Shit Devils (240 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -2 on 2 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Trevor Q.M <Trechi1st93.at.Yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2006-11-29 22:34:12 EST
Fly. 1. Any of numerous winged insects of the order Diptera; especially one of the family Muscidae, which includes the housefly and the Tsetse. 2. Any of the various other flying insects, such as the Caddis fly.
You would thin the Dictionary would have a better description for something as common as a fly, so due to its less-than-satisfactory description I am going to make my own.
Fly. 1. A common household insect that many people refer to as the 'Shit Devil', since it seems to be attracted to feces.
That seems to fit the little pests a bit better.
My family had three cats in the house several years ago, and I'm sure lots of people know what that means. Yes, lots and lots of shit and piss. Fortunately enough, we no longer have anymore of those piss monsters left in the house. What happened to them in short; we gave one away, one died, and the other one pissed too many times, earning her a spot on the back porch. The amount of mice, rats, and flies has drastically increased since then.
Since we got rid of the cats we put down several oriental carpets to cover the stains and smother the smell. It actually worked quite well, but the carpets had to go, as the smell started to creep up through the ugly thing.
That happened several days ago, and since then we have been getting an assload of flies. Normally I wouldn't mind, but when I walk into the kitchen and see several dozen swarming near the trashcan, something has to be done.
So I ignore the flies for the time being and start making my food, bean dip. I dump the beans, add water, and go help my mom with the Christmas tree for a minute. I hear the familiar bubbling of beans and go stir them. As I'm stirring, a little black object flies before my eyes, hovers over the pan for a second taunting me, then drops down into my food.
Horror strikes me as I unleash screams of agony. I think of all the disgusting things that little creature must have touched through its short life. Several seconds pass before the Devil flies from the pan to join his swarm of buddies at the trashcan party. I can almost hear them laughing at me.
That was it. I turn the heat low, put a top over the pan, and grab a fly swatter from a nearby chair. As I walk to the Devils several of them lose their balls and fly past me in fear, I ignore them. I raise my arm and start swinging wildly at the large group, hitting several at a time. As a small pile starts to form I let the now horribly crooked fly swatter rest at my side.
"Your death was not in vain." I say to the fly swatter.
I laugh maniacally for several minutes before stopping to catch my breath and grin at the pile at my feet.
"Who's laughing now, bitches?" I ask the flies.
Now I'm not much of a hunter because I'm a vegetarian, but I think I may be seeing the future.
I see myself as a grizzly old man with a wild beard sitting at my front porch. I have several cans of insect killer, two fly swatters, and a 12 gauge shotgun. Now then someone walks up to me.
"Hey buddy, what'cha doin'?" They ask.
"Hunting."
User Reviews
Submitted by Trevor1st93 (user info) at 2006-11-29 22:53:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-11-29 22:50:43 (#)
Ranking: -2
You said vegetarian, but I'm sure you meant faggot.
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I knew I should have left that part out when I saw your name looming around Ubersite.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-11-29 22:50:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You said vegetarian, but I'm sure you meant faggot.