It's not ENGLISH if you can't understand it!! (871 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: -0.93 on 47 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by combatwombat (View user info) at 2006-12-06 11:07:50 EST
Okay, this'll sure piss off all you brits, scottish, aussies, and maybe even a few cannucks, but what the HELL language are you speaking? I'm sorry, but some of you may be from England, and it may be called English, but what the fuck?? Granted, the British are more understandable than the Scottish and the Aussies, but still. Now with the exception of our beloved inbred Southerners in states like West Virginia, Alabama, Kentucky and a few I'm sure to forget where your mom's also your sister, I've never once heard any Briton, Aussie, Scott, or Canuck complain about not being able to understand what Americans are saying. First of all, why do you like the letter U so much?? You put it EVERYWHERE. ColoUr, rumoUr, humoUr,tumoUr,an so on. These words are fine without the fucking U. Leave it out. Don't add it. Fuck U. Why do you HATE the letter Z (zed right?) The word is R-E-A-L-I-Z-E not Realise. That looks fucking retarded. ChastiZe, not Chastise as in I'm sure I'll be chastised for this post.
You British can't even argue with this. If you're a Farker, than you certainly read the article about the Scottish Pubwatch pager service that had to be shut down because the operators were British and couldn't understand a fucking word that the Scottish bartenders were saying. Yet, they supposedly speak English. I mean, there are dialects and then there are whole new languages. Oh yeah, call centRES. What the fuck. In MY English, spelling the word CENTRES, implies adding an entirely new syllable. You just don't like putting an O or an E in front of an R do you?
So enough with the spelling, let's get right down to the language... the words themselves.
Let's start simple:
The rear area of my vehicle where I put my luggage, spare tire (not TYRE), dead bodies and what not is called my TRUNK not my fucking BOOT. My BOOT is what I put up your ASS (NOT ARSE). Calling it a BOOT makes no sense. Granted a trunk hangs in front of an elephant, and not the rear, a trunk is also an object used to store things making the analogy work.
The large object with 18 wheels that carries various goods from point a to point b is called a Truck, or a Semi, or an 18 wheeler, or a Tractor Trailer (trailour?) NOT A 'LORREY'. What the fuck is a 'LORREY'?? Please, PLEASE can one of you Brits PLEASE tell me what the origin of this word is?
And this list could go on and on, and I invite all Uberers to contribute to this list.
What the fuck are bollocks, bullocks, etc.??? And why do you use this word as often as the word 'is' if not more often?
What is with you people and your fucking tea? Do they put crack in your tea? It doesn't matter what you're doing, you could be involved in a hand-to-hand death match with your most hated enemy (or a World War, or a War on Terrorism), but right 'round tea time, you STOP. You bring out the teakettle and the crumpets (whatever the fuck those are) and you drink tea. TEA!!! The Royal Air Force almost lost one of their largest aircraft and all passengers on board, but they were SAVED by a fucking TEA KETTLE. Granted, if that was an American aircraft, they'd have been fucked so cheers to the Brits for being prepared, but still.
You Canadians can't make up your mind whether you want to speak French (aka, the Language of the 'I Give Up') or English. You Aussies are to the British, what West Virginians are to us, although not part of the same country. You have some backwoods unintelligible version of the English language. And the Scottish... um... yeah, I don't even know what to say about you, but one thing is for sure, if I said it, you'd understand it.
That's all I got.
Cheerio chap, mate, bloke, wanker.
Oh yeah, one more thing: in MY English, we don't use the same word for cigarettes as we do for homosexuals you fucking fags. If I say I'm gonna go smoke a fag over here, there's a pretty good chance I'll get arrested for threatening to commit a hate crime (i.e. kill a gay guy).
Good luck with your teeth.
User Reviews
Submitted by erosion_rules (user info) at 2006-12-09 22:02:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Heh...Lorrey...I have an aunt named Laurie, and when I heard about that, I was all like "Is someone using my aunt as a conveyance? But she only weighs 110 pounds, how can she haul 1800 cases of tapioca pudding?"
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2006-12-09 21:27:02 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Quite frankly, this was a load of poppycock, old bean.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-12-09 20:35:50 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Rereading made me decide this is shit.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2006-12-07 10:04:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
And your rugby- the closest thing you really have to our football kicks our football's ass.
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You're goddamn right it does.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-12-07 09:59:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Satire or a provincial rant?
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2006-12-07 09:52:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
And why are you so god damned insulted by the word wanker?
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I don't mind being called a wanker. I am a wanker and have been for about 18 years, I had some time off for good behaviour and was supplied with a female assitant.
As for the language thing. Who really cares? If you guys want to shorten words, go ahead it really doesn't bother me at all. The whole up in arms thing sounds too much like my father for my liking. He also complains about 'Ethnic' groups and those homosexual chaps.
