Archipelago (1371 hits)
Category: UberMadness!Rating: 0.63 on 60 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by UberMadness! (View user info) at 2006-12-05 10:11:18 EST
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Entry 1
The chameleons slipped into position on the sun-baked rocks, and the mangroves swayed in rhythm with the late morning breeze. Two men waited up the path where the shrubs gave way to the long grasses and jagged rocks that looked over the precipice.One of the men stood near the edge smoking a cigarette, his black robe fluttering with the wind. The other lay on the ground a few feet away, hands and feet bound with leather straps, a cloth gag in his mouth. Sweat pooled under the arms of his white linen shirt. His tanned leather loafers were irreversibly scuffed.
The man lay on gravel path where he had been dropped. Had it not been for the faint scraping of shoes on the rocks behind him and the occasional scent of smoke carried on the wind, he would have felt very alone. Pieces of gravel and sand fell from his cheek when he lifted his head to look in the direction of the tree and basket that hung from its trunk.
A determined palm had adapted to the steep cut of the cliff by stretching out horizontally over the water below before bending skyward. Carefully cut mangrove branches had been latched together in the shape of a crude box, which hung from ropes at the base of the tree. The box was roughly the size of a crouched man and dangled precariously over the edge.
He wanted to scream but knew that even without the gag his voice wouldn't be heard over the waves crashing on the rocks below. And if the waves had agreed to stop their banging his yell would have been lost in the space of the infinite sea.
"Almost time," the robed man said as smoke curled from his lips then disappeared in the breeze. He turned in the direction of the man on the ground, "judgment day," he said and flicked the butt of the cigarette in the direction of his companion.
The man on the ground listened to the buzz of the sand beetles in the rustling grasses and hoped against the evidence that things weren't unfolding as they seemed to be.
The sound of the approaching helicopter gave him no comfort.
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"Praise the Lord!" His voice boomed over the speakers, which were suspended from each corner of the tent. The people's voices lowered to a curious hum. They looked in the direction of the stage waiting for his entrance. The curtains moved, but David Love waited until the chanting started.
Brother Love's Show had gained considerable momentum since it's creation in a college dorm years ago. One night while studying economics, David Love and his most trusted friend and roommate Nathanial found Jesus in a marijuana haze accompanied by Neil Diamond. They decided then and there they were going take over the world in the name of Jesus then charge a cover to enter.
"Hot August night and the leaves hanging down and the grass on the ground smellin' sweet...." They sung at the top of their lungs drawing others to their room.
"Eyes black as coal and when he lifts his face every ear in the place is on him..." David played the role and the others let him. "It's Love Brother Love say Brother Love's Travelin' Salvation Show."
The name stuck and the word spread. Soon every Wednesday the young men hosted bored students and believers in the community hall. They came to listen to David Love enthusiastically pay tribute to God and alcohol as Nathanial collected contributions at the door. The beverages flowed freely and the membership grew. David spent the checks his parents sent for books and expenses on speakers and a wardrobe worthy of a priest. His degree in marketing had taken a back seat to world domination.
"Love! Love! Love!..." if someone from the audience didn't initiate it, one of the seasoned members would. Once the tent swelled with the thunder of his name, he would throw open the curtains and step onto the stage. The audience would cheer and leap to its feet and David would address his flock. They saw him as divine and soon he did too.
"My friends, it is up to you gathered here today to make a decision. You must decide, each and every one of you, whether you're willing to accept the way of the Lord." Brother Love raised his arms dramatically palms up and continued, "Will you extend your hand to your neighbor? Do you accept your brother with open arms?" The audience was nodding in anticipation.
"If you can forgive those who have trespassed against you - say Yes!"
"Yes!" the crowd responded and strangers throughout the room embraced eager to forgive for the sake of forgiving.
Black robed members worked the crowd ensuring each seat was filled and a donation tray crossed the lap of everyone in attendance at least twice. The cause had to be supported.
-------------
"What do you call a guy with his hand up a camel's ass?"
Once the show was over, David and Nathanial made a point to spend some time with the locals. "Do tell." Nathanial leaned forward on the bar holding his beer in both hands. He glanced knowingly at David who was looking intently at the man sitting at the bar next to them. They had played this scene many times before in different towns across the country. It had become the after-show part of the program they dubbed 'The Wayward Lamb.' Some lambs were easier to rope than others.
