R.I.P. Optimus Prime (1017 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.42 on 36 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by frankthebear (View user info) at 2006-11-18 00:19:07 EST
I finally got my copy of the 20th aniversary edition of "Transformers the Movie." Wow. 20 years. I feel old.
It seems like only yesterday that I sat in the living room in my feety pajamas watching the animated adventures of those robots in disguise.
I amassed quite a collection of toys, not as many as I would have liked, but a respectable collection nonetheless. And then it happened. "Transformers the Movie." I couldn't wait.
Actually to tell the truth, I can't remember for sure if I ever went to see it in the theater. I was seven at the time, and my memory has always been unreliable at best. The sad thing is I can clearly remember going to see "Go-Bots Meet the Rock Lords."
Regardless, as long as I can remember, we've had a copy of "Transformers" on vhs, so I've been watching it for years, but only now, at long last, have I heard Spike say "Oh shit! What're we gonna do now?"
But no matter how many times I've watched the movie, the death of Optimus Prime was still a powerful moment. And I know this whole thing has been done here on Über before, but fuck it, I'm doing it my way now.
I always liked Rodimus well enough, but he didn't carry the weight of the series as well as Prime could. Prime was like a 20 foot tall John Wayne beating the snot out of Decepticons.
Really, if you have the means, watch any old episode of the series and just imagine the Duke saying Prime's lines.
And the real reason for Prime's death is the most shallow thing in the world. The writers killed him off for no other reason than to push the new toy line. That's it. A childhood icon snuffed out just to make room for Hot Rod/Rodimus, that pink bastard. Yes, pink.
It's all in the audio commentary. One kid locked himself in his room for a week after Prime died. Parents were taking their crying children out of the theaters at that point of the movie.
The writers claimed to have no knowledge of how important Prime was to these kids. Sadly my faulty memory comes into play again, because I can't remember how I reacted to the death of Prime.
Perhaps the trauma of the death of a hero had caused my fragile child's psyche to block out the painful memory. Who can say?
But looking back on it now, I can say that I'm glad Prime is back in all the current Transformers series, embarrasing as they are to watch.
So in tribute to a true hero, I went and found the lyrics to a very hard to find song by Luke Ski and Nick Atoms, I don't know who Earl is, he wasn't credited.
"The Death of Optimus Prime."
To this planet called earth came a pacifist being
And his clan, who taught us things aren't always as seemed.
There was no one as wise and courageous and swell,
As the space hero whose tale I'm about to tell.
Took his troops into battle to fight all their foes.
Leading good against evil, and everyone knows
When his back's 'gainst the wall and he'd run out of luck,
He'd flip his body parts 'round and change into a truck.
(chorus)
Now I'll sing you the ballad of Optimus Prime.
He was the greatest Transformer there were of all time.
He was a big rig, a robot, and a really nice guy.
He was proof that a hero's more than meets the eye.
Born Orion Pax back on ol' CyberTron,
Well not born, more like built by some darn Quintesson.
After a needed upgrade from Alpha Trion,
The Leadership Matrix to him was passed on.
It was each Autobot versus Decepticon,
And their leader, that vicious gun called MegaTron.
In a space dogfight race to find more Energon,
It was our ancient planet that they crashed upon.
(spoken)
Earl: Uh, what's a 'pon'?
Luke: No no no, not a 'pon'. "Upon."
Earl: Whaaa?
Luke: You know, like, "Upon far, over there..."
Earl: Hooo! There's a PON-FAR going on over there?!?
Luke: No no no no! Wrong universe! Let's just get back to the song!
Earl: Oh, damn!
They were brought back online in 1984,
Reconfigured to blend in with Chevys and Fords.
Fighting evil on Earth, to this credo they stick, it's
Freedom for all beings, and avoid parking tickets.
Prime fought Megatron many times, and it rocked!
As a pistol, he was always going off half-cocked.
And when Prime's fisticuffs had been takin' it's tollin'
He'd shove his long barrel up Prime's Semi colon.
