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Submitted by heavenswalls <jbstizout.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2003-07-03 04:01:00 EDT
Well, here I am with a confession to make. I started drinking again the other night. Fuck it, who cares right? Even though I still believe nothing good comes out of it, I still did it, and I'll probably do it again. I know some of you are thinking: "Big fucking deal. You actually got DRUNK OMG!!!." Well, to me it is a big deal because I haven't touched the stuff in a very long time. A lot of emotional baggage was being carried around about it. I didn't like the way that I was becoming stuck up and high-and-mighty to others about their drinking habits. I got rid of that shit quick like, and I'm on the road to nirvana again. Okay, maybe not nirvana, but at least I've burned that bridge.
An old friend from back in high school was in town this week and today was his last day here, so last night we celebrated old times and new alike. It started off good. Not a lot of beer was purchased because I hadn't planned on drinking and they didn't want to have a hangover when they woke up this morning for their trip back home...or so I thought. Things were going good. Conversations were flowing about old times and experiences, and of my friend's new relationships from where he lives now. For the time being let's call my old friend Joe.
Joe is a cool guy. He always has been, and he always will be. He's not an asshole, and that's one of his best qualities. Under that, he's just easy to get along with. He's aggressive in meeting new people, but in a gentle way because he knows how people react to different situations and he pushes the limits. On his visit, Joe brought two other new friends from college: Lindsey and Will. Of course, these are people I didn't know, so I was glad he brought new friends along to share with his hometown. Any friend of Joe's is a friend of mine, and I used Joe's judgment on who I can talk to freely because he wouldn't bring someone to meet his family and parents if they were assholes. (Ah yes, I stated that Joe was in town away from college, so that would give away my age. I'm twenty if any of you were ever curious.)
Lindsey is a cool girl. She's down to earth and sexy, but she doesn't fully know it. I respect girls like Lindsey, simply for the fact that she's very self-conscious about herself and she feels the need to put others before her. That's very respectable, and I could tell it the minute I met her. She's not a bitch, and although I'm sure she can be, like all women, she only saves that right for certain times when it's needed. (That time comes later - I'll explain.)
Ahh, Will. What can I say about Will? My first impressions were that he was weird, and that was totally wrong. Joe doesn't pick assholes for friends so I decided to talk to him like I would Joe. I learned that Will belongs to a fraternity back where Joe lives and he talked him into this trip in order to meet some new people. Will, is a very impressionable guy, as I learned last night after the alcohol made his tongue loose.
Now, back to the big picture. The 'get-together' was taking place at another friend's apartment. There are two people that live there, but only one is significant enough for this story and his name is Matt. Matt is a year younger than me and although we went to the same high school, I didn't know him until last year through the other friend that shares the apartment. Matt is another cool guy. He is ½ of a set of twins and when they're together it's hilarious - double the trouble. His brother comes into the picture later on, so for now I'll just give you his name: Billy. Matt is a funny ass guy, and a smart one also. He's one of those guys that can look at a problem and see a way to fix it that no one else would see. Innovative is the word for it and he's good at it, and funny at the same time.
Things were going well. We were just sitting around talking, watching TV, and we even threw in a few games of multiplayer of Halo in while they started drinking. It wasn't a party, at least from my perspective. It was just some friends hanging out. Conversations of old times were being talked about as if they were just yesterday, and I started drawing up. I felt I was holding something back that needed to be let go. I was tired of the bullshit, tired of being tired. "Give me a beer," I said.
Everyone quit talking, and all eyes locked on me like I was a mad man. They all knew that I'd quit drinking and wondered at my current words. I sat there and said nothing for a moment, looking back and forth at them staring at me. "Well, I guess I'll get it then." When I returned and sat down, they looked on at awe as I popped the can and took a quick swig. Still, no words were spoken. "What the fuck, am I that gorgeous?" Eyes settled, and conversations started brewing again. Joe, who was sitting beside me, had still not said a word. He was sitting beside me still staring at me. I finally looked up at him as I was taking another drink from my beer. As he raised his hand up to shake mine, he whispered: "Welcome back."