"An Afgani mechanic!"
David and Nathaniel laughed right on cue. "Buy this man another beer." David flagged the bartender. "What's your name again?" he asked the oversized man wearing the Notre Dame sweater more for the sports than the academia it seemed.
"John, John Brewer. Some people call me 'Brewery'."
"John it is," said David, "you're a keeper my friend." John nodded his approval upon receipt of the drink.
"So what do you boys do? From the way your dressed, you must be bankers or something fancy like that?"
"We're with the Brother Love Show." Nathanial told him expecting the reaction.
"Are you shittin me?" John's mouth hung open and he corrected his posture. "I heard about that Brother Love guy. Heard he's raking in the dough with those shows." John lifted his mug at the notion, "Hell why not? So you guys are a part of all that?"
"Yes, very much a part of it." Nathanial said and David nodded. "Are you a Christian John?"
"Yeah...hell yeah. I mean I ain't been spending much time at church lately. Not since I lost my job and them niggers stole my wheels." He pounded a fist on the bar then covered his mouth with one hand, "I mean them afro Americans," he made invisible quotes in the air.
"Relax my friend, we aren't here to judge you, that's someone else's job," David clinked his glass against John's. "Isn't that right Nate?" Nathanial grinned and raised his glass.
"Is it true that they've got some exclusive island retreat somewhere out in the middle of the ocean?"
"Yes, Love's Archipelago," Nathanial stated, "very exclusive."
"Archpelli..?"
"There are three islands located miles out in the south pacific that belong to Brother Love's organization. I can't tell you where of course..." Nathanial raised one finger to his lips.
"... or you'd have to kill me?" John smiled, proud he knew the line.
"No John, we're not killers but we do enjoy our privacy."
David leaned within inches of Johns face, black eyes penetrating, "Our thing is to promote tolerance. But let's face it, sometimes you've got to be willing and able to kill for what you believe in don't you think? Some principals are worth fighting for, but not everyone is ...ah...shall we say 'cut out' for what needs to be done. Know what I mean?"
"Hell yah!" John knew this line of reasoning well, "God don't like no wimps! Hell, I've thought about joining the army just so I can put a bullet in one of those al Qaeda fuckers," John lowered his voice and said "but I wouldn't want one of those gay bastards watchin my ass while I did it!" He slapped the bar in appreciation of his own humor. Nathanial and David smiled at each other.
"You're going to make a perfect candidate." They all agreed.
"When he's not doing a show, Love spends most of his time on the northernmost island where the mansion is," Nathanial continued, "Occasionally he invites guests. It's paradise; you'd have to see it to believe it. The weather is ideal. The living quarters have all the amenities of home not to mention three pools, a complete staff of cooks, maids, landscapers, and masseuses, tending to every need.
You can tell the residents by the black robes they wear. Despite the sun, they're really quite cool. It's surprising how uniform clothing can simplify a life style not to mention the laundry.
The middle island is mostly undeveloped with breath taking views from its ridges. We conduct various team building and problem solving activities on the middle island. The last island is an uninhabitable old volcano spewing heat and sulfur dioxide. It is in sharp contract to its sister islands, but beautiful in its own right.
Transportation between the islands is done by helicopter. Sharks are plentiful and swimming in the deeper waters isn't encouraged, unless you feel sorry for the sharks."
"I'm more of the beached whale type anyway," John reassured him.
"The whole thing is very progressive. It's not a religious retreat but more a planned community. The residents aren't asked to suffer through endless memorized sermons. They are simply asked to live harmoniously. Do onto others, as you would have others do onto you. You know how all that works, don't you John?"
"Yeah. Sure." It all seemed simple enough at the moment.
Nathanial paused and sipped his drink as John waited for more. "Brother Love only considers a few new candidates every year, just those who can think on their own."
John nodded, "Well I think I would benefit from a couple weeks on the beach."
"We could put in a good word for you John. The program isn't for just anyone, you have to qualify. It's reserved for people who get the big picture, if you know what I mean. Do you John?" Nathanial specialized in the off stage work.
"Yeah, yeah, I get it." John didn't know exactly what he was claiming to get, but for the promise of adventure and free flowing luxuries, he was willing to let the men tell him.