I like to call him my Old Bigot when I visit him in the cellar.
Submitted by matnotharry (user info) at 2006-12-07 09:37:03 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This was wank.
Though I think it's funny how we put 'U's in words like colour and honour then take them out again for words like colorisation and honorary.
But this was still wank
Submitted by Timmaaaaah (user info) at 2006-12-07 09:25:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by combatwombat (user info) at 2006-12-07 08:50:11 (#)
Ranking: 0
Unlike most of the people who only take this as an insult instead of satire (satyre?) and lash out calling me names and what not, at least when I insult foreigners, I take shots at my own country as well. I have the ability and the maturity to see the faults of my own nation and don't, by any means, claim that "America is #1". I will give you fucking wankers a little credit though:
Football--
In the UK and pretty much everywhere that isn't America, this is the name you've given to what we call Soccer. Our football is something completely different.
What were we thinking? In OUR football, with the exception of field goals and kick-offs, making contact with the ball using your foot is rather frowned upon. Seems rather idiotic to name a sport after a body part that is pretty much off-limits in the playing of said sport. And your rugby- the closest thing you really have to our football kicks our football's ass. In my opinion. So bravo to the wankers for Football.
And why are you so god damned insulted by the word wanker?
______________________________________________________________________________
I think you will find in your post that you are giving the impression that America are correct in everything and Britain, Australia, whether it be spelling, interpretation etc are either incorrect or being stupid.
Submitted by combatwombat (user info) at 2006-12-07 08:50:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Unlike most of the people who only take this as an insult instead of satire (satyre?) and lash out calling me names and what not, at least when I insult foreigners, I take shots at my own country as well. I have the ability and the maturity to see the faults of my own nation and don't, by any means, claim that "America is #1". I will give you fucking wankers a little credit though:
Football--
In the UK and pretty much everywhere that isn't America, this is the name you've given to what we call Soccer. Our football is something completely different.
What were we thinking? In OUR football, with the exception of field goals and kick-offs, making contact with the ball using your foot is rather frowned upon. Seems rather idiotic to name a sport after a body part that is pretty much off-limits in the playing of said sport. And your rugby- the closest thing you really have to our football kicks our football's ass. In my opinion. So bravo to the wankers for Football.
And why are you so god damned insulted by the word wanker?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-12-07 07:53:41 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
DIE MOTHERFUCKER DIE MOTHERFUCKER DIE!
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-12-07 07:46:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
you're either an alter or a bit of a jerk and I don't care either way
Submitted by Flying_buttmonkey (user info) at 2006-12-07 07:39:29 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Fuck off is it! We have 8,235 more swear words than you do!
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2006-12-07 06:22:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm convinced the British version of English was invented by homos. It's all so very flowery and "pleasant".
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2006-12-07 06:20:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Money.
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-12-07 05:00:53 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You're one of those people that says Theron with a 'th' sound, aren't you?
Submitted by phuzzygish (user info) at 2006-12-07 04:30:38 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Nooit bru.
You tune me some kak about how I must gooi my language a bit better, but then you scheme that okes like us don't know how to actually charf an oke properly becasue we're doff or something?
Swak one boet, that's offsides.
ENGLISH, MOTHERFUCKER.
I CAN SPEAK IT, AND WILL SPEAK IT, ANY WAY I CHOOSE.
Submitted by mynameisandy (user info) at 2006-12-07 04:17:01 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
The evolution of American English:
"Hey Chuck, how do you spell 'through'?"
"Not sure Brad, I think it's spelled T H R U O U H...G, or something."
"How about we just write T H R U..."
"Great idea buddy!"
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2006-12-07 03:43:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-12-06 13:30:27 (#)
Ranking: -2
WOW AN INTERESTING AND FRESH TAKE ON A TIRED SUBJECT!!!
WELL DONE!
Submitted by Flying_buttmonkey (user info) at 2006-12-07 03:10:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by combatwombat (user info) at 2006-12-06 11:28:19 (#)
Ranking: 0
I may be ignorant, but at least I can smile without frightening small children
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Sigh.
Yes, all British people have bad teeth, all Americans are fat and stupid, all Russian people drink Vodka with their cornflakes, all Asian people are ninjas. The English language actually by some magical coincidence originated in America and was adopted by the English after that, as prior to that we had been communicating in mime.
We apologise for not bastardising our....I mean your language and pissing about with the spellings with words that have got along just fine as they are for hundreds of years before you even existed, just because you guys have.
I apologise on behalf of all my countrymen and women, and yes I did spell that with an 'S', because it's a soft sound, not a hard one.
Fuck off.
Die.
Submitted by Tony_the_Tiger_is_a_Pedophile (user info) at 2006-12-07 02:38:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
took 17 years of my life to learn what bollocks means, but i think the limey who told me lied anyways
Submitted by Quint (user info) at 2006-12-06 19:45:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Find a dictionary and look up aluminium. Then check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at how incorrectly you have been saying it.