My first night with alcohol in almost three years. My tolerance is equivalent to a pile of mud in the sight of an oncoming tank. In my prime, I could down a twelve pack and make the pope look drunk, but last night I got a buzz after little more than half my first beer was gone. "What the hell are you doing," I asked myself. I got no reply, and I drank a little more to toast the fact that a voice in my head didn't answer that question.
Things were still good. We were having a good time and enjoying the atmosphere. I'd decided to spend the night with friends instead of hunting for wool on the town. Leg is to be found at all times, but last night was one in a million and that thought was not even in my head. I was staying put.
A few more people showed up. I hadn't seen some of these people since high school, and I started remembering why I'd quit drinking. A few more people. It was turning into an outright party, and I felt uncomfortable. I found it funny that these people, of all nights, decided to show up with their party. It's like there's some type of radar these people have whenever there's a place to drink. It sends out a signal to them and beckons them to come.
Thankfully, there was another place whose signal was growing even stronger, so most of the crowd left. I let out a sigh of relief. I'm not agoraphobic; I just didn't want the situation to get out of hand as it usually does with some underage drinkers. The rowdy people left, but a couple of stragglers stayed behind. They didn't cause any ruckus, so it was fine. They were in their own group talking and having a good time. A little later I noticed that one of them left. I didn't think anything of it at that time, but he was coming back, yes he was...
Beer was in shortage. Stockpiles were dwindling and there was nothing to be done about it. I shunned myself for not being able to see into the future to encompass the current situation - lack of beer. I was not truly panicking, but it was definitely something that lingered in my mind with every drink of beer I took.
By then, it was one o'clock and I was pretty drunk. I'd only had four and I was feeling awesome. I found myself outside on the deck talking to Lindsey. We were sitting there alone just talking. I know what you're thinking - I was thinking it too. The look in her eyes told me it was right. Somehow, the conversation turned onto her job and what she does. She's in sales, meaning she doesn't just stand at a counter ringing up things people are buying; she goes to the customer and tries to sell them something. I've done work like it before, and I hated it. I told her about my past job at it and explained how you're not only selling the product, but you're selling yourself too. This is TRUE damnit, but I just couldn't get it into her sexy little head.
My argument was perfect. I was amazed at the fact that I was putting my words together so smoothly. She even had the guts to argue that she didn't actually sell herself, but earlier she had bragged at how some guys were swayed over at her job just by her touch of their arm or shoulder. Towards the end of the argument, I found her touching my arm with her smooth hands and speaking in a pleading tone of voice. I was on top of the situation. I wanted to make the best of what was happening and score something good for myself. I reached down and gently grabbed her hand, which was still on my arm, and said: "See, you're selling yourself right now to win this argument." I kept her hand in mine and started to move my fingers up and down her hand. You know where this is going - so did I.
It was a classic moment. Classic as in a cock-block couldn't happen any better. Right before we were about to kiss, and I mean RIGHT before our lips touched, Billy busts through the door: "What's up motherfuckers!" he said in his funny ass voice. I didn't think it was funny at all at that moment. Following Billy was Joe and Billy's brother Matt. I was so drunk that I'd forgot my priorities. Damnit, I'm an asshole.
We all sat down on the deck and talked. Everything was fine again. We talked and talked. God, I don't think I've ever talked so much before. The alcohol was really getting to me. Billy had been at a friend's house drinking before some chick had dropped him off with us. Oh, but not before she gave Billy some Zannex and he popped them on his way into the apartment. Needless to say, Billy spent the rest of the night shivering and staring at the stars on the deck, wordless in his trip.
We had made it back inside to chill out in the air conditioning for a little bit when the front door opened. It was one of the stragglers that had left a little earlier, and with him - Ashley and Ashley. I didn't know Ashley and Ashley, and after meeting them, I really don't care to know them. As a matter of fact, Ashley and Ashley can lick my ball sack for all I'm concerned. These were two UGLY-ASS BITCHES, and I stress those three words because that's what a biography would read if I wrote one about them. For one thing, these girls were dark, but it wasn't natural. It looked as if they had spent thirty minutes in a tanning bed every day for the past twenty years. I've never met two white girls so nasty looking. Jesse Jackson could pass for their father they were so dark.
