Video games make me racist (3408 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 1.74 on 119 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Redskieslookfake (View user info) at 2006-12-11 15:39:58 EST
I don't know why - but when you hit your twenties, many people stop gaming.
Perhaps it's the inability to put in the work that you used to in a game. I remember playing Super Mario Kart for hours on end, honing strategy so that I could shoot a green shell to hit you just prior to the finish line, leaving my opponents a hopeless whinging mess. Quality.
Doom deathmatches were full of gloating and snide looks at my friends. Oh - did I rocket you again? Oh dear oh dear. I do hope you don't materialise in front of me or I'll have to kill you as you respawn. BOOM MOFO - BOOOM. Oh - are you trying to catch my shotgun shells with your face again? Tsk tsk little man - when will you learn?
Smack talk is part of gaming - it always has been - the fact that I did sound effects as well merely added to my powers. In Power Rangers I remember at least one character who would shout random grunts and exclamations. "Zeek Zeek AYAAHH!" This model of irritation served as my exemplar - the method by which I would dominate all gaming sessions.
When I played Marvel vs Capcom I would regularly choose the mighty Cyclops who - although in the comics is a terrific pansy with Busy Cunt syndrome - in the game he's pretty good.
Partially, Squinty is good because of his range of projectile attacks and solid hand to hand skill - but primarily he is good because every time you do the fireball move he would bellow OPTIC BLAST and the screen would fill with red light. In combination with my own rabbiting about how I am "going to kick your arse - HADOOKEN - I mean - erm - OPTIC BLAST OPTIC BLAST - OPTIC BLAST OPTIC BLAST"- while my helpless opponent cowered in the corner with the block button held while they shouted "Shut the fuck up with the optic blasts - it's bad enough that this shithead shouts it without you joining in!"
I would grin and continue the barrage - both verbal and gamepad inflicted until my opponent was toast - then I would comment about how my optic blast was the reason for their destruction.
You see, I'm naturally competitive - and rubbing their inadequacies into their face was part of the ritual. Then you grab another beer and order a kebab. It's all good fun. Or at least it was when I was winning.
These days I surf the net, listen to music, maybe watch a dvd, but actual gaming is a rare experience. Partially because it involves monopolising the big screen TV, but also because it's just too much effort. So, I'm rusty, and the new games catch me by surprise.
ProEvolution Soccer is no longer a game where I would effortlessly out pass my opponent, before cheekily backheeling into their goal - complete with shirt over the head celebrations and chants of 'you're not singing any more!'
I am shit at this game now. Shit. Complete and total toilet. And my friends have realised this and insist on playing me now - as revenge for my utter bastardry years back.
At first I would curse their skills, and seize upon any slip up as evidence of their shitness, but as the scores start rising I find - for some bizarre reason - my racism rising.
Suddenly it's not Galatasaraay scoring past me but "a load of greasy towel heads - look at them about to invade Cyprus again with their cheating stabbing of football fans" as goal after goal rains past my hapless goalkeeper.
Each successful tackle by me is met with hoots of joy. "OOOOOSHH You Bastard! You like that you filthy cheating Kraut? I'll kick you some more in a minute."
I can't play Championship Manager (or Football Manager as it has now become) against humans - because sooner or later - my competitive spirit means either I'm dominating - and unbearably smug - or I'm losing and have resorted to chants about how they are rubbish and how they couldn't have done it with a small team. Last time I played Champ Man with friends it led to three days of silence and threats of fucking one another's mothers.
Even when playing with a pretty girl - I find it impossible to turn off my competitive spirit - thus a bemused girl being shown Halo 2 for the first time is pitilessly harried with grenades and a hail of bullets and derogatory comments about their stick prowess. If we were to hold a gaming Ubercon Jade et al would be first exploded with missiles, and then mocked about their gaming prowess not comparing to their busts.
Human opponents shake their head - but they still can succumb to a sustained campaign of ranting about their "piece of shit players with their crappy tricks and their wank passing"
Computers on the other hand - are immune to such tricks. It can't hear my raging and ranting - and that somehow exasperates me all the more. It sits there - clicking away and whirring - while I threaten it with castration.
