Fat is the new Black. (3624 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.47 on 131 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Bigmike (View user info) at 2006-11-15 00:29:02 EST
Yes, you would see me walking down the street and say that I was fat. Either that or you would say "Shit honey, we'd better cross to the other side of the road, that guy looks like riff-raff."
Whatever.
Doesn't matter.
I was looking through some magazines today and I noticed a trend towards normal looking people. That's right, I said normal looking people. You know, like the girl next door or that old guy and his wife down the street. People who look like everday average people.
People with a little fat on their bodies.
Not everybody can look like those models in the magazines. Those anorexic women with their high cheekbones and exposed ribcages. I can't even imagine what those women go through to look like that. It must be a terrible burden to have to long for a small morsel of food all day long only to get a celery stick or carrot shavings.
Or an eight ball.
Like I said before, whatever.
In the meantime I am going to ask you all to do a favor for me. This is for everybody. For all you fat haters out there, or you chubby chasers, or you regular joe's.
Stand up and take off your clothes. Yes, right now dammit. I'm not going to look, for chrissakes this is the fucking internet. Take off all your clothes, I'll wait.
<humming theme to Jeopardy>
Ok, doesn't that feel much better? Now, reach down and.....oh wait, that's for later. Sorry. Go into the bathroom now. Don't be scared, yes you can put your clothes back on in a minute, just do what I say. Go into the bathroom.
Good. Now, you see the mirror there? Yes THAT mirror, the one you look into everyday, day in and day out. Go stand in front of that mirror. That's right, there's nothing to be afraid of, go stand there and take a very close look at yourself. Look at all the curves, drink in the essence of your body. Women, take a quick look at the toilet and wonder when the last time your man cleaned it was. Men, stop looking at your penis, it's not gonna get any bigger no matter what the people at Enzyte told you.
LOOK AT YOUR BODY.
Do you see any fat? Don't lie. You do, don't you. There's a little down by your waistline isn't there? There's a little on those arms of yours too. Maybe there's a little right where the curve of your buttocks meet your legs. There might be some on your thighs, there probably is. What about your chest? Any fat there? There could be. You would know if it was there, you would be looking at it right now.
Let's all breath a collective sigh.
Ready?
<Sigh>
Ok. Now think about how you feel about yourself. Are you happy? I am. Are you content with your lot in life? Bad question I know, but if you said no, you'd probably be normal. Do you think you could stand to lose a little weight? Probably, but who doesn't? Unless you are a muscular freak or Jack Lalanne (google it if you don't know who he is), You probably do need to lose a little.
I need to lose alot. But for some reason a certain amount of the female population out there digs big guys. Not that I'm looking because I'm not, but still If I were single I'd be dating alot. An awful lot.
But I digress.
Don't worry about that little bit of fat hanging around your middle. Stop obsessing about the spare weight that seems to be gripping your thighs.
Revel in the fact that you are normal in most every way, except for you guys with the really small peni. It's you guys that have to worry. Just kidding of course. Even the small peni guys are normal. We can't all be freaks like Peter North now can we?
Don't worry about the fat. It's normal. Hell, up here in Upstate NY you have to have a little fat on your body just to get through the damn winter. There are no skinny people here, we are all beasts with hairy chests and no necks. It's how we survive.
Don't we have enough to worry about with all the crooked politicians and conspiracy theories and personal relationship crap that we go through. Isn't there enough stress in our lives without having to worry about that little bit of extra weight we carry around.
Be normal.
Have a little fat.
And smile more. Everybody looks better when they smile. Remember, it takes 47 muscles to make your face frown, but it only takes me 4 muscles to reach up with my right arm and slap that shitty frown off your face.
Enjoy life. You look great even if you don't think so.
And women, stop worrying about the size of your breasts. We like them no matter how big or small they are.
Even if they have a little fat.
Any straight guy that says different is a liar.
Really.
User Reviews
Submitted by dougiep (user info) at 2008-02-22 11:40:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
nice man
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2006-12-23 12:31:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Now that I'm a prego, I feel like Jabba the Hut. And I was a heffer before. I'm hitting up a gym after the baby pops out.
