It was cold today, and murder is more than just a flock of crows (resubmitted with formatting changes) (496 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: first_entry
Rating: 1.54 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Swimmingbirdblue (View user info) at 2006-12-04 21:23:17 EST
It's been five months to the day since the severing. I can still feel phantom pains at times, like the ghost of a lost limb. There's really no way to be sure if any healing has occurred; my job keeps me busy enough to push through the malaise, and the nights are lubricated with enough booze to push it away until working time again. I'm being quite selfish about the whole affair, as it was my own actions that were the catalyst for the withering. So I'm selfish. I've got worse qualities to consider. I'll refrain from listing them at this time.
Today was icy and cold. Woke up and went to the gym. The new fitness leader is pretty hardcore. I'm sore as hell, but it's a good thing. It's been much too long since I've done the physical training thing, and I need to get back into it. Getting too fat. Who knows, maybe the endorphins will help me get through the mundane that is currently my life.
I don't mean for this to sound all weepy and sappy. I've certainly been brought up differently. My life is actually pretty decent. My job is exciting and adventurous (from the outside looking in at least, and isn't that what really matters?). I'm proficient at what I do, and get along well with my coworkers as well as my superiors (many of whom are actually not idiots). I get to travel to far away locations (remote is more like it).
Back to today, the heat has not been turned on in the building, even though it's been cold for over a month, and snowing for over a week. Everyone is wearing their cold weather gear in the office and out on the floor. We had to go out onto the flight line and search for FOD (Foreign Objects like rocks, nuts and bolts, carcasses, whatever is out there that could get sucked into the jets). The wind was coming in off the sea as well as down off the mountains. It made the normally uncomfortable wind tunnel hardly bearable. The good news is that winter is just getting started. The sun itself seems to be made of ice, and its warmth is felt by none.
Once back inside, the shop began its usual routine. Someone started the coffee, but I paid it little mind, as the higher ranks would see their cups filled before the worker bees. This week is a bit different from most, as there is an inspection going on and there is that nervous energy one normally associates with such things. My feet are cold, so I could care less if the chief and a fistful of officers were here or what they said or did. I once read about an Airman Basic (lowest enlisted rank) who was in Greenland (or Iceland or somewhere like that). He was washing an aircraft while a general drove up with his entourage. The general asked the young man how he was doing, and the Airman gave him a bit of attitude (probably no more than I would give if in a similar situation). The general, fairly incensed at the lack of customs and courtesies, asked the young man,
"Don't you know who I am? Don't you know what I could do to you and your career?"
The Airman looks the general square in the eye, and speaks frankly.
"Sir, all due respect, but I'm an Airman Basic, I'm in one of the most frigid locations on the planet, and I'm out here hosing down an aircraft. There's not much worse that you can do to me."
I bring this anecdote up to relate my attitude right now. My disposition at this point is just short of combative. In most other jobs or walks of life, this is no mean thing. Military personnel, however, must always be aware of their attitude, lest it bite them in the ass in a hard way. Nonetheless, here you have me.
Speaking of the aforementioned loss, in the grand scheme of things, it may amount to very little. Breakups usually do. This one was particularly harsh though, as it was my own fault as I previously mentioned. The salt in the wound, though, was when she said she had no regrets. Now I know what she meant, and that she was trying to be kind about the whole thing, but it felt very patronizing at the time. I told her I had a ton of regrets. I said that I regretted the breakup altogether, the events that caused it, the lack of keeping the relationship alive on both our parts, etc. I told her I regretted the fact that she didn't want to fight to keep the relationship alive (albeit it was on life support for the last 2 or 3 years anyway). I wanted to blame her and hurt her, but I'm sure that my act of infidelity had hurt us both far deeper than I could ever do again. It eventually killed us. I selfishly clung to the relationship as it were, and in effect, drew out what perhaps should have been more of a band-aid rip.
Like I said, work keeps me busy. I don't afford myself too many opportunities to dwell on what should have been. I'm fairly sure that her ex, who has been sniffing around for the past few years anyway, finally wore her down. At this point, however, I just want to be rid of the memory of her. Memories haunt and harry worse than the meanest ghost.
