You Don't Deserve a Vagina (1541 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.78 on 49 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Genko (View user info) at 2006-11-19 18:18:07 EST
Women are fucking scum. I'm done with them.
I'm about ready cut off my pony tail, grow a gay man mustache, and buy a pair of assless chaps to wear out to the bar. It's either that, or stay at home and become a shut in.
Actually the shut in thing sounds better, because there's no way I can give up pulling Mister Iggy around until he throws up.
I recently went on a blind date with a young lady who I met through a friend of a friend. In all honesty, I don't really remember her name, but that's not important here.
I'd been meaning to get a haircut that day, but my car had a flat tire, so I just put my ridiculously long hair in a pony tail. I spent so much time changing my tire that I didn't have any time to do laundry, so I just grabbed the only clean pair of jeans I could find: a pair of well-cut jeans from the early eighties.
I felt like a total fag.
I got to the restaurant first. I waited around for a while, and finally she got there, ridiculously overdressed. A high maintenance chick for sure, I thought, which was too bad, because normally fat girls put out.
I indulged her for a while, talking about politics and philosophy and a bunch of other drivel. Being a male, I'm certainly versed in bullshitting my way through conversations. I totally misread this girl, though, because right when our dinner came, I decided to make a move:
I asked if I could make a confession, and when she said yes, I told her I was a little skeptical about dating someone like her, and when she asked what about her it was, I just kind of shrugged and replied, "uh no, like um... you know... fat".
When I said that word, the clumsy bitch dropped her water glass and broke it, and I couldn't finish saying how much I was into that.
A little background here: I'm aware that all women are sensitive about their weight. One certainly has to be aware of such things if one expects to get any pussy, ever. I understand that people have busy lives and maybe don't have that much time to cook and eat right, or to go to the gym or whatever. It's easier to go to McDonald's than it is to cook something healthy, and it's certainly more prudent for a student like her to study than it is to work out. I understand these things and I don't fault women for possibly being a little "out of shape." Besides, I'm into pudgy short girls.
Back to the scene: I'd lost my train of thought when she dropped the glass, and before I could recover and explain exactly what I meant by that, she got up and started swearing and screaming and eventually threw her Chicken Marsala into my gangly ungroomed hair.
Looking back at the incident, what pissed me off the most wasn't the initial clumsiness she displayed while cutting me off during my come-on, it was that she didn't let me finish and took what I said completely out of context.
I ended up going home with a very attractive waitress who helped me wash the mushrooms out of my hair. At least she helped me out and ruined those jeans, though.
In conclusion: Fuck her. She's probably at home, bitching about me on the Internet with a box of chocolate crème Oreos keeping her company.
Women are retarded. The double-standard as to the concept of communication never pays to piss me off. Sure, women can gossip and rant and rave under the guise of "girl talk," but when a man tries to express his feelings honestly, he gets interrupted and taken out of context and has food thrown on him. Oh yeah, and he's an asshole.
A message to all you that perpetuate this double standard: fuck you. I hope your beef curtains get salmonella.
User Reviews
Submitted by JohnnyACDC (user info) at 2008-08-12 07:32:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha
Submitted by tatersninja (user info) at 2008-06-16 00:41:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Well, if you haven't figure it out yet,
ALL WOMEN ARE PSYCHOTIC.
There is something in their brains that makes a normal interaction with one which mimics Bezelbub and all his devilish minions can throw at you. They will conspire, connive, manipulate, lie, and then bat their over done eyelashes and bounce their tits in your face; and know that they have the power. The power of the pussy. It's sick, demented, but it is what it is.
I hate women almost as much as I hate newborn babies. I wish I was kidding or just "saying" that for whatever reason people lie.
http://www.shrinktalk.net/archives/please_dont_diagnose_yourself.phtml
Example of how crazy women are. Even when they're not crazy.
:D
Submitted by I_love_Kracka (user info) at 2007-02-21 23:05:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
post more pics of yourself
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-12-12 16:27:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/96700#2250386
you break my heart
:(
Submitted by Ally788 (user info) at 2006-12-07 14:36:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Gangly hair? How can hair be gangly?
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2006-11-20 23:11:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-11-20 16:32:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
you left out the part where she ate the Chicken Marsala off the floor
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and then from your pants, and started to blow you
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-11-20 16:32:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you left out the part where she ate the Chicken Marsala off the floor
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2006-11-20 14:12:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by homer42 (user info) at 2006-11-20 12:29:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You are the king!
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-11-20 11:14:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by gobo1 (user info) at 2006-11-20 06:39:52 (#)
Ranking: 0
so let me get this striaght... you show up to dinner looking like crap (which she fails to comment on at all). then you go on to insult her. by the way, even if it was meant to be the start of a come on i seriously doubt it would have got you anywhere. then she freaks. and your pissed off about what exactly????
hahaha tool. i love when people aren't paying attention.
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2006-11-20 07:08:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice rebuttal
Submitted by gobo1 (user info) at 2006-11-20 06:39:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
so let me get this striaght... you show up to dinner looking like crap (which she fails to comment on at all). then you go on to insult her. by the way, even if it was meant to be the start of a come on i seriously doubt it would have got you anywhere. then she freaks. and your pissed off about what exactly????
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-11-20 04:42:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Easy target.
Submitted by Kent_Weirdo (user info) at 2006-11-20 03:46:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-11-19 20:18:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Kent_Weirdo (user info) at 2006-11-19 20:03:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
It kills me when folks backpedal and claim that it was "just a joke" or "a work of satire that no one understood" when they fail to impress people.
---
Ol' Stagger quoted me. I'm flattered.
Submitted by phauna (user info) at 2006-11-20 03:11:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent, excellent, but........
"""Futility, being an adverb, cannot be applied to standards, which is a noun. "Having standards" could be described as futile, but it's hardly my business to be correcting your ham-fisted grammatical errors. """
'Futility' is a noun (as is futileness), 'futile' is an adjective, 'futilely' is an adverb and the structure 'the -noun- of -noun-' is extrememly common in the Queen's English, possibly not so much in yours. (You would probably use the structure '-noun-'s -noun-' . e.g. 'the Queen of England', so much nicer sounding than 'England's Queen'.)
"""Please reword your response in such a way that it can be understood by a native English speaker. """
Ah, the irony of, I'm guessing, an American saying this.
p.s. I'm an Aussie.
Submitted by Walker (user info) at 2006-11-19 22:43:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent!
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2006-11-19 21:24:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2006-11-19 20:34:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love how after rad's whole don't pick on people post we have a 10 post bandwagon to make fun of some n00b.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-11-19 20:18:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Kent_Weirdo (user info) at 2006-11-19 20:03:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
It kills me when folks backpedal and claim that it was "just a joke" or "a work of satire that no one understood" when they fail to impress people.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-11-19 20:15:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2006-11-19 19:45:02 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by goodontoast (user info) at 2006-11-19 19:36:35 (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh Christ.
First: my post was SATIRE. I acted like a bitch to a bastard, and I posted it because I thought it was funny. I was making a sly comment about the futility of standards by my fucked up blind date. Trust Ubersite to fail to see the point.
Furthermore, please continue to twist my words. It's really quite funny, in a sad sort of way. You know, like legitimizing abortion and genocide kind of way
===
So if your post was satire, what exactly was this?
By the way, this sentence: "I was making a sly comment about the futility of standards by my fucked up blind date." makes absolutely no sense.
Futility, being an adverb, cannot be applied to standards, which is a noun. "Having standards" could be described as futile, but it's hardly my business to be correcting your ham-fisted grammatical errors.
Please reword your response in such a way that it can be understood by a native English speaker.
---------
ahahahahahhhaha
pwnt
Goodontoast you are gay get the fuck out of ubersite, or whatever Method's faggoty little catchphrase is that he copied from PFF.
Submitted by PhillipTheGreat (user info) at 2006-11-19 20:06:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Teehee.
Submitted by Kent_Weirdo (user info) at 2006-11-19 20:03:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It kills me when folks backpedal and claim that it was "just a joke" or "a work of satire that no one understood" when they fail to impress people.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-11-19 20:03:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
lol
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-11-19 19:50:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck the fatties. This is how you counterpost people.
