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Brush your palms (244 hits)

Category: Quotes & Stories -> Poetry

Rating: -0.66 on 6 reviews (Rate this item) (V)

Submitted by Heavyfoot (View user info) at 2006-12-18 19:54:26 EST

I know it's a major faux pas to post poetry but fuck it I've got nothing else right now and want to be doing SOMETHING. Give it a read and tell me what you all think.

Have you ever felt spent time seep through your tired pours?
Like the dirty suds in a discarded sponge in the back of a bathroom draw
It sits under your dry, cracked skin. It makes it blue and pale.
And like the forgotten loaf in the cupboard it turns so quickly stale.

You reach inside and try to hold on, gripping with sore thumbs
It falls apart through fingers and you're left with only crumbs
You can still taste them on your tongue just now with bitter edge
They sit in your palm as vague memories and snapshots in your head

You must brush your palms off, my friend and though I know it hurts.
If you allow those crumbs to mould it can only get much worse
They'll poison you and no amount of meds will rectify.
You must brush your palms off, my friend and I will help you try.

User Reviews

Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2006-12-18 20:14:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -2

I think:
1) This blew
2) You suck
3) I'm hungry

Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-12-18 20:08:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0

Submitted by Timmah (user info) at 2006-12-18 20:05:00 (#)
Ranking: 0

Do you know what? I'm actually ashamed that I missed both of those.

Those are mistakes that I would NEVER normally make. I feel I should repost this.
-------
sure, why not?

Submitted by Timmah (user info) at 2006-12-18 20:05:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0

Do you know what? I'm actually ashamed that I missed both of those.

Those are mistakes that I would NEVER normally make. I feel I should repost this.

Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-12-18 20:03:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0

Though an admitted minority, there are a number of uberers who welcome poetry.

You need to some work on spelling, punctuation, and meter. It's "pores" and "drawer", not "pours" and draw". Even if you pronounce it "draw", it no longer rhymes, you see. Your punctuation is all over the place, and you have an inconsistent number of syllables in some lines.

Hope this helps.

Submitted by Timmah (user info) at 2006-12-18 20:03:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0

Okay

Edit: I know it's a major faux pas to post SHITTY poetry but fuck it.........

Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-12-18 19:59:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 0

It really depends on whether the poetry is decent or not.