Submitted by Evil_Morg (user info) at 2006-11-19 21:10:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
A public apology to Bigmike and why fat people set me off
http://www.ubersite.com/m/95921
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-11-19 07:19:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No comment nessisary.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-11-18 23:19:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A big fat pregnant lady just took a baby on me, and called me Buffhe. I am feeling skinnyly vilified.
Submitted by jojo747 (user info) at 2006-11-16 23:38:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
A pro-fat post got a positive rating on the internet? Shocking. How do you think the aryan brotherhood will respond to my pro-white post?
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-11-16 23:30:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2006-11-16 21:47:18 (#)
Ranking: 1
i dont' like breasts when they're tiny on a big fat chick. those breasts suck.
You may have a point here. They are still breasts though and qualify for male ogling. Unless they are innies. If they are innies then they don't get ogled.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-11-16 23:23:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thesushiking (user info) at 2006-11-16 18:53:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
the beautiful people never smile.
----------------
I never smile, so that makes me damned sexy. That and this post. Thanks to you Bigmac, I mean mike, thanks to you and this post I now have v shaped abs. I'm gonna go make fun of some pregnant ladies - the stupid fatties.
Submitted by MyNameIsTim (user info) at 2006-11-16 21:47:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i dont' like breasts when they're tiny on a big fat chick. those breasts suck.
Submitted by thesushiking (user info) at 2006-11-16 18:53:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
the beautiful people never smile.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-11-16 15:37:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-11-15 21:13:21 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Evil_Morg (user info) at 2006-11-15 20:22:37 (#)
Ranking: 1
ok, maybe i was little harsh but this whole idea of thinking its ok to be fat is not cool.
also i just quit smoking and this withdrawal is making 30% more angry.
Sorry to hear you're having a hard time with the smoking.
Me too.
=================
Here's what worked for me: you need to get a horrible, awful virus that will make your throat feel as though it's lined with glass, nails and explosives. You may want to smoke, but sadly, one drag will send you into convulsions of agony. This is not the exquisite pain you might be used to.
It'll be like that for ten days, after which you'll say, "I went this far, why the shit am I going to go back to smoking?"
Five months later, you'll piss your pants laughing when you see the smokers getting fucking hammered by rain to get their fix, because you don't smoke anymore and now it's funny.
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-11-16 12:29:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-11-15 02:24:49 (#)
Ranking: 2
You can't stand on one leg you moron.
----
HAHA! Typical D_R humour right there. It hit the mark too.
"Straight over her head" as they say in the classics.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-11-16 12:08:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"ACCEPT THAT YOU SUCK"
classic american downward levelling.
Submitted by VelvetElvis (user info) at 2006-11-16 03:14:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2006-11-15 13:46:07 (#)
Ranking: 1
I thought "nigger" was the new "black".
Man was I way off base.
//
haha, that's fucked up funny, nigga
Submitted by r1nce (user info) at 2006-11-15 23:51:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Fat people make baby Jesus cry.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-11-15 21:13:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Evil_Morg (user info) at 2006-11-15 20:22:37 (#)
Ranking: 1
ok, maybe i was little harsh but this whole idea of thinking its ok to be fat is not cool.
also i just quit smoking and this withdrawal is making 30% more angry.
Sorry to hear you're having a hard time with the smoking.
Me too.
Basically, what I am saying here with tongue in cheek, is that everybody has a little fat (well, most everybody) and that it's ok. Certainly it's not ok to be a 400 pound freak. Even I know that.
Geez. Smile a little people. :)
Submitted by Evil_Morg (user info) at 2006-11-15 20:22:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
ok, maybe i was little harsh but this whole idea of thinking its ok to be fat is not cool.
also i just quit smoking and this withdrawal is making 30% more angry.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2006-11-15 19:58:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Evil_Morg (user info) at 2006-11-15 16:36:46 (#)
Ranking: -2
if it takes 4 muscles to slap someone, how many muscles does it take to sit on your sofa and jam big macs in to your pie holes?
____
Too many. I use a winch.
