12 Wasted Years of Indifference - Part 1 (471 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: 2 on 8 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Chris Mills <cmillsnt.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2006-12-28 18:47:25 EST
The rain pelted the Dodge's windshield loudly. It hadn't rained this hard in months. She had followed the car with the strange license plate for only twenty minutes, but it felt like hours. Speeding up, slowing down, and generally acting as if the driver had no idea where they were or which exit they were supposed to take.
"Figure it out." she whispered to herself.
The sign posted along the one-lane stretch of highway read that Seattle is still 137 miles away. A look of pain washed across her face, as if she was physically ill at the idea of spending the next 137 miles in the car.
The thought of following the strangely licensed Honda for the next two hours, while painful, is not exactly unwelcome. She takes a deep breath and tries to think positively. At least this solitary drive gives her time to think of what she is going to say to her family when she finally sees them again. And how she is going to tell her husband that she is leaving.
She slides a black, unlabeled cassette tape into her dash.
"Study. Estudio" The tape's anonymous male voice states without emotion.
She repeats after the voice to the best of her ability, paying special attention to when the man's pronunciation requires a roll of the tongue, a vocal maneuver that she has yet to master. Only a few words into the tape she starts to daydream. How nice it would be to have a simple life with a young Spanish boy toy. No commute. No nine to five. No worries about what her husband will say to her when she gets home from this business trip.
Jane Doe often daydreamed. Mostly about places and people. Anything other than what she lived on a daily basis. John Doe worked as a financial advisor at a small local credit union in Marysville. They had moved to Marysville shortly after marrying so that John could take this job. They had dated on and off for nearly three years after high school before John proposed to her. At the time she thought the idea of a life with him sounded wonderful. Her mind changed shortly thereafter. That was 12 years ago.
She was definitely telling him when she got home. There was no sense in either of them pretending they were happy any longer. Jane was heartbroken when she found out that John could not give her any children, and was strongly opposed to the idea of adoption. She found herself resenting, even hating him for his unwillingness to explore other methods to make her a parent, to shape a life. Jane had long wondered what it was about having a child that was so important to her, and months after her first arguments with John, she still had not put her finger on it.
Jane's mom was what John called "blindly religious". John had never been prone to bouts of faith, and this made religion a rather touchy subject for him. Jane's mother telling Jane that she thought John was rather ugly fifteen minutes after meeting him didn't help relations between them either, but they had settled into an uneasy truce this far into the marriage. This consisted of John keeping his distance except for the occasional lightly veiled jab, and mom-in-law keeping her smothering fanaticism to herself when in his company. - Seems weird placed here.
Another mile marker slipped by as Jane stared at the petite rear end of the Honda. Darkness enveloped them both, and only the sounds of the rain and the Spanish language instructor, who Jane had affectionately dubbed "Javier", were able to break into this emptiness.
"Bathroom. El Banyo."
"Good idea" thought Jane as she switched on her turn signal to exit the highway.
________________________________________
John reached over and switched the bed-side light on.
"I need to go, my wife will be home in an hour."
"I know. I'll see you tomorrow."
And with a last, heated kiss, she was gone into the pouring rain. The bright, flickering lights of the motel's sign illuminating an otherwise dim parking lot. John watched as she got into her Volkswagen, and drove away.
John jumped in the shower, and his thoughts still were wrapped around the woman he had just watched leave. The woman he had spent the last year with. A whole year of half-heartedly trying to hide his infidelity from Jane. Did he want to get caught? It's not like there was much keeping him from leaving. They had never been able to have kids, and aside from the house and the dog there wasn't much they shared that he valued.
Drying off, he looks over to check the time. Just enough time to get home...