The sound of me playing the new Prince of Persia game could be loosely transcribed as follows:
'right - run run run - jump - oooh guard blokey'
*fumbles with gamepad*
'shit shit - how do I throw the dagger?'
'bollocks - missed - right - hand to hand then'
*frantic jabbing at gamepad*
'die motherfucker - you want to buy carpet? oooh - you're not oozing humus now are you persian blokey - you want to buy carpet? carpet!'
*further frantic spamming of gamepad*
'WHERE DID YOU COME FROM? Bastard bastard - stop with the arrows - STOP you carpet selling bastards!'
'How do I make the time standy still thing work?'
*leans over to try and reach manual*
'NOOOOOOOOO'
*reloads*
'right run run jump - CRAP - CUNT- I did that jump first time before!'
'run run jump -CRAP CUNT SHIT BAGS'
'run run jump - BASTARD BASTARD BASTARD CHEATING THING'
'Run run jump - YES! no - you bastard - ow - you wait til I get my hands on you arrow blokey - ow ow ow - FUCK'
*screams of rage - plugs controller back in*
'run run jump - NO NO NO NO NO NO NO - JONATHAN MECHNER YOU SHITMUNCHER I WILL RAPE YOUR FACE AND SHIT ON YOUR CARPETS'
I don't think I'll bother buying a new bastard son of a bitch games console.
User Reviews
Submitted by monkeyswithguns (user info) at 2008-05-13 16:18:16 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Banjo (user info) at 2008-03-29 20:12:47 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Oooh Games!
I played Soul Calibur on the Breamcast against the only person who could ever beat me the other week and I beat him - VICTORY!!!
My wee nephew frightens me now when he challenges me to a game of Tony Hawk, I used to piss all over him and call him names but now he's got me running scared to the point I always buy the latest one out because I refuse to let him ever beat me. As yet, undefeated at Tony Hawk.
But you're right about playing less computer games. I don't think its because there less entertaining though, for me its because I don't have enough time now to take a week out of my life playing the thing to death. The last great game I played was The Darkness. I got a new PS3 for xmas and I've hardly played it, I feel guilty, it looks so pretty, shiny and new. My 360 is red ring of deathed, fucking Microsoft wankers... :(
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-03-29 18:24:08 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-03-29 17:36:13 GMT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-03-29 17:31:17 GMT (#)
Ranking: 0
Quake is probably the best FPS ever. I dunno about the new ones, but Quake and Quake II fucking rule.
In other words, fuck Halo.
---
goldeneye?
===========
My top 3 shooty games:
Quake
Goldeneye
Duke Nukem
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-03-29 14:12:00 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
let's not forget Carmageddon 2. awesome physics and the ability to run people down in cold blood and splatter them all over the pavement.
fuck, i'm going to play it now.
Submitted by icarus1987 (user info) at 2008-03-29 13:53:27 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
PoP kinda sucks anyways. Most modern console games do. Just look at the shameless repetitive jewfest that is the Grand Theft Auto franchise, or the fact that they can't peddle a Playstation 3 to save their lives. Games started to seriously suck when they started trying to exploit the 20+ crowd. Simply make a game entertaining and people will buy it.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-03-29 13:51:41 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Scourge wins :(
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2008-03-29 13:48:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i can totally beat contra without continuing.
TOP THAT, HOMOS!
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-03-29 13:36:13 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-03-29 17:31:17 GMT (#)
Ranking: 0
Quake is probably the best FPS ever. I dunno about the new ones, but Quake and Quake II fucking rule.
In other words, fuck Halo.
---
goldeneye?
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2008-03-29 13:31:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
Quake is probably the best FPS ever. I dunno about the new ones, but Quake and Quake II fucking rule.
