Titty City (1355 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.25 on 55 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jack McCallum (View user info) at 2006-11-21 16:38:47 EST
So I'm outside having a smoke and reading some of the Round 5 UberMadness submissions and this girl walks by carrying a takeout lunch.
She was in her mid-twenties, cute, slender, and had a huge bouncing pair of tits.
I know, I know, here goes Jack raving about titties again like he's never seen 'em before. Bear with me...
So like I said, I look up and this impossibly perfect rack bounces by, big, firm, buoyant. Damn. If they were implants there were a decent size (not monstrous) and they moved like the real thing. The girl was wearing a thin cotton top like a long-sleeve black t-shirt. It was skin-tight and low-cut. I mean, I was seeing a lot of flesh. And they stuck out at least a foot from her body.
Of course I tried not to get busted looking since she'd probably roll her eyes and think, "Like, men are SO immaCHOOR," while practically holding her nekkid boobies in her hands for everyone to see.
She walked into my building.
Now my question is this. I work in a building housing banking and other financing concerns. There are no massage parlors or photo studios or anything else I could think of that could explain why that girl was dressed the way she was.
Why would she dress like that at the office knowing that every single guy who isn't a religious fanatic or someone undergoing unwitting chemical castration from his wife is going to stare at her tits and swallow loudly as the saliva glands come alive and that primitive suckling urge kicks in?
Seriously, Ubergirls, would you dress like that to work? If so, what would you hope to accomplish? You want to spend X number of years in college getting a degree and then get hired just because you have a nice rack? Would you feel good about getting a raise from a boss who spent more time staring at your tits than giving you actual work?
And don't give me that, 'She's dressing for herself,' crap either. If that was the case she would wear comfortable sweats and not a bra under more stress than the load bearing cables on the Golden Gate Bridge. I mean, these things were a nice size but theye weren't huge, yet they were racked up there, like just under her jaw.
As I guy I can't relate to this mindset at all, so to try and get a better understanding of the whole situation, tomorrow I'll come into the office wearing nothing but my BatchMan Gripper3000™ Lycra biking shorts.
I'll let you know how it goes.
User Reviews
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-01-03 16:54:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2007-01-03 16:43:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
I would have NO problem getting ahead with my breasts if that was a possibility. It wouldn't bug me as I know I am not only boobs so any assumptions people would make about my intellect would be only that, an assumption.
Alas, I was not gifted with such talented breasts so I will have to settle for blowing clients in my office.
--
Now THAT'S the kind of spirit that made this country great!
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2007-01-03 16:43:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I would have NO problem getting ahead with my breasts if that was a possibility. It wouldn't bug me as I know I am not only boobs so any assumptions people would make about my intellect would be only that, an assumption.
Alas, I was not gifted with such talented breasts so I will have to settle for blowing clients in my office.
Submitted by Coyote (user info) at 2007-01-03 16:20:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
If they stuck out a foot from her body, they were monstrous... as in like an L cup or similarly outrageous.
Keep in mind the average grapefruit is 5 inches in diameter, and that corresponds to a DDD cup in US bra-sizing, which can also be called an F depending on bra manufacturer or an E, rarely (more common in the UK).
In boobies, as in all else, precision is to be desired. '
Ask to measure, for the sake of accuracy.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-01-03 15:59:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No problem pal. Of course it's easy to toss out -2s when you don't have the balls to post anything on your own.
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-01-03 15:40:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Everything you ever wanted to know about Zebra
User id: 29369
Registered on or around: 2006-11-25 13:34:37
# Messages posted: 0
# Reviews written: 65
# Times these posts have been reviewed : 0
# Hits: 0
Average rating of all messages: 0.00
Thanks for the link.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-11-22 12:45:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
She probably had low self esteem. Or maybe she was just a skank.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-11-22 12:31:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
if i had a rack, and it wouldn't get me fired, i'd show it off.
she could just be in to blow someone ya know. lunchtime under/over/around the desk quickie.
Submitted by homer42 (user info) at 2006-11-22 12:18:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Mine too... It's a shame.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-11-21 19:28:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
My company has a very strict sexual harassment policy - they don't hire anybody that you would want to sexually harass.
