Hardcore (2550 hits)
Category: UberMadness!Rating: 0.34 on 74 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by UberMadness! (View user info) at 2006-11-20 23:11:12 EST
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This post is officially part of UberMadness!. Click here for more information on the rules and restrictions. |
Entry 1
Creak.Roused by the noise, Anna rolled over into the empty space beside her in the double bed. She hated it when Pete was away on business, hated being alone in the empty house.
Creak.
Slowly, she forced her eyes open, struggling to shake off the semblance of sleep. She wanted to be sure she wasn't dreaming. Pete wasn't due back until the following night. Maybe he had come home early and was trying not to wake her.... that had to be it.
"Pete, that you?" She asked the question into the velvet veil of darkness, but her words were greeted with a wall of silence. "Is somebody there?" Once again, there was nothing but silence. She rolled back over in the bed, cursing her overactive imagine.
Creak.
Louder this time. She reached across and flicked on the bedside lamp before sitting up in bed. What was going on? Still half asleep, she swung her legs out of bed, and grasped for the dressing gown she had dumped on the floor before retiring for the evening. A quick glance at the clock, and the flashing 12:00 told her that the electric had been off at some point, and she had no idea what time it was.
Anna pulled on the gown, and instantly felt safer now her nakedness was covered. She was being ridiculous. Two quick strides and she was at the bedroom door, jerking it open onto the darkness of the landing. There was nothing there.
"Stupid old house......" She muttered under her breath, and made a mental note to get Pete to fix the floorboards when he was back. She turned to go back into the bedroom, and as she did, the bulb in the bedside lamp flickered, died, and a wash of black fell over her. For no reason, a lump of panic swelled in her throat. She swallowed hard, and fumbled for the main light switch on the wall. When she found it, she wished she hadn't.
In a flash, it was on her, hands clamping tight enough that the nails began to puncture the skin around her neck. "It" was the only word Anna could think of, because although it appeared to have a human form, it was anything but.
The black and wrinkled skin reeked of charred flesh and decay, and loose chunks hung off in peeling strips. The bony fingers clamped around her throat were gnarled stumps that culminated in serrated talons, which buried themselves deep within her flesh. One eye was leaking thick wads of yellow fluid, one was missing altogether, and Anna glimpsed a sight of something pink and crawling, deep within its recess.
Finally, she saw the mouth. The circular maw in the middle of its face opened up, and revealed 3 rows of rotten yellow spikes, embedded in gums of twisted, cancerous tissue. These spikes, closing tight around her face, were the last thing Anna ever saw.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
The two gentlemen at the table with a bottle of tequila between them were the only people in the bar. The other patrons who had been drinking there had quickly left at the sight of the two strangers. It wasn't just because they looked threatening; it was more because they exuded a presence that was uncomfortable to be around. The barman had been courteous, and provided the liquor free of charge. Angels often had this effect on people.
"They got another one last night." Jaruman spoke the statement bluntly, before sinking the liquid in his glass and pouring another shot.
"What happened? You were supposed to be watching her." Caleb asked the question and polished off his own drink.
"Never mind what happened. Can we just focus on what we're going to do about it, exactly? Daruk now has twelve sinless souls. Do I need to remind you what happens if he gets another?"
Caleb drained another shot, and raised his eyes to the ceiling. He knew too well what would happen. He and Jaruman were two of the few remaining Angels that had been around when the great Demon Haradkor had been banished to the void. Many Angels, far from immortal, had died at his hands. The Angels had quickly nicknamed him "Hardcore", both for his immense power, and psychotic evil nature.
He wove his evil sorcery across the world, leaving pain and suffering in his wake. His Underworld halls were lined with people in racks, and chains, and his torturous madness was manifested in screams that would continue for eternity.
For two hundred years he brought fear and terror to a previously peaceful world, untouchable within his realm, while he spewed forth his own Demons to rape the world of humanity. He gorged himself on the souls of those who had died in pain, and nourished himself with the sins they had committed.
It was only when he had come forth from his realm to burn and crumble a dying world that he was exposed. His fiery fury gave him arrogance, and the armies of Angels had managed to create enough energy to bind him in the void between the worlds.