In other words, fuck Halo.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2008-03-29 13:18:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
the only game i play now is Guitar Hero. besides that, i'm really only a fan of PC games like Quake 3, Counter-Strike, UT (original and 2004), COD, and other such FPS games.
i may buy a Wii for my theater room for parties because i bet it would be awesome to play interactive games on a giant screen with a bunch of drunk people.
on a side note. if anyone wants to play me in Quake 3, bring it on. i don't get beat. although i've never been to a Quakecon because i'm not a giant nerd, i'm sure i would have had a good chance of winning that 100 grand. i beat a guy who claims to have beat a Quakecon winner. he was pretty fuckin' good so i believe him.
oh man, i'm talking about a video game that's a little over 8 years old.... it's still fun, assholes.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2008-03-29 11:38:20 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
well yes
Submitted by Ltap (user info) at 2008-01-26 11:36:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I think you were racist before.
Submitted by r1nce (user info) at 2006-12-14 23:26:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Sports games make baby Jesus cry.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-12-14 17:51:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Get back on the computer and I will own your ass in Battlefield 2142
Submitted by Mouth (user info) at 2006-12-14 15:14:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Kingdom Hearts kicks ass!!!!!!
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2006-12-14 04:28:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by U927 (user info) at 2006-12-13 10:53:59 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2006-12-13 05:47:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
It's by the same people who did Finaly Fantasy. It's kind of like a crossover between FF and Disney.
Most importantly, it's got Stitch in it.
----------------------------
Nath: You don't get Stitch until WAY later. You get him right before you go into the Tron world, which is still a good 25-30 hours away.
---
He's worth the wait. I'd wait until quarter past the end of time for Stitch.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-12-14 02:40:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Look - I'm sure if I invested the time the XBox version would unlock for me - but at the moment I'm pissed that it's 3d and DIFFERENT.
PoP1 = Dog's bollocks.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2006-12-13 20:37:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This would have gotten a +2 anyway, but I wish I could give it more... I'll be giggling to myself all night because you think Prince of Persia is hard....
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2006-12-13 15:04:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-12-13 13:06:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-12-13 12:54:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sorry, but video game are only for children and men who are scared of vaginas.
Don't worry, Jakey, contrary to what some nasty hearted nanny may have told you as a child, there are NO teeth in there.
-----------
Just goes to show Scourgey hasn't been sleeping with Geordie birds.
Some right viscious cunts up there.
========
Damn right, I've seen some Geordie vaginas that were so viscous I stayed away. PS Jake hasn't been sleeping with Geordie birds either, this post is evidence of that.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-12-13 14:17:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
jeebus... what the fuck is a vagina???
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-12-13 13:06:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-12-13 12:54:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sorry, but video game are only for children and men who are scared of vaginas.
Don't worry, Jakey, contrary to what some nasty hearted nanny may have told you as a child, there are NO teeth in there.
-----------
Just goes to show Scourgey hasn't been sleeping with Geordie birds.
Some right viscious cunts up there.
-Dave
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2006-12-13 12:54:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sorry, but video game are only for children and men who are scared of vaginas.
Don't worry, Jakey, contrary to what some nasty hearted nanny may have told you as a child, there are NO teeth in there.
Submitted by Anansie (user info) at 2006-12-13 11:02:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm a fan.
Submitted by U927 (user info) at 2006-12-13 10:53:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2006-12-13 05:47:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
It's by the same people who did Finaly Fantasy. It's kind of like a crossover between FF and Disney.
Most importantly, it's got Stitch in it.
----------------------------
Nath: You don't get Stitch until WAY later. You get him right before you go into the Tron world, which is still a good 25-30 hours away.
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-12-13 08:17:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-12-12 15:00:05 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-12-11 22:42:20 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2006-12-11 21:48:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
CS, or CS:Source?
===
I play Condition Zero but I'm not bad at CS either.
I don't have Source.
WANNA GET SHOT IN THE FACE?
-
You mean people actually play condition zero still?
===
about the same amount that play Source
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2006-12-13 08:01:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Berty, you're a wise chap, answer me this:
Why hasn't anyone been telling dead Ipswich prostitue jokes?
Has Britain lost it's ability to make light of bad events? Are we no longer capable of cracking sick gags about dead people, terrorists and cripples?
