Tatai <tuh-tie> - part 1 - The Green Light (386 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 1.5 on 6 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by SlowlyRotting (View user info) at 2006-12-06 10:27:44 EST
Finally, my first day in the new office! I was ecstatic to finally be back home. After a three-year stint in D.C., I had finally managed to negotiate a transfer back to God's country. It wasn't long after meeting all my new coworkers and unpacking a few boxes at my desk, that I felt the familiar call of nature and stuck my head over into the next cubicle.
"Hey Joanne, where's the bathroom at?"
"Oh, OK. Uh, just follow this hallway down to the end, and make a right." She pointed towards the southern wall of the office before continuing, "You'll see it to your left doll."
"Cool. Thanks."
I followed her directions and, sure enough, there was the bathroom entrance in a small alcove to my left. Despite her slightly distracted answer, she'd scored a win in my book. I walked through the door and as I headed towards the urinal, I assessed the room that I'd surely spend a good bit of time in the coming months.
The bathroom was done in the style of 'modern functionality', combining easy-to-clean gray floor tiles with bright white plumbing. The sinks, toilets, urinals, and even hand towel dispenser all operated by motion detectors. It was clean and new, having just been remodeled and rebuilt after Katrina's devastating effects.
I liked the convenience, but my first thought was to worry about courtesy flushes during my sporadic but important and morning errand: dropping the kids off at the pool. I dismissed the thought into my lower brain to be processed further at another time, and I approached the wall-mounted piss fixture with a renewed vigor from finally being back "home".
That's when I first noticed it.
The motion sensing hardware was installed behind a small tinted window on the upper part of the urinal. As I approached the white porcelain marvel, a small green light flashed from behind that little window. Nothing more than some basic part of the functionality of this invention no doubt, but still an alarm inside me began going off and I had to concentrate on waterfalls and flowing streams to finally get my lizard leaking.
I shook my schlong up and down and then in a circle, to get the last few remaining drops out, before I cupped by balls in my left hand and lifted. I'd read in an old issue of Men's Health that this trick was supposed to prevent the ever-possible threat of a telltale wet spot on your trousers. It never seemed to work right for me though, so I relied more on the shaking and swirling.
I replaced my member and zipped up my pants, taking a step back from the urinal and smiling as it flushed of it's own accord, changing the puddle of liquid at the bottom from a hazy yellow to crystal clear. I washed my hands and went back to my desk, forgetting about the whole ordeal for the rest of the day.
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"So... how was it?" My wife was relaxed on the couch, pregnant belly protruding like a smuggled bowling ball from under her pink tank top. She was looking up at me from her copy of People with those beautiful brown eyes that made me fall for her in the first place.
"Ehhhhhh, it was alriiiiiight." I jokingly whined, dropping my laptop bag to the floor and loosening my tie.
"Should I go ahead and start packing back up?" She smiled at me with those thick naughty lips pursed together, and I knew she was in the mood.
"Nope." My hands were unbuttoning my white collared shirt, and I smiled back at her, signaling that I knew what was coming next. "We're going to be here forever. So, why don't you put that magazine down, take off your clothes, and fuck me right here?"
Her eyes never left mine, but her mouth opened and her smile turned into an evil grin. She cocked her head to the side, her ponytail flipping down onto her neck, and dropped the "Oscar" issue to the floor. "How about YOU come HERE instead?" Her legs spread open slightly in a gesture of invitation, and I quickly RSVP'd.
It was good to be back home again...
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"Rick!"
My new boss called to me from his office as I was setting my things down at my desk, ready for my first full day of work. I barely recognized my own muffled name being yelled through the closed door. I glanced over and saw through his window that he was on the phone with someone. Still, he motioned me over with his hands, so I hit the power button on my PC to get it booting up, and I headed into his office, leaving the door ajar behind me.
"Listen, I gotta run. If you need directions to the office, send me an email."