(spoken)
Luke: Now that's what I call taking it up the tailpipe!
Earl: Ooohh! Luke, that pun was so bad it makes me want to... throw myself into the... the Grand Canyon!
Luke: So that would make you a Cliff-Jumper?
Earl: Aw, Jeez! One more like that, and I will blast you from here to the Loch Ness.
Luke: Well, that's a Grim-Lock!... Oh, come on Earl, you're a filk star, you can handle it!
Earl: Luke, it's enough to make any Star-Scream!
Luke: (As StarScream:) PATHETIC FOOLS!!! THERE IS NO ESCAPE!!!
Then in 2005, they fought their final bout.
With his last ounce of strength, he knocked MegaTron out.
On his death bed poor Optimus Prime there was laid,
Just so Hasbro could sell the new toys they had made.
Then the optics went dim on that great space invader.
Spike cursed to the skies, but it was edited later.
The new prophesized leader, Hot Rod, he was chosen.
We wanted John Wayne, and they gave us Judd Nelson!
(chorus with The Nick Atoms singing along)
(The Nick Atoms sing "Ooooh..."s in background)
Hot Rod versus Galvatron ain't quite the same.
Even those who loved them thought it was comparatively lame.
So we mourned for the deaths of our brave fighting robots.
The alternative? Go home and play with some... GO-BOTS?!?!?!
(spoken in unison, yelling in agony)
Luke: NOOO!!! NOT LEADER-ONE! TURBO! CY-KILL! THAT SCOOTER THING! OH MY GOD! UNICRON KILL ME NOW!!!...
Earl: OOOOH, NOOOO!!! NOOO NOOO! OH MY- ...TONKA COULDN'T SELL ANYTHING BUT A DUMP TRUCK 'CAUSE THEY HAD TO MAKE THESE KNOCK-OFFS! Oh my god!
...Gobotron my ass!
Resurrected by forces they don't understand.
A powerful hate plague they call "fan-demand"
From his grave-ship soon Optimus Prime then arose
To save us from lame toys with lamer kid's shows.
Those Headmaster/Beast Machines might confuse me,
But with Prime back in charge, it's all good you'll agree.
Now immortal, his red and bold chassy is seen
On DVD, eBay, and Toyfare magazine!
(chorus with "The Nick Atoms" singing along:)
Now I'll sing you the ballad of Optimus Prime.
He was the greatest Transformer there were of all time.
He was a big rig, a robot, and a really nice guy.
He was proof that a hero is...
(to Transformer Theme Music Riff)
...MORE THAN MEETS THE EYE!!!
(spoken)
Luke: Autobots! Transform and roll out!
(Transform Sound Effect with his voice)
User Reviews
Submitted by RoytheJoy (user info) at 2006-12-01 02:59:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-11-20 08:59:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow...that was pretty damn cool.
Well, cooler than the work in front of my face on a Monday morning, anyway.
Submitted by Chillax (user info) at 2006-11-20 01:53:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-11-18 08:54:01 (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't think you could possibly be any more of a dork/geek than you are.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now, now, Shlongy, he could be TTOM.
Submitted by jfreakman (user info) at 2006-11-20 01:21:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Who didn't know, thorpe?
Fuckin A, OPTIMUS Prime.
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2006-11-19 19:59:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahaha, good work. Was it that obvious?
Submitted by YELLOW-MAN (user info) at 2006-11-19 17:23:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good Night Sweet Prince
Submitted by Newty (user info) at 2006-11-19 16:41:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i love transformers so much, and the film was classic. i always listen to that song "You've got the touch!"
