2006 - Alcoholism, STDs and Teaching English As Foreign Language (917 hits)
Category: RomanceRating: 1.74 on 24 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Scott James (View user info) at 2006-12-18 09:13:43 EST
2006 was a year that started with such great promise.
I had just fallen in love; my bank balance was looking less and less like a death sentence; my mother had made a full recovery from a major health scare; and my grandmother, in spite of her dementia, was able to remember my name every time we met.
But such great times are not meant to last.
This was the year that I learnt the following:
- I realised that I have a drinking problem. In fact, this is something that has dawned on me in the last few months, culminating in a series of incidents occurring over the last few weeks. I kept missing work because I had a hangover. The thought of staying sober for longer than a week actually scared me (it still does). I was getting aggressive and violent for no reason, although thankfully never lashed out at anybody physically. (A few people, however, have suffered my idiotic wrath via the medium of text message and loud noises). In terms of classification I am not "dependent" on alcohol but I have a borderline problem that falls into the "problem drinking" category. More worryingly, when I took a simple test to see whether or not I should consider Alcoholics Anonymous, I answered 'Yes' to eleven out of the twelve questions. You are considered to have a "problem" if you answer 'Yes' to more than four. An alcohol-free 2007 awaits and that scares the shit out of me. Maybe I should move to Dubai.
- Condoms are a lot less reliable than Durex would have you believe. Yes, one tiny split and you are off down to the STD clinic to be poked and prodded by a bunch of certified perverts. I believe other people call them "doctors" and "nurses". Let it be said that while a one-night stand might seem to be a good idea at the time (especially if it is with a gorgeous Amazonian goddess); it will almost definitely catch up with you in one way or another. After having an AIDS scare, I will never take the efficiency of condoms for granted again.
- Apparently, I am great teaching material. After being dumped by my girlfriend in June I responded like a man and decided to run away. Run away and become an English language teacher. Just about to finish the TEFL course, (which I have completed with little assistance from textbooks) and have discovered I have an aptitude for teaching. So in future, if you encounter any immigrants who keep adding things like "For real" to the end of their sentences and speak in a strange Welsh dialect, using words like "cocksucker", "cunt" and "bastard", then I most likely sent them.
- I am practically unbeatable on Pro Evolution Soccer 4, 5, and 6 on the Playstation 2. Yes, I know that I am twenty-six and shouldn't be playing video games anymore but since my little brother is now big enough to kick ten shades of shit out of me, I have to find other ways of humiliating him and while I see the plus side in trying to frame him for the rape and murder of a hooker there is no other way to top that. I currently lead him in our little series by 76 wins to 3.
- I beat smoking. No, not with a crowbar but with the realisation that smoking 260 cigarettes in the space of a seven day sojourn to the Caribbean can't be a good thing. That said I still like the occasional toke on my crack pipe.
- I almost went back to church. It was a momentary lapse in my lack of faith. Lasted about seven seconds. Right after my girlfriend dumped me. I opened a bottle of beer instead.
- I punched a horse. I'm not proud of it. I was actually aiming for the policeman riding him. As you might imagine, I was not sober at the time yet somehow managed not to go to jail. That said, I will not be returning to the Notting Hill carnival next year.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, peeps.
User Reviews
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2006-12-19 11:07:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Um, I would answer "Yes" to most of the those questions answered below, which probably isn't a good thing. Still having headaches and cravings and it's only been 60 hours since my last drink. Roll on Christmas and New Year!
Submitted by DeadHorse (user info) at 2006-12-18 20:10:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2006-12-18 18:04:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
1. Do you occasionally drink heavily after a disappointment, quarrel, or when the boss gives you a hard time?
2. When you have trouble or feel under pressure, do you always drink more heavily than usual?
3. Have you noticed that you are unable to handle more liquor than when you were first drinking?
4. Did you ever wake up the "morning after" and find that you could not remember part of the past evening, even though your friends say you did not "pass out"?
5. When drinking with other people, do you try to have a few extra drinks when others will not know it?
6. Are there certain occasions when you feel uncomfortable if alcohol is not available?
7. Have you recently noticed that when you begin drinking, you are in more of a hurry to get the first drink than you used to be?
8. Do you sometimes feel a little guilty about your drinking?
9. Are you secretly irritated when your family or friends discuss your drinking?
10. Have you recently noticed an increase in the frequency of your memory "blackouts"?
11. Do you often find that you wish to continue drinking after friends say they have had enough?
12. Do you usually have a reason for the occasions when you drink heavily?
13. When sober, do you often regret things you have done or said while drinking?
14. Have you tried switching brands or following various plans to control your drinking?
15. Have you often failed to keep the promises you have made to yourself about controlling or cutting down on your drinking?
16. Have you ever tried to control your drinking by changing jobs or moving?
17. Do you try to avoid family or close friends while you are drinking?
18. Are you having an increasing number of financial and work problems?
19. Do more people seem to be treating you unfairly without good reason?
20. Do you eat very little or irregularly when you are drinking?
21. Have you recently noticed that you cannot drink as much as you once did?
22. Do you sometimes have "the shakes" in the morning and find that it helps to have a drink?
23. Do you sometimes stay drunk for several days at a time?
24. Do you sometimes feel very depressed and wonder whether life is worth living?
25. Sometimes after periods of drinking, do you see or hear things that aren't there?
26. Do you get terribly frightened after you have been drinking heavily?
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2006-12-18 16:22:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-12-18 13:27:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
good luck with all of that
daham
Submitted by TheCrystalShip (user info) at 2006-12-18 13:05:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-12-18 09:45:12 (#)
Ranking: 2
AA is for quitters.
Those tests are BS, isn't one of the questions "do you regularly have more than 4 drinks at a sitting?" I mean 4 drinks is pre-game, it is what you have before a "sitting" starts.
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2006-12-18 12:31:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm going to quit smoking
right after i finish this pack.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2006-12-18 12:22:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/16265307/
Breaking news! Apparently, you can remember more when you're not drunk as piss.
God what a worthwhile study.
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2006-12-18 12:06:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ok, I'll say it.
"The only drinking problem I have is two hands and one mouth!"
Don't read too much into those AA "tests". Those things are just their way of trying to attract new members by convincing people they have a problem.
And for the record, missing work because you're hungover doesn't mean you're an alcoholic, it just means you can't handle your shit :)
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-12-18 10:58:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Pentameter (user info) at 2006-12-18 10:43:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I quit smoking this year too. Best thing I ever did.
Good luck with the quitting drinking thing. It isn't as hard as it seems.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-12-18 10:39:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
it's all bollocks.
i drink two bottles of wine every night, at least.
does that make me an alcoholic?
i don't think so.
<swims in de nile>
Submitted by JulsInsane (user info) at 2006-12-18 10:36:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
40 units didn't sound that excessive to me, and now I am questioning my own drinking habits.
ohh yeah, where are the Dano stories, perhaps Dano could be your AA sponsor.
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2006-12-18 10:02:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-12-18 09:45:12 (#)
Ranking: 2
AA is for quitters.
Those tests are BS, isn't one of the questions "do you regularly have more than 4 drinks at a sitting?" I mean 4 drinks is pre-game, it is what you have before a "sitting" starts.
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Hehe, tell me about it. I think I took the test on AA's UK website. I think the only one I didn't answer 'Yes' to was the one about having a drink first thing in the morning, although to be fair, I have in the past gotten out of bed and WANTED one, but common sense prevailed.
When I worked in comedy club here in the UK, all the American comedians would comment on how we Brits would actually prepare to go out on the town by having a drink beforehand. It is just accepted practise here in the UK. I was drinking 3 or 4 beers before I even got into the shower.
The worst thing about this is that I have not admitted this to any of my family or friends, the latter who are really big drinkers, they just don't get into states like me.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-12-18 09:59:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
a welshman with a drinking problem?
so cliche.
i too have a drinking problem.
i realised this yesterday.
Submitted by Malka (user info) at 2006-12-18 09:57:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Yeah, smoking crack helped me get over my drinking problem.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-12-18 09:54:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I think "drinking problems" are excuses for pussies who don't know how to drink properly.
To me, a "drinking problem" is when I run out of 7-up for my Seagrams 7.
To me, a "drinking problem" is when I run out of beer on Sunday.
To me, a "drinking problem" is when I spent all that money and still didn't get laid.
Etc.
Etc.
Et. Al.
Submitted by Antioxident (user info) at 2006-12-18 09:51:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-12-18 09:45:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
AA is for quitters.
Those tests are BS, isn't one of the questions "do you regularly have more than 4 drinks at a sitting?" I mean 4 drinks is pre-game, it is what you have before a "sitting" starts.
Submitted by Scott_James (user info) at 2006-12-18 09:43:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2006-12-18 09:31:09 (#)
Ranking: 2
Alcohol Free 2007?
Sounds like a horror flick.
-----------------------------
You're telling me.
The alternative is to carrying on drinking myself into oblivion until I pass out and choke on my own vomit... which will be a good way to go. Incidentally, when I checked up with my doctor and I divulged how many units I was consuming a week (on average) he stared at me for a long time before asking me if I was drunk right there and then. A man is not supposed to consume more than 21 units in a week. A unit is about half a pint of beer or a shot of spirits. I have drunk at least 40 units a week for the last three months. The stupid thing was how normal it seemed to me which isn't a good sign.
Submitted by TheSpook (user info) at 2006-12-18 09:31:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Alcohol Free 2007?
Sounds like a horror flick.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-12-18 09:18:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Pro Evo +2
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-12-18 09:17:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
1.5
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-12-18 09:17:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I know a girl who looks JUST like her in the background. Horrible she is.