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2006-11-19 19:47:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2006-11-19 19:37:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
Genko I wasn't trying to claim that user was your alter, I was simply showing in interest in somebody who has been around here for as long as he/she has and had not yet posted.
====
I understand, it's just that sometimes people try to find alters where there aren't any and it turns into a witchhunt. You're still tight in my book. The Ubersite circle-jerk is at 21:00.
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2006-11-19 19:45:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by goodontoast (user info) at 2006-11-19 19:36:35 (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh Christ.
First: my post was SATIRE. I acted like a bitch to a bastard, and I posted it because I thought it was funny. I was making a sly comment about the futility of standards by my fucked up blind date. Trust Ubersite to fail to see the point.
Furthermore, please continue to twist my words. It's really quite funny, in a sad sort of way. You know, like legitimizing abortion and genocide kind of way
===
So if your post was satire, what exactly was this?
By the way, this sentence: "I was making a sly comment about the futility of standards by my fucked up blind date." makes absolutely no sense.
Futility, being an adverb, cannot be applied to standards, which is a noun. "Having standards" could be described as futile, but it's hardly my business to be correcting your ham-fisted grammatical errors.
Please reword your response in such a way that it can be understood by a native English speaker.
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2006-11-19 19:39:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by goodontoast (user info) at 2006-11-19 19:36:35 (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh Christ.
First: my post was SATIRE. I acted like a bitch to a bastard, and I posted it because I thought it was funny. I was making a sly comment about the futility of standards by my fucked up blind date. Trust Ubersite to fail to see the point.
Furthermore, please continue to twist my words. It's really quite funny, in a sad sort of way. You know, like legitimizing abortion and genocide kind of way.
==============
ALTER
I'm calling it right here.
And in any event, you know damn well that wasn't supposed to be satire.
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2006-11-19 19:37:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Genko I wasn't trying to claim that user was your alter, I was simply showing in interest in somebody who has been around here for as long as he/she has and had not yet posted.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-11-19 19:37:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
excellent
Submitted by goodontoast (user info) at 2006-11-19 19:36:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh Christ.
First: my post was SATIRE. I acted like a bitch to a bastard, and I posted it because I thought it was funny. I was making a sly comment about the futility of standards by my fucked up blind date. Trust Ubersite to fail to see the point.
Furthermore, please continue to twist my words. It's really quite funny, in a sad sort of way. You know, like legitimizing abortion and genocide kind of way.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-11-19 19:34:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nicely played, Mr. Peanut.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2006-11-19 19:30:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2006-11-19 19:06:31 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by goodontoast (user info) at 2006-11-19 18:55:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
First, thanks for inflating my ego by posting a retaliatory post. What this means to me is that someone reads what I write, and is pissed off enough to plagiarize me with another post.
Honestly, I thought it was funny. First, because that's probably exactly what the idiot was thinking. Second, I'm sure you have a fucked up definition of fat, just like 70% of all males, just like the guy in my post.
In short, you have completely and utterly proved the point I was trying to make. The best thing? You don't realize it. You think you're being witty, that you and your ubersite buddies are totally going to have a circle-jerk about how you showed that bitch that dared to throw food at some asshole after getting her hope up about men again.
In fact, I'm giving it a +2 because my laughing my fucking ass (which is fat, according to you) off. Thanks for the laugh Mr. Gullible.
====
Heh. Thanks for taking my post as a retaliatory one, because that's totally how it was intended. How dare you stand up for yourself against such poor manners.
By the way, I love that you assumed that I'm a mouth-breathing illiterate. I was completely aware that I was proving your point. I think your guy's a dick and probably a poor reflection on the gender as a whole...for anybody who would make assumptions about an entire gender based on one opinion from one dude.
If you're going to walk around unable to take a joke and dead set in the notion that everybody with a penis is against you, maybe this isn't the website for you.
---
Bravo! Yet again.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-11-19 19:23:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
nice switcheroo
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2006-11-19 19:15:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by goodontoast (user info) at 2006-11-19 18:55:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
First, thanks for inflating my ego by posting a retaliatory post. What this means to me is that someone reads what I write, and is pissed off enough to plagiarize me with another post.
