Stop making people sit with me for training. Its interrupts my work-style. (720 hits)
Category: Humor -> Dumb JobsRating: 0.42 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by <thedexdimension.at.yahoo.com> (View user info) at 2006-12-22 12:08:08 EST
E-mails between my wife and I whilst I'm at work...enjoy.
From Me
Subject: no one here...
No one here understands good humor.
From my wife
Subject: reeni
Did you get my message? You can do meatball sandwiches or even bring that Stouffers mac and cheese. Do any of these sound good? If you go to the store after work let me know. I need 25 cash because Celia is bringing my Avon tomorrow. How much was Kmart last night so I can write it in?
From Me
Subject: Re: reeni
I got your message. Jesus H Freaking Christ I am sick of stupid questions from people. As far as I'm concerned this entire building could spontaneously combust leaving just a column where my desk is, then the firemen can come and rescue me with their ladders. After which I'll spend some time in a hyper baric chamber getting some oxygen back in my lungs and a well needed rest. I don't care about bringing food anymore. Bad enough I've got people bugging me for money to buy a gift certificate for the woman who gives us all 10-minute massages. All Peter's idea by the way. Yeah, HELLO! She gets paid to do it you twat-smear! Its the season of giving and now I can't even give without feeling bad about it....Steve's gift? Yeah you know the one with the golf tees? I was told by someone its too early in our friendship to give him a gift and it might make him feel obligated to get me something. So now I've got this useless present in my desk. I don't know anyone else who golfs that I can feel comfortable giving it to. Corey golfs, but he's such a tool that he'll actually tell me to my face that now he feels obligated and doesn't want to have to get me something. I don't want anything!
Put 24 in your checkbook cuz I used the Satan damned ATM here this morning. 20 and 4. Funny I only got a 20. 4 George Washingtons didn't spew out with it.
I do not have the Kmart receipt but my memory led me to believe it was 16 something. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.
From my wife
subject: Re: Re: reeni
why don't you tell me how you really feel? I wouldn't listen to what people say give Steve his gift. i'm sure he will enjoy it.
your loving wife,
Renee Marie Some Made up Last Name
From Me
subject Re: Re: Re: reeni
Don't lie to me. It's Renee Marie Francis Some Made up Last Name...liar.
From Me again
subject; crap
I'm in a wonderful awful mood. My heart is shrinking 3 sizes today.
From Reeni
subject: Re: crap
The cookies are coming out great. I'm still cutting and cooking. Maybe ill just decorate a couple of them and you and jenna can do the rest?
From Me
subject Re: Re: crap
I swear if another Yahoo! sneaks up behind me to ask me a question I'm gonna start throwin 'bows. BOOM! right in the crotch! Unfortunately its usually a woman so it's not going to do much other than tickle her hooded tic-tac.
Christmas cookies are a joy forever...and by forever I mean about 2 days. Then they go stale. I'm in.
From Reeni
Subject: reeni
Hi,
I have all the kids presents wrapped. I'm going to the store tonight to get the stuff for tomorrow. We have to make the pies tonight. I talked to Sara and alby is dropping her off here because he has to help brad with a car. Apparently brad is going to give Sara some money. Thank god. I'm doing some laundry today. There seems to be a couple of loads so we will be good to go this weekend. If its ok with you, Sara's b-day is Wednesday and I thought it would be a great idea to take her to bingo on Tuesday because I know you will be home. Let me know if this is kosher? I'm emailing you because I don't want to bother you on the phone today. Christmas starts today, yippee!!!
Your beautiful and loving housewife
Renee Marie Some Made up Last Name
(our marriage license does not have Francis on it, so Renee Marie Some Made up Last Name is my legal name!)
From Me
Subject: stop using Reeni as your subject, it's not always about you!
I'm listening to Freezepop right now...Its good. Good thing you're not "bothering me" on the phones today. I've got ears on. That's right, the day before christmas vakay they have some wank roll his chair over to sit with me til noon. The fun part is I get to talk while he does all the work on the computer...very poorly. The man has no personality that I can see. But he's not all bad. The poor guy's got 2 kids (one 6 one 2) both with cleft pallates. Poor guy. Surgery surgery surgery. He's still a wank though. Bingo?! How old are you? Don't forget to bring your teeth. By the way bingo is only kosher depending on how you kill everybody. it has to be humanely. I suggest old movies starring Danny Kay.
(you got me on your name...touche)
Your absent minded, yet devastatingly dashing at work husband,
James Earl Jones (my voice has deepened merely by making the name change)
User Reviews
Submitted by homer42 (user info) at 2007-01-10 12:10:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Training people sucks.
Submitted by ChristPuncher (user info) at 2007-01-07 20:55:39 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
im ashamed yer wife is so easy
GO BEEARS WOO!!!
Submitted by dexpaxas (user info) at 2006-12-28 13:11:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks for bringing this back guys. I love you.
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2006-12-28 13:01:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by beauxjizzle (user info) at 2006-12-22 13:16:41 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2006-12-22 12:15:16 (#)
Ranking: 0
this site will teach you to have more patience, especially at work.
http://thewillpower.org/
-----------------------------
you tryin' to get a nigga fired huh?
Priceless !
Submitted by wookie (user info) at 2006-12-28 12:15:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2006-12-28 12:08:52 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
From reading your reviews, you seem like an overly-conservative tightass, maybe fundamentalist in some way. Leave this site now and never return, you're in the wrong place.
Submitted by indoninja (user info) at 2006-12-22 13:32:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2006-12-22 13:29:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"My heart is shrinking 3 sizes today."
What a wonderful awful line.
Submitted by beauxjizzle (user info) at 2006-12-22 13:16:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2006-12-22 12:15:16 (#)
Ranking: 0
this site will teach you to have more patience, especially at work.
http://thewillpower.org/
-----------------------------
you tryin' to get a nigga fired huh?
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2006-12-22 12:54:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
OK.
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2006-12-22 12:27:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Was it just me, or did both sides of this email exchange sound like "the wife"?
Submitted by Kabuto_N (user info) at 2006-12-22 12:26:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2006-12-22 12:16:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"Hooded tic-tac"
Submitted by Comfortably_Numb (user info) at 2006-12-22 12:16:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The last day before holiday break sucks. You must be as bored as I am.
And oh yeah, Kmart sucks.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2006-12-22 12:15:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
this site will teach you to have more patience, especially at work.
http://thewillpower.org/
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2006-12-22 12:13:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I'm watching this britney spears show about her and her husband, seems to be showing the same footage over and over for the past three hours I don't think it's ever going to end, how could a chick who five years ago could have fucked bill gates himself go to marrying slitty eyed kevin federline, he looks, walks, talks and acts like a rapist
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-12-22 12:12:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Didn't reference the fact it was your first post coupled with the fact that it actually had some kind of content = auto +2
Make sure it isn't the last one you ever get from me.