Turducken Fuckin' (650 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.35 on 31 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Orgasmatron (View user info) at 2006-11-22 12:47:41 EST
John Madden woke up on a Thanksgiving morn - oh yes
John Madden woke up on a Thanksgiving morn - oh yes
He showered and he shaved to the sound of the alarm
Then he hopped into his SUV and headed to a farm
Well John Madden woke up on Thanksgiving morn - oh yes, oh yes, oh yes
John Madden bought some livestock on the farm - oh yes
John Madden bought some livestock on the farm - oh yes
Three fair fowls and a piglet in a sack
Then he drove straight home with feathers flyin' in the back
Well John Madden bought some livestock on the farm - oh yes, oh yes, oh yes
[guitar solo]
John Madden pulled the little pig out of the sack - oh yes
John Madden pulled the little pig out of the sack - oh yes
He said "Hey there, pig, I've got a treat you're gonna love"
Then he dropped his pants and pulled the piglet down upon his pud
Well John Madden pulled the little pig out of the sack - oh yes, oh yes, oh yes
John Madden choked the squealing piglet on his pud - oh yes
John Madden choked the squealing piglet on his pud - oh yes
He fucked it in the toilet and he drowned it till it died
Then he flushed and wiped the pigblood from his fat and pasty thighs
Well John Madden choked the squealing piglet on his pud - oh yes, oh yes, oh yes
John Madden grabbed the baby pig by both its thighs - oh yes
John Madden grabbed the baby pig by both its thighs - oh yes
He sliced it and he cut it into little bitty strips
Then he heated up a skillet as he licked his wrinkled lips
Well John Madden grabbed the baby pig by both its thighs - oh yes, oh yes, oh yes
John Madden eyed the chicken as he licked his lips - oh yes
John Madden eyed the chicken as he licked his lips - oh yes
The bird it tried to run away but Madden was too quick
And a second sorry animal was pierced by Madden's dick
Well John Madden eyed the chicken as he licked his lips - oh yes, oh yes, oh yes
John Madden split the chicken's insides with his dick - oh yes
John Madden split the chicken's insides with his dick - oh yes
With bacon in his nostrils, Madden wanted more to fuck
So he found another fowl and stuck his bird-wang in the duck
Well John Madden split the chicken's insides with his dick - oh yes, oh yes, oh yes
[banjo solo]
John Madden grabbed the wings and held the little duck - oh yes
John Madden grabbed the wings and held the little duck - oh yes
With a beak inside its rectum and a fat man's grip held tight
The honking mallard breathed its last and Madden screamed "All right!"
Well John Madden grabbed the wings and held the little duck - oh yes, oh yes, oh yes
John Madden spied the turkey running to the right - oh yes
John Madden spied the turkey running to the right - oh yes
With his duckin-cock a-floppin' naked Madden cut the pass
Spread the turkey from behind and slid the hangdown in its ass
Well John Madden spied the turkey running to the right - oh yes, oh yes, oh yes
John Madden watched the turkey bleed from out the ass - oh yes
John Madden watched the turkey bleed from out the ass - oh yes
He brained the gobbling creature and withdrew the smothered birds
And each one wore the other's colon lining, stink, and turds
Well John Madden watched the turkey bleed from out the ass - oh yes, oh yes, oh yes
[jug solo w/ washboard accompaniment]
John Madden plucked all of the feathers off the birds - oh yes
John Madden plucked all of the feathers off the birds - oh yes
He made sure they were ready for the oven, stuffed 'em back
The chicken in the duck, the duck inside the turkey's crack
Well John Madden plucked all of the feathers off the birds - oh yes, oh yes, oh yes
John Madden shot his load across the turkey's crack - oh yes
John Madden shot his load across the turkey's crack - oh yes
He bellowed as he sealed shut the gaping wound he'd formed
Then he laid the strips of bacon on the janx to keep it warm
Well John Madden shot his load across the turkey's crack - oh yes, oh yes, oh yes
John Madden cooked it till the nipple said it's warm - oh yes
John Madden cooked it till the nipple said it's warm - oh yes
It popped out of the feast and Madden gave a little squeal
Then he called his family to the table for the evening meal
Well John Madden cooked it till the nipple said it's warm - oh yes, oh yes, oh yes
John Madden's family asked him how he cooked the food - oh yes
John Madden's family asked him how he cooked the food - oh yes
He lied and said he learned a trick or two back in the day
And they laughed and ate it up and threw the carcasses away
Well John Madden's family asked him how he cooked the food - oh yes, oh yes, oh yes
[fiddle solo]
John Madden felt himself get sick the foll'wing day - oh noes
John Madden felt himself get sick the foll'wing day - oh noes
He should have checked the farm he bought the poultry from, the fool
For the turkey, duck and chicken were all riddled with bird flu
Well John Madden felt himself get sick the foll'wing day - oh noes, oh noes, oh noes
[guitar solo]
John Madden died and all the doctors blamed the flu - oh yes
John Madden died and all the doctors blamed the flu - oh yes
All the papers ran the story: "Madden's raping brought him down"
His celebrity was shattered as the news spread through the town
Well John Madden died and all the doctors blamed the flu - oh yes, oh yes, oh yes
John Madden's buried with six headstones by his grave - oh yes
John Madden's buried with six headstones by his grave - oh yes
Children if you're gonna fuck a bird, make sure it's clean
Or you'll wind up dead and miss the greatest meal you've ever seen
Now John Madden's buried with six headstones by his grave - oh yes, oh yes, oh yes
User Reviews
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2006-11-23 00:52:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
John Madden cooked it till the nipple said it's warm - oh yes
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2006-11-22 22:38:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Those things are fucking hard to fix.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-11-22 22:17:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I love that bit in King-Kong (etc) with the filthy, filthy slide guitar and it sounds like he's losing his mind. Funny stuff.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-11-22 21:44:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Happy Thanksgiving, Daddy-O.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-22 15:00:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
As Christopher Reeves' Superman said to Gen Hackman's Lex Luthor...