What's going on?
BTW, if anyone fancies a game of rugby this weekend, Ipswich are short of a few hookers.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-12-13 07:22:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Fallout Tactics was rubbish. You know Bethesda are doing a fallout 3 game? It'll be all 3D and probably 1st person perspective.
It won't be released till 2008 at the earliest though. Perhaps never, it's as if the title is cursed. Then again, nothing can top Fallout 2.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-12-13 07:11:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Get some sun.
(Chip in and buy me an Xbox?)
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2006-12-13 07:05:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm the best at Civ III, I walked Rayman, I'm awesome at FIFA and NHL but I can't do racing games.
In fact, I'm so crap at them, I still haven't completed the "Amateur" races on Gran Turismo 3.
Which makes no sense to me, as I was king on Senna's Super Monaco GP 2.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2006-12-13 07:03:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice one dude. Pro Evo is totally gay by the way. I love footie, but that shit is just too complex. Sensible Soccer for the win!
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-12-13 06:39:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Shadowrun was certainly released in the UK. It was 3 kinds of oddness
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-12-13 06:09:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
and Fallout Tactics was even more buggy than jake's apple. Shadowrun was like a low-brow (read console) Blade Runner. Only released in the u.s. and Japan I think. It had like piggy guys, I'm sure Duke took some kind of inspiration from them.. or the last girl jakey shagged, and back in the day it was pretty fucking cool. Mind you I was only a kid. okay twenty. alright maybe twenty-five...
fuck you.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-12-13 06:00:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What was Shadowrun all about? I have no frame of reference.
Also Fallout wasn't as good as Fallout 2. And Full Throttle didn't have miniguns.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-12-13 05:58:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-12-13 05:55:24 (#)
Ranking: 2
SHADOWRUN!
---
On the Snes - yes. Very nerdy game
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-12-13 05:55:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
SHADOWRUN!
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-12-13 05:50:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Do you guys remember a cyberpunk rpg on the snes? Shadowfall or something? I got it on import... I don't think Shadowfall is right actually... in fact it's not, but it was good - like Rock 'n' Roll Racing, that was good too. "Tarquin unleashes hot fury!"
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2006-12-13 05:47:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's by the same people who did Finaly Fantasy. It's kind of like a crossover between FF and Disney.
Most importantly, it's got Stitch in it.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-12-13 05:45:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I played Fallout.
it was no Full Throttle
hmmmm... no.
I'm not putting my lips on that.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-12-13 05:35:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Just who was Chicken Little anyway?
Isn't Kingdom Hearts 2 that silly Final Fantasy Tactics rip off?
Or is it like Vandal Hearts? A game that was confusing and odd?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-12-13 05:32:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's irrelevant because the best game ever is Fallout 2 on the PC.
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2006-12-13 05:32:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It still kicked more ass than Chicken Little (I assume)
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-12-13 05:31:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Or was it a mandarin?
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-12-13 05:30:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It was a babboon Nath.
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2006-12-13 05:19:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have no trouble admitting I'm Godly at any video game I wish to try. Luckily enough that's not many, so I don't appear to be too arrogant.
I'm playing Kingdom Hearts 2 at the minute. Jo gave it to me as an early Christmas Present, because I love Stitch and he appears. I've been playing like a bastard for three days and about fifteen hours of gameplay later and I still haven't found the little fucker.
I got my hopes up and got Chicken Little instead. What the fuck? Chicken fucking Little. I'd rather have that monkey from the Lion King.
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-12-13 05:15:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
liek, omg...