Submitted by hairycoo (user info) at 2006-11-15 19:45:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
really dont know how you can live like that
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-11-15 18:55:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
~FatTony Approved~
Submitted by Shaun_Rocks (user info) at 2006-11-15 18:42:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Evil_Morg (user info) at 2006-11-15 16:36:46 (#)
Ranking: -2
but you can look forward to a shorter, lower quality of life.
-------------------------
Well you might live longer than us, but we're going to be a lot warmer than you
Submitted by LSD420 (user info) at 2006-11-15 17:43:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Where's bob dole? he needs to hand out the "verbal curb-kick" award to Evil_Morg!
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-11-15 17:39:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
He's evil. He's a morg. He's an evilmorg.
What do you expect?
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2006-11-15 17:33:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-11-15 17:27:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Evil Morg needs to acquire a sense of humor about life in general methinks.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2006-11-15 16:53:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What the fuck?!?
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V
Submitted by Evil_Morg (user info) at 2006-11-15 16:36:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
you know what? I'm just going say it. fuck you, you fat piece of shit. you are fat because you lazy. There is a VERY VERY small percentage of the population that attracted to fat people. Everyone else has to settle for fat because they themselves are fat (64% obese in the US).
Everybody can look like those models in the magazines, they don't. You don't want an average healthy adult in those magazines anyway. You want to be able to look threw it without feeling like the blimp you are. If you were a heavy smoker, you be whining about how none of the models have tracheotomy.
look dumbass, being fat is unhealthy. All that shit you just said might make you feel better for now, but you can look forward to a shorter, lower quality of life.
PS: if it takes 4 muscles to slap someone, how many muscles does it take to sit on your sofa and jam big macs in to your pie holes?
Submitted by garudave (user info) at 2006-11-15 16:32:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by beauxjizzle (user info) at 2006-11-15 16:29:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-11-15 15:23:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-11-15 13:19:10 (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude, I'm a woman. I don't need someone to tell me to look at myself naked in the mirror. I do it all the time.
Submitted by Dolson (user info) at 2006-11-15 15:07:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Fat people should be forced to pay for all the costs of their health care. Waste of my goddamn tax dollars on their clogged arteries and fucked up pancreases. It's a choice, and you should pay in proportion to how much you choose it.
Put down the fries, tubby.
Submitted by FartSmeller (user info) at 2006-11-15 13:46:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I thought "nigger" was the new "black".
Man was I way off base.
Submitted by homer42 (user info) at 2006-11-15 13:35:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
We don't need more fat chicks - don't encourage them! For the love of god!
Submitted by Hypatia86 (user info) at 2006-11-15 13:34:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
there we go
Submitted by Hypatia86 (user info) at 2006-11-15 13:33:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks BigMike, for being real.
Submitted by peckerhead (user info) at 2006-11-15 13:19:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Although I fully agree with the sentiment of this post (Like who you are...Now), I also think it important to keep track of which direction you are heading -- concerning body weight. Anyone with a weight problem (fat or thin) should be weighing himself every day.
I actually did all the mirror stuff before logging on here -- after a long brisk walk, followed by stretching and exercise routine, followed by "warming down" <--- (important and overlooked by many), followed by a hot... then cold shower.
Now if I could only get that fucking Jeopardy song out of my head I'd be fine :-)
Good post.
P.S. there are very accurate yet inexpensive scales available these days. Ours shows a digital weight (lbs or kilograms) with readability of 0.1 pound.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-11-15 13:19:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dude, I'm a woman. I don't need someone to tell me to look at myself naked in the mirror. I do it all the time.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-11-15 13:15:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-11-15 00:33:51 (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment ""
ahahahahah
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-11-15 13:08:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm a tall thin dude. I'm constantly eating but never put on weight.
I imagine that will change one day.
Submitted by Newty (user info) at 2006-11-15 13:06:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
curvyness!
Submitted by Avals (user info) at 2006-11-15 12:57:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I take off my clothes and look in the mirror at least twice a week. Is that normal?
Also: Fuck you, Fatty McLard!
