Heroes of the Mundane! - I made some coffee! (644 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.55 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by awesomeface (View user info) at 2006-11-30 20:31:05 EST
So there I was at the office...six months ago...
After hearing a soft yelp of profanity I rushed into the back room only to see one of the female tellers standing helplesssly in front of an empty coffee machine.
"Help me Awesome Face!" She moaned with the back of her hand resting dramatically on her forehead.
I dashed forward with three great strides, but not before I unbuttoned my shirt revealing my bony figure encompassed in the wrinkly skin of a 70 year old woman on an 18 year old boy. I could tell my co worker was beginning to gesgate her love juice through her panties as it also seeped through her dress pants.
After further surveying the scene I noticed more things wrong with this dire situation. There was no sugar or cream in sight. I jumped with all my putrid strength to a surveying cabinet just above my head. I grabbed the silver handle and pulled forward in attempts to reveal the contents of the cabinet. After a short burst of anger I yelled a manly roar which summoned enough strength to open the door. With ninja like reflexes I grabbed the can of creamer and regular sugar both with one hand each.
I pause momentarily and turn to wink quickly at the female co worker in distress. Her nipples explode through her shirt and breast milk portrudes on to the floor.
I throw open the filter with a mighty swing of my arm and throw it into the garbage placing a neat and clean one in its stead. I opened the bottom drawer and was faced with a horrendous decision.
Premium or Colombian Roast?
I turn to my co worker. Her eyes gleam with anticipation. A wrong choice of coffee may result in me furiously stroking my penis by myself while my cat watches in confusion later that night. Which didn't happen...
A quick thought came to my head which helped me make my descision.
Nobody likes Colombian people...EVER!
White people are PREMIUM! WE are the BEST!
So I throw the premium roast into the machine and wait. The coffee and my co workers love juices drop simotaneously in perfect cohesion.
We wait...things are getting hot and so is the coffee. I can tell she wants me to ravage her and ruin her two year marriage right then and there. Because if there is a year to fuck up in your marriage, it's the second.
The coffee stops dripping, but my co worker doesn't.
"Oh thank you Awesome Face." She moans loudly. At this point her juices start to make her skin slippery and the clothes just fell off her body. We embrace tightly. "You smell so sexy!" She quacks.
"It doesn't matter where I go baby. It always smells like me."
User Reviews
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-12-01 14:42:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by drgoatcabin (user info) at 2006-12-01 13:48:48 (#)
Ranking: 1
Cool story, but Linux can lick ma white-chocolate, salty balls.
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filename?
Submitted by drgoatcabin (user info) at 2006-12-01 13:48:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Cool story, but Linux can lick ma white-chocolate, salty balls.
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2006-12-01 13:24:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
after i read this i flew to columbia to brew a fresh pot of coffee, only to splash it in everyon'es face and piss in the coffee pot.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-12-01 13:16:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Pussy.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2006-11-30 23:45:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i like...funny
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2006-11-30 23:40:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-11-30 22:30:44 (#)
Ranking: 2
Sacrilicious and St. Jimmy naked while I shove a turkey baster full of cottage cheese in your soft assholes makes me want sexy time.
__________________________
Auto +2 if you work that into your next installment of "Uber users at the Pearly Gates"
Submitted by darien_redd (user info) at 2006-11-30 23:18:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-11-30 22:30:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sacrilicious and St. Jimmy naked while I shove a turkey baster full of cottage cheese in your soft assholes makes me want sexy time.
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2006-11-30 22:05:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Exploding nipples, women who quack, this post has it all.
Picture is a bit small though.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-11-30 21:38:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This makes me want some sexy time. And coffee. No wait..coffee THEN sexy time. Yeah.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2006-11-30 21:13:47 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-11-30 20:54:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I turn to my co worker. Her eyes gleam with anticipation. A wrong choice of coffee may result in me furiously stroking my penis by myself while my cat watches in confusion later that night. Which didn't happen..."
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I've been THERE, my friend.
A close call and a MIGHTY struggle!
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-11-30 20:33:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
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