Submitted by homer42 (user info) at 2006-11-22 12:10:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"Okay, Ax. How about a slender girl wearing a see-through top that shows off her bra... in a meeting at work? I mean, come on. The boss is blabbing about performance and all you can do is look at the floor or be mesmerized by those little lacy cups.
WHAT is the point of all that? Are women trying to distract the shit out of men so they can slowly take over the workplace? "
Yes, they are, and it's working. It's so much easier than I don't know... DOING WORK. Don't you think?
Submitted by homer42 (user info) at 2006-11-22 12:08:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by kuroneko_sama (user info) at 2006-11-22 11:13:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
chicks jsut need to be glad we are looking with appeal instead of gasping in fright or laughing.
nothing drove that point further than being at a concert and hearing a crowd chant "put them back" at an ugly chick
this was before and after a barrage of hot lesbian flash and kiss ... the crowd was cool, the chick was a dog..
i even heard a guy say he "expected to see 6 of em"
so yeah, just be glad we care ladies
Submitted by august_sobriquet (user info) at 2006-11-22 09:55:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
as a late comer to this conversation, let me clear this all up now. Women do actually like it when they are ogled and made to feel sexy. Just not by ugly, creepy, or desperate dudes. also, a little subtlety goes a long way. even if you are ugly creepy and desperate.
Another thing is that women don't really understand how strongly men are drawn to this visual aspect. I really think it is a major difference in the sexes. They may think they get it, but they don't not really. I mean, honestly this may seem like a really silly, long drawn out review, but I don't care.
Women dress in a way that is comfortable to them and to a woman, it's the same old body- tits, ass and all. It is old hat. I think why some women get offended is that in this modern world, we are trying to erase the differences that exist between men and women. Equality and all that. Which is good, but there are things that are hard wired. So a woman thinks, hey I am just a person going about my business, and dressing comfortably in these cute clothes. A man feels when he sees her, whoa, look at the hot mama with all her forbidden fruit hangin out all over, I wanna try to impregnate her. That's how we are going, what, 6 billion strong?
This is probably the fault of both, the woman for not acknowledging this basic primal urge that men have, and men not really being able to control it very well, still.
possibly.
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2006-11-22 07:44:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I only ogle wonderful mature women.
I don't care if I get busted because they usually smile at me.
No harm in looking Jack. Women should feel good that they are appreciated
Submitted by Wazza (user info) at 2006-11-22 05:10:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Seems to me you blokes are terribly fucking frustrated,maybe if ya spent a lot more time fucking instead of lookin ,ya all may be a little better in the head.
Submitted by KindaNews (user info) at 2006-11-22 04:49:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/96044
Submitted by sizzlemctwizzle (user info) at 2006-11-21 23:43:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
because she's a prostitute is my guess
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-11-21 22:00:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Irregardless, I stand by my original point.
And when I want a grammar lesson, I'll call Miss fucking Manners.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-21 21:27:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-11-21 20:27:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-11-21 19:42:53 (#)
Ranking: 1
Jack- Surrender. That broad was out of your league, for a myriad of reasons, the least of which she wasn't being wheeled in in a wheel chair. """
one doesn't use 'of' after the word myriad.
it is a pet hate of mine.
it's just 'myriad reasons'.
i know i am a loser.
--
Funny how little things like that can be so annoying.
I still find the continued use of irregardless to be, um, very unique.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-11-21 20:27:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-11-21 19:42:53 (#)
Ranking: 1
Jack- Surrender. That broad was out of your league, for a myriad of reasons, the least of which she wasn't being wheeled in in a wheel chair. """
one doesn't use 'of' after the word myriad.
it is a pet hate of mine.
it's just 'myriad reasons'.
i know i am a loser.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-11-21 20:19:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Right. Women wear thin blouses and thin bras so their nipples are not only obvious,
but you can see the coloring of the areola through the blouse. If they see you looking they raise holy hell. Fuck them all. If you don't want your tits looked at, wear a sweatshirt. If you don't want your ass looked at, wear a baggy skirt. Or cut off your ass and your tits. Stop being a fucking tease to get men to look at you and them bitching because they look. Fuckin'sluts...