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2006-12-06 14:27:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Concerning our language difference's :
http://www.ubersite.com/m/96560#2246218
concerning you :
http://www.ubersite.com/m/96206
nice post , btw .
Submitted by Ballare (user info) at 2006-12-06 14:23:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by combatwombat (user info) at 2006-12-06 11:28:19 (#)
Ranking: 0
10 reviews already, and still no one can tell me what the origin of the word 'lorry' is. I may be ignorant, but at least I can smile without frightening small children.
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lorry:
"A truck, a long, flat wagon," 1838, British railroad word, probably from verb lurry "to pull, tug," of uncertain origin. Meaning "large motor vehicle for carrying goods" is first attested 1911.
http://www.etymonline.com/ Online Etymology Dictionary
Asshat.
Submitted by thegizzle (user info) at 2006-12-06 14:16:33 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Fuckin yank twat
Submitted by VelvetElvis (user info) at 2006-12-06 14:09:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Smooth delivery and fresh take on an ancient debate. Worthy of inclusion in a Blue Collar Comedy monologue- that's not a cutdown.
If you had an older user number, this would have a positive rating. The most unacceptable thing about this post to others is that you're funnier than they are.
Submitted by Timmaaaaah (user info) at 2006-12-06 14:01:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Your'e a cock, you're a cock, you're a cock.
Submitted by kuroneko_sama (user info) at 2006-12-06 13:36:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
reminds me of when i wrote this http://www.ubersite.com/m/94342 2 months ago
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-12-06 13:30:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
WOW AN INTERESTING AND FRESH TAKE ON A TIRED SUBJECT!!!
WELL DONE!
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-12-06 13:22:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-12-06 12:57:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
OMG U FORINNERS ARE LIEK DIFRANT AND STUFF!!! U TALK FUNEE AND I CAN'T DEAL WIT IT!!!@@!@#!#@@!$
Submitted by gravitas (user info) at 2006-12-06 12:49:32 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
my mom/sister agrees that you're an ignorant fuck.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-12-06 12:45:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2006-12-06 12:34:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by combatwombat (user info) at 2006-12-06 11:28:19 (#)
Ranking: 0
10 reviews already, and still no one can tell me what the origin of the word 'lorry' is. I may be ignorant, but at least I can smile without frightening small children.
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I have perfect teeth and can tell you that even the Oxford Dictionary says that the word 'lorry' is of 'obscure etymology'.
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2006-12-06 11:38:29 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I doubt you had anything to do with the Brits getting pissed (drunk, right? Who says Monty Python isn't edumacational?)
Probably just confirmed for them that the average Ümerican is pig-ignorant about the rest of the world.
Submitted by combatwombat (user info) at 2006-12-06 11:28:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
10 reviews already, and still no one can tell me what the origin of the word 'lorry' is. I may be ignorant, but at least I can smile without frightening small children.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-12-06 11:27:01 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
~ Minus Two Die ~
Submitted by Cinderblock (user info) at 2006-12-06 11:25:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Say goodbye to the fronpage you HOMOSEXUAL.
Submitted by combatwombat (user info) at 2006-12-06 11:24:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by CHR15 (user info) at 2006-12-06 11:22:47 (#)
Ranking: -2
Did you know that it is socially unacceptable to be an ignorant American nowadays?
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Did you know that if an American and a Brit were to get into a fight around tea time, the American would win?
Submitted by The_Mighty_Badger (user info) at 2006-12-06 11:24:35 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2006-12-06 11:23:59 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-12-06 11:13:13 (#)
Ranking: -2
1.The Scottish are British, it's not a seperate country.
2.We speak the original English, it's not our fault you changed some of the words.
3.Shut the fuck up you ignorant cunt.
4. English takes most of its roots from original languages like Latin.
Submitted by CHR15 (user info) at 2006-12-06 11:22:47 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Did you know that it is socially unacceptable to be an ignorant American nowadays?
Submitted by combatwombat (user info) at 2006-12-06 11:15:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
See, I don't even know if you're referring to me as a cigarette, or a homosexual. I both cases, I guess I'm somewhat offended :-( sniffle.
Submitted by Harbinger (user info) at 2006-12-06 11:14:33 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
stfu cunt
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-12-06 11:13:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
x
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-12-06 11:13:13 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
1.The Scottish are British, it's not a seperate country.
2.We speak the original English, it's not our fault you changed some of the words.
3.Shut the fuck up you ignorant cunt.
Submitted by scum101 (user info) at 2006-12-06 11:12:28 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
stfu faggot
Submitted by nya_nyo (user info) at 2006-12-06 11:12:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Bollocks = balls, as in 'Never mind the bullocks (balls), here's the Sex Pistols' (dick)
I'm English and I know that