I don't care if you eat my food, just as long as we get to spoon afterwards OK? (Adventures of an Aspiring Flatmate Pt. 3) (1041 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.31 on 24 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by I_can_get_you_a_toe (View user info) at 2006-11-29 09:22:59 EST
Part 1: http://www.ubersite.com/m/93625
Part 2: http://www.ubersite.com/m/94647
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I was now sharing a house with two other people, the musician guy that owned the house and his girlfriend (a.k.a. the cheese stealer). And while we seemed to be getting along great, we were no where near the level of friendship where I would be able to start asking to borrow money. But nonetheless we were cruising along nicely.
I was slowly but surely learning the ins and outs of communal living, my misconceptions about the unspoken rules of house-sharing were being confronted one by one.
One such misconception was bathroom etiquette between house-mates - which means there is no such thing.
The cheese stealer and I both started work the same time each morning, which meant conflict with sharing the shower / bathroom.
It took me a few days after she moved in to realise that the unspoken rule concerning morning time in the bathroom was only this 'It was all for yourselves bitches!'
If I didn't get out of bed early enough to get in front of one of her 30 minute showers, it was off to work with fuzzy teeth, bad breath and a full bladder. Work sucks enough without having to worry about peeling the skin of someones face with your horrendous hangover breath.
Also, the toilet seat must always be down - no matter if there are 15 guys and only one girl - toilet seat is always down. Always.
And the bead looking things that hang in the shower that you think are bath oils - don't touch them. Ever.
One downfall of the big, spacious, filthy house I lived in was that the toilet and shower were in the same room, and I'm about to pass along an important lesson to you folks. If you are about to step into the shower, never under any circumstances, let your flatmate quickly 'pop in to use the loo' Because chances are they'll take a shit and no matter how long you wait after, the steam from the shower will pick up whatever trace smells are lingering and assault your nostrils and ruin your overall shower experience. (unless of course, smelling other people's bowel movements is something you're in to....... Which I'm not...... I promise.............)
There weren't any really big changes though, just the little things, like having to hide all your good food in your room - especially the peanut butter, it's always the first to go.
And not being able to crank up the stereo and listen to music whenever you feel like it, and the complete and utter lack of privacy that only comes with living with other people - I was finding out things about these barely known people that thier own friends didn't even know, I knew thier morning rituals and what particular times to leave them alone. ( Note to self - when the bed springs are squeaking, this is NOT an invitation to pop your head in the door to 'see what's happening')
However things were doing well, until I was informed that there would be a new addition to the household.
I wasn't really told much about the new flattie and the following is what I gleaned from countless hours lurking outside the bedroom door of my flatmates;
My new flatmate was a girl.
I must admit that I was a bit apprehensive in the days leading up to her arrival, at present we had a no-so-dynamic trio thing going and I really didn't think that we could enlarge this to a not- so-dynamic four...o.
It turned out my worries were unfounded as she had already been living with us for a month before I even realised.
Whenever I walked past her room, I just assumed she was slowly moving her way in, acclimatising you could say, I just plain never saw her.
Even my cat was still crapping in her wardrobe and instead of cleaning it up I would just cut up that section of carpet and throw it out. I could get away with this because the carpet was pretty crusty anyway, I once spilt Coca Cola on my floor and when I went to clean it I couldn't find the stain, and my carpet is white.
I first met my new flatmate 1 month and 1 week after she moved in, where I soon learned that she was an air hostess and hardly ever in the country.
It was a Wednesday night and when I stepped in after work, the musician and the air hostess had already gone through a bottle of tequila.
Cautiously I walked over and introduced myself - I think she said 'Hi' back, and then she slurred something which I took to mean 'help yourself to my duty free tequila' so I did.
The events of that night are pleasantly murky, I do remember sitting in a circle of 3, passing the third bottle of tequila around trying to sing 'Old MacDonald had farm - only problem was we couldn't figure out how the rest of it went.
So we kept singing over and over again - 'Old MacDonald had a farm......... then we would sit in confusion trying to figure out how the damn song ended.
The air hostess solved our crisis by piping up "I've got it! 'Old MacDonald had a farm.......and Bingo was his name-o'".
Yes! That was it! So we all gave each other high fives - Wayne's World styles.
Thank you duty free alcohol - Thank you.
User Reviews
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-12-04 15:03:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-11-29 02:13:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Just gonna finish this off before bed, with no bad jokes.
Submitted by ArnieGeddon (user info) at 2007-11-05 18:58:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://english.aljazeera.net/NR/exeres/F93C150C-1446-492B-93B8-D930C6EE8412.htm
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-11-05 09:19:52 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
RETALITORY -2 WOOOO!!
Submitted by snag (user info) at 2007-05-16 09:41:25 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by hugafriend (user info) at 2007-04-06 13:57:35 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Tracer0351 (user info) at 2007-04-03 17:23:50 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Hey, great post you fucking dipshit.
Submitted by LSD420 (user info) at 2006-12-03 11:16:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2006-12-03 11:04:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-12-03 00:57:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
not bad
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2006-11-30 18:51:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yar
Submitted by 0bnoxious (user info) at 2006-11-30 18:00:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-11-29 20:32:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
How did I miss this? My sincerest apologies.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-11-29 16:47:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
whatever, I'm entertained. continue please.
Submitted by TheCrystalShip (user info) at 2006-11-29 16:19:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Another meh.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2006-11-29 14:18:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Curiously I've forgotten the same song, but I blame Southern Comfort for that one.
Submitted by jfreakman (user info) at 2006-11-29 14:04:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
cool.
Submitted by MichelleNJ (user info) at 2006-11-29 13:41:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Reminds me of Grimm and his "Dude Upstairs" stories. They were rather entertaining... then he got a girlfriend :(
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2006-11-29 10:52:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is a cool series you got going here.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2006-11-29 10:48:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I have read 'The Dude Upstairs' series - I'm a lurker from waaaaaaay back.........as in waaa......yeah.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-11-29 10:40:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No, this is good. Don't get me wrong, I'm really enjoying this little series you got going on here and I'm interested in reading more. This is remotely like grimm's stories which were alway entertaining, read up on him and you'll see how the placement of significant punchlines will help your story develop. Here, I'll link him, read his "Dude Upstairs" series:
http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?user_id=22688
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2006-11-29 10:25:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-11-29 10:14:58 (#)
Ranking: 1
I don't know, I smiled, and I'm entertained but it seems like you are adding the parts of the story at the wrong time. It also seems like had a really funny instance and should have stopped at that but instead added more story with a "BANG" ending. Oh well, I'll up this a point for making me smile
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Well it was this or 'Welcome to West Auckland - Home of the Drug Dealers and Kiddie Fiddlers'
I went with this.
Smiles are fun
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-11-29 10:14:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I don't know, I smiled, and I'm entertained but it seems like you are adding the parts of the story at the wrong time. It also seems like had a really funny instance and should have stopped at that but instead added more story with a "BANG" ending. Oh well, I'll up this a point for making me smile.
Submitted by YoMikeyA (user info) at 2006-11-29 09:53:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yea man, keep going, this storyline is uber-entertaining