Oh God I'm a badass or the people of my university are morons (774 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.28 on 25 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by whiskeyjack (View user info) at 2006-12-07 15:48:43 EST
So apparently I propped open a side door to my dorm(We're not supposed to do that) when I went out for a smoke, and got busted on camera. Oh and this was apparently at 5am mind you. Whatever I don't care, I just said "Yeah, sure whatever. I'm hungry." and took my punishment.
Well it turns out my punishment is I have to write an essay about why propping open a door is wrong. So I did the only right thing there was to do. I totally forgot. Then I found out that when it took me too long to give them the essay they put a hold on my ability to regrister for classes. So now this is a problem. Because I didn't write a complete retarded essay about "the perils of propping open a door" I can't register for classes. So I went ahead and wrote the damn essay, because I want me a college degree. I mean I could just get by on my looks of course but I was raised by wolves and they taught me to earn what I have.
So then I handed it in and the damn foreign bitch barely glanced at it. I put all that effort and my mad skillz as a wordsmith and she didn't even take the time to realize I was patronizing her and insulting her intelligence. What's the world coming too when people don't even take the time to be offended?
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The Dangers of Propping Open a Door
There are countless dangers in the world today. Why at any second you could get a terminal disease. One day you could be crossing the street and get hit by a drunk driver. You could be shot in a gang drive-by or in a police raid. Hell sometimes people even spontaneously combust. These are just some of the examples of the countless dangers out there in the world, but I'm not going to talk about those. The problem I'm going to discuss is the possible dangers of propping open the door of my dorm.
Many might think this a trivial thing to write about. Well they may be write, but they haven't taken everything into account. I won't make that mistake. I'll discuss the possible consequences of propping open a door, and the solution to not having to prop open a door.
First lets look at the consequences. Well if a door is left open and unattended than it loses the purpose of being locked. It's now just a big hole in the wall. There are several problems with having a big hole in the wall. First is that anyone can get in now. If someone wanted to steal something they could come in a try to steal it. I know many might think that all the dorm doors are locked and they would be right in thinking that but a potential robber could steal a lounge chair or go into the laundry room and steal your favorite shirt. There is also the chance that for some reason your room isn't locked, maybe you're going to the bathroom. How terrible would it be if you went to go take a shower and come back and find that someone's stolen all your stuff? It'd be pretty damn terrible that's how terrible.
Also there is the possibility of someone violent and stupid coming in. They'd have to be stupid on account only someone stupid would commit a crime in a dorm which most everyone knows have cameras in them. But if a stupid, and violent person where to get into the building; they could with a hole in the wall, they might attack someone. The last thing I need in life is to be walking to class and when I leave my door have some cross eyed psycho jump me and try to rape me. If I want to get beat up I'll become a super heavy weight boxer, at least they get cool robes.
Also there is the fact that an open door lets out heat, which drives up the heating bill, which could lead to higher tuition, which could lead to me being further in debt from school, which could lead to bad credit, which could lead to me not being able to get a good home or loan, which could lead to me having to work in a middle management job for a large corporation I hate for bad pay and being stuck in a loveless marriage with 2.5 kids, and me driving a Dodge Stratus. The thought sends a shiver up my spine.
So those are some of the terrible things that can happen if one props open the door on the side of my dorm. Now let us take a gander as it were at the possible things one could do instead. Now this idea might be far fetched but hear it out first. We could have security check points and guards through out my dorm. Unfortunately this would be expensive and I'm usually not in the mood to be frisked by an overweight man with a bad mustache every time I try to get back in the building. Also there is the cost of this, which would lead to the same consequences of the raise in the heating bill, and I refuse to end up driving a Dodge Stratus and wearing a Hawaiin shirt at my office's Hawaiin Shirt Fridays every other week.
Another solution is to put a keycard lock on that door. This may actually be a good idea seeing as this door gets heavy traffic. Also then the University wouldn't have to "bring the smack down" as it were on people who prop open doors.
The best solution though would most likely to be for me and others to simply walk around to the front to get in. It's not really that far, plus the exercise is good for you. It helps to keep off that extra weight us freshmen tend to put on.
So there you have it. The consequences: theft, violent attack, a sad mediocre life, and the solutions: guards, a new keycard lock, going around to the front. All of these are valid points; except the one about the guards maybe, and I'll make sure to take this all into account next time I think to prop open the side door of my dorm.
