I lived with a chinese guy for a while, the kitchen was always slick with grease since the fucker fried everything that couldnt scuttle away fast enough and never did a spot of cleaning.
Oh, yeah, that reminds me, Dear Shingwei <unpronouncable second name> you still owe me 10 quid for the last phone bill you country skipping gook motherfucker!
Submitted by cstick3 (user info) at 2006-11-14 21:18:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
sounds about right phallic, damn fuckers from other countries
Submitted by Lizz_Zero (user info) at 2006-11-14 21:05:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Yeah, I lived solo always because sharing space with other people never works out.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2006-11-14 21:05:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm Australian, and i live with a guy who's done the following:
Microwaved salsa and cheese and left it on the table for 3 months.
Knocked our mini deep frier over and waited THREE DAYS to clean it up.
Vomited in the corridor and NEVER cleaned it up (i had to).
Smells like shit.
His room smells like shit.
Never buys toilet paper, uses magazines.
Yep, hes a middle class white American.
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-11-14 20:57:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
See, I just never room with anyone, ever.
Everyone does this to varying degrees.
Submitted by thesushiking (user info) at 2006-11-14 20:56:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I live with an Indian right now.
Sounds about half-right.