Three centuries later, a Demon by the name of Daruk had discovered a means to break the binds, and invoke Haradkor once again. Thirteen sinless souls, taken by force, would be enough to unleash the magical ties that held him in the void; the souls of people who had never committed a selfish act, who never betrayed or stole or did anything other than good for themselves and for mankind.
These people were few and far between, but so far Daruk had found and claimed 12 such souls. He had sent forth diabolical monsters to reap the innocent lives, monsters that he had called from the darkest depths of desolation. And now, all he needed was one more soul to plunge the fragile modern world into madness and mayhem.
Caleb regained his thoughts, and remembered where he was.
"He's going to strike again soon, Jaruman. He only needs one more, and he's come this far already. Who knows what monstrosity he'll send to do the job?"
"Whatever he does - we'll be ready." Jaruman lifted the small bag from his pocket, and placed it gently on the table. "We'll be ready."
The contents of the bag glowed eerily through the thin cloth. Caleb nodded, and swallowed the last of the spirit straight from the bottle.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Ok honey, I gotta go. I'll be home about nine-ish. I love you." Jessica hung up the phone in the public booth, and jogged across the deserted hotel courtyard to where her car was parked. The rain was lashing down hard, and as she rummaged in her handbag for the keys, she stumbled in her high heeled shoes and fell forward, spilling the contents on the cold, wet concrete floor.
"Great..........." she intoned sarcastically to herself, before bending down to retrieve the items that had scattered farther and wider than was logically possible.
"Say, would you like a hand there, ma'am?" Jessica looked up, startled by the voice of the suited gentleman who was standing there. Had he been there a second ago?
"It's ok, I'm fine.....thank you." She always felt uneasy in a stranger's presence, but she could still at least be polite. The gentleman watched her collect her belongings, and waited as she unlocked the car and climbed in.
"You gotta drive far?" he asked over the clamour of the beating rain.
"Yeah, where I'm going is about four hours away from here, so I really should get going..." She turned the key in the ignition, anxious to get away. She had a feeling she couldn't explain, and she didn't like it.
"Well, you better watch out in this rain. It looks like we're going to be in for a real storm tonight. Have a safe journey, Jessica."
"Wait, how did you know my -" She looked up, but he was already gone. She looked out across the courtyard, but there was no sign of anyone, nor any sound of departing footsteps. All she heard was the sound of the rain, hammering down on the roof of the car.
She pulled away, and was driving for less than a minute before the first clap of thunder roared out in the sky above her.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Daruk eased himself back on the tall, dark throne. The seat was made from bones and skulls, which although long since dead, still moaned and cried with the sounds of departed spirits. He savoured the moment, knowing that soon the throne would once more be home to someone much worthier.
He stared out into the hall, and watched as the creature emerged from the creeping shadows and began to speak.
"So, tell me Daruk, why hast thou summoned me?"
Daruk eyed the beast that he had called upon. Mukar, an evil creature who had been spawned from the pits of Hell itself, was an ominous sight to behold.
He stood two metres tall, and was covered in a thick scaly skin of red, which appeared blistered and burnt upon the surface. His face was a bleeding mass of ulcers, and his eyes were solid ebony orbs, sunken into pits of fleshy gristle. Long, distorted claws spiralled out in clumps at the ends of his arms, and his mouth was filled with blackened, blade-like teeth, which jutted outwards and dripped with foul saliva.
"Please Mukar....there's no need for such formality.... I have a job for you."
"And why should I do this for you? You, who wakes me from my slumber."
"My dear Mukar, we are on the brink of a new era, a new order of chaos and destruction! In return for your help, I would have you placed with me, at the right hand side of Haradkor himself."
"And what do you want me to do, exactly?"
"Well you see, Mukar, all I want is a soul........"
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Jessica drove carefully through the storm, wanting desperately to be indoors and out of the depressing weather.
The driving rain was relentless, pounding the windscreen and glass sunroof with a never-ending cacophony, tapping out a rhetorical rhythm as it went. The lightning had seemed to follow her for the entire journey, every bolt appearing to strike the ground just inches from the vehicle, and every crack of thunder seeming to shake the car as it sped along the carriageway.
All the way home, all she had been able to think about was the man she had encountered outside the hotel. Her memory of the event had become hazy, and felt as if it was trying to erase itself from her mind. The one thing she couldn't shake was that feeling of unease, which had left her uncomfortable and anxious, although about what, she wasn't sure.
