Ubermas 06: Cracked Crystal Globes (706 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 2 on 19 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by goferforhire <goferforhire.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2006-12-12 09:26:15 EST
If you stare hard enough at one of those American Dream Snowglobes they sell in Hallmark next to the Christmas cards you can completely fade into it. You can imagine, as you sit and spin it slowly to keep the little white flakes floating in the mercury, that that is your own true self standing there proudly beside your completed snowman and that your very own family is surrounding you, grinning with glee and admiration. If you sit and stare long enough, it's entirely possible to sink into a world much like a breathing Kinkade painting, shining with the fake light of a thousand unachieved perfections. It's entirely possible, doing this, to blur the line between reality and the freeze-frame and ease slowly into a kind of Christmas-y acid trip, leaving the vague pine-smell of Hallmark and the suspicious eyes of the store clerk behind completely. It's a kind of commercialized Christmas miracle.
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It's a white Christmas, the first in years- the first Tom and Jane can remember, for that matter- and an occasion to be celebrated. Tony breathes in the cool, crisp air of the morning, opens the door and pushes his two wonderful children out into the snow to make it last. Inside is Alexis, his loving wife, soberly inhaling the fumes from her hot chocolate and studying Christmas tree and it's protective barrier of unopened presents with a friendly intensity. Leaving the door open to hear the kids, he slowly inches into the living room and climbs onto the couch beside her.
"Looks good, doesn't it?" He says, sliding a sweatered arm around her shoulder.
"Like a picture." She replies, not breaking her gaze.
He follows her eyes to the stack, the prototypical multicolored array of green boxes, blue boxes, red boxes and all kinds silver and gold bows. He can't figure out which she is looking at, but he has a good guess in mind.
"Should we get them to open everything now?" He says, playing to what he assumes is her concern.
"No," she answers simply, "Our rule is no presents before breakfast and everything's not quite done yet."
There is a silence for a time. It's not quite an awkward silence, not quite a kodak or a hallmark moment either. It's just a simple lack of noise that lasts a mere couple of seconds before being interrupted by a flurry of giggles from outside. Tony gets up without saying a word, leaving Alexis curled around her mug for warmth as the cold air seeps in from the open door. Glancing outisde he sees the kids rolling a colossal snow-boulder as a base for their project before breakfast.
"Hmph," he chuckles quietly to himself, "And it took a whole day for god to make man."
He wanders into the kitchen where the decor seems to clash a bit between the holiday and pure functionality. The room is dominated by appliances and utensils and eating space, but here and there some garland, a nutcracker or two and one rather impressive snowglobe centerpiece remind the room that it's still Christmastime. Tony sits down at his seat at the table, the largest of the chairs with the biggest armrests, and stares into the snowglobe. It paints a picture so like real life, he thinks as he stares into it. Checking to make sure no one is looking, he waits a few seconds before quickly and impishly grabbing the thing and rattling it a bit to see it snow. He sets it down a little harder than necessary, but Alexis doesn't seem to notice. As he watches the snow whirl around the plastic children constructing their classic effagy of Frosty, he looks into the window of the house behind them.
Such detail, he thinks, to have a man in the window watching them. Such detail to have his wife beside him, proud of their children's work.
He watches until the last of the little flakes settle and as he reaches his hand out to shake it again, he notices an imperfection.
"Shit," he whispers, "I must have chipped it or something."
He utters a silent prayer that Alexis won't notice, quietly eases out of his chair, and moves outside to watch his children play.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Alexis is tired of Christmas. She's tired of it's false sense of security and artificial plastic happiness. She's tired of having to cook more food and spend more money and she's tired of having her family love each other that little bit extra just because of the holiday. She takes a sip of her hot chocolate, mentally willing it not to singe her tongue to no avail. Why, she wonders, do people love this holiday so much?
She wanders into the kitchen to get breakfast overwith and casts a glance at her mother's Snowglobe. She's always hated the thing but doesn't have the guts to get rid of it. Call it superstition, call it loyalty, or even call it love; something just doesn't sit right with her about getting rid of her mother's last remaining possession. She checks the steak and eggs, using her sense of smell to judge on the hash browns. Good, she thinks: it'll all be done in a minute or so. She sits down in Tony's chair, because it's more comfortable than hers, and stares into the globe.
She thinks for a second about how stupid the things are; they are freeze-frames of artificial reality, an overly perfect, overly happy family that soothes people with the possibility that they could have a Christmas that good. She shivers and silently curses the need to let the kids play in the snow so early when it's so cold outside. She wonders if they bundled up as much as the little kids in the snowglobe did. She looks at the globe again and, without enthusiasm, spins it to watch the snow fly. As she picks it up, she feels the crack in crystal beneath her finger. She sighs and sets it down too hard- she can see the crack deepen and branch out.
I'll throw it away after New Years, she thinks, and tell them all it just got lost in the attic somewhere.
"Honey, are you ready to open the presents!?"