----------
"It's a long flight Mr. Brewer," Nathanial offered him another pillow, "its best just to recline your seat and sleep as much as possible. There are sleep aides in your armrest if you prefer. I'll wake you up once we're closer to the islands." John wiggled deeper into the spacious leather chair. He looked out the window of the private jet and watched, as the lights of the city were lost beneath the clouds. His eyes drooped and he dreamed of blue water and sun soaked beaches.
"Hey John! Wake up! Check out the view." When John opened his eyes, it took him a minute to recall where he was. David and Nathanial were sitting in the seats in front of him. Blue ocean extended endlessly from every window.
"Look over there! There she is, Love's Archipelago!" Three small islands protruded from the majestic sea. They seemed out of place in the vast water as if someone had forgotten to pluck them out of the picture.
"We're coming in," David was talking on a radio, "Ok to clear the runway."
As the private jet circled downward, John could see a large castle like structure on one of the islands. It's pillars, like arms, reached to the sky. He could see vehicles that were blocking the runway being moved. The middle island was dense with vegetation except for the peak of a rock cliff. A barren black mountain steaming from its top consumed the southern most island. John focused his attention on the mansion.
"What do you think?" Nathanial gestured in the direction of the islands.
"Well we ain't in Kansas anymore, I can tell you that. That mountain ain't gonna blow is she?"
"It has been sitting there angry with the world for hundreds of years now, I doubt it. We call that island 'Hell'."
"Hell huh, yeah I see that. And I assume that one," he pointed at the island with lush gardens and the mansion, "is Heaven?"
"Exactly."
"So what do you call the middle island?"
"Purgatory, of course." Nathanial laid his hand on John's shoulder. "We'll be taking you there tomorrow. It's lovely, really. You're going to learn so much about yourself here John."
"Well as long as I don't have to swing from a vine or eat live worms or any of that kind of bullshit." John said.
"No, all of the worms have been fully cooked." David quipped. "Put on your seatbelt, we'll be landing momentarily."
....
The three arrivals were escorted from the plane and rode on electric golf carts to the expansive structure on the hill. Dense vegetation carpeted the landscape and the tropical sun spread its warmth with the wind.
Black robed people quietly roamed throughout the compound, tending to the landscaping, cleaning and providing for each other. They bowed their heads when David, who they knew as Father Love, passed by.
John surveyed the extravagance from the marbled floors to the tall ceilings and wanted to belong. He dressed in the provided dinner jacket and joined Nathanial and David, wearing their robes, for a meal of lobster and fresh island greens. He couldn't tell how many residents were there but he saw men and women of all shapes, sizes and colors working on the periphery.
"Would you like more champagne sir?" A large black man in a black robe waited for John to answer.
"Sure, but don't you have any beer around here?" He grinned at the others.
"Certainly, I'll bring a selection right away Sir."
"Damn, you got these boys trained well don't ya!" John watched as the robed man headed in the direction of the kitchen. "You got a crime problem here?"
"We have very little crime that isn't manageable." Nathanial said, "We hope to inspire people work beyond their aggressions. But we also recognize that sometimes that just isn't possible. Some people just don't get it and when that happens things have to be dealt with accordingly." David put his hand on Nathanial's arm.
"We try not to dwell on those situations, John. We'll show you around tomorrow. Be sure to get your rest, we're going to Purgatory."
--------
John finished his eggs benedict and met David andNathanial at the helicopter pad at ten o'clock as instructed. They flew over the rainbow gardens of Heaven, around the smoky breath of Hell and settled to the ground on the beach of Purgatory.
A jeep and driver were waiting. John was directed to a seat in the back, he rode along watching the spectrum of green fly by his window. The group drove past a stand of mangroves, dense and humming with life. They traveled up the gravel path until the plants gave way to rocks. The jeep came to a stop at a clearing at the top of a cliff.
To the south John could see the black volcano of Hell and to the north the windows of the mansion's solarium captured and held onto the sun. When they arrived at the top of the hill, John saw a black robed man waiting, smoking a cigarette. A palm tree stretched over the water and he thought he saw something hanging from its base. Before he could look more closely, Nathanial tied a blindfold tightly over John's eyes. He was ushered out of the vehicle and arms extended awkwardly out in front of him, was lead to a designated spot not far from the ledge. Those in attendance formed a small circle around him.