Dark on ugly is another good term for them. They were also bitches. The way they walked and talked would make you know this. They thought they were Gods showing up at a near sausage party. They walked in and introductions were made. God, I can hear it now:
"Hi, I'm Ashley."
"And I'm Ashley."
Bitches. Snotty, obnoxious whores. Later on I learned that they'd both been around the block more times than you could count. I wonder how many parties they'd actually been to and how many hands have turned their knobs. Bitches. (Am I being redundant?)
The only people they were pleasing with their presence was the two stragglers that were there. They could tell this too whenever they tried to talk to someone other than the two. I guess they weren't so used to being ignored. They probably only show up at parties when most teenagers are too drunk to see the ugly and only the pussy, and they get their way. Thank the Lord; they FINALLY left with the two stragglers. "Don't let the door hit you in the ass, bitches" someone muttered loud enough for them to hear it, but quiet enough to conceal who it came from. Their evil eyes snapped back at the comment, but they didn't stop.
The beer was gone. No beer left. There's nothing to drink. Zilch. I was freaking out. I'd never remembered being so worked up over that before. I really didn't need any more alcohol. My night should've ended right there with my head on a pillow.
Wrong.
As I said earlier, I thought that they'd only bought enough beer for them and a few more. Wrong.
We were all standing in the kitchen after I'd called everyone in to look inside the fridge and asked them what they didn't see. They all stood there without saying anything. We were all hammered. In my state I said: "BEER. WE HAVE NO BEER. CAN'T YOU SEE?!?"
At that moment, Lindsey stepped forward. She had something up her sleeve that I couldn't quite figure out. She stood beside me and turned and looked at out friends. She calmly looked at me then turned and opened up the cabinet above the sink. "Voila!" she said as she took the bottle of Vodka from it. I cringed. (Some of you might know why see - http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=10541958648079660 )
I didn't want to do it. I was already as drunk as I wanted to get. We'd joked earlier about peer pressure and how people succumb to it. Now was the moment of truth. I hate ANY type of liquor. It's evil, and it's for the DEVIL! Well, last night was a night of bridge burning, so I burned another one.
One
Two
Three
Four
In a row, that is. My throat and stomach barely withstood the intrusion. Everything I'd known about the rules of drinking was broken right then. I remembered the old poem:
Liquor before beer -
Never fear.
Beer before liquor -
Get sick quicker.
Damn right. I shouldn't have done that shit. My throat and stomach were still burning. It was telling me to let go and puke it all out. I wanted to so badly, but I held it in so it could take its effect. Bad decision that was, I tell you. I held it in. Joe, Matt, and Will had decided on taking bottle shots. I told them to wait a while so I could start feeling good. Hell, they each had a beer left in their hands anyway, so my thoughts were that if they're going to drink the vodka, they might as well get as much as they can out of the beer first. We sat and talked for a little while as the four shots in my stomach took their toll on me.
When they were done with the last of their beer, and when the current topic of conversation was done, we headed for the bottle. They decided the quickest way was to take quick shots and keep on passing the bottle as fast as they could. Halfway between a game and stupidity, I know, but it was still a plan. I told them it would be best if they did it outside on the deck in case any of them got sick in the process. I could barely walk, but my mind knew exactly what was going to happen. We went outside, and I prepared my camera for the perfect shot. I knew one of them was going to hurl and I was going to catch that shit on film.
They were standing in a circle, pumping themselves up for the event. It was hilarious from my perspective as an onlooker. Joe was jumping up and down as if he were getting ready for a marathon. Matt had his head bowed like he was praying. Will had the more drunk and comical approach to it a yelled at the top of his lungs in a voice eerily and strikingly similar to that from the movie: "I AM WILLIAM WALLACE, AND I WILL CONSUME THE ENGLISH WITH FIREBALLS FROM MY EYES AND LIGHTNING BOLTS FROM MY ARSE!!!"
