Whoa! Is this office romance? (812 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.16 on 32 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Tech-junkie (View user info) at 2006-11-30 01:50:06 EST
Yes, it's been 6+ months since I've last submitted. Long story short, I joined the Army, got trained, and now I'm home with my National Guard unit, due to go to Iraq in '09 (maybe '08, if Bush keeps shooting himself in the foot). Interesting? Thought not.
Anyways, I'm writing this on a day that saw some weird new things happen in my life. When I'm not playing Army with the National Guard, I work a good job at a Fortune 500 company. My job is to call up new customers and advise them on how we do business, and then try to get that magic item sold in as they're getting set up. Do I have a quota? Hell yes, but it's gravy (at least to me). As a result, I've achieved a somewhat celebrity status among the upper management at the call center. I'm the 20-something year old whippersnapper that came in and took off right out of the gate.
Well, right across from my cubicle is a rather attractive blonde chick (we'll call her Candi) that I would probably go for, except for the fact that I'm married, she's married, and I'm 24 and she's 33. After I got back from National Guard training, when my cube was moved to right across from hers and I was like "SCORE! But the look-don't touch rule is in effect here, big time". And so, I go about my job, occasionally asking her job-related questions.
Anyways, things start to get "heavier", if you want to call it that. Every morning when I come in, she started saying, "Good morning, Adam", which is totally innocent to me, but then as time goes on (over the course of a few weeks), she starts asking me personal questions about how the Army was, etc, which I still don't think too much of. Then she starts asking me more personal questions like when my wife and I want to have kids. I tell her, "She'll probably come off the pill next year, but we're not too sure." She comes back with, "Watch out. I came off the pill and I was pregnant in three weeks, rest assured I'm back on it now!" Umm, ok? I reply with a generic "Oh? wow."
So time goes by, and the morning greetings continues, but she's getting more high pitched when she says "Good morning Adam". I get called up for a two week exercise with my National Guard unit, and I come back. First thing she says is: "Adam!!" (in a VERY cheerful voice)
Here's where it starts to get good. About 20 of the top salespeople in our call center were offered a temporary position on the Account Acquisition team for about 3 months. Who would have thought, Candi and I were each offered a position. Candi accepted, and I, not knowing what the fuck I was getting into, did the same. I had no fucking clue what Account Acquisition did. Turns out they cold call competitive businesses and try to get them to convert to ours. I went from being the guy who helped getting customers set up to some fucking telemarketer who harassed businesses.
Yesterday was first day, and I came home on the verge of tears. Needless to say, going back today put me in a very ill mood from the getgo.
Here's where I get to the inspiration for this post. All 20 people had gotten good hot leads that wanted to see what we had to offer, except me. Both yesterday and today, I was rolling the donut, zero, zip. I'd been hung up on, cussed out, put on hold just as a cruel joke, etc. Needless to say, it put me in a rotten mood and I was miserable.
All of sudden the most amazing, soothing feeling rushed through my shoulders and back. I look back and Candi standing over me giving a MASSAGE. I immediately look down at my wife's picture, but then think, "Man, I need this."
She asks, "Am I bugging you?"
I say, "No, I appreciate the help."
She says, "Hmmm, so tense."
I say, "I'll give you three guesses why, but you only need one".
Basically, I tried to keep the conversation as platonic as possible. I had a feeling she was fishing to take our relationship (or whatever she thinks it is) to the next level, but then again, I don't want to flatter myself and think an older married woman is coming onto me. Plus I'm also a married man and wouldn't dare fuck up the great thing I have back home.
I'm just wondering what the next step here is. I figure that I'm still in safe territory where I can still play the idiot card and act like I don't think she's doing anything flirtatious, but I'm also wondering what I should do if she does something blatant. Women (and feminine men) of Uber, what's your take on this? Am I flattering myself? Or is this a sticky situation I'm in?
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-12-01 19:15:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
NO COMMINGLING OF PEENERS
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-11-30 19:06:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by beauxjizzle (user info) at 2006-11-30 10:18:30 (#)
Ranking: 0
imagine your wife going through some weird time in her life, and in a moment of weakness, giving some young guy a shoulder rub...
would you rather him turn her down, and then she realizes how stupid she'd been and comes running home to you and gives you a blowjob, or would you rather he fuck the shit out of her and then go online and write about it?
karma is a bitch.
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2006-11-30 13:42:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"Is this office romance?"
No. It cannot be officially classified as an office romance until after you've stuck it in her but.
You need not worry.
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2006-11-30 13:32:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Do her, You are young an if it goes wrong you can always get married again
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-11-30 13:17:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
how the fuck has this got a positive rating?
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2006-11-30 13:14:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I bet her cooter drags behind her when she walks.
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2006-11-30 13:06:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Plus two for the big O's poem down there. Wow.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-11-30 11:43:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2006-11-30 10:49:56 (#)
Ranking: 2
My fake name when I go out is Candi.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-11-30 11:28:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Orgasmo's poem is cracking.
as far as this forbidden Candi is concerned I would say DANGER WILL ROBINSON, DANGER!
Submitted by Adamdidit2u (user info) at 2006-11-30 11:27:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
MAN THE FUCK UP.
I can't believe that you need advice on this. You either want one or the other. Just choose you pansy.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-11-30 11:22:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2006-11-30 07:14:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
For what it's worth, here's a woman's opinion:
She's flirting. Hard. Core. Flirting.
Verbal flirting is one thing, and if your wife isn't psychotic, she shouldn't really bat an eye about it, but massages? You're playing with fire there. Even if you think you're wife wouldn't care because she's super-cool, you're wrong, she will.
