Karma is a Motherfucker - Why Was I Such a Prick in School? (1460 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.75 on 33 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by JoeyG (View user info) at 2006-12-01 11:13:30 EST
I'm not usually the kind of person who goes out to bars and drinks alone. There's something far too "washed-up alcoholic" about it.
I'll admit, I probably drink a hell of a lot more than I should, but it's usually done at parties, or bars where lots of other people are doing the same thing, which makes it alright, and not dangerous to your health in any way at all. At least it does in my book, anyway.
But some days just seem to kick you in the balls at every opportunity, and when the clock chimes 5 and you make your way home, you spy your favourite bar, and think "fuck it".
The thought that this may turn into some sort of romantic liaison was nowhere in my mind. I had one goal in mind, which was to get pleasantly shit faced, and talk crap to whatever barmaid happened to be pulling the pints and pouring the shots that evening.
About an hour and a half later, I was somewhere into my 5th pint and had just drained the whiskey chaser that I was getting with each round. The booze wasn't doing much of a job of erasing my memory of the shitty day I'd had, so I was planning on calling it quits and heading home to call out for takeaway or something.
Just as I was finishing off the dregs in the pint glass, 'You Sexy Thing' by Hot Chocolate came on the random playlist on the juke box. I looked up, about to spout some cheesy line to the barmaid about the song being wrote about her, when the front door opened, and I was faced with a hell of a blast from the past.
Walking up to the bar, looking every bit as stunning as she had 10 years ago, was my secondary school Art teacher.
Miss Evans had been the object of worship for every boy in the school (at least the straight ones, anyway). Stunning figure and sultry features, she was a sight to behold. The gallons of semen that must have been produced by her male students in thought of her must have been phenomenal.
Of course, when you're 15 years old, suave sophistication isn't one of your strongest assets. So, you end up resorting to acting like a twat most of the time, deliberately pulling stupid stunts, calling things out... basically anything that would get her to lavish attention on you. Kids would actually go out of their way to get detention with this woman.
But, thanks to stupid little things like "student - teacher relationships" and "statutory rape", she was completely untouchable.
At least, she was back then.
Now, things were different. I wasn't just some little kid who would sneak off to the bogs in the middle of her lessons and jerk off to thoughts of her wearing the latest items in the Littlewoods catalogue lingerie section. I was a real contender! She would remember me, and admit to having wild fantasies about me in the stock room when I was a kid! I would whisk her off into the sunset, and we would spend the rest of our lives making sweet, sweet love in a meadow or a haystack somewhere. I strut on over, put on my biggest smile, and went for it.
"Hey there, long time no see! How you been?"
"Um, who the hell are you?" Ok. Small setback. I'll put it down to some form of random amnesia on her part.
"Kingsdown School? Art class? Ring any bells?"
"Oh yeah! Kingsdown School! How could I not remember you!!!!!!"
"You remember me?!" I was elated.
"Seriously? No. I've taught hundreds of kids at that school, and I usually try my best to forget 'em. Why do you think I'm in here, drinking on my own like some loser?" I look down at the row of empty glasses in front of me, and know instantly that her gaze had followed mine. This could be going better, so I try a different tact.
"Well, I guess that gives us one thing in common, Miss Ev - I mean, Lucy. It is Lucy, right?"
"Yeah, it is. And come to think of it, you do seem a little familiar...."
Hot damn! I'm in there! Well, maybe not yet, but it's a good a start as I could have hoped for.
"Can I get you a drink? We can have a talk, and I'm sure I'll come flooding back to you!"
"Sure, why not. I never turn down a free drink. And I could do with the company, I guess."
I got the drinks in, and we made our way to a quiet table in the corner. I told her about what I had done since leaving school 10 years ago, and she talked her failing teaching career, which took up all her time and prevented any genuine social life. I sympathised, and nodded in the right places, and after a few more rounds, we were chatting like we'd known each other for years.
"So", I ventured, "Anything coming back about me? Anything at all?"
"Now you mention it.... hey, were you that kid who was always trying to stare down my top whenever I bent over?" She had me on this one.
"I.... I.. I guess I might have done once or twice....but hey, I was just a kid!"
"Come to think of it, you were pretty much staring at my tits the whole time, weren't you? In fact, you're even looking at them now!" I quickly lift my gaze back to eye level.
Great. I was hoping she would recall my young, boyish good looks, or my witty classroom sense of humour. Instead, she remembers I was a perv.
"Oh, come one. Who wouldn't? Look at you! You're gorgeous! Any red blooded guy who says otherwise is either gay, or lying."
"Well..... at least you're not denying it. And I guess I can take a compliment. You don't look so bad yourself. Play your cards right, and who knows, you might get a closer look later......"
A carnival erupted inside my head. Big jackpot signs lit up everywhere, and a game show host cried out "Come on down!"
We had a few more drinks, and eventually, she asked if I'd like to go back to hers for a nightcap. I restrained myself from jumping on her right there and then, and politely consented to said invitation. Fancy a fuck? Why, that'd be just splendid!
On the walk back to her place, I was practically floating. One of my childhood fantasies was about to be fulfilled! She kept talking on the way, but I was literally dragging her along as quick as I could.
"You know, there's something else I remember about you, but I can't put my finger on it..." she was starting to slur a little, and I didn't want her too drunk to be able to perform to tip top standard.
"You don't? Oh well, never mind, all in the past, come on, keep walking......" C'mon, chop fucking chop, time's a' wasting.
We arrive at her sensible one bed apartment, and she fumbles with the key for a while before getting in.
"Bedroom's through there. You go in, and get ready while... in fact...." She whispered into my ear about what was in her top drawer.