I charged the flash on my camera. Till the day I die, I'll wonder how the hell I did it in my state. It's one of those cheap ass digital cameras from Wal-Mart and it doesn't have a display light. I was going on the light that was coming from inside the apartment.
Joe started the countdown, as he had the bottle in his hand.
3
2
1
He turned the bottle up and drank a mouthful, and passed it to Matt. He did the same and passed it to Will. This went on, VERY fast, four times around. They stood there with faces that only a bitter beer commercial could describe. I could tell it was coming, no doubt. At that instant, all three of them hurried over to the rail and poked their heads clear of it. You know what happened. They all hurled at the same time, from twenty feet up. It was so gross even to listen to it hit the ground. The last thought I have of the night is thinking, "I got a picture of that shit."...
User Reviews
Submitted by Hadooken (user info) at 2003-07-07 09:42:04 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
PUKE RALLY!!!!!!!!!!! Rock on!
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2003-07-07 09:35:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You can't possibly be only 20 years old. 20 year olds microwave lobsters not write the stuff you do. Maybe you have an old soul, maybe I'm still stoned from the weekend.
Submitted by HeavensWalls (user info) at 2003-07-03 15:53:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't think I'll do anything like that. For some reason, the though of hidden's recent post with the picture of the beer on fire was in my head. It was a really good night. I'm still young and I still have many things to experience. I find myself acting like I'm so old sometimes. I need to be put into my place...
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2003-07-03 15:07:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Just don't turn into this: http://www.ubersite.com/cgi-bin/message_get.cgi?message=1053626968323610144
Andy baby you know I love you enough to remember your name.
Submitted by HeavensWalls (user info) at 2003-07-03 14:35:49 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
I was going to incorporate a comparison of the Ashleys that showed up, and the Ashleys from the children's cartoon "Recess". Yes, I've watched Recess more than once. I feel more clean right at this instant that I've felt in a LONG time. I don't plan on becoming an alcoholic again but I'm enjoying myself again. Hopefully I won't make any drunken posts though...
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2003-07-03 14:25:10 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
NO NO NO BAD BAD BAD
I don't mean to turn into Razor here, but I THOUGHT YOU WERE AN ALCOHOLIC?!?
You can't start drinking again.
+2 because it was a good story, but I'm concerned in an overly protective aunt sort of way.
So I guess you didn't like the Ashleys huh?
Submitted by HeavensWalls (user info) at 2003-07-03 14:10:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
That feeling only goes away if you find a companion to share in your soberness. I had a girl to share it with for a while, but she's gone now. Man, I miss her, but I have even more adventures to share with others now.
No I didn't score with Lindsey. I woke up and she was gone, as were Will and Joe.
Submitted by K.M (user info) at 2003-07-03 10:34:30 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by turveytopsy (user info) at 2003-07-03 10:09:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Back to the bottom of the bottle, eh?
Submitted by PopNFresh (user info) at 2003-07-03 05:58:34 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Great story - did you ever make it with the girl??
Giving up booze is easy - i only drink at partys and and the like so i don't ever have a problem going weeks without drink - i always do stupid stuff that i end up regretting anyway so it probably a good thing
If anyones thinking about playing rugby with a frozen chicken on a hill i'll tell you now its not a good idea
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2003-07-03 05:43:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Very funny.
I have just given up drinking (2 days and counting)and I miss it already.
Does that feeling go away?
I was such a prick over the weekend being shitfaced that I just can't go on that way.
Insulted everyone around me, best friends, old school friends, best mates - girlfriends - the lot.
So..... wish me luck.
(Still gonna smoke weed though!)
Submitted by HeavensWalls (user info) at 2003-07-03 04:01:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Yeah, I know that this is a classic gay drinking story but I just HAD to share it with you. I know it was long, so if you actually read the whole thing then thanks...