---
That's the truth. I'm the most laid back girl in the world, I don't care who my man is friends with, and I don't mind hugs, etc. But a massagge... no. My first reaction would be the intense desire to pound the girl's face into soup. Not that I'd automatically resort to violence. I would just want to.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-11-30 11:09:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
haha at O.
you already stated you didn't want to fuck up what you have at home so where is the question? you already know what you need to do but are entertained by the attention and so are reluctant to do it. it's kind of a shit or get off the pot moment because if you let it simmer too long it'll assplode into something much larger.
Submitted by Abbey (user info) at 2006-11-30 11:07:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You answered your own question..."I don't want to fuck up the great thing I have at home." Then don't do it.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-11-30 10:52:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Thankfully I've already written something informative for you, The Consumer:
To AMPAM's complicated, but I'll tell you what to do:
First you find a girl who's loose and drunk and into you
Then you lay her down and slip your penos in her butt
Yeah, it soon will loosen but at first it will stay shut
Force that mother in there, work it good and deep and hard
Then pull out and offer her a taste of your petard
Hoist yourself above her, let her take you down her throat
Then move on down and stick it deep inside her lovin' moat,
Swirl that swizzlestick inside her furry, stinky eye
Pull out then and stick it back up in her anal pie
Rut and root and diddle till you learn what pleasure is
Slop it then between her lips and shoot her full of jizz
Or hold off, man - don't cum too soon - and do it all once more
She's the willing woman, man, just use her, she's the whore.
Two-man AMPAM is well-known, a complex meal to sup
You must cycle properly lest the both of you fuck up
Amateurs have tried and wound up screwing the rotation
Once the flow is broken, guess what? That's right: masturbation.
Think of it like dancing - move your partner to the right
Feel the groove and work it and you'll party through the night.
(A)ss - (M)outh - (P)ussy - (A)ss - (M)outh
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2006-11-30 10:49:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My fake name when I go out is Candi.
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2006-11-30 10:42:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Now I need to now what AMPAM stands for.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-11-30 10:27:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2006-11-30 09:59:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
Hilarity's right. And if you love your wife, you'll listen to her.
Hilarity, that is. Not your wife.
Of course, you should listen to your wife, too. Obviously. But Hilarity's right.
Additionally, no good can ever come from messing with a girl named Candi. Unless you're single and doing coke off her back before she lets you and three of your friends AMPAM the hell out of her in a limo.
Submitted by beauxjizzle (user info) at 2006-11-30 10:18:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
imagine your wife going through some weird time in her life, and in a moment of weakness, giving some young guy a shoulder rub...
would you rather him turn her down, and then she realizes how stupid she'd been and comes running home to you and gives you a blowjob, or would you rather he fuck the shit out of her and then go online and write about it?
karma is a bitch.
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2006-11-30 09:59:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hilarity's right. And if you love your wife, you'll listen to her.
Hilarity, that is. Not your wife.
Of course, you should listen to your wife, too. Obviously. But Hilarity's right.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-11-30 08:27:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fuck her rotten.
You may be getting shot at soon.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2006-11-30 08:22:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Tough one mate. You need to distance yourself from the office worker big time befor eit escalates. Never be left in the room alone with her.
Tell your wife your concerns, because if it goes pear shaped and she finds out another way you are fucked. The old chestnut of "I Believe you" when you know damn well she doesn't, isn't a good thing and lingers for a long long time.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-11-30 08:18:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
PULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR FOURTH POINT OF CONTACT, AND GO GET ME SOME BATTERIES FOR THE CHEMLITES!
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2006-11-30 07:14:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
For what it's worth, here's a woman's opinion:
She's flirting. Hard. Core. Flirting.
Verbal flirting is one thing, and if your wife isn't psychotic, she shouldn't really bat an eye about it, but massages? You're playing with fire there. Even if you think you're wife wouldn't care because she's super-cool, you're wrong, she will.
Point is, if it feels weird, then it probably is weird and you shouldn't be doing it - Listen to your instincts. If you don't stop it now, you could end up in a situation where she makes a move (tries to kiss you, touch you in your happy place, etc.), you dodge, and she then makes your life a living hell at work. She will do everything in her evil little woman brain to make you want to die on a daily basis.
If you don't want to hurt your co-worker's feelings, you could always tell her you're germaphobic or something, and say you don't liked to be touched by others.
Good luck with the whole Army thing and going to Iraq :)
Submitted by konohasaiyajin (user info) at 2006-11-30 06:03:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nail Her! Well that's coming from the 22 yr old unmarried fellow, so I'm not the best advice...
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2006-11-30 05:20:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Can someone explain this to me from the Ubersite stats page?
Messages (Last 24 Hours): 81
Reviews (Last 24 Hours): 1724
Users (Last 24 Hours): 7 <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<???????????
Why only 7?
KTHXBI-Curious
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2006-11-30 04:42:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Definately flirting, women don't tuch you unless they want your meat.
The most important question is..
Is she hotter than your wife?
Secondary is..
Does she earn more than your wife?
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-11-30 03:29:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
DON'T FUCK AROUND ON YOUR WIFE.
If it's making you feel uncomfortable, tell her. Your ego is not worth the shitstorm that'll brew up.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2006-11-30 02:40:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Do It
Film It
Post It
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-11-30 02:28:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
CHEAT ON YOUR WIFE
but dont get caught.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-11-30 02:05:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
your job sucks and she is the embodiment of its suckfulness. leave it and her behind and go do something more worthwhile. like kicking babies, or contracting aids and purposefully infecting others with it.
Submitted by jfreakman (user info) at 2006-11-30 01:59:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, she's flirting.
Or maybe not.
I wouldn't know.
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2006-11-30 01:58:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Welcome back.