John could hear the people moving closer, "Whoa! Hey now this ain't gonna turn into that scene from Deliverance is it boys? Cause that's not gonna go over well with me."
"No John, we've brought you up here to help us solve a dilemma." Nathanial stepped back and Brother Love continued.
"Not far from where you are currently standing there is a man whose name is Ali Mamaud. He was captured yesterday. We know him to be the murderer of Rico Mendez, a candidate for membership at the island. While we could send Mr. Mamaud back to the mainland and subject us and him to a public and expensive trial, we prefer to exact our own justice, right here at the archipelago." Brother Love, his black robe billowing in the wind, bent down and picked up a heavy rope from the ground and placed it in John's hands.
The end of the rope was attached to a simple metal pin that held a latch on the bottom of the mangrove cage. The gagged man in the white linen shirt struggled in the box causing it to rock wildly in its position hanging over the ledge. John held the rope and felt it tug.
If the rope you are holding is pulled the bottom of the box that holds our prisoner will open and he will fall literally from grace, or if you decide this murderer should be spared, his crimes will be forgiven and he will be allowed to rejoin our community undistinguished from the others. It's up to you John. We support whatever decision you make.
John felt the sweat bead on his forehead as his fingers played with the rope in his hands. This was some kind of freaky test and the tropical breeze reminded him he wanted to pass.
"Love, Love, Love..." the group of onlookers began to chant softly. They circled around him and joined hands, head bowed. "Love, Love, Love..."
The box rocked as the man struggled against his ties.
John held the rope in both hands and felt the weight of it. As he slowly took out the slack, he thought of how he could never understand the pompous Arab who ran the convenience store at the corner of Fifth and Main. He thought about the 1970 Cutlass convertible that had been stolen from his driveway. The people chanted and John wanted to please them.
And as he snapped the rope releasing the metal pin he didn't think about who may have been in the box he thought about celebrating. As the bound man fell from the cage and disappeared beneath the waves, John thought he could see the big picture.
The waves banged on the rocks below and no one spoke. The high-pitched buzz of the sand beetles filled the air. Brother Love approached and took the rope from John who had removed his blindfold and was starring at the empty basket.
John turned to David and laughed nervously, "Well, whatever was in that box is gone now. No need to waste all that time money on a pointless trial I suppose." He lowered his voice and spoke directly to David, "Hey man, this is all legal and stuff right? I don't want any trouble. But don't think I got a problem with what you folks do out here, if you know what I mean."
"There will be no legal trouble." Brother Love assured him.
"Hell then, I think I'm ready for a couple of them lobsters and more of that champagne! I tell you what." John was ready to move on.
"Mr. Brewer, had you decided to free the captive, we would be dining together. But now your fate is out of our hands."
"Wait just a second now..." John felt the situation deteriorate; he wiped the sweat from his forehead and pointed at the empty cage. "Whatever, whoever was in that box was a murderer you said. I didn't know him!"
In response to David's nod, the robed man with the cigarette approached John and grabbed him by the arms.
"Wait!" John protested, "You said ...you said you would stand by whatever decision I made!" John pleaded as his wrists were bound with leather straps.
"We will be standing by you, tomorrow morning when..." . David looked to Nathanial, "Who will be deciding for Mr. Brewer, Nate?"
Nathanial pulled a slip of paper from his pocket, "That would be Tyrone Jackson, the mechanic from Queens. He's flying in later this afternoon."
David turned and walked in the direction of the Jeep, black robe flowing behind him. Nathanial followed. "We better get back so we can meet our guest."
The next morning two men waited on the cliff of Purgatory for the helicopter to arrive.
- VS -
Entry 2
Television rots the brain. For years I've watched friends and family get sucked into that wretched blue box. I saw their eyes glaze over and watched as spittle hardened around the corners of their mouths. One day I woke up and decided to do something.I called Mike, a close friend of mine that graduated with me back in 2000, and we both phoned a few other guys.
"We'll need some cash," I explained.
"For what?" one of the guys asked.
"To save the goddamned world."
We sat in Mike's basement and planned every night for a month. It was dank and smelled like a few squirrels had gotten lodged in a heater and fried themselves. Mike's family probably eats squirrel, those fucking hillbillies.
