You DO have to grow old and you DO have to grow up so DO go fuck yourself! (2027 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: best_ever
Rating: 1.75 on 61 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by awesomeface (View user info) at 2006-12-04 15:57:31 EST
"You have to grow old but you don't have to grow up."
Ok so it has been a little over 6 years since I have heard anybody say that. But I thought about somebody saying it today and it pissed me off because somebody had to have said it today. Some trifling little prick in middle school has had to have heard it from somebody today and repeated it. The chances of me being wrong are almost equal to the chance of Ellen Degeneres making me laugh. Which is impossible.
So we are going forward on the platform that some little asshole has said that phrase today. Ok?
You with me?
Alright good. Now bear with me in the fact that I have completely forgot what I was trying to prove to you. I believe it was something along the lines of me being superior to middle school children due to a flawed and widely believed philosophy.
Well since we are talking about philosophy, I will tell you about mine. Before we continue. Go look at the title of this post. Notice the DO's are in upper capital letters and that the phrase is telling anybody who thinks otherwise to go fuck themselves.
I call this the "3 D Philosophy"
The three D's stand for
Dining
Defecating
and Dirty Sanchez's
No wait...I mean
Dine
Dash
and Dangle
You know what? Fuck the 3 D's. You seriously have to bear with me here. I already forgot my original argument and I am having a hard time coming up with the meaning for the philosophy that I just made up. And i've been living by it my whole life!
It doesn't matter that I just made up the 3 D's and that they are complete bullshit. It is still better than the "I give rimjobs to other guys and I don't have to grow up philosophy." The only people who get away with living like that are musicians, Chris Kattan, and Pee wee Herman. And Pee wee BARELY gets away with it! Chris Kattan just looks like a little fucking kid and will never look a day older than 12 albeit he has more money than I will ever fucking have. Chris Kattan is why I hate kids.
Speaking of horrendously ugly I heard somebody say two words that should never be spoken.
"Gary Busey."
After a short and exciting session of cardiac arrest I woke up swinging only to find the guilty party gone. Then it made me think. Gary Busey still sucks but he makes more than I do. All he does is show his face in movies and he gets paid. Considering his face is hideous I figured why the hell can't I be in movies? I am better looking than alot of people in the show buisiness.
-Every actor that appeared in Shaun of the Dead
-SNL's the best of Chris Kattan (the Chris Kattan parts)
uhhhhhhhh
-Hot Shots
-Hot Shots Part Deux
-Resevoir Dogs
-Pulp Fiction
-The Very Best of the Manhatan Transfers
Great...now I'm just naming movies on my shelf. For the record I do NOT own "The Very Best of the Manhattan Transfers". That was a cheap attempt at making fun of the sexual technique whereas you stick a tube in your ass as well as your partners. Then you being to exhchange diarrhea and everyone has a good time.
The more and more I continue with this post the more and more glad I am that I do not belong to the musical group "The Manhattan Transfers".
If there is anything worse than living your acting career out as a scraggly haired next door neighbor to a famous stand up comedian only to be ousted by one night of racial remarks at a comedy club then it is being apart of a band whose name in the upcoming decades will be a horribly disgusting sexual technique.Kind of like "The Manhattan Transfers".
But since I am better looking than some of the above listed people it is time that I make my appearence in show business either as a musician or actor. Only because I am good looking enough. But if I do enter the music business I better come up with a name that cannot be interpreted sexually in the future.
How about "The Golden Showers"?
User Reviews
Submitted by ozzy (user info) at 2006-12-06 03:56:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I was all et to give this a +1, and then I read maltese's review.
Good lord that was some funny shit.
Submitted by Yougotthatright (user info) at 2006-12-05 15:38:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hilfuckingarious
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-12-05 14:28:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
First post on most heated...
and it's because of maltese *shoots self in head
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-12-05 14:14:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-12-05 08:22:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The stuff that dreams are made of.
Submitted by Lisa (user info) at 2006-12-05 05:58:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is great, I had fun reading it. Even though I like Ellen.
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2006-12-05 05:08:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Random.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-12-04 22:21:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You, Maltese, and Doodles should have a menage a twat.
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2006-12-04 19:55:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Maltese rules!
Submitted by corn_nugget (user info) at 2006-12-04 19:10:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2006-12-04 18:13:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
File Width
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2006-12-04 17:59:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That comment by Maltese has left me feeling sick.
and hungry
i'm going to get some subway.
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-12-04 17:30:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Harbinger (user info) at 2006-12-04 17:23:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
HOW DO YOU SEPARATE THE GREEK MEN FROM THE BOYS?
WITH A CROWBAR
HAR HAR HAR
____________________
Method does have a tendancy to sexually molest me.
Submitted by Harbinger (user info) at 2006-12-04 17:23:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HOW DO YOU SEPARATE THE GREEK MEN FROM THE BOYS?
WITH A CROWBAR
HAR HAR HAR
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-12-04 17:00:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:59:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:52:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:52:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:52:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:52:30 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:52:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:52:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:52:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:52:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:52:08 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:52:04 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:51:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
---
For the love of God, get a life.
I'm conflicted now, I loved the psot, but Maltese pissed me off, and I don't tihnk this warrents a perfect 2
1.5
----
This wasn't going very far after 30 reviews. I was waiting for my automatic -1 from uniter.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:59:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:59:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:52:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:52:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:52:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:52:30 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:52:25 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:52:20 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:52:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:52:11 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:52:08 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:52:04 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:51:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
---
For the love of God, get a life.
