When Animals Attack! (2604 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.52 on 121 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jack McCallum (View user info) at 2006-12-08 12:01:35 EST
While it is true that I am not afraid to admit certain things about my personal life (1. When I left Canada years ago part of what drove me away was the constant stream of bullshit from Quebec, and 2. I am quite conservative in regard to my own sexuality and find that women are God's gift to the Earth, especially the ones that put out, and thus I have never had any motivation to taste cock), I feel I have to come clean here on Uber and admit that, yes, I am a cat-herder.
In fact, I am so addicted to herding cats that I take daily doses of Allegra, because I am allergic to cats.
Cat-herding has its advantages. On cold nights you can wake up in a bed festooned with cats, all cuddled up and cozy as hell. Cats are constant entertainment. I never tire of watching them do what they do, because are like living art. And contrary to what the anti-cat crowd will say, cats are very affectionate and I always get a warm greeting when I come home from work. The only people cats give the cold shoulder to are the anti-cat crowd... which explains a lot.
Cat-herding has disadvantages too, I can't lie about that. When you maintain a small herd like I do, feeding time is a frenzy of leaping and yowling. Getting them all to the vet at the same time can be a headache. The litter boxes can often be an indescribably horrific nightmare.
And sometimes, despite all of our knowledge and training and years of cat-herding expertise, things can go horribly, horribly wrong.
User Reviews
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2007-12-01 14:34:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i <3 cats
Submitted by BeforeEmily (user info) at 2007-12-01 11:45:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-12-08 11:27:48 PST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-12-08 13:23:36 (#)
Ranking: 0
...but youre a fag for having a bunch of cats. simple as that.
--
FAGGOTS WHO LOVED CATS -
Sir Walter Scott
Nostradamus
Sir Isaac Newton
Alexander Dumas
Victor Hugo
Abraham Lincoln
Samuel Clemens
H.G. Wells
Theodore Roosvelt
Ernest Hemmingway
Sir Winston Churchill
...and Edgar Allen Poe.
CAT HATERS -
Genghis Kahn
Napoleon Bonaparte
Benito Mussolini
Adolph Hitler.
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2007-12-01 11:04:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by thorpe (user info) at 2007-05-20 06:01:06 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I can see the advantages of cat-herding. I would like to herd dogs, though.
Submitted by beeltea (user info) at 2007-05-20 05:48:37 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
smoking is bad for you.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-12-13 06:16:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-12-13 06:13:44 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2006-12-13 05:50:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
You have sexy hands.
--
Actually I don't. I have huge palms. Shovel-hands. Bitch-slapping hands.
Anyone want to get spanked, drop me a line.
******
Ain't it past your bedtime, sonny?
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-12-13 06:13:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2006-12-13 05:50:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
You have sexy hands.
--
Actually I don't. I have huge palms. Shovel-hands. Bitch-slapping hands.
Anyone want to get spanked, drop me a line.
Submitted by sparkle_pink (user info) at 2006-12-13 05:50:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You have sexy hands.
Submitted by Wisher (user info) at 2006-12-13 00:56:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
u switched from marlboro to camel lights, no wonder your herds attacked! God! Sissy smokes!
I hope you know jack that, lights were never proven to be less harmful than full flavor. fyi, seriously. you prob'ly know this. Happy holidays, i've missed calling you block head.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-12-12 15:27:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Working on it, jd. Better tell Crystal to look away though.
And yes, the weather blows.
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-12-12 13:37:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
goddammit jack, it's fucked outside and i'm bored
take your hands off the broads, or yourself, for a minute and write something to entertain me
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2006-12-11 20:12:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Alright, now take that lighter and insert it into your wounds.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2006-12-11 15:14:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I call those 'love scratches'
Submitted by congo (user info) at 2006-12-11 11:30:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's a rare day when I don't look like that, and I only have one cat.
And she does that when she's showing affection. You should see her on bad days.
Submitted by peckerhead (user info) at 2006-12-11 01:59:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Thanks, Jack for the tips re Garfield.
Submitted by Spooner (user info) at 2006-12-10 23:44:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
How is not being gay a secret?