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-12-13 05:14:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Level Eight
Begin the level by going to the left. After defeating the first swordsman, leap the
chasm and climb down, then proceed to the right. There will be two swordsmen that
you encounter. After defeating them, you will have to make a running jump at the end
of the passage and grab the opposite wall using the SHIFT key and pull yourself up
using the UP arrow. Next climb up two levels and make a leap back to the left. To get
past the next fighter, you have to barely step into the screen. After defeating him,
there are three jumps to the left. You must time the second jump correctly so that you
land on the edge of the pedestal and can continue running to
make the third jump. If you fall short on the second jump and have to pull yourself up,
you will never have enough momentum to make the third jump. You should fall down
one level, take the damage and go back and try again. To get the gate open after you
trigger the gate to level nine, wait in the screen where the gate is closed and the
mouse will trigger the gate open for you. IF YOU LEAVE THIS SCREEN AND COME
BACK, THE MOUSE WILL NOT COME. YOU HAVE TO STAY IN THIS SCREEN FOR THE
MOUSE TO COME AND OPEN THE GATE.
A whore of a level
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-12-13 05:13:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Road Rash on the Megadrive gave me a stiffy, Nath. 16 frames of animation and 16 colours. Holy shit I loved that game.
Are you talking about the original PoP Jake? I finished that thing in record time. Lots of practising levels, until I got them right, and stab, stab, block, thrust stab, and the final level with the invisible bridge made me blink and hit 'escape' and have another cone, but by god I was fucking enthralled. It reminded me of Mario Kart, or Syndicate. Pure gaming bliss. I gave up Ultima Underworld for three days to finish Prince of Persia. by the way you guys are a bit nerdy.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-12-13 05:12:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Level 8
Straightforward but very hard. Be quick but be patient for a friend of the princess will help you.
That's the bastard
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-12-13 04:55:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Prince of Persia 1. Ace. Except for level 9 - which is a sick sick joke.
Prince of Persia 2. Stupid jump on the horse bit - that's fucking obvious isn't it. Plus those floating skulls made me shit myself.
The new ones - a horrible confusion of angles and falling to my death over and over and over while I screech with rage.
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2006-12-13 04:51:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Who the fuck can't beat Prince of Persia? I finished it so quick I had time to get another army together and rail that bitch that keeps popping up to piss you off.
That last bit was a lie.
PoP was awesome.
Road Rash made me racist. I wanted to try and run over Mexicans and Welsh, but none ever seemed to be crossing the road. Which was upsetting. I wrote to Sega to complain and they black listed me. Fuck Sega.
I also once found myself saying "No wonder Shadow the Hedgehog doesn't know if he's good or evil. He's black. They're all a little puzzled."
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-12-13 04:34:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-12-13 03:19:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
Eidos killed Championship Manager, just like Geoff Crammond killed Microprose.... somehow.... and that complete plonker Peter Molyneux fucked up everything. oh look they're all english. what a common denominator, besides being stupid and ugly. Consoles are for little children and baby girls, jake, and that makes you gay
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Championship manager is wank now. Get Football manager - it is significantly better.
I hearby challenge you to a game of Pro Evolution Soccer Danger_Ranger_Doesn't_Know_How_To_Chip_A_Keeper. I will then racially abuse whichever team you choose. And destroy you. Utterly.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-12-13 04:32:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Flying_buttmonkey (user info) at 2006-12-13 03:08:12 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-12-12 13:50:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 filename.
Are we having beers over the NY period or not?
Bitch.
-Dave
---
I think he's ignoring us Dave
---
Dave poured a load of cold water on my glorious plan of Ubercon North East. Stating prices of travel, accomodation and his general unwillingness to drive everyone around on his magic bus while we drank and threw things at him.
I still have no real plans for New Years - and may be open to suggestions, offers of floor space (I will lie on your powersupply and warm myself on the Transformers). Furthermore, if you have younger sisters I will hit on them, any unguarded alcohol will be drank, except for chinzano (sp??) (which is minging) - the Italian embassy are still bewildered as to how a certain amount of their wine went missing, but I can now admit that it was I who slipped out the back door with two cases of their finest.
Dave - yes - with your 'limited' schedule - we can probably meet up - get drunk and then I will NOT bring a scouse girl home to fall asleep on top of.
I am grumpy today
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2006-12-13 03:19:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Eidos killed Championship Manager, just like Geoff Crammond killed Microprose.... somehow.... and that complete plonker Peter Molyneux fucked up everything. oh look they're all english. what a common denominator, besides being stupid and ugly. Consoles are for little children and baby girls, jake, and that makes you gay.