As she finally pulled the car onto the driveway, she thanked her lucky stars for a safe journey and killed the engine. She sat there in the silence for a moment, and gathered her things. The second she opened the car door to get out, she was hit with an overwhelming feeling of apprehension. Something was seriously wrong here.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
"Caleb. It's happening." Jaruman sounded tense as he delivered the news to Caleb.
"Is it ready?"
"It's ready." Jaruman clutched the bag, which had gone from glowing faintly, to blazing a fiery red shine.
Caleb paused a second, gathering his thoughts before he spoke.
"Ok. Let's do this."
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Cautiously, she approached the house, the rain soaking her clothes which had dried out on the journey back. Her hair hung limp, in strands across her forehead, and water ran down and trickled off the tips. Lights were on in the house, and Matthew's car was on the driveway, as she had expected, but a feeling of dissonance radiated from the place that she called home.
Jessica came to the front door, which was already ajar, swinging wildly on its hinges with the wind that whipped through the cold night air. As she stepped inside, she was greeted with a smell of something rank and dour, as if the house had been steeped in pestilence.
"Matthew?" She called out her husband's name, and it seemed to echo lazily around the house. When the reverberation had died, Jessica noticed a faint humming, emanating from somewhere in the household.
She stepped carefully through the hallway and opened the door into the living room, and took in the carnage before her. The windows that looked out on to the back garden had been shattered, and the howling wind snatched at the curtains, as it gushed into the room. The pine coffee table had been upended, and hurled to the far side of the room. The glass display cabinet led on its side, the glistening remains mingling on the floor amongst the broken figurines. She retreated back to the hallway, and noticed the trail of blood beginning at the bottom of the stair case.
As she began to ascend the steps, the humming grew louder. By the time she had reached the landing, the sound was intense, unbearable, and had a disturbing quality that scraped unease down the back of her spine. The blood stains on the floor grew thicker, and led to the bedroom door, which was shut, and a dull red glow drifted out from underneath it. Jessica slowly reached out for the handle, and opened it.
"MATTHEW!"
She froze in terror at the sight of her husband. He was standing naked in the middle of the room, and his arms were bound to the ceiling with thick, sinuous strands. The skin had been peeled from his face, and the raw flesh beneath was leaking blood which snaked down the length of his body. His chest had been open with a Y incision, and his stomach hung loose, suspended by the looping tubes of his intestines.
As she stood there, unable to move, he made a coughing sound, and blood pumped up and out of his mouth, choking him as it did. Both his eyes were missing, and any further signs of life were quickly taken away by the claws which suddenly impaled him from behind. Mukar stood up from behind his victim, and flung the now lifeless body to one side. Jessica was now face to face with the source of the glowing red light.
She went to scream, but all the sound got caught in her throat. The Demon took a step towards her, and somehow her instincts made her turn and run. She reached the top of the stairs and already, Mukar was after her. She took the steps 3 at a time, and was nearly at the bottom when Mukar pounced all the way from the top behind her. He easily grabbed her on his descent, and they landed in the hallway with a heavy bump that broke several of her ribs and winded her badly. He had her pinned on her back, and he opened his jaws wide, his intention to swallow her head whole. Before he could, the front door swung open wide with the presence of the two Angels that had arrived.
For a second, Mukar forgot the prey he had been sent to claim. He released Jessica from his grasp, and stood up to confront the intruders. Caleb stood forward, and squared up to the Demon.
"This soul shall not be yours." Caleb spoke to the words calmly, but with a threatening menace. Mukar merely laughed, as if he had been insulted by a child in a playground.
"Do you have any idea who you are dealing with? Any idea of the forces with which you meddle? The time has come, and He will rise again!" Mukar struck out, and sent Caleb reeling across the hallway, before seizing Jessica once again. As he went for her throat, Caleb cried out.
"Jaruman! The stone!"
The Angels had long since known that sinless souls could be sacrificed in order to break the binds of Haradkor. In defence, they had harvested the souls of murderers, betrayers, people whose lives had had been full of sin. The dark souls had been taken by the Angels and contained within a Demon's heart of stone. The power of justice would prevent the undoing of eternal magic.
"The stone!" Caleb repeated the order to Jaruman, who was standing in the doorway, his head hung low.
