The One Night Stand (786 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.36 on 20 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by ih8u2man (View user info) at 2006-12-29 12:11:19 EST
What I am about to tell you is a true story of a one-night stand.
There's this hot chick that goes home with some dude from the bar one night, they get home rip and tear into each other, have a wonderful night of sex and passion and blissfully fall asleep. The next morning it's one of those one-night stands that actually work out. Not too awkward you know? They smile at each other, make some coffee and hang out. The guy says, "Why don't you just stick around for the morning? I have to go to work, but go ahead and make a bowl of cereal, watch some T.V., whatever you want, the door will lock behind you so you don't have to worry about anything."
Now the girl thinks this is just dandy, he's really nice, has a great place and she feels really comfortable, so of course she agrees. She sits around for awhile, looks through some of his stuff (without being too weird) and is trying to figure out if this guy is as good as he seems. She lounges around for a couple hours and then decides to be on her way. She needs to quickly go to the washroom, and go home.
So, she takes shit. She reaches behind to flush and nothing happens. Now remember that she is a hot chick, but there's not a lot going on upstairs so she freaks right out. Instead of opening the back of the toilet, or just pouring water down the hole, she feverishly looks for a bag..... she is going to scoop it.
A perfect morning has turned hectic, as she wants to get the hell out of here now. She quickly gets changed and writes the guy a nice little letter that gives him her phone number and tells him what a great time she had last night. She gathers her things and leaves....
But then her heart hits the ground between her feet. THE BAG OF SHIT!
THE BAG OF SHIT IS SOMEWHERE INSIDE!
She has a little cry outside the door and called a cab to get home.
Needless to say, she never received a call back.
Now all I wonder is what did that guy think when he got home. Most likely the bag is right next to the letter. He was probably bragging about this great chick that's hot, and loves sex to all his buddies at work, then comes home to a bag of shit.
Is she into this kind of thing? What the fuck happened in here this morning?
True story.
User Reviews
Submitted by mynameisandy (user info) at 2006-12-31 04:07:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-12-29 12:15:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
Something similar happened to me except the shit was smeared on my walls and spelled "Die Loser"
The next day, I had to call her 463 times before she answered.
Submitted by big_z_1980 (user info) at 2006-12-31 03:13:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
everyone has their shit story.
this still made me smile
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2006-12-30 04:00:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2006-12-30 01:09:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
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Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2006-12-29 22:02:22 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-12-29 13:42:15 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2006-12-29 13:12:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
Lies.
Everyone knows that girls don't poop.
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I've gotten in several arguments over the fact that I refuse to accept that women poop. I won't believe it and never will.
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They don't! Seriously!
Submitted by whiskey_jack (user info) at 2006-12-29 22:02:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-12-29 13:42:15 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2006-12-29 13:12:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
Lies.
Everyone knows that girls don't poop.
*********************
I've gotten in several arguments over the fact that I refuse to accept that women poop. I won't believe it and never will.
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2006-12-29 20:06:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I come home from work regularly to find that one of my family members has left a big toby in the toilet for me.
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2006-12-29 16:44:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I take it you're the guy.
Maybe she was telling you that you were worth shit. You couldn't shag her like she needed. In fact, you blew your load so quickly she didn't even have time to laugh about how small your dick was before you rolled over, stuck your thumb in your mouth and mumbled g'night from the fetal position. She was just going to leave but she thought she ought to do something to clue you in on your horrid abilities so she left the number for a Sex Education- How To Please Your Lover class and a big pile of shit on your counter.
Great story. So was yours.
Submitted by ICO (user info) at 2006-12-29 16:27:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Just the words Scheisse Video makes me sick to the stomach, thinking about all the nastiness.
Submitted by ih8u2man (user info) at 2006-12-29 13:59:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Thanks Kon....why don't you blow me in an alley you little fucktard. Go play a video game.
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Submitted by Konerak (user info) at 2006-12-29 13:47:45 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
meh
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2006-12-29 13:42:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2006-12-29 13:12:55 (#)
Ranking: 2
Lies.
Everyone knows that girls don't poop.
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2006-12-29 13:24:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahaha.
Submitted by dexpaxas (user info) at 2006-12-29 13:13:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
That was shit. Literally. and funny.
Submitted by Hilarity_Ensues (user info) at 2006-12-29 13:12:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Lies.
Everyone knows that girls don't poop.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2006-12-29 12:39:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
What kind of jerk leaves a girl in a place with an unworking toilet?
The kind who likes to make homemade scheisse videos, that's who.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2006-12-29 12:36:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
heard this before
Submitted by august_sobriquet (user info) at 2006-12-29 12:33:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Funny story. I'm glad I grew up in a poor broken home so I know how to actually do things. Scoop the shit out of the toilet...wow.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2006-12-29 12:28:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Why didn't you call me back?
It's not MY fault your commode was broken.
Submitted by retrospect (user info) at 2006-12-29 12:21:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahah
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2006-12-29 12:15:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Something similar happened to me except the shit was smeared on my walls and spelled "Die Loser"
The next day, I had to call her 463 times before she answered.