All I Really Want is a Freakin Glass of Tea (778 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 1.64 on 15 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Doogsterville (View user info) at 2006-12-21 18:05:53 EST
O McDonald's, how I love and hate you so!
Awhile back The Clown introduced his latest nefarious ploy to draw me back into the fold:
The 1 Dollar Iced Tea. The Clown knows full well that sucking down that wonderful nectar helps me both get my day started and keeps it going long after lunch has passed me by. And it's not so much the fact that The Clown is selling his tea cheaply. Actually, I fully support this idea. I get my fix in volume as well as on the cheap.
Lovely! Just show me where I sign over my first born and we're all set.
If only it were that simple. Besides not having a first born to sign over, along with this new promotion has come a vile ingestive poison that The Clown is calling "Sweet Tea." Sweet Tea is a misnomer O Uber. The label should be "Put-You-In-A-Diabetic-Coma-And-Never-Wake-Up Tea" because beyond the everpresent taste of sugar that no amount of water or cleaning products could ever remove, there is no tea flavor in it at all, kinda like that other brownish watery swill that goes by the name of Nestea. I imagine there could be some actual tea flavor in there, but as previously stated, any flavor has fallen into a diabetic coma from all the sugar they've saturated the once delicious brew with.
Now I'm not a Fast-Food Professional. I can't tell you the nuances of flipping a burger on a grill or the right temperature to deep fry chicken fingers at. I'm only good for telling you stuff like "Garamond is a great font for text." I do however, know how to read the labels on the sides of the 5 gallon containers that The Clown's tea is served from. If living in the South taught me anything, it was "Check the labels else you may regret putting that swill in your mouth."
This brings me to my other problem: The Clown doesn't train his counter people very well on the difference between "Diabetic-Coma" and "Non-Diabetic Coma (Unsweetened)" tea. So now, instead of simply approaching the counter and ordering my favorite brew like in the past, now I have to be specific.
An example:
"I'd like a double cheeseburger and a large unsweetened iced tea please."
"1 Dubbacheeburgahannalargeyest"
"Right. One double cheeseburger and a large UNSWEETENED iced tea please."
"2dallahtwennionesense."
Now he fun begins. I actually have to watch which canister they get the tea from. 80% of the time, I catch them using the wrong container and I have to make them trade the swill they want to give me for the nectar I paid for. This is way more effort on my part than should be invested in the pursuit of getting what I want.
I have lived in the DC area for more than two decades now, and I have seen many things come and go. I was here when the 9:30 Club moved, I was here when they closed the Bayou, I was here when Roy Rogers was a fast food chain that rivaled The Clown, and I was here when 14th street in DC was more than the location of the AP/UPI Press Club and a couple of liquor stores.
As long as I have lived here one thing has remained constant in all that time: All iced tea served north of the Occoquan was unsweetened and pure. This was one of the conditions of surrender when the South lost the Civil War, was it not?
I'm pretty sure it was, but clearly, those days are gone forever. Just like after 9/11, I now have to be vigilant. I now have to pay attention to my surroundings. I now have to be alert lest some grossly undertrained ESL import from the 'Stans attempts to serve me swill.
User Reviews
Submitted by Doogsterville (user info) at 2007-01-18 17:41:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Same for me. The venue I really miss though is The Bayou. Gone but not forgotten.
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2007-01-17 17:09:47 (#)
Ranking: 2
Some of the best years of my life were spent at the 9:30 club when it was still on F Street. God, I loved that place...even the stanky smell when you first came through that hallway.
I've only been to the "new" place a handful of times.
Submitted by ppick06 (user info) at 2007-01-17 17:21:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
ooooh ooooh roy rogers!
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2007-01-17 17:09:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Some of the best years of my life were spent at the 9:30 club when it was still on F Street. God, I loved that place...even the stanky smell when you first came through that hallway.
I've only been to the "new" place a handful of times.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-12-22 09:14:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by ess2s2 (user info) at 2006-12-21 22:07:27 (#)
Ranking: 2
"I'd like a double cheeseburger and a large unsweetened iced tea please."
"1 Dubbacheeburgahannalargeyest"
"Right. One double cheeseburger and a large UNSWEETENED iced tea please."
"2dallahtwennionesense."
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Why do all burger jockeys think they're auctioneers? The ones in my area do that shit too.
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I think it's less an attempt to sound like an auctioneer and more an inability to enunciate.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2006-12-22 06:42:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
for iced tea
Submitted by jfreakman (user info) at 2006-12-22 02:45:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Do what I do.
DON'T GO TO FUCKING MCDONALDS, MAKE IT YOUR DAMN SELF.
Submitted by marginwalker (user info) at 2006-12-21 23:45:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I've never quite understood why people walk into McDonalds and ask for "diet/non-sweetened" anything.
If you were that concerned about your diabetic condition, you wouldn't fucking be there in the first place.
It's like those sweaty becahed whales that supersize everything, and then ask for a "diet coke"
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2006-12-21 23:08:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice... I've found that special requests, even not so special requests, are often neglected at foodservice establishments these days. Especially fast food.
Submitted by ess2s2 (user info) at 2006-12-21 22:07:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"I'd like a double cheeseburger and a large unsweetened iced tea please."
"1 Dubbacheeburgahannalargeyest"
"Right. One double cheeseburger and a large UNSWEETENED iced tea please."
"2dallahtwennionesense."
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Why do all burger jockeys think they're auctioneers? The ones in my area do that shit too.
Submitted by Sheba (user info) at 2006-12-21 19:40:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2006-12-21 18:46:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Lovely! Just show me where I sign over my first born and we're all set."
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haha, that was funny.
Good first post
Wanna peanut?
Submitted by r1nce (user info) at 2006-12-21 18:46:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for Garamond.
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2006-12-21 18:39:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
The story wasn't that great, but I like your style.
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2006-12-21 18:13:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It seems to me that anywhere above Tennessee and west of Mississippi has no idea how to make sweet tea. It's just a fact of life.
Submitted by Cyrus (user info) at 2006-12-21 18:11:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Depends on where you are in The South, or maybe just what you consider to be "The South." In Texas, if you ask for iced tea you'll get unsweetened iced tea. In a very large glass.