Jaruman stood aside, and there behind him stood the grinning figure of Daruk. "Caleb.... I'm sorry."
Caleb realised what was happening, and shut his eyes. "Traitor.....so this is how they got the other souls so easily?"
Mukar sank his teeth into Jessica's neck, and let the blood drain from her body. Jaruman handed the bag to Daruk, who had produced a crystal call, swirling with light. The sinless souls.
As Jessica's spirit rose from her body, he smashed the crystal on the floor, and all thirteen spirits whirled about the room as they mixed together. A deafening noise rose up from nowhere, a shrieking wail that left Caleb covering his ears in pain.
"HARADKOR!" Daruk shouted above the above the noise. "HARADKOR, STEP FORWARD! BE FREE AGAIN!"
The lights in the house shattered, and a ripping noise filled the air - the sound of the fabric being torn apart between the worlds. A dark hole opened in the middle of the swirling souls, and the Angels bind was broken.
The great Demon had returned. Caleb stared at the sight of "Hardcore", and felt the heavy shadow of evil falling upon the Earth once more.
Dark times lay ahead.
- VS -
Entry 2
The air is still, sharp with the bite of winter. A layer of powder has fallen overnight, covering the mountain in a thick blanket. Here above the tree line the acres stretch out a vast field seemingly untouched by man. Wind whistles over the rocks, jutting grey monuments fiercely refusing to be buried. The clear blue sky allows the sun to bounce blindingly off the snow and the entire mountain glimmers and winks.As the helicopter hovers low over the broad field of snow, the last minute doubts set in. Board strapped to his feet, Todd teeters on the threshold, looking out. A tug to check the straps, a thumbs-up to the pilot and he jumps.
It's a full body shock when he lands, temporarily numbing his legs completely. The board strapped to his feet slips and slides, threatening to overturn and deposit him summarily in the snow. After skillfully fighting the inertia using his body as a counter weight, Todd succeeds in planting his board in a secure position while he pauses to catch the breath stolen during the drop from the bird.
At 1200 feet, Todd is on the highest mountain he has ever attempted to board down. There are no ski-lifts, gondolas, or medic stations here. The ski resort with its lodge and crowds of recreationalists is a small speck far lower down on the next ridge. As the sound of the helicopter fades in the distance, there is no sign of any other human. Being alone on a mountain is at once a hugely thrilling and yet very humbling thing.
Todd savors the moment, feeling truly alive. He looks over the panorama and realizes one more time how very small he - and all mankind - really is. A hawk screams as it flies over the ridge, and the sound echoes but the silence that swallows it seems somehow louder.
Looking down the mountain, Todd sees the white drifts, and then the smudge of dark that signifies the beginning of the tree line. He has studied pictures of this slope, but from this vantage point can't make out the slight unmarked pathway between outcroppings of rock and bunches of trees that he will be heading down at speeds nearing 50 mph, possibly exceeding that in larger icier clearings.
His adrenaline is already pumping from the jump and now he's ready for the ultimate rush. Carving an untouched area, leaving a mark that will be visible for miles, untouchable by the masses below, ethereal in its own way. Immortality gained can be such a fleeting thing.
Final check of the bindings, zippers, snaps, goggles, and Todd leans back, heel-side cutting into the snow and beginning the long downward glide.