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2006-11-15 12:24:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-11-15 10:59:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
Blubber backfat babes bringing beer,
Breadmouthed, bean bellied,
Breaking bedframes,
Bareback
Bliss:
Big booty bouncequake
--------------------
'bouncequake' hahaha.
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-11-15 12:23:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scum101 (user info) at 2006-11-15 05:42:24 (#)
Ranking: -2
there's plenty of people that need to put on weight and not evetyone likes big breasts
-----------
*dies*
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-11-15 12:14:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
They sell eating disorders now? Where can I find one?
Great post Mike.
-----------------
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-11-15 02:18:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
I would rather spend money on a good steak then a pair of shoes and an eating disorder any day of the week.
Fuck you Versace.
Submitted by jade_digitalmedia (user info) at 2006-11-15 12:00:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I LOVE YOU CHUNK!" -goonies
i love big guys, they're like big bears and you never have to worry about them getting into fights.
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2006-11-15 11:38:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I hate fat people
Submitted by Kracka (user info) at 2006-11-15 11:19:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i am fat and black. sweeeeeet!!!! i am wanted by everyone
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-11-15 11:02:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Goddammit...
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-11-15 10:59:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Blubber backfat babes bringing beer,
Breadmouthed, bean bellied,
Breaking bedframes,
Bareback
Bliss:
Big booty bouncequake
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-11-15 10:55:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
GARNUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
GARNUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2006-11-15 10:39:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-11-15 10:31:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2006-11-15 08:41:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
Thankfully, there is a portion of the population that digs bigger guys. And when you find them, you find out how amazing both they and you are.
---------------------------------
Is there a similar portion of the population that digs rake-thin guys?
----------------------------------
Yes, they are either incredibly chubby girls or asian girls...Im not quite sure how that works or why it works like that, but seems to be the standard here.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-11-15 10:31:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2006-11-15 08:41:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
Thankfully, there is a portion of the population that digs bigger guys. And when you find them, you find out how amazing both they and you are.
---------------------------------
Is there a similar portion of the population that digs rake-thin guys?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-11-15 10:27:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yep, it's about that time for the wimmenz to start working on their layers of winter blubber.
THAR BE COLD FRONTS COMIN'. BEWARE WHALERS IN NEED OF LAMP OIL.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-11-15 10:23:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Remember, it takes 47 muscles to make your face frown, but it only takes me 4 muscles to reach up with my right arm and slap that shitty frown off your face.
--
haha especially at this
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-11-15 10:21:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
owner of booty.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-11-15 10:19:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2006-11-15 09:54:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-11-15 09:48:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-11-15 02:18:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
I would rather spend money on a good steak then a pair of shoes and an eating disorder any day of the week.
Fuck you Versace.
===
Hear, hear.
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2006-11-15 09:37:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Cue Jay asserting how much vagina he is offered, or hitting on any woman who +2s this.
Yay Southern Tier! Boo horrible frigid winters with no sun for months on end.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-11-15 09:29:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-11-15 08:07:52 (#)
Ranking: 2
Does this post make my ass look fat?
"No your face does"
Submitted by HadToBeDone (user info) at 2006-11-15 08:41:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thankfully, there is a portion of the population that digs bigger guys. And when you find them, you find out how amazing both they and you are.
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2006-11-15 08:25:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
:) Chub tastic.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-11-15 08:23:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I enjoy large guys. Not large as in excessively fat, large as in very tall and proportional.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-11-15 08:20:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuckin' A
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-11-15 08:07:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Does this post make my ass look fat?
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-11-15 08:05:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"Have a little fat."
Little is the key here. If you have a lot you deserve to be treated like a black man in the 50's, especially if we are sharing any form of transportation.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2006-11-15 07:43:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great post!
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-11-15 07:16:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2006-11-15 01:13:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
Aside from the fact that he too is fat. Mentally I mean. Maybe he IS fat tony!?
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2006-11-15 01:13:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
This guy's the complete polar opposite of fat tony.
