Deleted Scene # 59 - this is the reason they get deleted (730 hits)
Category: Movies & TVRating: 1.89 on 24 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by SlowlyRotting (View user info) at 2006-12-04 16:22:05 EST
Damn, this food is working on my stomach! Whoever thought to put pineapple on a fucking beef patty ought to have their nuts chewed off by a fat bitch with an overbite. Anyway, we're taking off soon, leaving this motel room in the dust, so I better drop the bombs before we get on the road.
"Brett, I gotta take a shit man. Y'all cool out here?"
"Have fun." Brett says, stuffing grease-dripping fries into his mouth.
Charles, the second in our foursome of fun, doesn't even look up as his lazy ass stays planted on the couch. With all that damn hairspray, his head might be stuck to that fuckin' pillow. He looks like the love child of Satan and a big bag of douche. Myself, I am very Jewish looking. Not Israel Jewish, more like New York Jewish. And Bret looks like a computer geek.
That leaves Marvin. Sitting across from Brett at the table, he reminds me of the UPS guy that used to deliver to my house. A skinny black guy with big lips and dark eyes. Quiet, but easily excitable. That's Marvin's black ass to a 'T'.
I grab my gun and head towards the bathroom. Marvin looks back at me with suspicion as I go. He's been acting strange all morning, and I'm beginning to think he's having second thoughts about all this shit.
I flip him off, casually yet confidently, before I shut and lock the bathroom door behind me. It'll keep him busy all day trying to figure out if I was only playing.
My mind wanders to the job. We had a deal with this big shot "gangster" to move a very special product for him. The thing is, fuck him! We decided to keep that shit for ourselves, split it four ways. The shit is in a briefcase in the kitchen right now.
Anyway, I drop my drawers and take a seat on the throne. I put my magnum on the floor next to my shoes and dig my face into some paper titties, care of the copy of Playboy I find on the toilet cover.
Uuuugggghhhhhhhnnnn!
Fucking Kahuna Burger, man! Might as well have had tamales and fuckin' refried beans. I fold the playboy up and put it on the toilet cover as I prepare to wipe my filthy ass, but a noise from the room makes me stop and listen for a second.
It sounds like we have visitors. They are talking about... I can't quite make out... Hamburgers? What the fuck is going on? I try to lean closer to the door to better hear the conversation.
BAM!
"Holy shit!!!!" I scream inside my head. "They found us!!! Marvin you stupid nigger!!" I knew something was up with him. It all makes since now.
I grab my gun, ready to spring out, but I remember what my mom always used to tell me about having clean underwear. Fucking bitch was right, I don't wanna die with shit all over my hairy ass. I wipe with a fury not seen since the last time some guy heard gunshots while he was taking a shit..
My ears are still ringing from the first shot, but I swear I hear some crazy gangster shit going down in there. Yelling all kinds of words but they don't seem to make since. Any second now, they are gonna bust through this door and shoot me down on the toilet like a fuckin' animal. "Animals don't use the toilet you fuckin' moron" I scold myself.
Alright, if I'm gonna do this shit, I'm gonna do it now.
I pull my pants up, grab my gun, and slide closer to the door..
I hear a deep voice, reciting some kind of lyrics. It sounds really familiar. Maybe one of those stupid bible versus my mom used to read me? Ezekial? Fuck, this is crazy. My heart is exploding in my chest. I can hear myself breathing.
BAM! BAM! BAM!
SHIT! They're gonna bust through this door. Either that, or they'll just unload into it. I gotta do this. I gotta do this now. I stand up, take a deep breath, and rush through the door.
My mind is churning at a thousand miles a minute. I see two men in suits, a black man with an afro and a white man with long hair, but they don't actually register until it's all over. Before my .357 is even aimed all the way up I began unloading the steel. "Die motherfuckers!!!!" BAM! BAM! BAM! I have never been so scared in my entire life. BAM! BAM! BAM! click. click.
The chamber is smoking from the heat. My hands are shaking and I continue to pull the trigger even though the rounds are obviously spent. I can smell the metallic stench of gunpowder and burning casings, and my mouth is filled with drool. I hear myself whimpering as I realize that not a single one of my bullets have met their mark.
The two men look at each other, then raise their weapons towards me.
The last thing I see is a flash of orange.
User Reviews
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-12-05 08:49:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Can't stand that movie, but this was creative.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2006-12-05 04:14:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2006-12-04 22:18:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
Jimmie: I don't need you to tell me how fucking good my coffee is, okay? I'm the one who buys it. I know how good it is. When Bonnie goes shopping she buys SHIT. Me, I buy the gourmet expensive stuff because when I drink it I want to taste it. But you know what's on my mind right now? It AIN'T the coffee in my kitchen, it's the dead nigger in my garage.
--
I can actually hear his fucking voice saying this.
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2006-12-04 22:18:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jimmie: I don't need you to tell me how fucking good my coffee is, okay? I'm the one who buys it. I know how good it is. When Bonnie goes shopping she buys SHIT. Me, I buy the gourmet expensive stuff because when I drink it I want to taste it. But you know what's on my mind right now? It AIN'T the coffee in my kitchen, it's the dead nigger in my garage.
Jules: Oh, Jimmie, don't even worry about that...
Jimmie: No, let me ask you a question. When you came pulling in here, did you see a sign out in front of my house that said Dead Nigger Storage?
Jules: Jimmie, you know I ain't seen no...
Jimmie: Did you see a sign out in front of my house that said Dead Nigger Storage?
Jules: [pause] No. I didn't.
Jimmie: You know WHY you didn't see that sign?
Jules: Why?
Jimmie: 'Cause it ain't there, 'cause storing dead niggers ain't my fucking business, that's why!
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-12-04 22:18:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2006-12-04 22:00:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-12-04 20:49:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahah yup that Kill Bill was an awesome movie
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-12-04 20:25:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The whole thing about dieing on the shitter is appropriate considering Vincent's demise.
Submitted by Hookhand (user info) at 2006-12-04 19:56:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love Reservoir Dogs!
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2006-12-04 19:22:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Figured it out at the name "Marvin". This is good, interesting switch in perspectives.
Submitted by Phallic_Cymbals (user info) at 2006-12-04 18:07:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I figured it out when i scrolled to the bottom and saw the picture before i read it. I'm like a detective.
Submitted by Skolky2 (user info) at 2006-12-04 17:43:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
the only reason i figured it out early was because of "Big Kahuna burger" take that and "Ezekiel" out, and more people probably won't know til the end.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-12-04 17:37:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice. More?
Submitted by darkspoon (user info) at 2006-12-04 17:03:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
UPS guy
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:53:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
1.5
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:53:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Funny idea but it was an apartment, not a motel, and there was a lot of time between the shots fired by Jules while your protagonist was in the bathroom, which you could have incorporated to better comedic effect.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:50:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Harbinger (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:49:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
new and improved
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:44:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:40:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
We should have shotguns for this kinda deal.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:34:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
figured it out early
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:27:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahaha
I figured it out in the last paragraph or so. Didn't take away from the funny though.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:27:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
it was easy to spot but entertaining anyway. +1.5
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:26:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great idea
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-12-04 16:26:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Did not read. Pulp Fiction rules.