I'm conflicted now, I loved the psot, but Maltese pissed me off, and I don't tihnk this warrents a perfect 2
1.5
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:59:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm listening to Neil Diamond. The world can lick my sequin-and-rhinestone bag right now.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:57:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:52:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
list.
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:52:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ever
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:52:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Best
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:52:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
the
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:52:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
enter
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:52:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
to
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:52:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
masterpiece
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:52:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:52:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
support
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:52:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:51:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Macbeth.
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:50:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:49:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
I love you more every single day.
___
I day you more love single every.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:49:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love you more every single day.
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:48:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I would love to pose at HV but I could not write anything nearly as good as this http://www.ubersite.com/m/89120
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:41:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That doesn't mean that Face can't take his spot, though.
WOOOO
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:40:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:39:26 (#)
Ranking: 2
you can be our new HighVoltage900. please change your user name to reflect this. i think VoltageFace300 will do nicely. yes. it's settled
fophair seems to have gone missing anyway.
---
He has been wounded. His feelings have been hurt by another.
But no worries. I'll have something soon that'll bring him back around.
Oh yes I will.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:39:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you can be our new HighVoltage900. please change your user name to reflect this. i think VoltageFace300 will do nicely. yes. it's settled
fophair seems to have gone missing anyway.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:38:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DudeThatsBOSH (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:26:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
concur
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:25:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i love hot 80s sluts, especially with blue eyeshadow
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:22:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
yes O-tron that sounds about right
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:21:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Face - http://www.ubersite.com/m/95710
Submitted by Kracka (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:21:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
if anyone can pull of the pink puppet show with a significant other i will plus 2 you for life
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:21:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dont WANT to grow up!
"Ulysses, Ulysses, soaring through all the galaxies, in search of Earth, flying into the night! Ulysses, Ulysses, fighting evil and tyranny with all his heart and with all of his might!
Ulysseee-eee-eees, no-one else can do the things you do! Ulysseee-eee-eees, like a bolt of thunder from the blue! Ulysseee-eee-eees, always fighting all the evil forces, bringing peace and justice to all!"
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:21:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Come to think, it's comments like the one below that explain why I didn't go the Ivy League route for college. Or rather, why the Ivy League schools wouldn't take me. Stupid writing samples...
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:21:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:20:08 (#)
Ranking: 2
I wonder if there's a name for a move where two girls with prolapses rub their prolapse nubs against each other sexually while feeding a double-ended dild-to-tha-o into one another. The nub grinding is the essential element here.
I'm thinking something like "Gardening for Carrots."
----
*Googles prolapse
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:20:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I wonder if there's a name for a move where two girls with prolapses rub their prolapse nubs against each other sexually while feeding a double-ended dild-to-tha-o into one another. The nub grinding is the essential element here.
I'm thinking something like "Gardening for Carrots."
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:19:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I happen to like Manhattan Transfer (the MUSICAL GROUP, not the technique) but I won't ruin the +2 streak so there ya go...
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:12:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
LINK IS NSFW!
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:11:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Is that the sort of link I want to follow at work?
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:11:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Was this a caption contest?
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:10:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:09:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm starting a band called Pink Sock Pete and His Blumpkin Band.
I'll be auditioning musicians all week. Sign-up sheet's on one of my posts.
-
O-Tron are you familiar with http://www.thepinksock.com/the-pink-sock.php ?
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:09:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm starting a band called Pink Sock Pete and His Blumpkin Band.
I'll be auditioning musicians all week. Sign-up sheet's on one of my posts.
Submitted by hcp28 (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:08:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:08:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:00:16 (#)
Ranking: 2
what the fuck just happened?
Submitted by jfreakman (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:07:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
aight?
Submitted by combatwombat (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:05:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Um... okay, I was going to comment on what ^ he wrote, and now I can't help but be transfixed by what v he wrote. Um yeah, that is definitely the most fucked up thing I've ever read. And I've read some fucked up shit.
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:04:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Filename! Filename! Filename! Filename! Filename! Filename! Filename! Filename! Filename! Filename! Filename! Filename! Filename! Filename! Filename! Filename! Filename! Filename! Filename! Filename! Filename! Filename!
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:03:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
good show maltese
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:01:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
um...... ok <backs away slowly>
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:00:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
what the fuck just happened?
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-12-04 15:58:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I just ate some fried chicken.
The breasts were juicy, and the buns were soft and warm.
Afterwards, the division manager of Popeyes came up to my table and asked me how the meal was. I said I was satisfied, but the meal lacked a certain je ne sais quoi. He apoligized profusely, and said he had something to show me that would make up for it.
He lead me to the back of the Popeye's, to a room soaked from floor to ceiling in blood. In the center of it was a live horse, chained by all four legs to the structural supports of the warehouse like room. As I watched, employees of the popeyes cut large sections from the horse, which was whinneying and screaming in horror. The popeyes employees took the chunks of horseflesh and sliced them into pieces, then they rooted around through the bags of trash strewn around the room to find discarded chicken bones. They quickly tenderized the meat with sledgehammers and fed it into a machine which formed the horsemeat around the bones, then they breaded and deepfried it.
I asked the division manager why he had led me back to this place, and he pointed at the steed's rump, the asshole puckering rythmically with terror. "We're just about to use that section, would you like a crack at it first?"
I quickly unzipped my pants and wasted no time jamming my erect PENIS into the stallion's defenseless asshole. I came just as the horse died. I was delighted. Popeyes definitely went the extra mile to make me a satisfied customer.