Submitted by Flying_buttmonkey (user info) at 2006-12-13 03:08:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-12-12 13:50:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 filename.
Are we having beers over the NY period or not?
Bitch.
-Dave
---
I think he's ignoring us Dave
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-12-12 17:46:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I only did the monkey fighting - i know what im best at - and it's mindless button spazzing
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-12-12 17:41:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
How do you win at the flying one?
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-12-12 17:11:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I fucking Rock at monkey ball. Or i did last time - the monkey fighting thing - merely shouting GIANT MONKEY HANDS usually nets me a win
Submitted by MyTeeOne (user info) at 2006-12-12 15:05:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My best friend is a videiot. I would kill to be able to beat him at Monkey ball.
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-12-12 15:00:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-12-11 22:42:20 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2006-12-11 21:48:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
CS, or CS:Source?
===
I play Condition Zero but I'm not bad at CS either.
I don't have Source.
WANNA GET SHOT IN THE FACE?
-
You mean people actually play condition zero still?
Submitted by Davros (user info) at 2006-12-12 13:50:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 filename.
Are we having beers over the NY period or not?
Bitch.
-Dave
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2006-12-12 11:49:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Excellent. I feel exactly the same way about games myself.
Submitted by jade_digitalmedia (user info) at 2006-12-12 10:43:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
" If we were to hold a gaming Ubercon Jade et al would be first exploded with missiles, and then mocked about their gaming prowess not comparing to their busts. "
hahaha.
I kick ass at video games! Yes, if we do Ubercon at Jade's then video gaming systems going back to the Texas Instruments series will be present.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-12-12 08:57:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I tried playing the in-store demo version of Guitar Hero last night for the first time.
Christ that's hard. Harder than a REAL guitar.
Submitted by w_t_a_y_s_t_r_m (user info) at 2006-12-12 08:38:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-12-12 08:34:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
When it comes to the trash-talking, my friends and I have an unspoken understanding: I don't heckle them when it comes to sports games, and they don't heckle me while I'm desperately trying to survive in a first person shooter.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2006-12-12 08:15:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Even when playing with a pretty girl - I find it impossible to turn off my competitive spirit - thus a bemused girl being shown Halo 2 for the first time is pitilessly harried with grenades and a hail of bullets and derogatory comments about their stick prowess. If we were to hold a gaming Ubercon Jade et al would be first exploded with missiles, and then mocked about their gaming prowess not comparing to their busts.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-12-12 08:09:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Liverpool? hahah
Best pack your jam sarnies
Submitted by Flying_buttmonkey (user info) at 2006-12-12 07:26:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Your ranting is gold, but all this game-speak means nothing to me.
I don't suppose anyone I mildly like is in the Liverpool region over Christmas are they? Two weeks of the family.
>shakes head, single tear rolls down cheek etc<
Two. Weeks.
Submitted by Berty (user info) at 2006-12-12 04:45:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Like Caul I'm more of a PC gamer, although I seem to be pretty good at Fight Night on the 360.
The racism aspect is very interesting, I've noticed that my friends do the same thing in pro evo. I blame that horrid virtual black man simulator Rockstar released.
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2006-12-12 04:37:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2006-12-11 23:43:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd kick your fucking pale malnourished little ass at Halo 2, wee man.
I smell an UberTournament brewing.
Also, CS is for pussie. I will melt faces in DoD.
Submitted by Dervel (user info) at 2006-12-12 04:04:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-12-11 17:05:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
you wanker, you live in Budleigh Salterton
---
I'm the wanker who lives there.
Redskies is far too Northern and common to live in Budleigh.
Good post, Red.
Submitted by orph (user info) at 2006-12-12 03:56:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I relate to this completely, but I find ranting in a pathologically racist way at the computer helps... just a bit.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-12-12 03:20:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by MouthSore (user info) at 2006-12-12 02:54:38 (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
---
Friction burns?