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-11-21 20:04:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-11-21 19:28:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
My company has a very strict sexual harassment policy - they don't hire anybody that you would want to sexually harass."
mine too, man. weep.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-11-21 19:42:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Jack- Surrender. That broad was out of your league, for a myriad of reasons, the least of which she wasn't being wheeled in in a wheel chair.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-11-21 19:28:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My company has a very strict sexual harassment policy - they don't hire anybody that you would want to sexually harass.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2006-11-21 19:25:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Just because it's there doesn't mean you have to look at it
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-21 18:45:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2006-11-21 18:31:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, and fuck you, Jack!
You didn't vote for me.
If I lose this round, it's all your fault.
--
Anybody got a baby wipe or a damp cloth?
I'm covered in vitriol over here.
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2006-11-21 18:31:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, and fuck you, Jack!
You didn't vote for me.
If I lose this round, it's all your fault.
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2006-11-21 18:31:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
<boner>
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-21 18:04:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I never get credit for my file names.
*sob*
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-11-21 17:54:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*shrug* little girls like lookin pretty. it goes a lot deeper and gets a lot darker than that, but that's the basic idea
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-11-21 17:34:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
(and he's not my boss anymore)
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-11-21 17:33:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-11-21 17:21:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
you know what is WORSE?
When you AREN'T dressed in any way provocatively and your boss asks a question and then doesn't hear the answer because he's alternately obviously staring at your tits and ass.
It's CREEPY!!!
and no, I don't want to be hired for my mammories..
----
Thaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaanks for the mammaries
Of jubblies bound in bras
Nipples on ta-tas
Those globes so round, each half a pound
Made me cry for mama
How lucky I was
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-21 17:33:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Crystle, I'll look when a cute girl walks by my desk, but the thought of someone staring at ONE area for MINUTES... That's pretty fucking creepy shit.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-11-21 17:33:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you're gay, Jack?
how ghey
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-21 17:31:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
ubmitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-11-21 17:25:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
and to temper that: I don't mind a little glance from guys now and then, I think it's probably natural and for the most part they aren't overly objectifying me.
But when the for all intents and purposes gay boss (except for the plastic wife and teen-age rebel sons) is OBVIOUSLY for minutes at a time staring at very specific anatomy parts..
<shiver>
--
Wait a minute... that's...
GET BACK TO WORK THIS INSTANT!!!
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-11-21 17:25:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
and to temper that: I don't mind a little glance from guys now and then, I think it's probably natural and for the most part they aren't overly objectifying me.
But when the for all intents and purposes gay boss (except for the plastic wife and teen-age rebel sons) is OBVIOUSLY for minutes at a time staring at very specific anatomy parts..
<shiver>
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-11-21 17:21:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you know what is WORSE?
When you AREN'T dressed in any way provocatively and your boss asks a question and then doesn't hear the answer because he's alternately obviously staring at your tits and ass.
It's CREEPY!!!
and no, I don't want to be hired for my mammories..
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-21 17:21:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-11-21 17:20:04 (#)
Ranking: 2
I've considered designing pants that have a built in bulge on the opposite side of the direction you usually fall to. So if you're a left-bulger there'll be a dummy cock on the right, and vice versa. This way you're always covered, just in case.
Maybe the fake dick'd have a bottle opener on its tip, too. Y'know, to make it practical as well as handy.
--
Fill it with lead shot. Anybody fucks with you, you got a sap ready to go.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-11-21 17:20:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I've considered designing pants that have a built in bulge on the opposite side of the direction you usually fall to. So if you're a left-bulger there'll be a dummy cock on the right, and vice versa. This way you're always covered, just in case.
Maybe the fake dick'd have a bottle opener on its tip, too. Y'know, to make it practical as well as handy.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-21 17:14:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
True enough, O.
Worse is when something sets you off and you're at DEFCON 3 for forty-five minutes with a fuckin semi and it's like you're walking around the office with a sock full of sand down your pants. I mean, come on, dick! One way or the other, huh?
