A merry fucking christmas story (1141 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 2 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (View user info) at 2006-12-25 10:17:46 EST
Tortured screams echoed down the long dungeon hallway festooned with Christmas ornaments. The other prisoners looked through the bars of their cells down towards the thick wooden door at the end of the hall from which such horrible gasps of pain were coming from. Whispers and titters rippled through the inmates as they tried to figure out the truth behind what was happening inside.
"I heard he is being tortured to find the location of the others." Was one rumor.
"I think it's a political prisoner." Was another.
But all the whispers and hushed tones silenced as the big metal padded door that led to the outside opened up and.... He walked through. The inmates stifled any sound as he walked by, hoping not to be noticed and sentenced to such a horrible fate as the one being tortured. They cowered from him as he strode by their cell, a powerful and imposing figure with his distinctive marking.
As he got to the door from which all the noise came, he knocked it three times. A big burly man opened it from the inside peering out suspiciously. When he saw who it was he opened the door wide and stood out of the way, saluting and saying a respectful "Hail the emperor" as he was passed by.
Inside, the tortured was tied to a chair in the middle of the dark room with only a single lamp casting a pool of light around him. Comet was broken and dying, his body a mangled, torn up reflection of it's normally healthy self. His right eye had closed up from a jab to the face, but with his remaining good eye he looked up blearily at the person who had entered.
"Who..... *pant* who is that? Who are you? What do you want! Why aren't they asking any questions?!?! WHY AREN'T THEY ASKING ANY QUESTIONS?" Comet roared as loudly as possible. He pulled against his restraints but to no avail, they held him snuggly to his chair.
"You've been down here a long time Comet." The emperor said in a dark tone to the tortured reindeer. "Things have changed outside while you have spent your time with my subjects."
"I know that voice..... I know that voice..." Comet whispered to himself trying to remember where he had heard such a voice. Last time he had heard it it had been weak and meager, he couldn't connect it with the strong and unforgiving tone the emperor was speaking to him now with.
"Yes you do know this voice." The emperor said with glee in his tone. He stood just outside the light cast by the hanging lamp on the ceiling, hiding his figure as a dark silhouette.
"You are a fool! When Santa finds out..." Comet began but was interrupted.
"Santa? SANTA?!?! YOU ARE THE FOOL!" The emperor roared as he stepped forward into the light revealing himself. "SANTA IS MY PUPPET! SANTA IS MY COURT JESTER! FROM YOUR POINT OF VIEW, I AM SANTA!"
Comet couldn't help but feel his breath catch in his throat as he saw him. Draped in beautiful purple robes and a small wreath festooning his head, he was hardly recognizable as the meager person he used to be.
"Rudolph?" Comet muttered shocked, "I don't.... I don't understand." He said spitting some blood out of his mouth.
"No of course you wouldn't. None of you would have. Donner, Dasher, Prancer, Vixen. The whole lot of you would NEVER UNDERSTAND!" Rudolph roared, drawing a hoof back and slamming against Comet's face causing his nose to burst afresh with blood.
"None of you understood how miserable I was. How horrible you were to me. You never let me join in on your reindeer games! I couldn't play games like monopoly. You know what I played every year? SOLITAIRE! I HATE THAT GAME IT SUCKS! BUT I PLAYED IT NONE STOP BECAUSE IT'S THE BEST GAME TO PLAY BY YOURSELF!" Rudolph bellowed, slapping Comet again and again to punctuate his sentences. Comet sat panting and dribbling blood onto himself waiting for Rudolph to calm down. When he did he stood over his old reindeer companion panting and fuming.
"Where are the others?" Comet asked meekly. Rudolph snickered, then he began laughing and laughing.
"The others? Oh we have taken care of most of them. Do you remember how much Dancer liked his egg nog? He used to be so cruel to me when he had had too much to drink. Well you could say we made sure he, uhm.... Drowned in the stuff." Rudolph said with a sick smile twisted across his face.
"You bastard! YOU BASTARD!" Comet screamed, trying desperately to get out of his bonds. He thrashed and pulled for a few minutes before tiring and coming back to a rest.