Nope, not Fat Tony. Polar opposite? Probably.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-11-15 07:11:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I know, I'm awesome.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-11-15 07:10:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-11-15 06:57:37 (#)
Ranking: 2
I've lost a kilo just doing starjumps, and I just ate a steak. Thank you Bigdyke. And it's 'humour', with a u, like fuck u for making me feel gay twice in one week, because I don't like fat boobies, and that's not a lie, so therefore I don't feel straight. I am ingoring scum's typo because it doesn't pertain to this remark.
I'm really beginning to like you D.R.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-11-15 07:00:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-11-15 02:57:10 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-11-15 02:51:45 (#)
Ranking: 0
I understand that you'd still buy two shoes. I understand. I wasn't being serious. I was kidding you. Joking around. I was pulling your leg. Pun intentional!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It's all in context. And 'I was pulling your leg. Pun intentional' was really funny.
As far as Uber A list, B list, C list or whatever is concerned....that fucking shit means not a damn thing to me. I like people who are cool. You're cool with me, I'm cool with you. Case closed. I've just so happened to have hung out with a few people from here so I know them on a different level is all. I've never met BigMike though, he's just a stellar individual and I can tell so from his writing and comments.
-------------------------------------------
she isnt kidding
I am totally A-List and I get ignored
:(
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-11-15 07:00:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ingoring is a word, and I also had beer. "Ingoring we trust", said the Luftwaffe pilot Molders.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-11-15 06:57:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've lost a kilo just doing starjumps, and I just ate a steak. Thank you Bigdyke. And it's 'humour', with a u, like fuck u for making me feel gay twice in one week, because I don't like fat boobies, and that's not a lie, so therefore I don't feel straight. I am ingoring scum's typo because it doesn't pertain to this remark.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-11-15 06:48:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by scum101 (user info) at 2006-11-15 05:42:24 (#)
Ranking: -2
there's plenty of people that need to put on weight and not evetyone likes big breasts
Somebody's not digging the humor.
I acknowledge both of these things but I never mentioned big breasts and thorpe over there hiding behind the coffee table leg is an excellent example of needing to gain weight.
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2006-11-15 05:47:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice post but it's cut me deep. I always expected my woman to run off with a black guy, she was like that, hell she was attracted to my half blackness back in the day. Now she's run off with not a black man like I'd always expected but the fattest, whitest ex-friend I have!
Fat is the new black, I should have eaten more.
Submitted by scum101 (user info) at 2006-11-15 05:42:24 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
there's plenty of people that need to put on weight and not evetyone likes big breasts
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2006-11-15 05:12:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Feels like I've been away for ever. Whats been happening?
I'mstuck doing my degree and was recently promoted so don't get the chance to uber anymore..
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-11-15 05:07:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2006-11-15 04:47:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
does my bum look big in this?
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Not in this lifetime...but I still might want to bite it cause that's just how I roll.
Now, has ANYONE heard about Method and his carrot top puke covered car??? I need to know.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-11-15 04:59:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It looks massive. Sometimes, when there's an eclipse, I look for Apollo's head and then your arse. and then the moon.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2006-11-15 04:47:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
does my bum look big in this?
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-11-15 02:58:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Snuffleupagus (user info) at 2006-11-15 02:55:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
Breasts made of fat and everyone loves them.
----------------------
I don't even have breasts.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-11-15 02:57:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-11-15 02:51:45 (#)
Ranking: 0
I understand that you'd still buy two shoes. I understand. I wasn't being serious. I was kidding you. Joking around. I was pulling your leg. Pun intentional!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
It's all in context. And 'I was pulling your leg. Pun intentional' was really funny.
As far as Uber A list, B list, C list or whatever is concerned....that fucking shit means not a damn thing to me. I like people who are cool. You're cool with me, I'm cool with you. Case closed. I've just so happened to have hung out with a few people from here so I know them on a different level is all. I've never met BigMike though, he's just a stellar individual and I can tell so from his writing and comments.
Submitted by Snuffleupagus (user info) at 2006-11-15 02:55:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Breasts made of fat and everyone loves them.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-11-15 02:51:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Just as I feared! I am not an A-List Uber celebrity so I can not make tiger lilly leg jokes.