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-11-21 17:14:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I also don't understand why a woman would come to the office dressed like she's about to go "clubbing" or something. No one is listening to your report, tits, because you are about to bust right out of that top.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-11-21 17:11:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I don't know why some women don't expect stares and even go so far as to be offended by them. I am completely aware of the consequences whenever I put on a low-cut top, and my tits aren't even that big.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-11-21 17:01:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It really is awkward sometimes. Women don't really appreciate this. "Rur rur rur, but we have high beams from time to time!" Whatever. I can be up at a meeting and all of a sudden - sproooooooong. WTF? Then I've got to find something large enough to comfortably hold around my belt area without it looking too obvious. Coffee mug? Yeah, no.
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2006-11-21 17:00:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jack's back.
Submitted by Dolson (user info) at 2006-11-21 16:57:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Like, men are SO immaCHOOR.
---------------------------------------
It would suck to be anything else.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-21 16:56:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-11-21 16:51:04 (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for the title. I wish I'd thought of it.
--
PS- The words pop into my head whenever it's a warm and sunny day here in SF. Yeah, it's fag heaven here, which is probably why some girls go so over the top in under-dressing, so to speak. Limited supply of straight men = heated attempts to be noticed.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-21 16:54:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-11-21 16:51:04 (#)
Ranking: 2
Attention, man.
It's why I don't cover up when I'm sporting Accidental During-the-Day Mahogany™ and walking back to my desk. Everyone likes to be looked at, and everyone likes to catch people looking.
--
And here I've been carrying the same motherfucking copy of Popular Mechanics around (just in case) for the last 18 months... Damn it, I have to buy something recent.
I wouldn't want to set off a riot.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-11-21 16:52:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-11-21 16:48:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
Now my question is this. I work in a building housing banking and other financing concerns.
-------
CEO's getting a prostate massage
---
I could go for one of those right now.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-11-21 16:51:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Attention, man.
It's why I don't cover up when I'm sporting Accidental During-the-Day Mahogany™ and walking back to my desk. Everyone likes to be looked at, and everyone likes to catch people looking.
+2 for the title. I wish I'd thought of it.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-21 16:50:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-11-21 16:48:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
Now my question is this. I work in a building housing banking and other financing concerns.
-------
CEO's getting a prostate massage
--
Speaking of which...
Have you heard the new line Shlongy is springing on Uberusers when he meets them for drinks?
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-21 16:49:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-11-21 16:41:44 (#)
Ranking: 1
I prefer the smaller breasts, but as a highly-genteel masculine-secure coke-snorting top-hat-wearing gentleman I appreciate your point.
--
Okay, Ax. How about a slender girl wearing a see-through top that shows off her bra... in a meeting at work? I mean, come on. The boss is blabbing about performance and all you can do is look at the floor or be mesmerized by those little lacy cups.
WHAT is the point of all that? Are women trying to distract the shit out of men so they can slowly take over the workplace?
*cutie in low-cut top bends over* "Sign here, Mr. Sir."
*Mr. Sir, hiding the bulge in his pants with a copy of the annual report* "Sure."
*Signs.*
"Uh, Sally, what was that?"
"This? Oh, you just made me your new boss." *giggles and pulls on a frumpy sweatshirt.*
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-11-21 16:48:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Now my question is this. I work in a building housing banking and other financing concerns.
-------
CEO's getting a prostate massage
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-21 16:44:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by a_little_more_time (user info) at 2006-11-21 16:42:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
If she comes in tomorrow, walk up to her, tell her you're the Mambo King, and play those sweater cows like bongos.
That's instant date material.
[in like flint]
--
I tried that once.
The resulting eyepatch and facial scars are the reason I've never done a camwhore on Uber.
Submitted by a_little_more_time (user info) at 2006-11-21 16:42:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If she comes in tomorrow, walk up to her, tell her you're the Mambo King, and play those sweater cows like bongos.
That's instant date material.
[in like flint]
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-11-21 16:41:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I prefer the smaller breasts, but as a highly-genteel masculine-secure coke-snorting top-hat-wearing gentleman I appreciate your point.
Submitted by beauxjizzle (user info) at 2006-11-21 16:40:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
because she's a dirty fucking whore and she needs to get AIDS... and fast!