Grabbing his watch and wedding band from the cheap motel drawer, John drops off the motel key, and heads home. In the car he notices he can still smell Tina's perfume on his shirt. John had met Tina at work over two years ago. Their relationship had always been friendly, but John secretly had always wanted it to be more. He thought of Tina often, even fantasized about what it would be like to be lovers. Then, out of the blue one day Tina asked him to lunch. Over drinks the conversation became quite personal. She asked him about Jane and though he tried desperately to side-step this question, he had never been known to have much tact.
After that Tina's behavior changed. She knew his marriage was shaky, and somehow what started as lunch had ended up as a lust filled relationship that would be twelve months old in two weeks. Tina was a very attractive 23 years old, with her tall, slender body and long brunette hair. John loved so many things about her. Her laugh, her milky white skin, her effortless way of flirting with him. But this was not love. It wasn't even the type of "love" he felt for Jane. "It's an escape... yeah... and nothing more" he tells himself.
He had actually often tried to figure out what a 23 year old attractive college student would want with a married Personal Services Banker ten years her senior, who skipped more days than he saw at the gym. But truthfully he just didn't care. It was new, it was exciting, she was more liberal, both in conversation and in bed than Jane ever was. And he was going to see her until one of them grew tired of the whole thing and moved on.
John pulled up to the house. It was the first big purchase the two of them had together. Not that there were many. Just the house and his car. The house was small, but it was plenty for two people who would never have children. John was secretly delighted that he could not have kids. He knew it broke Jane's heart, and that mattered to him for all of 15 minutes.
John caught himself spacing out in deep thought while still sitting in the car, engine running when Jane pulled up in the driveway next to him.
Jane got out of the Dodge. "Are you coming or going?" she asked, hoping he was leaving.
"I just got home from the store. Nice to see you too."
"Sorry, just a long drive. Beaverton isn't all it's cracked up to be you know."
"Yeah, I hear you can't even pump your own gas there."
"Yeah, can you help me with these bags?"
Jane was feeling a lot of emotion. Some of it was definitely fear. Not fear of John, but fear of letting go of something so... familiar. They had been together twelve years, and though she knew she was not happy, she had settled into a routine that was both comforting, and numbing.
John followed her upstairs and they talked. About her trip, about how her coworkers drive her nuts. John never really provided much to these conversations. He didn't even really listen when she talked, instead zoning out or turning on SportCenter. But he felt that pretending to care should be more than adequate because a lot of guys wouldn't even pretend.
Jane undressed and got in the shower. After 4 hours in a car her back ached. John watched as she undressed and couldn't help but be mildly impressed at how good she still looked. She certainly was no Tina, but John gave himself a mental pat on the back for marrying someone so easy on the eyes, even if everything else with their relationship was completely amiss. This was only the millionth time John had given himself such cerebral congratulations over the course of their marriage.
As she dried and changed into her pajamas, Jane had what she was planning to say to him running through her mind. She wanted to get it over with tonight, but she was so tired when she got home she figured it could wait until the morning. As she walked into the bedroom she found John, asleep in the middle of their bed, fully clothed. And she sighed to herself in anger as she grabbed an extra pillow and comforter from the linen closet and situated herself on the couch. Lying on the sofa she tried to push the thoughts of tomorrow out of her mind. She couldn't help crying to herself a little, mostly over the years of her life she "wasted" being unhappy. Slowly, her eyes close, and she falls asleep.
User Reviews
Submitted by rillins (user info) at 2006-12-29 16:24:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A little close to home---
Submitted by homer42 (user info) at 2006-12-29 08:56:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2006-12-29 04:17:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by joedaddy (user info) at 2006-12-28 23:18:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
whenever i go to a motel i always wonder who was the last person that was propped up with the pillow i'm about to put my head on
sweet dreams indeed
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-12-28 21:24:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is good. I look forward to more.
Here's to 12 years well-spent..now 13:
http://www.ubersite.com/m/86723
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-12-28 20:44:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ANNNNNND a link whore
http://www.ubersite.com/m/83934
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-12-28 20:39:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
quite nice
Submitted by DarthStevious (user info) at 2006-12-28 19:42:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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