Life a man possessed, I ran into the bedroom, stripped off and rummaged in the drawer. Sure enough, there was a pair of pink fluffy handcuffs. The headboard was metal railings, so I slipped the cuffs around them, led on my back and fumbled about til I was locked in.
"Ok, I'm ready!" Oh boy, was I ready. I had a hard on the size of the Eiffel tower, and it was ready for action.
Suddenly the bedroom door swung open. Instead of the tipsy Lucy that had been presented on the way home, here stood a clearly sober Miss Evans, with the same scowl she would adopt when meting out bollockings back in school. And what was that black object in her hand?
The first flash answered my question, as she began walking around the bed, snapping pictures as she went.
"Hey, what the fuck...."
"Not so funny now, huh? Not so clever when the boot's on the other foot, is it?!"
"What the fuck are you on about?"
"I knew there was something else about you! How could I forget what you did to my little sister, Katie?"
The penny dropped. Fuck.
Katie Evans. I had forgotten all about it. The girl in our school year, who was always getting grief for having an older sister for a teacher. The girls had picked on her relentlessly, and one afternoon, they had shoved her naked out of the changing rooms into the general corridor. I happened to have a Polaroid camera on me, doing some dumbass science project.
I had taken a quick snap, not meaning any harm. In fact, when the picture had developed after about 20 seconds or so, I went to give it back to her. One of the girls had snatched it, and photocopies were all over the school within hours. The girl responsible had been suspended but it was me who had taken the picture.
"Um, I guess this kind of means the nightcap is out of the question now, right?"
"Damn right it is!"
"What are you gonna do with those pictures?"
She opened the window and threw the pictures to the wind.
"Let's just see who happens to pick them up, shall we? But hey, I might just keep this last one. Girls gotta have something to keep them warm too. And to think, I was going to fuck you silly......"
Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck!!!!! Of all the bastard fucking luck!
She let me out of the cuffs, and shoved me out of the front door, my clothes following out of the bedroom window a few moments later for me to get dressed on the front doorstep.
I'm currently saving for plastic surgery. If I can alter my appearance, I can have another go. What does she expect? After all - the slut shouldn't have been so easy to pull in the first place.........
User Reviews
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-12-04 11:09:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hah
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-12-04 09:20:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-12-03 17:52:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I had this geography teacher...oh MAN was she hot. *spurts*
Submitted by consuelo212 (user info) at 2006-12-01 22:50:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-12-01 18:50:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
well done.
No shame in losing UM to you!
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2006-12-01 18:46:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-12-01 18:45:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Karma is a motherfucker" -- reminds me of a title of one of my other stories -- "That's karma, motherfucker", about a serial arsonist dying in a house fire.
This was quite the fucking awesome.
Submitted by Sandecki (user info) at 2006-12-01 18:43:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A carnival erupted inside my head. Big jackpot signs lit up everywhere, and a game show host cried out "Come on down!"
That me laugh so hard. Auto +2
Submitted by Chillax (user info) at 2006-12-01 18:22:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Shenanigins.
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-12-01 18:16:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-12-01 12:52:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
The main drawback of attending Catholic school is no hot teachers.
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I disagree Bob. We had 2.
One was fresh out of college and only a few years older than us. She was the object of every male affection in the school. The girls hated her.
The other was slightly older, but still looking good. I think someone may have got there if only because of the fact that she was clearly insane.
Good post.
-Dave
Submitted by Defect (user info) at 2006-12-01 18:05:11 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Didn't like it.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-12-01 16:46:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-12-01 12:52:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
The main drawback of attending Catholic school is no hot teachers.
---
I had one hot nun in high school. She didn't wear a habit or anything. In fact, she wore biker boots, jeans and tight white shirts. She was 50 but looked 30 and appeared to have an ass you could split a coconut against.
Such a contradition.
No wonder I like certain poets as much as I do. Reading their words makes me remember sitting in class and watching her tits bounce as she wrote their names across the blackboard.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-12-01 16:15:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sublime.
Submitted by homer42 (user info) at 2006-12-01 15:57:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-12-01 14:29:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-12-01 13:07:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-12-01 12:52:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The main drawback of attending Catholic school is no hot teachers.
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-12-01 12:32:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-12-01 11:53:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-12-01 11:42:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
i fucked one of my old teachers.
ah.
good old Mr Brown.
--------
that made me laugh
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-12-01 12:29:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2006-12-01 11:54:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
I did screw my headmasters daughter, and I can tell you that the graffitti on the toilet walls lied
===
HAHAHAHA
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2006-12-01 12:25:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by firefly (user info) at 2006-12-01 12:18:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by beauxjizzle (user info) at 2006-12-01 11:57:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i was a prick too. nice to meet ya
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2006-12-01 11:54:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I still remember my old english teacher, I don't mean she was old old. She was gorgeous, I remember this one time when I was in the shower and I thought about her and.......
I did screw my headmasters daughter, and I can tell you that the graffitti on the toilet walls lied
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-12-01 11:53:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-12-01 11:42:41 (#)
Ranking: 2
i fucked one of my old teachers.
ah.
good old Mr Brown.
--------
that made me laugh
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-12-01 11:43:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-12-01 11:42:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i fucked one of my old teachers.
ah.
good old Mr Brown.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-12-01 11:34:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Well....there's always rape.
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2006-12-01 11:32:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for nearly fucking a teacher, well for writing about nearly fuckig a teacher.
Either way, Fucking A!
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-12-01 11:29:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2006-12-01 11:27:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You never fail to entertain. Well done!
Picture's too big though.
Submitted by Badlands (user info) at 2006-12-01 11:26:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-12-01 11:23:23 (#)
Ranking: 2
you poor bastard
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-12-01 11:23:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you poor bastard
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-12-01 11:20:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for one simple reason. You came within seconds of fucking a teacher. A hot one. Well played sir well played
*tips hat*