How King Kong Destroyed the World (avg. read time: 10 min) Strong Language and Racial Themes (426 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.41 on 13 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Id (View user info) at 2006-12-18 16:49:57 EST
"How do you think they got King Kong off Skull Island?"
"What?"
"How do you think they got King Kong off Skull Island?"
"................."
"You know, they knock him out and all, but then-"
"sssssssshhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"
"..........................................................................................................................................................................what are we waiting for?"
"I don't believe enough time has passed to properly convey my utter disbelief and total dumpfoundment over what you just said. I would like to give your dump-ass musing all the time it needs to settle before I comment on it. Kinda like stepping out of a room after someone sets off a huge fuckin' fart or something."
"look, I'm just trying to pass time, God knows we're got plenty-"
"SSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
"...............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................you're being child-"
"WHO GIVES A FLYING FUCK ABOUT SOME G0D DAMN GIANT MONKEY GETTING HIS SHIT-CRUSTED ASS CARTED AWAY IN SOME GOD AWFUL FUCKIN MOVIE??? Of all the things you...the hell's your name again?....of all the things you could be thinking about JEREMY at a time like this. Oh I'm sorry, did I break your concentration? Please, by all means, continue with your most FASCINATING intellectual quandary. I can't wait to hear the intricate details of this, what must be the most pressing issue of our generation."
"It's not important, I can just-"
"Oh no, I'm very curious about what goes on inside your head. Anytime a man, especially a white man, that I'm locked inside a ratty one-bedroom apartment with starts talking about giant fuckin gorillas and fictional white guys from the 30's, I'm one interested nigger...Oh, that made you uncomfortable didn't it? Well pardon my language. How dare I make you any more nervous than you clearly are."
'Hey, like I said, I'm just passing time. In case you haven't noticed our current situation, we aren't, repeat, are not likely to leaving my apartment any time soon. We take one foot out the door, those things will tear us apart!"
"Some of those THINGS used to be my friends. That guy who's head you blew apart earlier, he used to deliver my newspaper. Oh, and that little boy right there by the door...you know, the one who tried to rip off your dick and slurp it down like a small twinkie....he played ball with my son sometimes."
"...is your family..did they, uh..you know where they are?"
"Let's get one thing fuckin thing clear right now. This is not gonna be some meeting of the races-soul-bonding event, ok? I not gonna talk about my family and my hopes and my dreams and I'm sure as hell not gonna listen to you break down and cry about how you never really talked to your son or told your wife how much you loved her right before somebody disembowled her and ate her fuckin intestines. If you even had a wife and kids....you look like one of those fat fuckers who masterbates three times a day with the Sears catalog you get in the Sunday paper. And I have no clue where my family is, all right? We got separated at the stadium"
"Allright, we don't have to talk, we don't have to get along, but for fuck's sake let's at least not kill each other just because I asked you a stupid question. And you know, this is my place. The only reason I let you inside was because I have a sense of decency, one you clearly lack."
"Right, you LET me in because it was decent thing to do. I'm sure your sense of values was deeply aided by the fact that I'm the one with the gun, and you are not."
"Fine, you're right about everything, I have the moral bearings of a cumrag. You might want to save your ammo; there's no telling how long it'll take before help comes. We could be here awhile."
"And what pray tell are we gonna eat and drink to ride out this unholy siege we find ourselves in? That half eaten bag of Doritos and that empty cuboard are talking to me Jeremy. You know what they say? They say "we are the remnants of a sad, lonely white boy who's only escape from his fucked up self-humiliating life are those stacks of video games in the corner and that tower of TV series on DVD." They also tell me that I'm soon to become one famished nigger."
"Could you not say that word. It's only degrading yourself."
"....only degrading MYSELF!? Well, look who just stepped off the boat, chains on both wrists, eating watermelons with Uncle Tom. WHAT THE FUCK GIVES YOU A RIGHT TO TALK TO ME ABOUT WHAT DEGRADES ME??? I will use whatever damn word I see fit. You fuckers used it for 400 years, so I figure I've got at least another 369 years of serviceable word usage left."
"...suit yourself. I didn't catch your name."
"....Moses."
"All right Moses, I think we need set up a signal so rescuers will know we're here."
"Do whatever you like. No one's coming. Least not for a long time. Long after we're dead. And the reason for that, the reason why the hell we're in this mess, is all around your little squat here."
"...right. Battlestar Galactica Seasons 1 & 2 caused the city to be overrun by psychotic cannibal...things."
"I meant the way everyone handled this, dumbshit. My family was told to head to a shelter over at the stadium...not by anyone in uniform of course, just a bunch of scared people running towards wherever the hell they could go. They couldn't drive or take a subway; power went out an hour after the first sightings of these things. Not that we missed much. All we kept seeing were policemen screaming at each other, newscasters telling everyone to follow instructions that didn't come. You'd think this country would have gotten it's shit together after Katrina."
"Nobody could have predicted this. This is....impossible."
"I'm not just talking about a god damn zombie apocalypse! You think you would know what the hell to do if this city got buried by two feet of snow instead of this? You suppose NYC would handle another 747 shoved up their ass? Yeah....Battlestar Galactica season 1 says you thought this would never happen. And season two says you were too busy waiting in line for a Playstation 3 and updating your Myspace account to have the sense to stock more than 1 day worth of food. Bet you don't have flashlights either. Son of a bitch...."
".................................................................................."
"Allright, Jeremy. Let's hear it."
"Huh?"
"You've obviously spent a lot of time thinking about this. We got nothing better to do. Except die. So enlighten me about this King Kong problem of yours."
"Oh....uh.....well, they gassed King Kong right? But how would maybe 20 or 30 guys be able to move a 10-20 ton gorilla? The crane they had on their boat wouldn't be able to carry that much weight. Plus, how did they manage to fit Kong into that movie theatre in New York? Did they just happen to have giant doors waiting, custom built? It doesn't make any sense."
"...sigh...I didn't really notice that when I saw the movie."
"You saw it?"
"Yeah...though it was racist as hell."
"Oh come on!! You honestly think there's a hidden anti-black message in a movie about a giant ape? What, does Kong represent the black race, with the white man forcing him into slavery for the amusment of other white men, in chains no less? And that he falls in love with a WHITE woman and ultimately dies for her, I bet you think that's Peter Jackson telling you that your only dream in life is to marry someone outside your skin tone, huh?"
"...uh..yeah....that pretty much sums it up."
"Ok, ok....it's my time for me to talk Moses!!! I'm sure you find racism everywhere, don't you? Any movie that doesn't feature a black face is racist, anybody who doesn't give you a job is racist, I'M RASIST FOR BEING JUST A TAD AFRAID OF YOU BECAUSE YOU HAPPEN TO HAVE A GUN, IS THAT IT???"
"ssshhhh....do you hear that-"
"DON'T CHANGE THE FUCKING SUBJECT MOSES!...MOSES, WHAT THE HELL KINDA NAME IS THAT??? WHY DIDN'T YOUR PARENTS NAME YOU TYRONE AND BE DONE WITH IT??? AND FOR THAT MATTER, WHO SAYS YOU WERE HUNKERING DOWN FOR THE END OF THE WORLD YOURSELF??? YOU COULD JUST AS WELL HAVE BEEN-"
"shut the fuck up!!! I think that's glass shattering...they're coming in through the window!!!"
"RIGHT, THE SECOND WHITEY STARTS BITCHING, IT'S ALL ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE, ISN'T IT???!!! JUST DON'T FOCUS ON REALI-.....oh fuck..............."
end
User Reviews
Submitted by mr-bee (user info) at 2006-12-19 06:55:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2006-12-19 00:12:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-12-18 23:23:37 (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2006-12-18 22:56:42 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-12-18 21:00:45 (#)
Ranking: -2
This post was a massive success. 117 hits and a -0.83 average on only 7 reviews. What more could anybody aspire to?
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what did this guy do to you? Fuck your sister?
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No, I just hate hate hated this post for a variety of reasons.
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Fair Enough.
But my main point here is: Would you let him fuck your sister?
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-12-18 23:23:37 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2006-12-18 22:56:42 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-12-18 21:00:45 (#)
Ranking: -2
This post was a massive success. 117 hits and a -0.83 average on only 7 reviews. What more could anybody aspire to?
-----
what did this guy do to you? Fuck your sister?
----------------
No, I just hate hate hated this post for a variety of reasons.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2006-12-18 22:56:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-12-18 21:00:45 (#)
Ranking: -2
This post was a massive success. 117 hits and a -0.83 average on only 7 reviews. What more could anybody aspire to?
-----
what did this guy do to you? Fuck your sister?
Submitted by hot_pocket (user info) at 2006-12-18 22:56:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i liked this.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-12-18 21:00:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This post was a massive success. 117 hits and a -0.83 average on only 7 reviews. What more could anybody aspire to?
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2006-12-18 20:30:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you have a tin ear for dialogue.
mcallum would probably like this.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-12-18 20:18:57 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You shitting me? I read it and -2ed it in under 2 minutes.
Submitted by GMCrayon (user info) at 2006-12-18 20:09:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Strong Language and Racial Themes
We don't need a warning like that over here.
Submitted by Id (user info) at 2006-12-18 18:01:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
It would appear as though I screwed up the transfer from word to ubersite
I seem to do that a lot.
Meh. Better luck next time.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-12-18 17:35:59 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
How is that a 10 minute read time? and why the huge hole?
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2006-12-18 17:23:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Awesome
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-12-18 16:51:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
awesome