What's wrong? (582 hits)
Category: PoliticsRating: 0.5 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by awesomeface (View user info) at 2006-12-12 14:36:55 EST
http://www.ubersite.com/m/96742
"I can answer that. I've been thinking about this for a while, actually." I state to the man on television. He keeps rambling on, immune to my speech.
He just asked "What's wrong with America?" , then he went on as all talking heads do. You want to ignore me, Mr. Political Man? Fine.
I'm going to answer anyway.
Problem: Not enough fat Americans.
Synopsis: The Spartans were a warrior race. When children were born they were inspected to see if they would be suitable warriors. If a child was too small or skinny they were killed or abandoned in the wild. Only the elite of the American society can keep this blubbery figure their whole lives. We need to be like the Spartans. Far too long have people like Richard Simmons promoted exercise in order to get rid of fat.
Solution: Systematically exterminate people who can look down and see their genitals without assistance of mirrors.
Problem: Unbridled Greed.
Synopsis: What the real problem was that people thought they DIDN'T need a Playstation 3 or Wii. People went as far as sitting in their own homes and not camp out in front of Best Buy. We TOLD them that they needed one of these gaming consoles and on average only thirty people on average camped out at said Best Buys. People need to listen our needs more. Americans are too greedy.
Solution: One person from each American household must camp out in front of any store stocking a Playstation 3 or Wii. To help households with only one person the government will assist these people by putting bright yellow signs on those peoples doorsteps to inform robbers that this is an unfair target.
Problem: Little Jonny kills 7 in shooting inspired by Grand Theft Auto.
Synopsis: Seven people? That's it? If we are trying to build a warrior race of fat Americans they need to be able kill more efficiently. Obviously Grand Theft Auto does not depict these shootout and car chase scenes very accurately.
Solution: Create a more realistic car jacking simulator so these body counts are higher, making it seemingly easier to subjugate black people. Just in case a high ranking politician or CEO's son gets caught doing any of the following, they can fall back on the realism in Grand Theft Auto.
Problem: Affirmative Action AKA "Giving black people jobs."
Synopsis: The 13th Amendment states "All black people shall not be employed in any career track except for the following."
-Slave work
-Indentured Servants
-Decorations to be painted and purchased at Wal-Mart. (Any color you like too!)
Solution: Do away with it entirely. Affirmative action gives black people jobs in the medical field, law enforcement, and even business. Affirmative Action is unconstitutional.
Problem: Sex Offender Registry.
Synopsis: America is a country that likes to treat all it's people equally (except blacks, Hispanics, Indians, or those of Middle Eastern descent). So we should treat everyone equally no matter how high their rape or murder count is. How is a pedophile supposed to find a succulent new boy to feast on if everyone in the neighborhood knows that is his intention? See what I'm getting at?
Solution: Fuck registry, rapists get what they want cause they earned it.
Oh I could go on and on. I haven't the time, nor do you have the patience. So we'll just leave at the worst of the worst.
User Reviews
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-12-13 14:36:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by tamuru (user info) at 2006-12-13 13:32:51 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by earth_collapse (user info) at 2006-12-13 02:49:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Or not.
Submitted by earth_collapse (user info) at 2006-12-13 02:48:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You're all fucking sheep.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-12-12 21:20:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by beauxjizzle (user info) at 2006-12-12 14:41:23 (#)
Ranking: 0
meh
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2006-12-12 19:39:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
HEY, WHASSAMATTAYOU?
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2006-12-12 17:26:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was good. +2 provided this doesn't become a bandwagon.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-12-12 15:46:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
anti-Homer
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-12-12 14:51:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
you get the same rating I gave him.
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2006-12-12 14:44:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Auto link/parody +2!
Submitted by beauxjizzle (user info) at 2006-12-12 14:41:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
meh
Submitted by homer42 (user info) at 2006-12-12 14:40:15 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-12-12 14:39:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Slightly funny.