~~~~~~~~~~~SNEAK ATTACK CAMWHORE!!!! GWAAAAA~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
User Reviews
Submitted by GnarlsBarkley (user info) at 2007-03-09 02:32:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
because you're awsome. *SNEEK +2 ATTACK!
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2006-12-09 00:34:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't read...but +2 for Colt 45. Haven't had it in about 10 years. Can't say I miss it, actually.
Submitted by YoMikeyA (user info) at 2006-12-08 11:06:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ahhhh, i went to college in northern new york, near the canadian border where it was like -50000 degrees with the wind chill....and that damn no smoking within 200 FEET of a building RULE, i had to write 3 essays about that crap!
Submitted by jade_digitalmedia (user info) at 2006-12-08 10:26:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
unbelievable. i was never really in detention, but i remember a few times that the teacher would punish the whole class and make everyone write some retarded paper about being quiet or sitting still or why not to kick someones ass on the playground, even though they deserved it.
Submitted by Jeanneee (user info) at 2006-12-07 22:00:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Too bad about the Hogs, damn those Gators piss me off. I can't believe fucking Florida is playing for the NCAA title. I'm seriously a little sick over how weak that is.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-12-07 21:45:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2006-12-07 21:24:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GnarlsBarkley (user info) at 2006-12-07 18:46:33 (#)
Ranking: 2
I think you're beautiful and we should make out.... Heart
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YES! We so should. <3
And they didn't threaten to put a hold on it they DID put the hold on it. I just got it off so I fucking win.
Oh and that Hi 5 in the pic is for all ma Uberhomies. Wurd.
(a side note right now I'm drinking a 40 of Colt 45 and smoking menthols...I feel so friggin black. I can't wait for a cop to harras me!)
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-12-07 21:11:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
they seriously made you write an essay for propping the door open and threatened to put a hold on your registration?
for propping a door open.
I would have called the ACLU
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2006-12-07 20:17:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-12-07 19:02:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Door Police
Tonight on fx
Some material may not be suitable for children.
An essay on propping open a door. Jesus wept. I just wish you had let a rank fart in a crowded elevator. THAT essay would have been a gem.
Submitted by GnarlsBarkley (user info) at 2006-12-07 18:48:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
like.... seriously
Submitted by GnarlsBarkley (user info) at 2006-12-07 18:46:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think you're beautiful and we should make out.... Heart
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-12-07 18:11:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
you should change your name to whiskydick
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2006-12-07 16:38:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Acarnis (user info) at 2006-12-07 16:21:11 (#)
Ranking: 0
He goes to school at Arkansas, who lost the SEC Championship.
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This post was awful, but if normalized by Arkansas standards it's really damn good.
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2006-12-07 16:37:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Acarnis (user info) at 2006-12-07 16:21:11 (#)
Ranking: 0
He goes to school at Arkansas, who lost the SEC Championship.
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You son of a bitch!
Oh and yeah I know it's a halfassed essay I'm not gonna actually try to use proper grammar for these mouth breathers.
SPT BITCHES!
Submitted by TheCrystalShip (user info) at 2006-12-07 16:33:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I was into this post until I read your lame essay. You could have done so much better.
Also...
"Well they may be write"
Now suck my cock.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-12-07 16:21:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I remember they used to make me write my side of what happened while I was in detention. Every time, I'd write the recipe for filet of baby.
Submitted by Acarnis (user info) at 2006-12-07 16:21:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
He goes to school at Arkansas, who lost the SEC Championship.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-12-07 16:11:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Your dorms have cameras? Where do you go to college at, D.C.?
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-12-07 16:09:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
i had detention once in like 5th grade and the teacher said i didn't hand in my homework even though i had. having recently discovered the word "fuck" i decided that i'd write 200 words on how much i fucking hated her and how much of a bitch she was, that she played favorites and was mean and all that stuff using my new vocab. i didn't get in trouble and she never said anything so i'm fairly sure she never read it.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-12-07 16:01:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
They made you write an essay about the propping open of doors? Is your administration a bunch of former Kindergarten teachers?
Submitted by brokenlizard534 (user info) at 2006-12-07 16:00:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
geez.
Submitted by beauxjizzle (user info) at 2006-12-07 15:57:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i can't believe you are a college student. that grammar is horrible.
Submitted by bob (user info) at 2006-12-07 15:55:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 because I just bitched about my university too.
Submitted by Biotch (user info) at 2006-12-07 15:54:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Who knew "a sad mediocre life" could result from a door being propped open. That argument may be very true!