Submitted by Von_Tristof (user info) at 2006-11-19 16:13:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 Transformers
Submitted by frankthebear (user info) at 2006-11-19 06:45:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
c'mon shiny, you're not fooling me. I know you're Thorpe. your pizza camwhore was a dead give away.
nice try though
:)
Submitted by shinebox (user info) at 2006-11-19 06:12:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by frankthebear (user info) at 2006-11-19 01:05:06 (#)
Ranking: 0
oh shiny, you crazy little fucker.
have you finally gotten the dishes caught up?
any more dinosaurs running around your house?
next time you're going to be home alone, I'll give you my e-mail.
with my sage advise, you'll go mad a full three days sooner, or your money bac
____________________________
YOU MIXING ME UP WITH THORPE
Submitted by kuroneko_sama (user info) at 2006-11-19 04:27:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i miss feety pajamas....
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2006-11-19 03:35:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Another cartoon-memory destroyed for the sake of selling more stamped-out plastic crap. Transformers used to kick ass.
Submitted by ser_hag (user info) at 2006-11-19 03:06:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i was actually more traumatized by the death of the white ambulance at the very beginning of the movie. ratchet? i think that was his name. he had fire in his mouth as he was dying...
Submitted by frankthebear (user info) at 2006-11-19 01:05:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
oh shiny, you crazy little fucker.
have you finally gotten the dishes caught up?
any more dinosaurs running around your house?
next time you're going to be home alone, I'll give you my e-mail.
with my sage advise, you'll go mad a full three days sooner, or your money back!
Submitted by shinebox (user info) at 2006-11-19 00:35:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
optimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking boxoptimus fucking box
Submitted by kuroneko_sama (user info) at 2006-11-19 00:02:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yeah...optimus prime was totally "john wayne"
and hotrod was cooler as a red car....
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-11-18 10:58:52 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Must you ruin everything, fag.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-11-18 08:56:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/u/redskieslookfake/l/transformers
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-11-18 08:54:01 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't think you could possibly be any more of a dork/geek than you are.
Submitted by frankthebear (user info) at 2006-11-18 01:48:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
NEW POST AT MADDOX'S WEBSITE!
HOLY SHIT! THE HEAVENS ARE FALLING! SATAN IS ICE SKATING TO WORK!
Submitted by frankthebear (user info) at 2006-11-18 01:28:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
downloaded from WinMx
erroneously posted as being done by They Might Be Giants
Submitted by Shaun_Rocks (user info) at 2006-11-18 01:24:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Any idea where I can find that song?
Submitted by kuroneko_sama (user info) at 2006-11-18 01:16:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
forgot the rate
Submitted by kuroneko_sama (user info) at 2006-11-18 01:16:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"It seems like only yesterday that I sat in the living room in my feety pajamas watching the animated adventures of those robots in disguise."
actually, it was last sat wasnt it?
Submitted by frankthebear (user info) at 2006-11-18 00:41:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2006-11-18 00:32:12 (#)
Ranking: 1
http://www.ubersite.com/m/75083
Actually thats how Optimus Prime died.
__________________________________________
YES!
I love Robot Chicken!
we have the first season on dvd, this episode is on it
Submitted by Gunslinger (user info) at 2006-11-18 00:36:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Goodnight sweet prince.
Submitted by Biotch (user info) at 2006-11-18 00:34:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have to pee...
Submitted by Biotch (user info) at 2006-11-18 00:32:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
P.S., this IS fun!!
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2006-11-18 00:32:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
http://www.ubersite.com/m/75083
Actually thats how Optimus Prime died.
Submitted by Biotch (user info) at 2006-11-18 00:31:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
What is the gabbly address, I LOVE malibu & coke!!!
Submitted by frankthebear (user info) at 2006-11-18 00:30:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
what? this isn't fun?
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Submitted by Biotch (user info) at 2006-11-18 00:29:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I *ALWAYS* have fun, what about you??
Submitted by frankthebear (user info) at 2006-11-18 00:28:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
that's ok, just have fun
Submitted by Biotch (user info) at 2006-11-18 00:25:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I am sorry if no sense is to be had...
Submitted by Biotch (user info) at 2006-11-18 00:23:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Frank, who is going to be sober to rate this on a fri. night???
Submitted by Biotch (user info) at 2006-11-18 00:21:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Frank, I am going to be frank, is that o.k.?? I like your name. I shall read the pot a little more sober,...