"Heh. It's no use. On that foggy Christmas eve, when Santa came to say: Rudolph with your nose so bright, won't you guide my sleigh tonight? I knew that was my chance. Santa was giving me the power I needed to destroy everyone who had kept me down, and I acted fast. I found the one that Santa cared most about and threatened her life if Santa didn't supply me with a security force. Now the Misses is locked away in an undisclosed location, held hostage just incase the fat man gets any ideas." Rudolph explained pacing the room. One of the burly torturers retrieved a gas canister and began splashing it's contents onto Comet's tortured form.
"This is insanity! Rudolph the red nose reindeer, you'll go down in history! As the most brutal reindeer emperor of all time!" Comet gasped in horror but Rudolph just laughed at him.
"Anything to get what is rightfully mine." Rudolph said. "Which is what brings me here."
The torturer emptied the rest of the gas onto Comet and stood back while Rudolph took out a pack of matches and stepped towards Comet letting him get a good look at what he was holding. Comet strained to pull backwards away from Rudolph but the oak chair held him in place.
"I have found all the other reindeer except for one, Cupid. I need Cupid. You are less important, but Cupid is key. If you tell me where Cupid is, I won't ignite your funeral pyre while you're still alive." Rudolph explained striking a match and holding it over Comet's head.
"NO! NO! YOU WOULDN'T! I WON'T TELL YOU!" Comet screamed trying desperately to shake himself free from his bonds.
"I won't?" Rudolph asked coyly. "Oh then I guess I should show you how serious I am...." He began to lower the match.
"NO! I'LL TELL YOU ANYTHING! CUPID IS ON THE ISLAND OF LOST TOYS! He is hiding with a penguin named Slappy! Please dear god let me go, that's all I know!" Comet sputtered with tears running down his face. Rudolph smiled at him and extinguished the match.
"Thank you for your help Comet. I hope you understand this is all just a means to an end." Rudolph said, walking out of the light and towards the door. He stopped in the doorway, his frame a black outline against the outside. There was the sound of a slight crackling and then he turned.
"Oh and Comet?" Rudolph asked, a lit match in his hand.
"Merry Christmas." He said casually tossing it back onto Comet and igniting the gasoline.
User Reviews
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-12-29 15:59:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It's "The Island of Misfit Toys", but you're English, so I'll allow it
Submitted by munkeypants (user info) at 2006-12-28 22:26:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
happy happy joy joy
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2006-12-27 11:00:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Lovely to see you again, hope all is well.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2006-12-26 14:20:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Confuzitron (user info) at 2006-12-26 14:16:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I bet them reindeer are good eatin!
Submitted by ubetidid (user info) at 2006-12-26 12:50:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by MANICMOTHER (user info) at 2006-12-26 10:14:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by yhywstudios (user info) at 2006-12-26 07:19:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by supadupapupa (user info) at 2006-12-26 03:32:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome
Submitted by SilentRenegade (user info) at 2006-12-26 02:09:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
...comment....
Submitted by BranDo (user info) at 2006-12-25 17:27:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Rudolph the Rednosed Reign-deer!!
Merry Xmas.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2006-12-25 16:17:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Sphagnum (user info) at 2006-12-25 13:04:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Nice
Submitted by HighVoltage900 (user info) at 2006-12-25 12:07:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-12-25 11:42:57 (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 H_V
+2 Postal Rudolph
+2 Christmas
GO READ THIS JERKFACE
http://www.ubersite.com/m/96628
I heart you bad
=======
I read it m'lady. All is right in the world.
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-12-25 11:53:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
awesome.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-12-25 11:42:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 H_V
+2 Postal Rudolph
+2 Christmas
GO READ THIS JERKFACE
http://www.ubersite.com/m/96628
I heart you bad
Submitted by Poots (user info) at 2006-12-25 11:42:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Merry Christmas High Voltage!
Submitted by professorfuckface (user info) at 2006-12-25 10:19:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
http://members.on.nimp.org/?u=timecop