Not being gay is only a secret if you're openly gay. Says a lot about you here, Jack.
Come with me, Jack. The best orgasms are the ones that damn you to hell. =)
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-12-10 15:56:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-12-10 13:35:39 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2006-12-09 03:36:50 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-12-08 15:05:36 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-12-08 14:59:42 (#)
Ranking: 0
I also looked at this photo under a blacklight and saw cat semen, you sick fuck.
--
My cats are all girls, dumbass.
oo la la! does that make you feel more manly when you grind your genitals against their fur
===
HHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHHA
HHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHHA
HHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHHA
HHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHHA"
DMD destroys worlds with his reviews
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-12-10 13:35:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2006-12-09 03:36:50 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-12-08 15:05:36 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-12-08 14:59:42 (#)
Ranking: 0
I also looked at this photo under a blacklight and saw cat semen, you sick fuck.
--
My cats are all girls, dumbass.
oo la la! does that make you feel more manly when you grind your genitals against their fur
===
HHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHHA
HHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHHA
HHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHHA
HHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHHA
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-12-10 11:48:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-12-10 10:47:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
Bast is attacking the couch monsters. (I don't ask.)
--
Hilarious. One of my cats walks on my keyboard and bites my fingers if she wants attention while I'm online.
Submitted by kaos-king (user info) at 2006-12-10 10:47:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Okay, wait...
From reading this post and all the reviews, I've come to a simple conclusion - Jack McCallum is an older ME from an alternate dimension. Creative, Cats, Coffee & Cigarettes... but not Conservative or a Canadian in California.
I have two cats, Bast & Silva. Indoor only, Bast is 6 and Silva is 4. Bast thinks he's a dog, has a thing for head-butting you in the mouth and likes to crawl up & punch me in the face at night. Silva thinks she's a 16 year old goth girl, would slit her lil' kitty wrists if she had opposable thumbs and wanders around the apt screeching because she forgets what room I'm in. Silva's currently hiding in her "Sad Place" behind the TV, while Bast is attacking the couch monsters. (I don't ask.)
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-12-09 20:03:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-12-09 20:01:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
It's my muthafuckin birthday!!!
+2's all around!!
--
I think it's a given that 'plus twos' and Profesional Peon go hand-in-hand...
Submitted by Professional_Peon (user info) at 2006-12-09 20:01:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's my muthafuckin birthday!!!
+2's all around!!
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2006-12-09 19:57:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love cats, too. They're great companions and relatively maintenance free. Cat haters, I'm convinced, have just had bad experiences. Or, must act as macho as possible. Ex: our roommate Peter. I hate him, so.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-12-09 19:47:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
BACK YO' ASS UP, FLUFFY!
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-12-09 18:37:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd love to have a cat, only it might not get along too well with bunny.
Submitted by Dolson (user info) at 2006-12-09 14:09:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-12-09 00:10:31 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Dolson (user info) at 2006-12-08 15:17:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm +2-ing this one on the condition that the next time you come back to Canada, you take Michael Ignatieff with you. That douchebag should have stayed at Harvard. Alternatively, you could just have your father fed-ex him back. In any case, he's responsible for the latest round of Quebec bullshit, and managed to lose to Stephane Dion. Smooth.
===
for once, the latest round of québec bullshit as you call it, doesn't come from us. it comes from politicians trying to capitalize on bullshit. nobody here has ANY idea what was the point about this whole debate on semantics about whether we are a nation or not.
Stephane Dion won becuase of Gerard Kennedy. He is hated in Québec and loved in the ROC, go figure. hopefully he'll help the conservatives and i am glad about that, until they start sucking.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The debate did have no point, it was just to make Ignatieff look progressive. That backfired.
Nobody in the ROC likes Dion (except the editorial board of the Globe). I was hoping for Rae. The Conservatives are already sucking. They're smoking the man-pole.
Submitted by morontian (user info) at 2006-12-09 11:32:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think I've got the only cat in the world that loves baths. I feel so lucky.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-12-09 11:11:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Circe, when the Rapture comes, sinners like you and I will still be here.
Just holler if you need rescuing from the rampaging hordes and I'll be there.
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2006-12-09 10:35:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Inadvertent.
I'm not retarded. Honest.
We can still be friends, right?
Right?
Jack?
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2006-12-09 10:29:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You smoke. You have a manly forearm. Animals you like attack you for no reason the same way animals I like attack me for no good reason at all because I only stepped on it that one time and you'd think a chihuahua wouldn't have the brains to hold a grudge for that long, wouldn't you? I mean really, they're all eyeballs and neuroses, where the fuck can you fit a brain in there, you can't. That's all I'm saying, that it was unexpected because I thought it had forgiven me when it ate half of my sugar cookies although, on second thought, perhaps that much sugar sent it into a frenzied fit of rage and that's why it savaged my hand, because of the sugar rush and not my inadvertant stomping of its tiny mexican head at all. That's reassuring, actually, to know I was right about it being brainless. I feel a lot better and I'm glad we had this talk.
Let's be friends, Jack.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-12-09 10:21:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Four furry, ferocious felines found favor for flagellating fuzzy forearm. Film follows.
Submitted by leilani (user info) at 2006-12-09 09:59:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
cats are gross.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-12-09 09:29:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm jealous of both your cats and your Camel Lights.
Stupid no-cat-allowing landlord.
Stupid no-cancer-wanting lungs.
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2006-12-09 03:45:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Seriously, you have not had direct contact with another human being for years, have you?
You just live in isolation, with your cats, sharpening your knives, practising your quickdraw and waiting for the Day of Judgement.
Come on, Jack, you can tell me. It's true, isn't it?
Submitted by Death_Metal_Dude (user info) at 2006-12-09 03:36:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-12-08 15:05:36 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-12-08 14:59:42 (#)
Ranking: 0
I also looked at this photo under a blacklight and saw cat semen, you sick fuck.
--
My cats are all girls, dumbass.
oo la la! does that make you feel more manly when you grind your genitals against their fur
Submitted by Wildman (user info) at 2006-12-09 03:07:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'd pay a thousand dollars an inch for veins like those.
Submitted by kuroneko_sama (user info) at 2006-12-09 02:07:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i also own 6... but i have a shit load of other pets too (my finacee runs a kennel/foster service)
Submitted by GMCrayon (user info) at 2006-12-09 02:01:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto cat lover +2
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2006-12-09 01:52:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I see you switched up to camel lights
nice
oh by the way I own a cat now.
Submitted by Dexter-Brown (user info) at 2006-12-09 01:17:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://www.ubersite.com/m/96031
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2006-12-09 00:44:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/96666
this is your post number
Does anyone else see what I'm seeing?
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2006-12-09 00:38:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I don't want to hear any shit about how I need to get more cats so mine will lose weight.
I live in an apartment with a 1 cat clause. I am NOT shitting you.
That being said, mine steps on my throat in the night. I think she's trying to choke me.
i'm fully confident she won't since she knows she can't remain being fat without me.
I'm sitting here chortling thinking about the reactions if I camwhored my hand and wrist.
"Eeeeeeee! Death fingers! Man hands! Eeeeeeeeee!"
Little do they know it gives me warm fuzzies.
Anyway, Jebus! Those are some beefy mitts.
Bloody hell, I've got a headache.
Ever since JPeg left, the whole penis/Caul thing has died down. Thank Gawd!
Him: Ur teh ghey
Caul: Ur fat
Him: Ur teh ghey
Caul: Ur fat
Him Ur teh ghey
Loki: Hey! I wanna tell you about my day.
Caul: Ur fat
Him: Ur teh ghey
Loki: Dogs
That's about it.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2006-12-09 00:22:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I shouldn't get involved in this...
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-12-09 00:22:00 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2006-12-09 00:17:53 (#)
Ranking: 2
Jack,
Point me to where Caul said he had "sampled Penis".
===
i mentionned it a number of times but it only took off when jaypig, a diagnosed retard, took a hold of it like it was gold. since then similar tards like loki and jack act like it's the funniest thing ever when it's been around for a couple of years +.
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-12-09 00:18:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hahahahaha... electro award for the round...
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-12-08 14:33:43 (#)
Ranking: 0
They will if it gets any puddinger.
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2006-12-09 00:17:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jack,
Point me to where Caul said he had "sampled Penis".
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-12-09 00:16:35 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
2. I am quite conservative in regard to my own sexuality and find that women are God's gift to the Earth, especially the ones that put out, and thus I have never had any motivation to taste cock""
my girlfriend is sleeping three feet away from me as i type this. what do you have? fucking cats, that's what. you think pussy is the grail because you've never tasted it. if you had any active sex life, you would eventually get bored and look for less conservative stuff, whether that involves cock or not (but cat-herding indicates that it would).
i remember this reply of yours where you literally thanked God for the wind that lifted some woman's skirt for half a second. you are clearly a fucking loser. and an ontarian.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2006-12-09 00:16:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
btw
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-12-09 00:10:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Dolson (user info) at 2006-12-08 15:17:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm +2-ing this one on the condition that the next time you come back to Canada, you take Michael Ignatieff with you. That douchebag should have stayed at Harvard. Alternatively, you could just have your father fed-ex him back. In any case, he's responsible for the latest round of Quebec bullshit, and managed to lose to Stephane Dion. Smooth.
===
for once, the latest round of québec bullshit as you call it, doesn't come from us. it comes from politicians trying to capitalize on bullshit. nobody here has ANY idea what was the point about this whole debate on semantics about whether we are a nation or not.
Stephane Dion won becuase of Gerard Kennedy. He is hated in Québec and loved in the ROC, go figure. hopefully he'll help the conservatives and i am glad about that, until they start sucking.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-12-09 00:06:36 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-12-08 23:51:45 (#)
Ranking: 0
SIX?
Jesus!
You're a bigger cat-herder than I am. I have four.
===
you said you had seven to DMD...i don't remember but that's what you said.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-12-09 00:06:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"you are gay, get the fuck out!" - PFF
i grabbed a cat by the neck and slammed its head against a wall once. to my demise, it survived and destroyed my forearm. i also shot one with a 12 gauge too.
i bet that will make you cry, fag.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-12-08 23:51:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
SIX?
Jesus!
You're a bigger cat-herder than I am. I have four.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-12-08 23:23:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i have many scars from the various beasts that inhabit my home.
i have six fucking cats, how many have you got jack mcc? i didn't read reviews maybe you already answered this.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-12-08 23:10:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Does Garfield come and go as he pleases? That will make it a LOT easier if you get a new cat.
Also, get a kitten. Instinct kicks in 99% of the time and an older cat won't hurt a kitten. If the G is pissed with the kitten he can just walk out.
You can expect weeks to months of hissing, but eventually they'll work it out.
Also, if you pay a lot of attention to G now, do it when he is around the kitten. Cats may have small brains, but if you rave about the kitten in front of him he'll get jealous.
Male/female doesn;t really matter. Getr all you cat s fixed. It's better for their health in the long run. Also, keep the new cat inside. Inside cats live longer, healthier lives. Not just by avoiding cfars, but by avoiding bites from other animals, disaeses, drinking anti-freeze, etc. and you'll notice changes in an indoor cat easeir if it is ever ill.
Last thing - GO TO THE POUND. If you buy a cat from a breeder I will shit in a box and mail it to you.
Submitted by peckerhead (user info) at 2006-12-08 22:09:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Jack, we do not own a cat but this really nice cat from across the street has adopted *us* as his second (maybe first) family. I just e-mailed the wife and asked if there was any sign of OUR pet cat tonight?
The problem is that our 15 year old girl wants a cat that actually lives and stays in our house all the time. I'm worried that Garfield (we re-named him; his other name is Marmalade -- actually a great name because of the fur color) probably feels that our yard and house is his turf now.
Is it a good idea or bad for us to get another cat under these circumstances? Garfield is male, moody and likes attention. I really do think the fur would fly! Any tips or suggestions? What if we got a female cat... would that work?
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-12-08 21:59:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by rejected (user info) at 2006-12-08 21:10:10 (#)
Ranking: 1
What a PUSSY wound. This would have been much cooler if the cat had torn your hand completely off. I'll tell you what. Let that wound get infected real bad, then take a pic for us to see.
--
So YOU'RE the guy who was applauding as they dragged Roy Horn off the stage, huh?
Submitted by rejected (user info) at 2006-12-08 21:10:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
What a PUSSY wound. This would have been much cooler if the cat had torn your hand completely off. I'll tell you what. Let that wound get infected real bad, then take a pic for us to see.
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2006-12-08 20:41:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Can I bum a fag from ya?
Submitted by stevie_says (user info) at 2006-12-08 16:39:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My cat wounds are ten times for awesome.
Submitted by LongestPants (user info) at 2006-12-08 15:58:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for cat herding.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-12-08 15:22:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Time to cull the herd, no?
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-12-08 15:21:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Dolson (user info) at 2006-12-08 15:17:40 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm +2-ing this one on the condition that the next time you come back to Canada, you take Michael Ignatieff with you. That douchebag should have stayed at Harvard. Alternatively, you could just have your father fed-ex him back. In any case, he's responsible for the latest round of Quebec bullshit, and managed to lose to Stephane Dion. Smooth.
--
What the fuck are you talking about? Stephane Dion signed a multi-year contract with Caesar's Palace in Vegas. She's gonna be there a while.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-12-08 15:18:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-12-08 15:05:36 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-12-08 14:59:42 (#)
Ranking: 0
I also looked at this photo under a blacklight and saw cat semen, you sick fuck.
--
My cats are all girls, dumbass.
=============
Your cats are cheating on you, Jack.
Submitted by Dolson (user info) at 2006-12-08 15:17:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm +2-ing this one on the condition that the next time you come back to Canada, you take Michael Ignatieff with you. That douchebag should have stayed at Harvard. Alternatively, you could just have your father fed-ex him back. In any case, he's responsible for the latest round of Quebec bullshit, and managed to lose to Stephane Dion. Smooth.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-12-08 15:17:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I KNOW WHAT CAT SEMEN LOOKS LIKE MCCALLUM AND SO DO YOU!!!
Submitted by Tyrell (user info) at 2006-12-08 15:12:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
cat people are homo fags
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-12-08 15:06:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well of course I mean there IS no semen.
V
V
V
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-12-08 15:05:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-12-08 14:59:42 (#)
Ranking: 0
I also looked at this photo under a blacklight and saw cat semen, you sick fuck.
--
My cats are all girls, dumbass.
The semen did not come from them, dickhead.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-12-08 14:59:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This looks more like a cry for help.
THOSE AREN'T CAT SCRATCHES, JACK IS GOING TO KILL HIMSELF IF UBERMADNESS GETS POSTPONED!!!
I also looked at this photo under a blacklight and saw cat semen, you sick fuck.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-12-08 14:44:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I never get tired of watching this...
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6240082633999828596&q=public+doma
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5q7DtP4l9lg&feature=PlayList&p=B4D72F0B46C31EB6&index=12
(Extended Director's Cut)
Submitted by kuroneko_sama (user info) at 2006-12-08 14:37:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
cats kick ass... i have one that will turn around and do some kind of dragon kick to the other cats when he wants to "cat sumo"... just rotates his ass around and stomps on them with a back foot...like a horse would..... or sometimes he jsut pins em down by sitting on their torso....cats are awesome.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-12-08 14:33:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
They will if it gets any puddinger.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2006-12-08 14:30:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Shit. Are they going to have to amputate?
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-12-08 14:27:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-12-08 13:23:36 (#)
Ranking: 0
...but youre a fag for having a bunch of cats. simple as that.
--
FAGGOTS WHO LOVED CATS -
Sir Walter Scott
Nostradamus
Sir Isaac Newton
Alexander Dumas
Victor Hugo
Abraham Lincoln
Samuel Clemens
H.G. Wells
Theodore Roosvelt
Ernest Hemmingway
Sir Winston Churchill
...and Edgar Allen Poe.
CAT HATERS -
Genghis Kahn
Napoleon Bonaparte
Benito Mussolini
Adolph Hitler.
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-12-08 14:14:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I didn't like cats until I got one. Then I got another one after that. Watching them interact is like watching TV.
Submitted by kuroneko_sama (user info) at 2006-12-08 14:08:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
any pussies out there want some peanut nutter?
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-12-08 14:00:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-12-08 13:54:05 (#)
Ranking: 1
Who needs a woman when you have a dozen cats and a jar of peanut nutter?
----
thats whats known as one of them freudian slips, my friend..
would you like to talk about your mother?
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-12-08 13:54:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-12-08 13:23:36 (#)
Ranking: 0
im in a talky mood and gabbly isnt working, and strangely you an di have seemed to have avoided one another like scared gunslingers, but youre a fag for having a bunch of cats. simple as that.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Oh man. That's just funny.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-12-08 13:54:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*butter
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2006-12-08 13:54:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Who needs a woman when you have a dozen cats and a jar of peanut nutter?
Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2006-12-08 13:36:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Sorry - cats are glorified vermin.
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2006-12-08 13:24:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I see...I see.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-12-08 13:23:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
im in a talky mood and gabbly isnt working, and strangely you an di have seemed to have avoided one another like scared gunslingers, but youre a fag for having a bunch of cats. simple as that.
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2006-12-08 13:21:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-12-08 13:05:28 (#)
Ranking: 0
No. Honestly, it just looks like that.
--------------------
I'm giving you a doubtful look, but I'll accept that.
I'm going to clean my desk, I feel slovenly now.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-12-08 13:18:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Better that than going claws-deep in your bag when you're nude, fresh from the shower and bending over to pick up the razor you dropped. Claw-deep and swinging like the tongue of some iron bell suspended in a tower over Paris.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-12-08 13:17:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeowch.
My cat puked all over the carpet and banister last night while I was out...such a lovely surprise to come home to at 10:00pm. Must've been grazing on pine needles from the tree or something.
Oh, and you should see the ginormous amounts of piss clumps in his litter box. I swear to God my cat drinks more than a camel.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-12-08 13:05:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2006-12-08 13:01:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-12-08 12:51:57 (#)
Ranking: 0
That's how my desk looks when I'm writing. Caffeine & nicotine keep the synapses firing.
-------------------------------------------------
Your desk looks rather neat and....artfully arranged? The two cigarettes half out of the pack and leaning on the lid is a nice touch. The lighting creates a warm and cosy environment. Ever thought of art direction?
--
No. Honestly, it just looks like that.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-12-08 13:04:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by kuroneko_sama (user info) at 2006-12-08 13:00:31 (#)
Ranking: 0
i have a similar battle wound from grabbing my friends angry tom as it wooshed by "b-lining" to snuff out a kitten.
--
That's some good imagery.
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2006-12-08 13:01:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-12-08 12:51:57 (#)
Ranking: 0
That's how my desk looks when I'm writing. Caffeine & nicotine keep the synapses firing.
-------------------------------------------------
Your desk looks rather neat and....artfully arranged? The two cigarettes half out of the pack and leaning on the lid is a nice touch. The lighting creates a warm and cosy environment. Ever thought of art direction?
Submitted by kuroneko_sama (user info) at 2006-12-08 13:00:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
i have a similar battle wound from grabbing my friends angry tom as it wooshed by "b-lining" to snuff out a kitten. fucked my wrist hard and bit deep into my first thumb knuckle... fucking cat chomped and scratched and chewed...
the kitten is now was big as that tom and hands his ass to him every now and then.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2006-12-08 12:57:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Hemmingway typed standing up while drinking Jack straight from the bottle. That's how a real man would do it.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-12-08 12:51:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2006-12-08 12:48:46 (#)
Ranking: 1
http://www.ubersite.com/m/85837
Only gets better with age.
--
That's how my desk looks when I'm writing. Caffeine & nicotine keep the synapses firing.
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2006-12-08 12:48:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
http://www.ubersite.com/m/85837
Only gets better with age.
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2006-12-08 12:44:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
YEEOWCH! That's the reason I use strings and wands to play with the cat, five of his six ends are pointy and my reaction time is slow.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-12-08 12:41:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2006-12-08 12:31:58 (#)
Ranking: 1
...a gold watch on a long chain...
--
I am right-handed. That is my left hand in the pic. No watch on my wrist.
That's because I have a Swiss Army pocket watch on a long stainless steel chain.
I don't like jewelry. No rings, chains, watches. Nothing.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-12-08 12:39:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2006-12-08 12:31:58 (#)
Ranking: 1
Why the fuck are your cigs in the picture, you ostentatious prick.
I can't wait until you make a post titled: "I finished a crossword puzzle!" and within, display a picture of said puzzle, a pack of cigarettes,a lighter, a 1870s Smith and Wesson, a book on trapping squirrels, an american flag, a transistor radio with the button toggled to "AM," a ashtray made out of a bear's pelvis, a "vote Regan" placard, a bumper sticker that reads: I killed Bambi, a gold watch on a long chain, a pipe, a cigar cutter, a leather journal, an inkwell, and quill from a bald eagle.
*******
You forgot the picture of all the smart-asses he shot with the Smith & Wesson...
Submitted by GodLovesALittleLovin (user info) at 2006-12-08 12:37:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2006-12-08 12:31:58 (#)
Ranking: 1
Why the fuck are your cigs in the picture, you ostentatious prick.
I can't wait until you make a post titled: "I finished a crossword puzzle!" and within, display a picture of said puzzle, a pack of cigarettes,a lighter, a 1870s Smith and Wesson, a book on trapping squirrels, an american flag, a transistor radio with the button toggled to "AM," a ashtray made out of a bear's pelvis, a "vote Regan" placard, a bumper sticker that reads: I killed Bambi, a gold watch on a long chain, a pipe, a cigar cutter, a leather journal, an inkwell, and quill from a bald eagle.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Don't forget the half bottle of bourbon and devil-may-care attitude while "True Grit" is playing on the television.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-12-08 12:36:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2006-12-08 12:31:58 (#)
Ranking: 1
Why the fuck are your cigs in the picture, you ostentatious prick.
I can't wait until you make a post titled: "I finished a crossword puzzle!" and within, display a picture of said puzzle, a pack of cigarettes,a lighter, a 1870s Smith and Wesson, a book on trapping squirrels, an american flag, a transistor radio with the button toggled to "AM," a ashtray made out of a bear's pelvis, a "vote Regan" placard, a bumper sticker that reads: I killed Bambi, a gold watch on a long chain, a pipe, a cigar cutter, a leather journal, an inkwell, and quill from a bald eagle.
--
All of that stuff was in THIS picture but it got cropped out!
I didn't even notice the cigarettes. I was concentrating on trying to get a clear shot of the scratches with my pos digital camera.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-12-08 12:32:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2006-12-08 12:12:01 (#)
Ranking: 1
My seal point has taken up riding around on my shoulders and watching what I do from a comfortable perch there. Chopping veggies for dinner? Commenting in my left ear about how he hates broccoli. Playing video games? Telling me to "shoot that one!"
Trouble is, he doesn't ask before he jumps up, and sometimes I won't notice him about to leap. Last week he ripped me open from shoulder to waist down my back because he missed as I turned, flailed about, and caught me with the "dew claw" all the way down.
--
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!
Been there, all right...
Submitted by pen_name (user info) at 2006-12-08 12:31:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Why the fuck are your cigs in the picture, you ostentatious prick.
I can't wait until you make a post titled: "I finished a crossword puzzle!" and within, display a picture of said puzzle, a pack of cigarettes,a lighter, a 1870s Smith and Wesson, a book on trapping squirrels, an american flag, a transistor radio with the button toggled to "AM," a ashtray made out of a bear's pelvis, a "vote Regan" placard, a bumper sticker that reads: I killed Bambi, a gold watch on a long chain, a pipe, a cigar cutter, a leather journal, an inkwell, and quill from a bald eagle.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-12-08 12:31:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
that wouldn't surprise me...
oh yeah, i forgot!
WHERE'S REDEMPTION ROAD ASSHOLE?!?!
Submitted by beauxjizzle (user info) at 2006-12-08 12:30:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i like dogs, i like cats, but i like pussy even more...
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2006-12-08 12:25:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-12-08 12:20:54 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2006-12-08 12:17:41 (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-12-08 12:08:47 (#)
Ranking: 0
*taps fingers, looks at watch, waits for Caulaincourt to show up and announce that my arm appears either fat or old looking*
__________________________________
Actually it's the fingernails that indicate age. As you get older, fingernails lose their smoothness and become sort of bumpy, as illustrated in the picture.
--
Well I must have been born at 65 then, cause I've had 'bumpy' fingernails since I was a little kid.
_____________________-
Really? Wow, that's strange. Hmmm. Interesting advertising idea on the board. Not sure if it'll work, but after reading the sample page, I'm considering buying it, or at least adding it to my Amazon wishlist.
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-12-08 12:24:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
666.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-12-08 12:21:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
wait how many cats do you have?
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-12-08 12:20:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2006-12-08 12:17:41 (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-12-08 12:08:47 (#)
Ranking: 0
*taps fingers, looks at watch, waits for Caulaincourt to show up and announce that my arm appears either fat or old looking*
__________________________________
Actually it's the fingernails that indicate age. As you get older, fingernails lose their smoothness and become sort of bumpy, as illustrated in the picture.
--
Well I must have been born at 65 then, cause I've had 'bumpy' fingernails since I was a little kid.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2006-12-08 12:20:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Filename
Submitted by CHR15 (user info) at 2006-12-08 12:18:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
My Mum breeds cats, do you realise how annoying it was trying to sleep with 4 or 5 siamese cats in heat... wait... I mean trying to sleep while they were outside making noise in heat. Obviously.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-12-08 12:18:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hhahahahhahhahaahhaha.
last night i had to pin my cat against the wall with my legs to get him to take a pill. i have some really pretty scratches from that one.
he also usually manages to pierce the tips of my fingers.
i love my furry bowling ball. i still need to post gross pics of the reason for him getting antibiotic pills.
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2006-12-08 12:17:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Four reasons for your +2.
Their names are Percy, Orion, Tiger and Tux.
Cats are cool.
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2006-12-08 12:17:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-12-08 12:08:47 (#)
Ranking: 0
*taps fingers, looks at watch, waits for Caulaincourt to show up and announce that my arm appears either fat or old looking*
__________________________________
Actually it's the fingernails that indicate age. As you get older, fingernails lose their smoothness and become sort of bumpy, as illustrated in the picture.
Oh, and what TTOM said.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-12-08 12:16:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Even your fucking cats want you to shut the fuck up.
Is it sinking in yet, Jack???
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-12-08 12:13:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Take thy revenge, burn said beast!
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-12-08 12:12:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Camel Lights? Kill yourself McCallum.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2006-12-08 12:12:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
My seal point has taken up riding around on my shoulders and watching what I do from a comfortable perch there. Chopping veggies for dinner? Commenting in my left ear about how he hates broccoli. Playing video games? Telling me to "shoot that one!"
Trouble is, he doesn't ask before he jumps up, and sometimes I won't notice him about to leap. Last week he ripped me open from shoulder to waist down my back because he missed as I turned, flailed about, and caught me with the "dew claw" all the way down.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-12-08 12:10:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And de Tar Baby don't say nothin'
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-12-08 12:08:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
*taps fingers, looks at watch, waits for Caulaincourt to show up and announce that my arm appears either fat or old looking*
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-12-08 12:07:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2006-12-08 12:05:39 (#)
Ranking: 1
Camel Lights?
-1 point for softness!
--
AGREED. But hell, at least it's a step in the right direction, and I rarely take ANY of those...
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2006-12-08 12:05:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Camel Lights?
-1 point for softness!
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2006-12-08 12:03:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The scratches look worse than normal because of my usual allergic reaction.
I was playing with one of my cats and she went apeshit. It happens. I've probably gotten a thousand scratches like this over the years.
But I keep that herd a'rollin.
Submitted by darko (user info) at 2006-12-08 12:03:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
DOWN THE ROAD NOT ACROSS THE....
Oh, nevermind. Keep up the good work.