Never Again (215 hits)
Category: UberMadness! EntryRating: 2 on 3 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Coyote (View user info) at 2006-11-20 11:13:16 EST
This post was an official UberMadness! entry. Click here to view the original matchup.
In the moments after release there's always a brief moment of clarity, when a cold, antiseptic light seems to flood the scene, dispelling all the shadows and the uncertainty and doubt. Those are the moments when I can see. I can see what risks I've taken, and who I've hurt, and for what little reason.
There's no way to feel good about yourself at that moment, you're fooling yourself if you think there is. After all, it's one of the big ones, one of the seven deadlies, and in that unflattering light that comes blasting through the scene you have to re-evaluate everything you ever thought about yourself. All those dark places revealed, little dark crawling things in your psyche scurrying for cover in the sudden glare.
I can't take it. I'm not a bad guy, I work hard and I take care of things for the family, but I'm telling you no one could stand up to face themselves in that kind of unfiltered light.
From the first hello up until that final perfect moment, every single thing just makes me better. More vital, more clever, more alive. More me. And then in an instant it all turns to bitter ash in my mouth. The trap is finally revealed, but only after the steel jaws are clamped on my ankle and I'm watching my life ebb away, helpless. It felt so right, but now all you can think of is that you never want to feel this way again.
It's her fault, I shouldn't even have to tell you that, because you know as well as I do how the story goes. Selfish. Hungry. Malicious. She's everything that you always wanted to keep out of your life, even though the whole time you knew her she seemed like everything you wanted but couldn't have.
Once you're at this point, you're trapped. She can do whatever she wants. Take and keep taking, or spill it all to your wife. Either way she's in control now, and that raw, sick panic you felt in that horrible instant of clarity is going to go on forever. Now maybe you might wave the white flag at this point, own up to a mistake, and suffer the consequences. Not me. Like I said, I'm a good guy. What did I do to deserve to feel this bad? Nothing. It was all a setup. But is anyone going to understand that? Of course not... how could they, when the clear light of 'afterglow' is bathing the scene now and making it all so obvious.
The only thing that matters, if you ever find yourself at this point, the only thing that means anything at all, is "Never again". That's how you live with yourself, that's how you bottle up all those creepy-crawlies and shove them back under the bed, how you can go on with your life like nothing happened.
They put erasers on pencils for a reason. Just about the only good thing about that clear thought (the kind that comes right after you do), is that it helps you see that they should put erasers on people too. She was so eager and passionate just a few minutes ago, now she's smug and relaxed. Off guard. You can act like you never thought it, but we all know it's the only way.
So fucking what? I didn't plan it like that, and it's not like I go out and napalm the shit out of villages full of gook babies. Nobody says boo about that. Besides, I'm a good guy. Where is it written that I have to let this bitch, this thing, trash my life? Who is that going to help, I mean really?
It's the only way to make sure that "Never again" becomes reality. You take your pleasure, you pay for it with anguish. Bought and paid for, fair and square, nobody else's business. Unless you let her ruin it all.
And that's not a fun thing to think about. I'm not saying that doing what you have to do is a walk in the park. But I'm telling you, the relief you feel when it's done makes it one hundred percent worthwhile. Fuck it, one thousand percent. Don't make the mistake of thinking you got away with something, because it's going to weigh on your soul every single time you open up that folder full of pics she sent. But as bad as that's going to feel, it's absolute heaven compared to the alternative.
And if you ask me, the best part is, you can learn from what went wrong before. Think about where you got trapped, where she tried to make you into something you're not, tried to make you the betrayer and the sleazeball. You don't have to make the same mistakes again, cuz now you know better.
That's how you learn and grow, my friends. You're a better person for learning from your mistakes. I always head straight to the hotel bar when a conference breaks up, or flirt with all the new secretaries that come in. What's the harm? I put up with a lot of shit for my family, a lot of stress to keep them happy. It's just a little fun, release a little tension, get a simple thrill. And if you think that sounds like asking for trouble, fuck you. I already told you, man, never again.
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Submitted by Alter (user info) at 2007-09-26 20:26:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2007-06-04 23:24:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-06-04 23:00:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2