She nearly snorts hot chocolate laughing at the enthusiasm in Tony's voice. She's sure he's being sarcastic for her benefit and she actually starts to cheer up a bit as she turns around to give him a stern glance and a kiss on the cheek. She stops mid-pucker as she comes face to face with her grinning husband and their two children, bright smiles frozen in place. Briefly taken aback she is momentarily unable to answer. Luckily, the need for words is negated by the buzzer, signalling breakfast as ready.
"Let's eat first," she says with a smile, "Like we always do. Those presents aren't going anywhere."
Tony's head cocks to the side and his smile doesn't move an inch.
"Aww come on, honey, don't be Mrs. Scrooge! It's Christmas!" The kids bob their heads in agreement. "Lets open the presents."
She pauses, assessing the sincerity of the request and waiting for one of the three to blink. She loses the staring contest and decides to let it slide this time.
"Alright," she says, "I'll bring the food in there and we can eat while open, alright?"
"That sounds just perfect!" The three say in unison, and walk together into the next room, taking seats in a row by the couch.
Quietly, Alexis gathers plates and mats and utensils and glasses to feed her family. As she sets up their breakfast they say nothing. The only sound is a vague jingling bell, which she can only assume is the wind hitting against the wreath on the door. As she sets her own plate down and takes a seat on the floor beside the little coffee table in the living room, her family beams at her with an enthusiastic set of teeth. Something in the water, she thinks.
"Who wants to go first?" Asks Tony, leaning forward and winking at Tom and Jane.
"Me! Me! Me!" They shout together, squirming in their seats and totally ignoring their food altogether.
"Now now, kids," Tony says in an admonishing tone that lacks any kind of sincerity at all, "let's not get too greedy." He looks at Alexis with a look that turns her blood to stone and smiles. "Let's let mommy open her present first."
The joy in the room becomes sufficating as Tom and Jane pull their mother's presents from the pile and place them in a stack in front of her. Tony grabs the largest one, a big green box from the very top of the stack, and hands it too her with a smile bigger than anything she'd ever seen from him before. She was too disquieted to thank them for their help.
"Go on," they say once again in unison, "Open it."
Slowly, she unties the ribbons and peels back the paper, calmly setting it aside and stalling as much as possible before sliding the lid from the box. As she opens it she tries to feign anticipation, still not entirely certain anything is amiss and that she's not just being her usual non-festive self. The box lid is removed, and in its place is a thin layer of golden tinted tissue paper. Beneath that is a box filled to the brim with tiny snow globes, miniatures of the one in their kitchen.
"Open the rest of them." Tony says. Tom and Jane smile encouragingly.
With building intensity, Alexis tears through the packaging, opening box after box stuffed to the brim with tiny crystal spheres. She becomes frantic, digging through the pile and tossing the paper and ribbons aside as she amasses a miniature mountain of the things in front of her.
"Merry Christmas Mom," says Tom.
"Merry Christmas Mom," says Jane.
"Merry Christmas, Dear," says Tony.
Alexis nods and smiles, and sits in silence as the rest of the presents are opened. Each box, packed tight with snowglobes, is met with a squeal of glee. It's just what we've always wanted, we said. It's just the thing for Christmas. The food untouched and all the presents opened, the kids head back outside to finish their snowman. Tony gets up and heads toward the window to watch them.
"Tony," says Alexis, easing beside him but too nervous to make any contact, "Is everything alright?"
Tony doesn't break his gaze; he just stares straight ahead at his wonderful children playing outside on a white Christmas for the first time in their wonderful lives. He smiles quietly as it begins to snow again, a whirl of flakes sudden but gentle twisting through the crisp air as though they were drifting across Lake Placid.
"Everything's perfect." He says, putting one hand against the glass, "Just perfect."
User Reviews
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-12-16 01:55:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2006-12-15 08:52:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
Snowplow
8 oz Hot Chocolate
1 Bailey's
1 Malibu
1/2 Creme de Cacao
That'll make your Christmas merrier, guaranteed.
===
Oh my god. I'm making this soon.
(Ghirardelli Double (hot) Chocolate is divine, too. Also in peppermint. mmm.
<3
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2006-12-15 17:41:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-12-15 17:11:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is fucked. I like it a lot.
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2006-12-15 13:16:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, cruel fate. Why do you mock me?
-- Homer Simpson
Bart the Daredevil
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-12-13 14:35:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-12-12 22:26:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-12-12 20:37:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2006-12-12 16:12:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
oh my goodness.. CREEEEEEpy!!
Well done!
Submitted by ripple (user info) at 2006-12-12 15:15:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
no, not compete. just not look like an idiot in comparison.
Submitted by ripple (user info) at 2006-12-12 15:14:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
gahhh how am i going to compete with this??
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2006-12-12 13:38:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-12-12 11:12:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Most excellent, young gofer.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2006-12-12 10:52:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2006-12-12 10:27:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Creepy in a Black Hole Sun video kind of way.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-12-12 10:16:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ho ho ho.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-12-12 10:03:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by beauxjizzle (user info) at 2006-12-12 10:00:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
balls.
Submitted by CHR15 (user info) at 2006-12-12 09:43:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-12-12 09:39:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good shit.