Two words that REALLY WILL change your pathetic life (990 hits)
Category: Quotes & Stories -> PoetryRating: 1.2 on 24 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by HotWillie (View user info) at 2006-12-18 02:19:50 EST
"Bart's dead."
Those two words would definitely change your miserable lives.
However, I am not going to say those words.
Yet.
Place $29,605 in unmarked, non-sequential twenties in a brown paper bag.
This equals just $1 per registered user name, or $7401.25 per unique individual uberer.
You have exactly eight hours.
Deviate and you will never see your precious bart-bart again.
Do not alert the authorities.
Further instructions will be posted on the uberboard.
Don't make me hurt him any more than he's already requested.
Amputate a man's leg and he can still feel it tickling. Tell me, bitches, when your little boy is on the slab, where will it tickle you?
User Reviews
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2008-05-28 13:56:51 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I laughed.
merely a statement.... so far i think everything has been ubercentric.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2008-05-26 21:07:21 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-12-29 12:26:28 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You should go back to being electrictoothsyndrome, at least you were entertaining then.
===============
You ain't foolin' no one, WillJonny.
Submitted by experima (user info) at 2008-05-26 20:36:07 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
i never saw this before.
+2 for silence
fucking awesome...but here i thought it was our thing :(
Submitted by jimboruckus (user info) at 2008-05-26 19:46:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by EkO (user info) at 2008-01-05 13:27:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-12-29 12:26:28 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You should go back to being electrictoothsyndrome, at least you were entertaining then.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-12-18 21:48:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by jfreakman (user info) at 2006-12-18 21:40:02 (#)
Ranking: 2
You are a slightly deranged little alter, aren't you?
========================================
Just trying to make a living.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-12-18 21:47:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-12-18 20:59:17 (#)
Ranking: 1
You can't sell human bits on ebay. Bastards.
===========================================
Lucky for me bart's DNA comes in bytes, not bits.
There's a go. Maybe I should auction his droppings, too.
Anybody out there want to suck bart's ass, or is that a silly question?
Submitted by jfreakman (user info) at 2006-12-18 21:40:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You are a slightly deranged little alter, aren't you?
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2006-12-18 21:02:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
puttheFUCKING LOTIONinthe basket!
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-12-18 20:59:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
You can't sell human bits on ebay. Bastards.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-12-18 20:40:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-12-18 20:21:26 (#)
Ranking: 1
I alerted the authorities.
Whoops.
===============================
No worries, mate. Little bugger escaped an hour ago and raped four of my sheep.
More trouble than he was worth.
I'm selling his fingernails on E-bay to cover my expenses.
Lovely polish, that.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-12-18 20:21:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I alerted the authorities.
Whoops.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-12-18 20:13:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2006-12-18 12:40:42 (#)
Ranking: 2
BART USE THE LOTION
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-12-18 19:10:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2006-12-18 12:40:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
BART USE THE LOTION
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2006-12-18 10:55:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-12-18 08:17:03 (#)
Ranking: -2
Life and morale boosting words: "Willie left."
=============================================
Just for that he'll next be screaming those very words from the bottom of my well.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2006-12-18 08:17:03 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Life and morale boosting words: "Willie left."
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-12-18 07:58:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I guess so.
Submitted by Antioxident (user info) at 2006-12-18 07:34:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
yes
Submitted by frankthebear (user info) at 2006-12-18 06:09:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
go ahead, kill him
we all know you need him as much as we do
what are you waiting for?
don't you want to kill him?
are you afraid?
afraid of what will happen when he's dead?
what's the worst that could happen?
nothing?
or will the universe implode upon itself in a mass of stupidity and suck?
I guess we'll never know, will we.
unless you kill him
you know you want to
I know I want to
go ahead
it'll be fun
right?
sissy...
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2006-12-18 03:28:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
filename
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2006-12-18 03:25:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 only because yesterday at the beach I asked for sun lotion and when the person handed it to me he said 'It rubs the lotion on its skin" and I was real stoned and found this stupidly funny, so funny that I fell over and then the family next to us moved their kids to the other side of the beach because we were acting like 'those people'
Submitted by RoytheJoy (user info) at 2006-12-18 02:25:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
If I had a U.S. inspired bank account I would pay you the amount you request, AND would pay you the due of a +2, but you still get a 0, which isn't bad. Congrats. You ROCK!