One leg, one foot, one shoe.
You said you'd rather buy a steak than a PAIR of shoes (aka two shoes, one for each of two feet). From there, I thought, hey, that's ironic, in the context that she only has one foot.
I understand that you'd still buy two shoes. I understand. I wasn't being serious. I was kidding you. Joking around. I was pulling your leg. Pun intentional!
I figure you can take it. You said yourself that you're secure with your imperfections, and I dig that.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-11-15 02:42:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-11-15 02:29:29 (#)
Ranking: 0
And Tiger Lilly, why the hell would you buy a pair of shoes? HAHAHAHA. GET IT? BECAUSE YOU ONLY HAVE ONE LEG!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ahahahahhahahaha...um??? Funny? I never said 'I' bought a pair of shoes. I said that those models wear Versace dresses and maybe Versace shoes. They might also wear Manolo Blahnik tiny shoes. Ones that I would never wear because honestly my preference are thoes Steve Madden shoes. So really what exactly did I say that was so funny? I still buy two. You're not really that ignorant are you? Please say no!
And Danger, I stand on one leg just about every day so I'm not so sure you really no what you're talking about. Moron.
Submitted by Shaun_Rocks (user info) at 2006-11-15 02:34:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-11-15 02:33:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
Now, now, I'm going to try. I just think I'm gonna fail.
---------------
Well, if you believe in yourself, you can do anything. Including fail. Good luck
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-11-15 02:33:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Now, now, I'm going to try. I just think I'm gonna fail.
Submitted by Shaun_Rocks (user info) at 2006-11-15 02:32:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-11-15 00:51:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
If I win ubermadness, I'll camwhore. With clothes on.
I say this in utter confidence of losing.
------------------------
Feel free to forfeit this round to eliminate yourself. I wouldn't want you to feel obligated to camwhore or anything.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-11-15 01:10:06 (#)
Ranking: 2
Uh, I'm his brother, by the way. I swear I'm not some sort of creep...
--------------------
I wouldn't go as far as to say that.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-11-15 02:31:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I dont mean to be an asshole, TL. I just thought it was funny that you said that.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-11-15 02:29:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
A controlled diet does not equal an eating disorder.
what the fuck? Is this just the way Ubersite works or is it society at large? Eating potato chips instead of celery doesn't make you any better than anybody else.
And Tiger Lilly, why the hell would you buy a pair of shoes? HAHAHAHA. GET IT? BECAUSE YOU ONLY HAVE ONE LEG!
Wait, that's not a punchline here anymore?
There's a blind kid in my literature class who makes the same joke every day -- "no, I didn't see the handout, bwahahaha" (get it? he's blind? haha?) -- and I think it's the most retarded thing ever. I understand transcending your predicaments through laughter, but does that really mean your afflictions should be punchlines?
Teacher: "So, as we can see in line 43, our protagonist is experiencing sexual stimulation for the first--"
Me: "Yeah, sexual stimulation! Every time I fuck it burns! Because I have herpes HAHAHAHAHA"
I really need to go to bed.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-11-15 02:24:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You can't stand on one leg you moron.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-11-15 02:24:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
VERSACE IS A PERSON TOO
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2006-11-15 02:18:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Every single day I look at MYSELF in the mirror, standing on one leg as I get out of the shower. I stand there and I look at myself on my one leg and I know 'I' could never look like those girls in the magazines or any other girl for that matter. I can never be 'perfect'.
I dig that about me.
But still, I think about those women who starve themselves to be models. They starve themselves to fit in those tiny little dresses and beautiful shoes, yet they're still so unhappy because they're starving to death and need food.
I would rather spend money on a good steak then a pair of shoes and an eating disorder any day of the week.
Fuck you Versace.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2006-11-15 02:12:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-11-15 02:10:52 (#)
Ranking: 2
I could not spot a single bit of fat anywhere on my body, at all. Seriously.
------------
I think that falls under the "No Shit" category!
:) Thorpy!
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-11-15 02:10:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I could not spot a single bit of fat anywhere on my body, at all. Seriously.