Muffled chatter escaped from the phone's ear speaker, and my boss, Mark, nodded at me and rolled his eyes in a gesture implying that a rambler was on the other end of the connection. I took a seat in one of the two chairs across from his desk and nervously straightened my tie.
"Sounds good. Talk to you later. Bye."
He hung up the phone and greeted me without missing a breath.
"How was your drive this morning, bud? Not too bad huh?"
"Nah, about fort-five minutes. Just like you said it would be. Traffic was no worse than up in Virginia." I lived fifty miles from the office because I refused to reside in the New Orleans city limits. I much preferred small-town flavor to big-city aftertaste, so my wife & I decided to rent in a Baton Rouge suburb. She was back at LSU for now, but once she graduated we'd probably move a little closer to the 'Big Easy' just to ease my commute.
"I thought so. Glad to hear it. So, do you have any questions about your territory, your accounts, your numbers..?" His voice trailed off.
"No, it's all pretty straightforward. Listen, I want to thank you again for letting me come down here and work for you. I know you had to make some changes to fit another rep in the budget, but I'm confident I can bring in the business and make everything work out."
"You're welcome bud, we try our best to accommodate everyone. The only thing we ask for in return is performance. You had a good record in the fed world. It's a little different down here but I trust you'll succeed." He held his hand out.
"I intend to." I stood up and shook his outstretched hand.
"I have an open door policy, so if you need anything, just ask." With that, he picked up the phone and started dialing. I began walking out, and he looked up at me, almost as an afterthought. "Could you shut that door on your way out? Thanks."
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Back at my desk, I grabbed my lunch and headed for the break room. I put my ham & cheese sandwich in the refrigerator and scanned the shelves for an idea of what everyone else ate. There were a few styrofoam boxes of leftovers, a salad in a plastic container, and a couple of other sandwiches. I shut the fridge door and headed out the kitchen and towards the bathroom.
My stomach was still asleep so I only needed to empty my bladder. I walked in and headed for the one urinal, unzipping my pants as I approached. The eerie green flashes began, it seemed like they started while I was farther away than they did yesterday. I pushed it out of my mind and did my business.
As soon as the flushing started, I remembered a few questions I'd had for Mark and I rushed to the sink and cleaned up. Walking out of the bathroom door, I made a mental note to look up the science behind auto-flushers.
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I knocked on Mark's door, but he didn't answer. I could hear him on the phone, so I figured he might be a little busy. I walked to my desk and sat down, logging into the company intranet.
By the time Mark called me into his office, I'd forgotten all about the flashing green light... until that night.
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I awoke in a sweat. I'd kicked the covers off of myself in my sleep, and my wife had taken the opportunity to claim them all as her own. I sat up in bed and wiped the sleep out of my eyes. Glancing towards the alarm clock, the red digits screaming 3:21am, I swallowed and lay back down.
I closed my eyes, but all I could see was that flashing green light. I'd dreamed that I was being chased by a tiny creature who wanted to kill me. He was round and puffy, about the size of one of those stress-relieving balls you crumple in your hand. He was armed with sharp little teeth, and I had a feeling he'd eat me alive if he caught up to me. He was yelling at me in this crazy little high-pitched voice, like something out of a Jim Henson production.
All the while, he had something in his hand that kept flashing that damn green light at me.
It took over an hour before I fell back asleep.
User Reviews
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-12-07 10:22:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2006-12-07 10:05:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by swimmingbirdblue (user info) at 2006-12-06 19:25:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Looking forward to the next.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-12-06 16:58:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
very entertaining read. Now I wanna know who's taping you in teh bathroom.
sounds like the loud boss might be slightly pervy...
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2006-12-06 16:52:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
It was nicely written, but I kept searching for a punchline.
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-12-06 15:22:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is the most boring title ever. No wonder it's gone five hours with no reviews. YOU COCK!!! This was good. NEXT TIME, PICK A TITLE THAT WILL GET PEOPLE'S ATTENTION!!! AND CATEGORIZE IT SO THAT IT STANDS OUT!!! KTHX.