At the lodge that night, Todd's commentary was: "I made that mountain my bitch! I was like floating down the side of the mountain, like the board just knows what it's doing and I'm along for the ride, a few moguls, and then out of nowhere...a tree...and then... WOAH... I totally had to jump a ravine. It was hardcore, best rush ever. I was flying forever - I'm wrecked, man! Wind and sunburn everywhere - see? I stopped a few times to rest for 10 minutes, piss, replenish my fluids, but I'm completely dehydrated and my legs are totally cramping. You should do it. Shredding the top of an untouched mountain...Man, no words, no words. You hafta rent a 'copter to drop you at the top, but my friend Jeremy knows this guy who flies for the Army, and he'll drop you during one of his maneuvers for not too much scratch. It's seriously sweet, rocks even more than any half-pipe. I've flown with the gods, man... "
Entry 1:
Amontillado
Axolotl
babyg
BLITZKREIG_BOB
Bubba2341
CaptainThorns
charminglybeef
coley
Confuzitron
congo
Coyote
Cracked_out_cali
CrazyHorse
darko
Davros
DCWoody
DonkeyOnTheEdge
drgoatcabin
DrogoRoch
Ducky
ELG
FunnyAsCancer
ghola
helbling
Hirilnara
homer42
horse87
HotWillie
Jack_McCallum
JoeyG
justagirl27
kimmy02721
lechuza
loki
MadameDestrukt
Magicaddict
maiorano84
Method
nrduncan
redskieslookfake
ripple
rwhitz
Sacrilicious
sparkle_pink
SPECIALk
stevie_says
supadupapupa
The_taste_of_Monkeys
39 eligible votes (48 total) *
Entry 2:
Bellebrown
Crystle
EchoBoxing
Flack
hour_man
indoninja
JMG114
joedaddy
JonnyX
rad1101
scourge
Sepsis
sicosemen
Stagger_Lee
14 eligible votes (14 total) *
* Eligible votes are those made by users who had either (A) posted 3+ messages OR (B) written 100+ [lowered from 750+] reviews as of the beginning of the UberMadness! competition.
User Reviews
Submitted by konohasaiyajin (user info) at 2006-11-28 01:57:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I thought the first story was better. However the image didn't quite fit the feel of the story.
Nonetheless, the second story was done well, just couldn't compare.
Submitted by consuelo212 (user info) at 2006-11-28 00:47:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-11-27 13:28:06 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Who the fuck read all of number 1? Ugfh
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-11-26 13:33:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Congrats Joey!
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-11-23 23:10:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2006-11-23 14:59:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by thegizzle (user info) at 2006-11-23 13:47:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
What a waste of my life.
Submitted by babyg (user info) at 2006-11-23 03:14:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by CrazyHorse (user info) at 2006-11-23 01:40:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Vivid, detailed, well-written, and a great twist at the end
Bravo
Submitted by ELG (user info) at 2006-11-22 22:51:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by DonkeyOnTheEdge (user info) at 2006-11-22 17:19:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
...
Submitted by Flack (user info) at 2006-11-22 14:44:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love teh skiing!
Submitted by kimmy02721 (user info) at 2006-11-22 14:39:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Magicaddict (user info) at 2006-11-22 11:50:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No daemon named Haradkor to my knowledge, so #1 is a little contrived. It's also got a cliche the size of the Goodyear blimp and a very abrupt ending. Despite all this, I still prefer it to #2. Could have done so much more with the idea - the trip down the mountain, for one.
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2006-11-22 11:32:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Not even close
Submitted by drgoatcabin (user info) at 2006-11-22 11:30:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
High five to #1. I want a series.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2006-11-22 11:03:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have a feeling that if the demons are after innocent souls then Uber is very safe.
Submitted by rwhitz (user info) at 2006-11-22 10:46:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by ripple (user info) at 2006-11-22 10:38:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
not such a fan of entry 2.
Submitted by helbling (user info) at 2006-11-22 08:09:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
1 just had an eloquence that 2 didn't - and I'm a total sucker for the sci-fi and fantasy genre.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-11-21 21:03:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-11-21 20:49:23 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2006-11-21 09:30:12 (#)
Ranking: -2
both made me wish i was illiterate.
_________
You are, dipshit. The saying is "I wish I WERE illiterate."
=======
OMG HIS WISH CAME TRUE
HES A REAL BOY
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-11-21 20:49:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2006-11-21 09:30:12 (#)
Ranking: -2
both made me wish i was illiterate.
_________
You are, dipshit. The saying is "I wish I WERE illiterate."
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-11-21 20:45:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-11-21 20:45:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-11-21 18:17:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
just
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-11-21 17:41:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
#2 was a nice little pastiche, a sorbet, if you will
Submitted by homer42 (user info) at 2006-11-21 17:39:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm going with 1.
As for #2 - I hope you meant 12,000 feet and not 1200 - not that there aren't places you can get on a ski lift that are 12,000 either.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-11-21 17:06:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I couldn't vote for entry one. It read like the roughest of rough drafts.
Submitted by nrduncan (user info) at 2006-11-21 15:10:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by MadameDestrukt (user info) at 2006-11-21 15:07:33 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Blerg. This was ugly.