"You diseased maniac."
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-11-22 14:52:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm partial to the dylan version, myself.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-11-22 14:45:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
not really up to par, please accept this complementary reach-around
Submitted by jack11058 (user info) at 2006-11-22 14:28:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
auto jug solo +2
Submitted by homer42 (user info) at 2006-11-22 14:26:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-11-22 14:23:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Moo.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-11-22 14:10:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
More cowbell.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-11-22 14:06:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-11-22 13:35:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I was watching football one or two Thanksgiving's ago and I saw him cut one open with his bare hands. It was disgusting.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-11-22 13:33:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hrm
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-11-22 13:27:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"Froggie Went A-Courtin'" - recently featured on Springsteen's Seeger Sessions CD:
Mr Froggy went a-courtin' and he did ride, uh-huh
Mr Froggy went a-courtin' and he did ride, uh-huh
Froggy went a-courtin' and he did ride
A sword and pistol by his side, uh- huh, uh-huh, uh-huh
He went down to Miss Mousie's door, uh-huh
He went down to Miss Mousie's door, uh-huh
He went down to Miss Mousie's door
Where he had often been before, uh huh, uh-huh, uh-huh
And so on.
And so on.
Also done by the For Awesome Nick Cave in his song "King Kong Kitchee Kitchee Ki-Mi-O."
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-11-22 13:26:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Uncle Rat gave his consent, uh-huh
Uncle Rat gave his consent, uh-huh
Uncle Rat gave his consent,
The weasel wrote the publishment,
Uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh.
Submitted by ahumblefool (user info) at 2006-11-22 13:24:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Becareful man! You might push me over 100,000 hits. Then I will have to start writting again to get over 200,000. Then leave my wife and kids to get over 300,000. Sell my soul to the devil for 400,000. Then committ Uber suicide to reach 500,000.
It's to much pressure O, I just... can't... handle it!
Submitted by ahumblefool (user info) at 2006-11-22 13:21:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What ol folk song is it?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-11-22 13:20:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The song predates even you, my good, humble man.
Old folk song.
Today is Day 2 of my "Give ahumblefool +2s on all his post" campaign. Ten more shall receive my blessing for yesterday's poetic love from you.
Submitted by ahumblefool (user info) at 2006-11-22 13:16:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Nah, last years was ten times better. Maybe it is because I am old and do not know the song? Is it a made up tune or one from the radio? See how hip I am, you know, a radio.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-11-22 13:12:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I like that song. I think I will listen to it on the way home.
This could be another CaptianThorns request.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-11-22 13:09:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It started off with "oh yes" repeating three times at the end of each line, but the more I sang it in my head the more it wound up sounding like Frog/Courtin'.
Use that if you'd like. Give it a go at your desk, or home, or wherever you are.
SING IT PROUD, BITCHES.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-11-22 13:07:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Ok, is this based on "froggie went a' courtin'" or some other song?
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-11-22 13:06:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
If you stick John Madden with a fork, he bleeds Velveeta.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-11-22 13:03:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It's no "Gobble, Gobble Beak and Wottle," but man it's got SOUL.
And yeah, I totally forgot about the spoons and the accordion.
Lame.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-11-22 12:58:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd hit it
The turkey not the boy
Well... maybe the boy too
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-11-22 12:55:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Did nothing for me.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-11-22 12:53:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
...
...
...
HOT
NEEDS MORE SOUNDTRACK
Now I have dueling banjos in my head.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-11-22 12:52:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
<pssst - you forgot the harmonica solo>
<and the accordian solo, accompanied by spoons>
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-11-22 12:51:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
[banjo solo]
Submitted by beauxjizzle (user info) at 2006-11-22 12:50:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i made the same face as that kid the first time i saw a shaved pussy