Submitted by VelvetElvis (user info) at 2006-11-15 01:53:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-11-15 01:32:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
Lay of the cheeseburgers VD. 'E'.
//
The only weight problem I've ever enjoyed is too many girls trying to sit on my face at once, D_R.
Get your hagis-eating ass out in the water more oft, it's surf time here on Gulf. Have video I want to send you that me and my buds made: It's hellbound shredding on a shorties. Don't be a stranger Danger.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2006-11-15 01:52:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahahahahahaha @ Danger
You shuddup! You're thin aren't you Danger? Yeah? So shuddupa u face!
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-11-15 01:48:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
so you found a desperate pig, big deal.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2006-11-15 01:47:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow! I actually hear oinking, sweating, and grunting! Amazing!
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-11-15 01:32:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Lay of the cheeseburgers VD. 'E'.
Submitted by VelvetElvis (user info) at 2006-11-15 01:31:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
now, i'll indulge myself by reading past the ass-booting title. (Possibly best title in months, right there beside Pent's "Clubbing," which i never got time to read
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-11-15 01:30:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shut your trap forensic, us fatty's are tryin' to work out.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-11-15 01:30:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This isn't the post for you, skeletor.
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2006-11-15 01:27:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I was looking through some magazines today and I noticed a trend towards normal looking people. That's right, I said normal looking people. You know, like the girl next door or that old guy and his wife down the street. People who look like everday average people."
Yeah? Which magazines? I've yet to see "normal" looking people in mags unless it is mags for fishing, knitting, cooking, or various other crafts.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-11-15 01:16:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-11-15 01:14:05 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-11-15 00:51:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
If I win ubermadness, I'll camwhore. With clothes on.
I say this in utter confidence of losing.
---
Given the trend of people forfeiting to you, you look to be in good shape up til the end of this thing.
----------
Yeah, me and my 80% win ratio that I didn't earn for shit.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-11-15 01:14:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-11-15 00:51:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
If I win ubermadness, I'll camwhore. With clothes on.
I say this in utter confidence of losing.
---
Given the trend of people forfeiting to you, you look to be in good shape up til the end of this thing.
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2006-11-15 01:13:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Aside from the fact that he too is fat. Mentally I mean. Maybe he IS fat tony!?
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2006-11-15 01:13:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This guy's the complete polar opposite of fat tony.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-11-15 01:12:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My best friend is a full seven inches taller than me. In fact, I'm slightly below average height and my friends are all above average height. Til my face started to actually look my age I looked like I was one of their kid brothers hanging out with them.
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-11-15 01:10:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-11-15 00:50:47 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Tony_the_Tiger_is_a_Pedophile (user info) at 2006-11-15 00:48:48 (#)
Ranking: 2
pffft, if anything i need to gain weight, but not fat.
im 6'1" and 145 lbs. gogo skinny people.
Yes, you are one of those people that has trouble gaining weight. Hmmmm.....I see.
Well maybe you have a little and you just can't find it. Look harder. :)
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Don't let him fool you; he's a swimmer and water polo player.
I'm an inch shorter and 40 pounds heavier. Even if he wasn't an athlete, I dont think he'd gain weight. I got fat while playing 4 sports in high school. Genes are a motherfucker. Life is rough.
Uh, I'm his brother, by the way. I swear I'm not some sort of creep...
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-11-15 01:09:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Part of losing weight for me involved switching from beer to scotch.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2006-11-15 01:04:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Lois Griffin: Peter, I care as much about the size of your penis as you care about the size of my breasts.
Peter Griffin: OH MY GOD.
[runs off crying]
Submitted by AsshOly (user info) at 2006-11-15 01:03:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
In my mirror, the first thing I notice is that I've rounded off my pecs very nicely. They used to be flabby, even when I was skinny, but now I can make them dance like Lex Luger did. Remember him? When I was little I wanted to be able to make my pecs dance like he could. Now I can.
I see the top four muscles of a six pack. I have decent muscle definition directly underneath my pecs, but have the slightest of beer bellies. I am working on that.