I jotted down all the names that the guys called out and we narrowed the list down.
"Will Ferrell, Julia Roberts, Jim Carey, Vin Diesel, Tom Cruise" I called out.
I scraped some brown gunk out from underneath my nails and looked around the room. I could barely see the other guys, because of the damned flickering bulb that nobody wanted to change.
"I don't know," Lester spoke up. Lester is a good friend of Mike. If I wasn't so sure that Mike was straight I would say that he had a thing for Lester. "Tom Cruise has that hoodoo voodoo stuff. Maybe we oughta not fuck with him."
The other guys nodded.
"Fine," I said, scratching his name off. "We'll add Paris back in. That bitch is sleazy and has it coming."
"Where will we do it?" Mike asked. It was the first thing he'd said all night. I had been beginning to think that maybe he wasn't too kosher with the idea.
"We'll separate them," I answered. "Noel's gonna find a little group of islands out in the middle of nowhere and we'll stick one of them on each island. No problem."
"How the fuck will we get them all there?" Mike asked.
"Noel's got a plane. It'll be big enough to fit the five of them, him and one other guy."
I got up to get a beer from the cooler in the corner of the room. I kept my back to them so they'd have time to whisper. Let them talk amongst themselves. It didn't matter. It was a brilliant fucking idea.
After I chugged half my beer and wiped the other half off my chin I turned around. They were smiling. I knew I had them.
I knelt down in front of them and flipped through my notes.
"So here's the plan. Each person's death fits their career."
"What?" Lester asked. He'd had a lot of beer that night. I wasn't sure if he was listening.
"Here's the plan," I repeated. "Take Will Ferrell. I think his worst movie was probably Old School. Have you seen that movie?"
"Yeah," Noel answered. "The one where he joins the frat and drinks a lot."
"Exactly," I said, smiling. "So we fucking bash his brains out with a couple of PBR's."
The guys nod. They know that only an idiot like Will Ferrell would drink PBR. It tastes of goat urine and wicked stepchildren.
"Then Julia Roberts," I said.
Lester jumped in. "We fucking rip those giant teeth out and let her bleed to death."
"Perfect," I answered.
The guys were huddled around me then. I could tell they were into it. Even Mike looked a little antsy.
"Jim Carey?"
Mike spit his beer out. "We fucking leave him there so the animals can devour him."
The others laughed and then Lester tripped over Mike's shoe and nearly knocked me over when he fell. Bunch of drunken bastards.
"Vin Diesel?"
No one said anything for a minute. They all stared around the room as though those dead squirrels were going to wake up and come tell them the answer.
"He was in Saving Private Ryan!" Noel blurted out.
"Yeah," Mike said, nodding.
"So we fucking castrate him!" Noel exclaimed.
I spit my beer out. It wasn't PBR.
"Who's gonna castrate him?" I asked.
"Umm..."
"Exactly. Well, what about Hilton?" I asked them.
Mike flopped down on the couch and sighed. "I don't know, man. An episode of Nip/Tuck is about to come on."
So I shot him.
Entry 1:
august_sobriquet
Axolotl
Bubba2341
CaptainThorns
charminglybeef
Crystle
darko
drgoatcabin
DrogoRoch
EchoBoxing
FunnyAsCancer
ghola
GodChicken
Hiredugan
Hirilnara
horse87
Jack_McCallum
JMG114
joedaddy
JoeyG
JonnyX
justagirl27
Life101
nrduncan
orph
ParlorTrick
peckerhead
Pentameter
richsghostdog
ripple
Sacrilicious
ScarfaceMN
sicosemen
sparkle_pink
SPECIALk
St_Jimmy
Stagger_Lee
stardamage
stevie_says
supadupapupa
The_taste_of_Monkeys
TheUniter
37 eligible votes (42 total) *
Entry 2:
HotWillie
indoninja
Natsukau
rad1101
3 eligible votes (4 total) *
* Eligible votes are those made by users who had either (A) posted 3+ messages OR (B) written 100+ [lowered from 750+] reviews as of the beginning of the UberMadness! competition.
User Reviews
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-12-09 13:17:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks parlortrick. I knew you'd submit something good and I couldn't stand to actually forfeit. I figured at least your entry would go up on time if I submited something.