#1 was like an episode of Buffy, and I'm actually a fan, so let me try to explain that better. It's what Buffy is like to people who don't care about the relationships between the characters or the characters themselves. Some bad guy is doing something and oh no, it'll be the end of the world. Who gives a ratsass? It failed (or didn't even try, might be more accurate) to make me care about the people, or the demons, or the angels or even humanity as a whole. I don't mind reading a long story but this could have used some cleaning up even if I'd connected to it, and seeing as how I didn't, it was way to long.
#2 I might have picked this even with the most uninspired use of a title I think I've ever seen, but you didn't even try to spin it worthwhile. Some attempt at showing insight, courage, goals, or some such chicken soup for the soul crap would have given it at least a little merit. Or even imagery that actually caught me, which it didn't either. With what it was, which appears to be nothing, I had to pick #1 even as nonplussed as I was by it.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-11-21 13:44:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I hate to squelch the creativity here, but I have two words for the next UM:
size
limits
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-11-21 13:23:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i did not like #1
i did not like #2, only less so
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-11-21 13:22:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-11-21 13:18:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
#1 reminded me of a movie that you would see on a Sunday afternoon on the USA network.
#2 reminded me of a Mountain Dew commercial that you would see on a Sunday afternoon on the USA network.
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2006-11-21 12:43:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No comment
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2006-11-21 12:42:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
awesome
Submitted by horse87 (user info) at 2006-11-21 11:51:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-11-21 10:06:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ghonorrhea for shiites.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-11-21 09:38:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2006-11-21 09:30:12 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
both made me wish i was illiterate.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-11-21 09:28:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Entry 1 was good, but reminded me of something I have read recently, but I can't remember what right now. Not accusing you of a rip off, just had some very similar aspects.
Entry 2 was reasonably well written, I liked the language but as I am not a boarder, it didn't really do anything for me.
-Dave
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-11-21 09:06:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
#1 kicked ass.
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-11-21 08:30:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
yep been there
Submitted by Hirilnara (user info) at 2006-11-21 08:15:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-11-21 08:06:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-11-21 07:21:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Both left me with a profound feeling of-"Meh"
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2006-11-21 07:19:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2006-11-21 06:53:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Oh guess who this is, talk about cramming a title into a story...works though
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2006-11-21 05:01:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-11-21 04:26:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Cracked_out_cali (user info) at 2006-11-21 04:25:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2006-11-21 03:19:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Both well done pieces, with completely different concepts on the title.
#1, just gets the vote.
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2006-11-21 03:17:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
...
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2006-11-21 01:28:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2006-11-21 00:39:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The first one was more creative.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-11-21 00:35:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2006-11-21 00:32:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by supadupapupa (user info) at 2006-11-21 00:19:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
A for effort
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-11-21 00:16:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-11-21 00:14:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-11-21 00:08:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well, I'm glad I didn't get this title.
Submitted by Sepsis (user info) at 2006-11-20 23:58:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2006-11-20 23:54:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
1 kept me interested...the bad guys won! woooooo!
Submitted by charminglybeef (user info) at 2006-11-20 23:49:42 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
It's true -- number two was well-written. And not as offensively-trite.
I'm sorry number two. And number one.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-20 23:42:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I should mention that I found #2 to be beautifully written, but there wasn't much in the way of a story there.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-20 23:40:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't want to be a prick, but neither one of these jazzed me.
Entry 1 gets it for effort and some nice descriptive gore.
Submitted by charminglybeef (user info) at 2006-11-20 23:38:29 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Number one almost seemed like a joke to me. The writing itself was strong, but this was in direct contrast to the story. I really couldn't tell if this was satire. If it was, it wasn't pushed hard enough. If it wasn't, well ... I suspect you've written better things than this.
I'll say nothing about number two aside from: "Even feeling this way, I voted for number one".
Submitted by justagirl27 (user info) at 2006-11-20 23:35:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
not my kind of story at all, but i actually enjoyed it and you put a lot of work into it.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-11-20 23:32:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
oh man...
I'm sorry, I couldn't finish number 1 - waaaaaaay too gory for me.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-11-20 23:25:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-11-20 23:18:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2006-11-20 23:17:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-11-20 23:13:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
the picture smelled good
Submitted by Fungah (user info) at 2006-11-20 23:12:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Isn't this shit over yet?