I have definition in my upper arms and can see that line that connects my triceps to my elbow. I dont know what else to call it, but do you know what I'm talking about? It means I have definition in my arms.
When I turn, I see that my obliques are massive. I dont know how that happened.
My problem area, as far as I can tell, is top part of the butt. The hip flexors. When I lift weights they cramp up and that's a problem. They are soft. I can grip the fat there. I also have slight love handles.
All in all, I look alright, but I can look better. Because while I'm happy with what I see in the mirror, I also see the potential to look and feel even better.
I went to work out today and they were doing free body fat screenings. I am at 10.3% right now, which is excellent. I used to be 6% when I was a swimmer, but I am a much better athlete right now than I was at the time. I feel great, even though I'm fatter than I used to be.
But I can look better and feel better. EVERYBODY CAN LOOK BETTER AND FEEL BETTER. I dont believe in being content with being out of shape.
I know a lot of you wont like this, but it's the truth: If people are shown random pictures of 20 "average" people, fat people are universally seen as less likeable than leaner people. Even early on in childhood, bodyfat percentage is a reliable indicator of future social success. Obese people are generally more depressed and moody and are less likely to marry. Obesity has poorer outcomes for chronic illness all across the board.
You dont just exercise to look good. There are many, many people who stay in shape to look good. I do. I do it for other reasons too (athletics), but attractiveness is a nice benefit for me. But there are many people -- and usually these are the people who need it the least -- do it to be healthy.
I dont see this as a choice anybody can afford to take. No matter what way you put it, I can't see it that way.
+1 for self-esteem, at least.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-11-15 01:01:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
and I owe it all to you..
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-11-15 01:00:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
thank you for this post Bigmike, it. has. inspired me. I'm going to look like one of those guys on the cover of Mens' Health in no time at all.
Submitted by Cracked_out_cali (user info) at 2006-11-15 00:59:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
6'5, 245. Built like a Lumberjack and totally happy with it. I had to get down to 215 a couple years ago for flight training, and looked like I had AIDS, or cancer... or an unfortunate combination of both.
I agree, be happy with who you are.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-11-15 00:58:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-11-15 00:55:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'M GONNA START WORKING OUT!!
---------
Initiate fat-purge cycle, automatron.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-11-15 00:56:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Did I mention I was dead sexy?
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-11-15 00:55:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'M GONNA START WORKING OUT!!
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-11-15 00:52:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-11-15 00:50:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
omg i'm enormous...
It's ok. We like you anyway. So does Casual Male big and tall.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-11-15 00:51:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If I win ubermadness, I'll camwhore. With clothes on.
I say this in utter confidence of losing.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-11-15 00:50:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Tony_the_Tiger_is_a_Pedophile (user info) at 2006-11-15 00:48:48 (#)
Ranking: 2
pffft, if anything i need to gain weight, but not fat.
im 6'1" and 145 lbs. gogo skinny people.
Yes, you are one of those people that has trouble gaining weight. Hmmmm.....I see.
Well maybe you have a little and you just can't find it. Look harder. :)
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-11-15 00:50:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
omg i'm enormous...
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-11-15 00:48:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Sounds normal to me.
Submitted by Tony_the_Tiger_is_a_Pedophile (user info) at 2006-11-15 00:48:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
pffft, if anything i need to gain weight, but not fat.
im 6'1" and 145 lbs. gogo skinny people.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-11-15 00:45:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a bit of a beer gut as a result of football and drinking. Thanks to football a few times a week I'm in shape in most places, but the drinking means I have the gut. It got pretty bad when I went to Europe (fatty food and beer all the time) but since getting back it's been going steadily down. I'm fairly happy with my body.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-11-15 00:41:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
What? The bathrooms at work don't have a mirror. Don't be shy Stagger. Geez.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-11-15 00:37:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm at work, so no.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-11-15 00:37:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-11-15 00:33:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
If I plus 2 this, is that saying I'm fat? IS IT?
Did you go look in the mirror like I asked you to?
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-11-15 00:33:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-11-15 00:33:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If I plus 2 this, is that saying I'm fat? IS IT?