That and I seriously hate television.
Submitted by thecaes (user info) at 2006-12-09 06:44:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry 1 got better as it went on.
Submitted by ParlorTrick (user info) at 2006-12-09 03:15:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Ghola -- I think the voters were just mad that you let Tom Cruise go. (I'm glad I don't have to deal with college finals anymore.)
Submitted by stardamage (user info) at 2006-12-08 11:37:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by peckerhead (user info) at 2006-12-08 10:38:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-12-07 22:41:00 (#)
Ranking: 2
Peckerhead: I was just messing with you, dude. Your comment didn't come across as bitching, it was just a word I used to spice things up. Sorry if I upset you, that was not my intent.
-----------------------------
no sweat, Bubba. Yesterday was not the greatest day for me. I've had a good sleep and things look much better today. Thanks.
Submitted by Hirilnara (user info) at 2006-12-08 08:15:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2006-12-08 04:59:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
#1 by a long shot.
Submitted by SPECIALk (user info) at 2006-12-08 02:20:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-12-07 22:41:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Peckerhead: I was just messing with you, dude. Your comment didn't come across as bitching, it was just a word I used to spice things up. Sorry if I upset you, that was not my intent.
Submitted by peckerhead (user info) at 2006-12-07 20:55:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sacrilicious and Jack: Thanks. I've had a rough day; one in which it's been real easy for me to live up to my nickname. I think I need to go read some jokes or maybe watch a funny, light-hearted movie.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-12-07 18:59:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by peckerhead (user info) at 2006-12-07 11:33:32 (#)
Ranking: 0
In passing, I pointed out two typos; Your vs. you're (That alone would have been pretty anal.) However, staring vs. "starring"? I think it was Jack McC who said that a typo of this nature -- where one word has a completely different meaning than the other -- is worth mentioning. That's all I did; I *mentioned* in a constructive way that there were a couple minor errors.
--
I do ALWAYS appreciate that kind of feedback.
Don't worry. This is Uber.
The rank and file can be rank and vile.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-12-07 18:53:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
peckerhead- I was just teasing. The writers probably appreciate that you take the time to make comments. So many of us don't always take/have the time to do so in UM.
Submitted by richsghostdog (user info) at 2006-12-07 15:07:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Reminiscent of "Twilight Zone" or "Outer Limits"
Submitted by peckerhead (user info) at 2006-12-07 11:33:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I love this place. Let me guess. There's no apostrophe in typos. Is that it? Fine, you got me. It's one thing to make a typo (spelling error) in an Uber review. (I'm sure you'll be going over this one with a fine tooth comb and probably find more.) It's another to make these types of mistakes in a late round of a short story competition.
Bubba2341: Explain to me the "bitching" part. Did you read my initial review? It started by me praising the amazing introduction or opening of the story. It ended something like this: "I am simply not qualified to critique this any further; Great imagination, great effort, great story! Good luck in the next round."
In passing, I pointed out two typos; Your vs. you're (That alone would have been pretty anal.) However, staring vs. "starring"? I think it was Jack McC who said that a typo of this nature -- where one word has a completely different meaning than the other -- is worth mentioning. That's all I did; I *mentioned* in a constructive way that there were a couple minor errors.
I loved the story. It was fantastic. I could be wrong but correcting typos generally makes a story better. That was my goal; to make an already good story just a little better. From here on in, I guess I'll go with reviews like: "pretty good" or better still: "no comment" <----- I'm sure the authors get a lot out of that one.
You know what? Fuck it. Let's let the author decide.
Author of Entry 1, if my comments came across as "bitching" then I apologize. I'm looking forward to reading more of your great stories in the remaining rounds of Ubermadness.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-12-07 09:01:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by peckerhead (user info) at 2006-12-07 00:23:03 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-12-06 21:08:43 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by peckerhead (user info) at 2006-12-06 20:57:29 (#)
Ranking: 1
so I'll just point out a couple typo's
==
HAHA Ironic, huh?
------------------------------------
HAHA Do you care to expand on that a little?
***********
A typo in a review bitching about typos....good stuff.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-12-07 08:49:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by peckerhead (user info) at 2006-12-07 00:23:03 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-12-06 21:08:43 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by peckerhead (user info) at 2006-12-06 20:57:29 (#)
Ranking: 1
so I'll just point out a couple typo's
==
HAHA Ironic, huh?