Honestly, I thought it was funny. First, because that's probably exactly what the idiot was thinking. Second, I'm sure you have a fucked up definition of fat, just like 70% of all males, just like the guy in my post.
In short, you have completely and utterly proved the point I was trying to make. The best thing? You don't realize it. You think you're being witty, that you and your ubersite buddies are totally going to have a circle-jerk about how you showed that bitch that dared to throw food at some asshole after getting her hope up about men again.
In fact, I'm giving it a +2 because my laughing my fucking ass (which is fat, according to you) off. Thanks for the laugh Mr. Gullible.
-----
sounds like something a fat, insecure cunt with low self esteem would say to make herself feel better because some strangers on the internet dared to argue her view on men.
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2006-11-19 19:06:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by goodontoast (user info) at 2006-11-19 18:55:07 (#)
Ranking: 2
First, thanks for inflating my ego by posting a retaliatory post. What this means to me is that someone reads what I write, and is pissed off enough to plagiarize me with another post.
Honestly, I thought it was funny. First, because that's probably exactly what the idiot was thinking. Second, I'm sure you have a fucked up definition of fat, just like 70% of all males, just like the guy in my post.
In short, you have completely and utterly proved the point I was trying to make. The best thing? You don't realize it. You think you're being witty, that you and your ubersite buddies are totally going to have a circle-jerk about how you showed that bitch that dared to throw food at some asshole after getting her hope up about men again.
In fact, I'm giving it a +2 because my laughing my fucking ass (which is fat, according to you) off. Thanks for the laugh Mr. Gullible.
====
Heh. Thanks for taking my post as a retaliatory one, because that's totally how it was intended. How dare you stand up for yourself against such poor manners.
By the way, I love that you assumed that I'm a mouth-breathing illiterate. I was completely aware that I was proving your point. I think your guy's a dick and probably a poor reflection on the gender as a whole...for anybody who would make assumptions about an entire gender based on one opinion from one dude.
If you're going to walk around unable to take a joke and dead set in the notion that everybody with a penis is against you, maybe this isn't the website for you.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-11-19 18:59:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
what's the feminine version of napoleon?
anyway - napoleon complex.
Submitted by goodontoast (user info) at 2006-11-19 18:55:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
First, thanks for inflating my ego by posting a retaliatory post. What this means to me is that someone reads what I write, and is pissed off enough to plagiarize me with another post.
Honestly, I thought it was funny. First, because that's probably exactly what the idiot was thinking. Second, I'm sure you have a fucked up definition of fat, just like 70% of all males, just like the guy in my post.
In short, you have completely and utterly proved the point I was trying to make. The best thing? You don't realize it. You think you're being witty, that you and your ubersite buddies are totally going to have a circle-jerk about how you showed that bitch that dared to throw food at some asshole after getting her hope up about men again.
In fact, I'm giving it a +2 because my laughing my fucking ass (which is fat, according to you) off. Thanks for the laugh Mr. Gullible.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-11-19 18:52:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hah - http://www.ubersite.com/m/95908
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-11-19 18:51:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Funny.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2006-11-19 18:50:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HA!
Even if I don't hate that chick (yet) this was AWESOME. I <3 Genko.
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2006-11-19 18:46:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2006-11-19 18:45:15 (#)
Ranking: 2
Very VERY well played.
===
I'd have been good on goodontoast.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2006-11-19 18:45:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Very VERY well played.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-11-19 18:40:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
baahhahahahaha
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2006-11-19 18:31:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Yes, I'm very clever like that. I registered an alter six months before I actually arrived here and now I use it to inflate my own ratings within a system that I constantly decry as meaningless.
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2006-11-19 18:28:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Everything you ever wanted to know about Acarnis
User id: 1294
Registered on or around: 2003-06-07 17:31:47
# Messages posted: 0
# Reviews written: 1362
# Times these posts have been reviewed : 0
# Hits: 0
Average rating of all messages: 0.00
=====================================
hmmmmm
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2006-11-19 18:27:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I felt like a total fag.
==================
BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
PWNED
Submitted by Acarnis (user info) at 2006-11-19 18:23:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-11-19 18:23:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I hope your beef curtains get salmonella.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-11-19 18:20:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I woulda done this but I wasted my post for the day. Now to read.