Submitted by MouthSore (user info) at 2006-12-12 02:54:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-12-12 02:52:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Prince of Persia 1 - back in the day -left me furious.
Level 9 people - do you recall how level 9 finishes? Utter Utter Wank. The fact that I didn't wait long enough each time and grumbled about the 'pissing impossible jumps and gate whatsits - fucking slicer what the fuck?' until one day I left it and A BASTARD MOUSE LEFT ME OUT IN COMPLETE CONTRADICTION OF ALL PREVIOUS RULES.
God damn it
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-12-12 02:45:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-12-11 21:55:32 (#)
Ranking: 1
youre an amateur.
---
Sorry
and I didn't know you have a PC at home Caul - I thought you were sick of having to look at them at work?
Submitted by mikethescottish (user info) at 2006-12-12 00:18:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I was playing Sensible Soccer the other day, the proper old-school version. My would-be European heroes were getting trounced by some insignificant team, and I was screaming that their striker deserved to suffer a slow and painful death.
This before it was pointed out to me that the aforementioned striker had actually died several years after the game's release, in a tragic and horrific way. Now I find it hard to look at a games console without cringeing...
Good post, though!
Submitted by lechuza (user info) at 2006-12-12 00:15:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
'die motherfucker - you want to buy carpet? oooh - you're not oozing humus now are you persian blokey - you want to buy carpet? carpet!'
-----
HAHAHAHAHAA
Submitted by Circe (user info) at 2006-12-11 23:43:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'd kick your fucking pale malnourished little ass at Halo 2, wee man.
Submitted by supadupapupa (user info) at 2006-12-11 23:00:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I love football manager mode..., Of course I cheated at the beginning and stacked my team...
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-12-11 22:42:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2006-12-11 21:48:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
CS, or CS:Source?
===
I play Condition Zero but I'm not bad at CS either.
I don't have Source.
WANNA GET SHOT IN THE FACE?
Submitted by Tubabuhst_01 (user info) at 2006-12-11 21:56:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
My bad....its http://virtualnes.com
Whoops.
Submitted by Tubabuhst_01 (user info) at 2006-12-11 21:56:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great site for classic gaming:
http://www.vnes.com
Absolutely brilliant.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2006-12-11 21:55:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
youre an amateur.
Submitted by FunnyAsCancer (user info) at 2006-12-11 21:48:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
CS, or CS:Source?
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-12-11 21:47:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Meh
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2006-12-11 21:23:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Marvel VS Capcom was shit. Street Fighter Alpha II on Sega Saturn was where it was at. Faster and required more skills.
i still play games...ANYONE UP TO GET SHOT IN THE FACE AT CS? ANYONE?
i spent more than 3 grands on a PC just to play CS, which can be pretty much run on a typewriter.
i am addicted.
Submitted by kuroneko_sama (user info) at 2006-12-11 21:05:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
was excellent till you started with soccer... then you lost me... you woulda gotten +eleventeen, but ill havta only give you a +2 now
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-12-11 19:17:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
That was a fucking great review O
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2006-12-11 19:12:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yup.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-12-11 19:03:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hadoken,
Hadoken,
Hadoken,
Hadoken,
Hadoken,
Hadoken,
Hadoken,
Hadoken,
Hadoken.
Down, Forward, Button push,
Lather, rinse, repeat
If I keep pulling off this move
Then I'm the man to beat.
Shoryuken,
Hadoken,
Hadoken,
Hadoken,
SHORYUKEN.
The general aesthetic of my gameplay flirts precariously with the avant garde,
As I pepperjack my moves and rout the life from out this tard,
This noob beside me, playing for the crowd and for his friends,
Trying hard to beat me,
With Vega.
Please.
I totally tatsumakisenpukyaku'ed that bitch back to Madrid years ago,
And sent him packing with his mask and his glove
Just like I did Michael Jackson,
But that's another story.
Want another dragon punch, Puffy?
Here, taste my pain,
Better now to throw your quarters down the running drain.