------------------------------------
HAHA Do you care to expand on that a little?
---------
heh
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-12-07 07:54:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2006-12-07 00:50:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by peckerhead (user info) at 2006-12-07 00:23:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-12-06 21:08:43 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by peckerhead (user info) at 2006-12-06 20:57:29 (#)
Ranking: 1
so I'll just point out a couple typo's
==
HAHA Ironic, huh?
------------------------------------
HAHA Do you care to expand on that a little?
Submitted by justagirl27 (user info) at 2006-12-06 22:45:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
one grew on me, and it was a very interesting idea. 2 was just dumb.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-12-06 21:09:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-12-06 21:08:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by peckerhead (user info) at 2006-12-06 20:57:29 (#)
Ranking: 1
so I'll just point out a couple typo's
==
HAHA Ironic, huh?
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-12-06 20:57:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Very good.
Submitted by peckerhead (user info) at 2006-12-06 20:57:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Entry 2, it was fun while it lasted and thanks for a few laughs :-) Your *short* and funny story would have made a great post at Ubersite. I would have joined in and given a +2. That's about it.
Entry 1 author: You had a strong beginning; in fact, I read the first three lines over and over wondering if I will ever have the talent to begin a story so... perfectly.
There is really very little to criticize so I'll just point out a couple typo's: 1. "From the way you're (not your) dressed, you must be bankers or...
2. On what would be the last page, look for: "... took the rope from John who had removed his blindfold and was staring (not starring) at the empty basket."
I am simply not qualified to critique this any further; Great imagination, great effort, great story! Good luck in the next round.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2006-12-06 18:42:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2006-12-06 18:16:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Two had potential, but didn't realize it. One was a decent story, but the twist was a bit obvious. I'll go with one.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-12-06 18:02:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
oh...
Submitted by charminglybeef (user info) at 2006-12-06 16:54:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
That was a great ending, number one. I think the same effect could have been achieved with fewer words, but still, that was pretty good.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-12-06 14:37:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
A much as I wanted to vote for 2 I just couldn't
Submitted by drgoatcabin (user info) at 2006-12-06 10:47:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2006-12-06 06:25:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Very nice #1
Submitted by supadupapupa (user info) at 2006-12-06 00:04:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
sorry #2 you're goo.
#1, nice story, but I wanted to read more...
Submitted by Life101 (user info) at 2006-12-05 23:06:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Natsukau (user info) at 2006-12-05 19:40:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I fully endorse the shooting of people who watch nip/Tuck. Thats the sole reason I voted for #2
Submitted by Natsukau (user info) at 2006-12-05 19:39:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-12-05 19:26:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by ScarfaceMN (user info) at 2006-12-05 18:45:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2006-12-05 18:08:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-12-05 17:51:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Entry one had a much better ending than I thought it would.
Submitted by horse87 (user info) at 2006-12-05 17:04:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-12-05 16:36:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
#2 didn't even try.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-12-05 15:44:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-12-05 15:12:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Jesus getting a handjob! Entry #1 was great. It may sound like BS coming from me, but I think Entry 1 could have been trimmed down quite a bit for a more effective punch. Still, I love the old-fashioned Twilight-Zone twist at the end. Great job.
Author #2... what the FUCK?
Submitted by august_sobriquet (user info) at 2006-12-05 15:00:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by EchoBoxing (user info) at 2006-12-05 14:32:22 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
fuck you 2
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-12-05 14:12:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2006-12-05 14:03:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
How much is FX paying you?
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-12-05 12:35:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-12-05 12:34:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
no contest
Submitted by ripple (user info) at 2006-12-05 12:30:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
two wasnt funny.
one was good.
Submitted by nrduncan (user info) at 2006-12-05 12:16:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by ParlorTrick (user info) at 2006-12-05 11:52:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-12-05 11:51:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-12-05 11:17:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2006-12-05 11:06:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
#1 kicked ass!
Submitted by Hiredugan (user info) at 2006-12-05 11:00:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-12-05 10:53:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-12-05 10:41:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Not a tough decision.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-12-05 10:36:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-12-05 10:18:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment