God Plays Chess. Or Yatzee. Possibly Trouble. (771 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 2 on 24 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Id (View user info) at 2006-12-19 17:55:16 EST
There is a park. Just a park. No doubt there are trees and walkways, perhaps a modest wooden bridge in the center, possibly a small fountain within a small pond being spanned by aforementioned small wooden bridge. Or not. I will leave the particulars up to you. Your own cognitive park may include squirrels leaping from branch to branch. Your own mental representation of "park" possibly may feature laughing children. Or crying children. Or dead children. I would not know: it's your imaginary park.
Just so long as it is understood that there is a table in your park. As well as two chairs on either side. There will also be a chess board. I care not whether your chess board is comprised of ebony horses or Bart Simpson pawns or Bishops as portrayed by a molested 13 year old alter boy. All that matters is that a chess board exists.
There will be two players, naturally. No one has yet to present of version of chess with more than two players. One player against them self perhaps, though I find such a game inherently depressing. Yes, there are two players, each seated on either side of the chess board, arranging the pieces you selected to represent your imaginary chess game within your imaginary park.
Player one is the Devil. That is all I will say of it. Doubtless you have thought much on what He Who is Most Unclean looks like.
Player two is God. That is not all I will say of that. Many people have remarked to me that representing such an overarching manifestation of religious construct into the necessarily limiting frame of a human being is degrading and restrictive, misrepresenting the idea of an omnipotent force such a God is. To such people I usually reply with a swift kick to the nuts and a slight shaking of my head.
I'm sure you also have an idea of what an overarching manifestation of religious construct such as God (in human form) looks like as well.
The fact that God plays chess probably comes as no surprise to you. Some have said in the past that maybe God plays dice. He/she/it/the limited mental construct that is God within your inherently constrained consciousness/ does not play dice. Though given events within the world, I would hazard a guess that God may also engage, now and then, in a hardy game of Twister. Possibly with a bottle of cosmic-sized tequila as a partner. But I digress.
The fact that the Devil plays chess should also be of no shock to anyone. The fact that he plays against God is not news worthy (by the way, for my purposes I shall refer to The Most Unholy as a male. I mean this as a matter of simplicity. I could easily have made Lucifer female. No doubt any woman reading this may feel an urge to assign such a casting of gender. Or such a casting of gender to God for that matter. It's up to you.). The fact that the Devil has chosen to play with white pieces will probably strike you as ironic. That fact that the Devil has brought forth the reason for this game of chess with God will, eventually, make sense.
Perhaps at this point your mental representation of God and the Devil playing chess in a park will pause as you take the scene in within your Theatre of the Mind. I understand that this may seem a bit cliché to some of you. Perhaps if I were to tell you that on another level of existence God and the Devil were engaging in a much more dramatic battle of wills. In this realm, they are playing Battleship. Satan might elect to group all of his (I once again pause to remind you that Satan is a male clearly for simplicity's sake), his ships together in the lower-left hand corner of his board. A risky venture, but one that may confound God to no end until God suddenly sees through the Great Defiler's ploy and swiftly executes his plastic armada.
That is of course assuming God does not, in fact, use God's omnipotence to see Satan's Battleship strategy before the match begins. If God were to do that, God would be quite the little cheating bitch, wouldn't God? (I pause to clarify that the word "bitch" in no way infers femininity upon God's figurative person. Tis merely a snappy bit of prose).
You could in fact conger up any kind of contest between the manifestations of good and evil on Earth. Stratego maybe. Some of you may find familiarity with a mud-wrestling contest between God and the Devil. I do not know. It's your imagined scene. I simply ask that you to be absolutely certain of one thing: God and the Devil are in disagreement about something. So much so that they are willing to settle their differences over a single game. Maybe they tried winning each other over with logical dialogue or witty banter prior to this. It doesn't matter.
The game is on.
The Devil goes first. Of course he does.
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200 mg of Tegretol to treat epilepsy as well as bipolar tendencies that may occur. Take two pills twice a day with water, 8 oz if possible. Possible side effects include dry mouth, irritability, nausea, some vomiting.
40 mg of Oxybutynin to treat bladder complications, including infrequent voiding and complete loss of control. Take one pill once a day, preferably with water, though not necessary. Easier to take in the morning, when she's not fully awake yet and can't slap the pill cup away from your outstretched hand. Side effects: sweating, abdominal ache, and severe dry mouth. Severe to the point of being unable to speak. Not that she speak can mind you.
75 mg of Depakote to ease the onset of manic depressive behaviors. Take one pill at night with food. Thank God the pill is small enough to hide in your sister's dinner. Otherwise you'd have to shove it down her throat. And it hurts when she bites you. Which she does. Often. Side effects include nausea and possible liver damage.
20 mg of Actonel to combat the effects of Osteoporosis. They don't seem to do much. Take one pill once a week in the morning. Take on an empty stomach as the chemical compound may latch to the wall of your 29 year old sister's esophagus when in the presence of food. You don't want that. You remember what happened when you did that. Side effects include the rare (and ugly) occurrence of Osteoporosis of the jaw. You've often remarked on the paradox of a medicine whose side effect is the very ailment it was designed to treat.
Guard rails for her bed to prevent self-injury in the event of an epileptic seizure as she sleeps. Orthopedic shoes and shin guards to assist in her limited walking. Wheelchair for the more common event of your sister simply refusing to walk. Gloves. Gloves everywhere. Gloves where your dog used to sleep at the foot of your bed. Gloves on the shelves that used to house the pictures of your friends you barely see. Gloves on the night stand where your husband (or wife, or boyfriend, or girlfriend) used to place whatever book was being read at the time just before you made love. Before he/she left you. Before you sister.
You may in real life not have a sister with such ailments as this. You may not even have a sister. You may be an only child. For the purpose of this story, you do have a sister. Her name is whatever you decide. Your house remains your house, only it is now also her house. You have been her sole guardian for a time. A long time. Whatever counts as a long time to you will suffice. Whatever reason you devise as to why you are in this situation with her will be fine as well. Parents died in a horrible accident. Long lost real parent brings you long lost real sister shortly before fleeing the country. However you wish to explain it to yourself is, again, fine.
All that matters is that you have a sister. She is sick. And severely handicapped.
You are all she has. She now is all you can have.
Presently she is asleep. You are looking down upon her still form.
You have a knife in your hand.
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The Devil has moved a pawn ahead two spaces. Which ever pawn he moved, which piece it has exposed, is entirely in your hands.
It is, after all, your story.
God makes God's move.
End of Part One
User Reviews
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-12-20 11:39:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
some minor mis-spellings and typos but otherwise nice.
"start an ubersite chess match, with each side choosing a move each post, with the story emerging based on who's winning."
interesting idea but you may want to set up a board, take a picture for this post then a picture for the next showing this post's move. If you try this and pull it off I'll certainly be impressed.
Submitted by drgoatcabin (user info) at 2006-12-20 11:12:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You have skill.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-12-20 10:51:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Nellypaal (user info) at 2006-12-20 10:42:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Like it. Will probably forget to be around when part 2 turns up. Annoying.
Submitted by loki (user info) at 2006-12-20 10:29:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
tetris?
Submitted by FALLEN (user info) at 2006-12-20 09:48:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
God plays ski-ball.
and Halo, lots of Halo.
on Legendary.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-12-20 09:07:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No comment.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2006-12-20 09:00:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Look what I did to my Id."
Best line in a song, EVAR.
Oh, this story kicked ass, too.
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2006-12-20 03:22:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2006-12-19 19:14:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
anxiously awaiting part 2...
Submitted by yhywstudios (user info) at 2006-12-20 03:15:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sepsis (user info) at 2006-12-20 02:30:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by garudave (user info) at 2006-12-19 23:22:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm reminded of Chuck Palahniuk, mostly because of your use of second-person point of view.
Nice.
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2006-12-19 21:32:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I honestly didn't read this and just want to leave a snide comment, so I'll +2 you as to not alter your rating.
God can't play Yahtzee; it involves dice. Maybe Chess, though.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2006-12-19 21:22:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by sweetcheebs (user info) at 2006-12-19 19:30:19 (#)
Ranking: 2
This tickled my taint with delight.
Just imagine the sound I made.
Submitted by Id (user info) at 2006-12-19 20:25:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Dear Snark:
I have thought of the idea of audience participation. Not sure how I am going to incorporate the concept; toying with the idea of creating two teams (one for God, one for the Devil) and start an ubersite chess match, with each side choosing a move each post, with the story emerging based on who's winning.
It's still early. But yeah, one way or another, this story thread will continue.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-12-19 19:55:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Cool!
Is it to be left as is?
Have you set the stage for other uberites to post their interpretations of what happens next?
Are you going to continue this?
Submitted by sweetcheebs (user info) at 2006-12-19 19:30:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This tickled my taint with delight.
Just imagine the sound I made.
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2006-12-19 19:14:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
anxiously awaiting part 2...
Submitted by darien_redd (user info) at 2006-12-19 18:37:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice setup. like the style as well.
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2006-12-19 18:32:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was really good. I'm looking forward to part 2.
Submitted by Id (user info) at 2006-12-19 18:16:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-12-19 18:10:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
I think we should be internet-enemies.
Not just enemies, but arch-nemesises! We can post each others personal information and -2 each others posts while giving handjobs to one another behind everyone else's back. People will scorn at our uberdrama, and one of us will post an image of his shriveled carroty wang. Sound good?
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Uh.....for the moment, I'll be happy with your honest comments, much like the wrath my last post incured from your person.
And I'll think about it.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-12-19 18:10:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I think we should be internet-enemies.
Not just enemies, but arch-nemesises! We can post each others personal information and -2 each others posts while giving handjobs to one another behind everyone else's back. People will scorn at our uberdrama, and one of us will post an image of his shriveled carroty wang. Sound good?
Submitted by ticklish_squirrel (user info) at 2006-12-19 18:10:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
At first I had trouble focusing, but that's just me. I like where this is going, you have my attention now.
Submitted by Doodles (user info) at 2006-12-19 18:05:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I have no idea why, but I like this.
Good job not sucking as bad as your last post.