My RyuFu will beat you, every time, it aims to please,
Flaming fists and bare, whipped feet, forced up your waiting steeze,
If fighting moves were bars of gold, I'd have more wealth than Gates
My RyuFu will make you poo - I'll punch you in the waist
And send your 'testins all a-packin'
And make you sterile quickly with hadokens to your sackin',
The rangers cry when buffalo pass on - they're gonna die, son,
But damnit all if I won't rest till I've killed off M. Bison.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-12-11 18:39:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Megaman 3 is the tool of the destruction of the young. They'll just stare and ponder why we tormented ourselves.
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2006-12-11 18:33:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Dacin (user info) at 2006-12-11 17:48:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
You should go out and find a child of about 12, who can beat Prince of Persia with his eyes closed, then suddenly plug in your 1985 NES system and watch him try to pass Super Mario 3 and restore your self esteem.
___________________________________________
I was thinking the same damn thing...
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2006-12-11 18:32:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Dacin (user info) at 2006-12-11 17:48:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
You should go out and find a child of about 12, who can beat Prince of Persia with his eyes closed, then suddenly plug in your 1985 NES system and watch him try to pass Super Mario 3 and restore your self esteem.
---------
That is a magnificent idea.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2006-12-11 18:22:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-12-11 18:18:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Dacin (user info) at 2006-12-11 17:48:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You should go out and find a child of about 12, who can beat Prince of Persia with his eyes closed, then suddenly plug in your 1985 NES system and watch him try to pass Super Mario 3 and restore your self esteem.
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2006-12-11 17:44:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Firstly, who in their right mind would play with Galatasaraay?
Secondly, +2 because part of this post was a review in one of my posts.
Submitted by maiorano84 (user info) at 2006-12-11 17:40:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Marvel vs Capcom?
Fuck Cyclops. Gambit gets what he wants cuz he earned it.
Submitted by Merlina (user info) at 2006-12-11 17:24:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-12-11 17:05:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you wanker, you live in Budleigh Salterton
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-12-11 16:53:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Most amusing.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-12-11 16:39:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Also I will maitain the Super Mario World for the SNES was the secon best game in the series.
The best was Super Mario RPG, also for the SNES, hell relly after the SNES Nintedo has sucked cock.
I still want the Wii, I just can't give up on them.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-12-11 16:33:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm an asshole, never forget that.
SORRY
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-12-11 16:32:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Super Mario Kart for hours on end, honing strategy so that I could shoot a green shell to hit you just prior to the finish line, leaving my opponents a hopeless whinging mess.
---
+2 SNES games
Unless you meant the 64, in which case I'll -2 this and every other thing you've ever posted.
Submitted by awesome_face (user info) at 2006-12-11 16:27:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Price of Persia=Terrorist training tool
I remember playing prince of persia on the SNES. That game was HARD AS HELL!
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-12-11 16:08:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
This has been resubtitled. I like the Football Manager one
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-12-11 16:07:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
also - he's Sunderland. I'd sooner slice off my dick.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-12-11 16:06:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
he's an amateur ranter.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2006-12-11 16:05:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Are you this guy?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GwOv0xg31nk
I think that might be you.
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2006-12-11 16:01:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
The new PoP games are far too hard, bloody camel touchers
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-12-11 16:01:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
nerd.
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2006-12-11 16:00:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What is this 'football manager' you speak of?
Liverpool does not need a proper striker. Force a corner and King Stevie will place it on anyone's head for you.
Submitted by beauxjizzle (user info) at 2006-12-11 15:56:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
its not really the video games that make me racist...
it's the black people.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-12-11 15:54:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
RACIST
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-12-11 15:52:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I can just about cope with Football Manager if it's just me versus the computer.
Abandon 3-5-2 : it does not bastard work.
4-4-2 with a few tweaks is the dogs
Liverpool need a proper striker
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2006-12-11 15:51:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
All your Arabs are belong to us!
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-12-11 15:47:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
true that.
i bought football mgr the other day and I was astonished how shit I was.
I used to PWN ALL at that game.
i just can't sit down and play it for 12+ hours at a time anymore, i guess that's the trade off.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-12-11 15:41:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment