A Mytee_Average Road Trip, Day 1 (775 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.72 on 35 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by MyTeeOne <My_Tee_One.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2006-11-15 15:19:15 EST
Day 1, Monday Morning - 8:53 AM
I landed at the airport in Virginia today and Average_Dan was nice enough to pick me up from the airport. In my head I heard "She caught the Katy" from the Blues Brothers as we approached each other. When we met, it was instant brotherhood. The firm embrace with the typical two pumps on each others back felt right; like hugging an old friend for the first time.
We began talking almost immediately, jabbering on about where we were going to go, who we would meet, and how much liquor we planned to consume. The feeling in the air was that of excitement and adventure. The type of fun excitement you get when you meet an internet stranger for the first time and travel across the country with them. It's fitting I used that analogy because that is exactly what we had here.
We proceeded down to the parking garage, still jawing away. Was the post you did awhile back true? Where did your name come from? How often do you wax your chrome dome? You know, guy talk.
Avergae_Dan stopped in front of an antique Harley from World War II, so I stopped too. It was old and a bit rusty, but the attached side car had a "U" with the two dots on top spray painted across the front of it. He turned to me and smiled. "Well, what do you think?"
"No way," I responded, my voice quivering.
"Yes, way," he said back.
We spent the next ten minutes impersonating Bill and Ted, but finally mounted up to ride. Before we did, he explained we didn't have helmets but he had taken care of the problem. He put on a leather aviator helmet (complete with goggles) and handed me a hard hat and diving mask, with the snorkel still attached.
We headed north out of Virginia at 40 mph to DC where we were scheduled to meet Orgasmatron for lunch. We arrived right on time, only to find out Orgasmatron had been there for three hours already because he was so excited. He greeted us from the door in a loud and booming voice:
Average_Dan and MyteeOne
The pleasure is all mine
Come in and be my guest
Together we shall dine
I will pick up the check
For that's how nice I am
You may order what you wish
But I will have green eggs and ham
We ate lunch in the seedy grease spoon diner and discussed everything from politics to boobs to troubles of fatherhood to boobs again. It seems raising a fetus is a bit more than O-tron had expected but he was happy enough to be doing it. Way too soon it was time to depart and again the bard spoke.
MyTeeone and Average_Dan
I was wondering if I could ask
If you're headed up that way
May I request of you a little task?
My little guy needs a ride
He doesn't take up much room
Could you perhaps take him home
And put him back in Lishy's womb?
With that, he reached into his pocket and pulled out Feety, the tiny fetus. The little guy was so cute all curled up that we couldn't resist and said we'd gladly take him with us. Then we finished a fifth of jack each and got ready to depart.
We duct taped Feety to the handle bars so he would get the best view of the road. We bent a spoon around his tiny head so it would act like a helmet for the little guy. Safety first, you know. Average_Dan and I put our "helmets" back on and got into position; he on the bike and me in the side car packing the bong. Orgasmatron firmly shook our hands and spoke the following words:
Journey safe, my new friends
For now you travel with my kin
And my heart, it would break
If I were to never see him again.
Please take no risks with him
For I am sure, they may thrill you
But if he doesn't arrive home safe
I shall hunt you down and kill you.
There was a bit of a crazed look in his eyes as he spoke the last few lines, but I don't know if Average_Dan saw it through the aviator goggles. We rode away into the cool afternoon excited to be on the road again, but with a strange sense of foreboding . . . or foreshadowing. I'm not sure, I flunked English.
User Reviews
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-11-16 12:45:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Better yet, if the "victim" doesn't remember it, it never happened.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-11-16 11:47:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
If I don't remember it, it didn't happen.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-11-16 11:43:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WHAT WAS THE FIRST RULE I MADE YOU RECITE???
Repeat after me: The baby is not a fucktoy.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-11-16 11:31:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry for taking so long to respond to the post. I was busy having my penos widdled down so that I can shove feety, all the way home.
That, is another story all together.