After work (where I leave only after finding no more reason to stick around), I head back to my tiny dormitory room. The Army would call it a barracks, but same difference. I share a 13x10 room with another guy who works the shift opposite me. We see each other only a few hours out of the day, and get along just fine, but the living conditions would wear on the hardiest of individuals. I am not the hardiest of individuals. I would not mind living in such austere conditions if it were just me, but sharing such a small space with another body is only just bearable. I refer to him as my little space heater. The only problem is that he moves around; he walks and talks and eats and shits and basically does more than a respectable space heater should strive for. I try to tell him he's rising above his station, but he just laughs good-naturedly as if I'm making a clever joke. Even the beatings do little to dampen his incessantly cheery nature.
I recently took his boy-scout shirt (yes, he was a scout, and apparently proud enough of it to bring an old shirt to Korea with him) and made an attempt to choke him until the goofy grin on his face went away. The unrelentingly helpful kid actually began giving me instructions on how to do it properly.
"You gotta (cough) block off the windpipe (weeze)."
As I tightened my grip on the shirt (can't leave messy fingerprints, can we?) and pressed down further, he gave me the thumbs-up.
"Now (gasp) you've got it," he managed before his eyeballs began to bulge and his airway was entirely cut off.
That done, I went to my fridge and grabbed a beer. I'm a beer drinker by nature I suppose. I enjoy wine, and can differentiate between quality and crap, but a drinker of my caliber would just be wasting money. I like the occasional mixed drink as well. Jack and Coke brings out the bad guy in me though. Liquor is a bit more difficult to ration as well. With beer, I know how much I can drink before blacking out. I know how many I need to pound before bed.
So I crack open the can (yes, I drink from the can because the trash can be compacted and therefore I don't have to take it out as frequently) and relish the sound of the air escaping the vacuum-sealed can. It sounds like a party. My favorite kind of party; the kind where I'm the only one invited. I drink the first one very fast, fast enough to get a brain freeze from the cold temperature. The second one I nurse. I sip it as I wonder where to put my roommate's body. My last roommate is still in the closet, so that's out of the question. Don't worry about the smell, I've got a pine tree air freshener hanging from each ear. Quite festive, actually. Reminds me that Christmas is right around the corner. The dumpster is too obvious a choice for my most recent roommate, not to mention cliché as hell. Perhaps I'll fill the tub with drain cleaner and let him soak in that until I can drain him down. This means I'll have to shower at the gym, but I need to go more anyway.
Like I said, I've gotten too fat.
User Reviews
Submitted by EmissionImpossible (user info) at 2008-03-27 09:07:56 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
hmmmmm i missed this
Submitted by swimmingbirdblue (user info) at 2006-12-06 17:23:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by homer42 (user info) at 2006-12-06 11:36:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
2 but... the thing about the roomates isn't feasable. Like no one is going to miss them on a remote army base... rest was good though.
---> They haven't missed the last two. And they won't miss the next ones either, mwahahahah!
Submitted by homer42 (user info) at 2006-12-06 11:36:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
2 but... the thing about the roomates isn't feasable. Like no one is going to miss them on a remote army base... rest was good though.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-12-05 19:28:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
oneness
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2006-12-05 18:15:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-12-05 15:05:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-12-05 04:17:13 (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by _God (user info) at 2006-12-04 23:04:59 (#)
Ranking: 1
Wow....wow.
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How can you say Wow and not give +2? I liked this.
haha, that read funny to me. You chide him for saying wow twice and not +2 then you say you liked it, then you give a one as well. I'm inclined to give a one too but what the hell. it was enjoyable enough.
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-12-05 04:17:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by _God (user info) at 2006-12-04 23:04:59 (#)
Ranking: 1
Wow....wow.
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How can you say Wow and not give +2? I liked this.
Submitted by _God (user info) at 2006-12-04 23:04:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Wow....wow.
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2006-12-04 22:29:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-12-04 21:54:36 (#)
Ranking: 2
You have dead dudes stashed in your room, and the Army doesn't know? And we expect them to find Osama?
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This is the Air Force. They could find their chairs if they weren't sitting on them all day.
CHAIR FORCE RULES!
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-12-04 22:27:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Interesting.
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2006-12-04 21:58:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-12-04 21:54:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You have dead dudes stashed in your room, and the Army doesn't know? And we expect them to find Osama?
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-12-04 21:46:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
thank you