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-11-16 11:27:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
GOod times
Submitted by Average_Dan (user info) at 2006-11-16 11:26:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-11-16 10:24:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh, I'm sure you'll be mentioned at some point during this little journey Schlongy.
Now where the hell is Average_Dan?
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-11-15 23:39:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The only part of this I believe is the "two pumps on each other's backs".
Submitted by jgreening (user info) at 2006-11-15 22:26:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Scorage.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-11-15 22:23:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
No Comment
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-11-15 20:32:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I might let you guys stop by if you are anywhere near chicago during the trip.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-11-15 20:05:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by FiveStarGeneral (user info) at 2006-11-15 19:58:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-11-15 18:41:32 (#)
Ranking: 1
You DO realize that Shlongy HAS hosted Uberites on more than one occasion, right?
And my house is literally less than 20 minutes off of 95...a MAJOR North-south thoroughfare.
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The term "anal tearing" comes to mind. Who wants to take that chance?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-11-15 18:41:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You DO realize that Shlongy HAS hosted Uberites on more than one occasion, right?
And my house is literally less than 20 minutes off of 95...a MAJOR North-south thoroughfare.
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-11-15 18:21:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/95621
Not that it helps, but here how it began.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-11-15 18:17:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I stopped reading BEFORE I got to the part where you guys lathered up and did each other in the ass.
Right before the thrid paragraph.
Submitted by FiveStarGeneral (user info) at 2006-11-15 17:36:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't know this was going to start so quickly. Taking a cross country trip in November isn't as good as May through September. You'll still have tons of inside stuff to do, but you miss out on a ton of cool events.
I take it you would be taking the "southern" route via I-40 rather than I-70 or, god forbid, I-90 at this time of year.
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2006-11-15 17:36:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
After every Orgasmatron poem I couldn't keep myself from reading the regular text in poem form.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2006-11-15 17:31:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Feety (user info) at 2006-11-15 17:24:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
http://www.ubersite.com/m/95805
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-11-15 16:37:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Wisconsin? Well have to see which way the wind blows...
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-11-15 16:10:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you're stopping here aren't you? damnit! come to cheeseland!
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-11-15 16:03:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
So, uhh, who is going to get to put Feety back in the womb?
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-11-15 15:48:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I was working on a pic but my photoshop abilities here at work are limited.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-11-15 15:44:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
auto +2 Blues Brothers
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2006-11-15 15:43:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
PICS! PICS!! WHERE ARE THE PICS?!?!?!
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-11-15 15:41:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
a harley with an ubersite sidecar and you didn't post a picture???
for shame!
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-11-15 15:33:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-11-15 15:32:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HEY
I said we could get a hotel.
And you said after the new year.
WTF.
I swear, if you harmed ONE HAIR ON HIS HEAD..OK feety has no hair yet but still..
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-11-15 15:29:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh sure, at first everyone was like "Um, I moved" or "I don't have room."
Now, it's all "Come to my house, come to my house."
Well, we'll see you all at the giant Ubercon at the end of the road trip.
And poor feety. O-tron will be pissed.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-11-15 15:27:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
First of all, the three of us know that I didn't offer to pay for lunch. I don't have anything against you guys saying that I lost the rock/paper/scissors match and that's why I had to cough up the monkey. Er, money.
Second, I want to reiterate how imperitave it is that you do not feed feety after midnight. You can bathe him all you like, so don't think that all the Spooky Gremlins Rules apply. Just...just don't give him tacos after twelve. It's bad. Real bad. Bad.
Third, I hope you have continued success on your journey. It was great to see you.
PS - you forgot to talk about the group handjob.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-11-15 15:27:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Before we did, he explained we didn't have helmets but he had taken care of the problem. He put on a leather aviator helmet (complete with goggles) and handed me a hard hat and diving mask, with the snorkel still attached. "
I need to see this camwhored.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-11-15 15:25:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awwww....feeter LOVES motorcycles!
Now all of you..come home to mama lishy!
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-11-15 15:24:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-11-15 15:22:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha
i can't wait until you guys get to my house!