The new El Nino: (625 hits)
Category: NoneRating: -0.5 on 21 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by The Nick <nickuhlig.at.gmail.com> (View user info) at 2007-01-05 15:51:16 EST
Remember a while back when all sorts of shit happened to the world's climate and crops and everything, and all anyone could do was throw their arms up and say "El Nino"?
Man those days were nice. We had a good, non-sentient scapegoat thatwe could blame everything on, no matter how ridiculous it was. Microsoft's stock falls? El Nino! Tribalism in Africa claiming more lives than ever? El Nino! People being stupid? El-fucking-Nino!
It was satisfying, wasn't it? To be able to point the finger at something as benign as the warming (or was it cooling?) of the Pacific Ocean, and turn it into a convenient explanation for all of the world's woes that year.
Well, I say it's high time for EL Nino's heir to take the spotlight.
The world is fucked, there's no doubt about it. War, pollution, tensions between and indeed within countries, Africa is still a shitstorm of AIDS, war, and colonialist aftermath, the USA still hates Russia, everyone still hates the USA, Canada has received its first conservative government in more than a decade, the rainforests are disappearing, our children are getting stupider and stupider by the second...oh yeah, and it's fucking JANUARY AND THERE IS NO SNOW IN SAULT STE. MARIE, ONTARIO. THis constitutes a national disaster.
man the world sucks today. We need something to distract us from the harsh reality...someone or soething to blame...someone so universally despicable that you can't help but believe that he/she actually IS responsible for everything you allege...
Cue the scapegoat: Stephen Harper.
What?! The Prime Minister of Canada? WHat possible reason could anyone have for hating him? He's so tragically unimportant that nobody could possibly believe that he was responsible for choosing his haircut, letalone the world's myriad problems.
But come on. Look at him. THat pudgy face, that stupid tax cut, his love of Bush bordering on a gay relationship, his hatred of Kyoto and all things to do with the environment...I could go on all day.
Bottom line: Stephen Harper is responsible for all problems you can think of. GLobal warming, Islamic fundamentalism, the Raptors' losing streak, the genocide in East TImor...you name it, he did it. While this ascribes to him a power far greater than he actually has, it just feels SO GOOD to blame that bastard for anything and everything that it doesn't matter.
So join in. If you hate Canada, this is a good option for you. If you love Canada, you're clearly a Liberal and hate Stephen Harper anyway. If you're an environmentalist, you'll love it because he's against everything that is good for the environment. If you're not, you'll love him because he still tries to pander to the Liberals' environmental initiatives in a half-assed way. No matter who you are, other than Harper himself, this option is for you.
Stephen Harper--the new El Nino and universal scapegoat for planet Earth.
User Reviews
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2007-01-08 15:56:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2007-01-06 18:19:18 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2007-01-06 17:11:12 (#)
Ranking: 0
What a load of dog shit.
Chretien was anything but a US lapdog. Fucking guy got nailed for slamming the US over an open mic at the UN.
Bush told him to follow into Iraq and was kindly told to go fuck himself, and we all know who made the smarter decision there.
That, and I gotta admire a Prime Minister who'd not afraid to grab an overzealous protester by his skinny throat.
Chretien had balls. Yours are apparently in between your ears.
His administration ended in scandal and I don't particularly care. He was more of a leader, where the world stage was concerned, than we have had in a very long time.
Did you even know anything about him before spouting this bullshit?
-----
I know that he followed the same Canadian pathology of being totally exorcised at not being European. The message sent by his entire administration was "Good God, please, just let us not be Americans." I never said Chretien was a lapdog, I said he relegated Canada to the role of the US' retarded brother - he sat his dead ass back and as usual allowed Americans to do the heavy lifting on this continent. Harper at least has a pair banging around down there - he's shown dedication to being part of the solution to international terrorism, rather than worrying about the approval of the French. You should be down on your fucking knees, thanking the electorate. It's only because of him that any Canadian outside of the ones fighting in Afghanistan right now deserves the title of "man".
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Fuck that.
What the hell are you talking about?
Canada redoubled its peace keeping efforts world wide under Chretien.
The currrent Prime Minister simply has that legacy.
What the fuck to you mean by heavy lifting on the continent?
You talking about past and ongoing meddling in South America that is creating a tide of anti-americanism surpassed only by the middle east?
"Good God, please, just let us not be Americans." - Uhhhhh don't know if you've noticed... that's kinda a world trend at the moment.
Submitted by Falafel (user info) at 2007-01-07 14:54:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That, and I gotta admire a Prime Minister who'd not afraid to grab an overzealous protester by his skinny throat.
++++++++++++++++++
Hurray for the old Chouinigan handshake!
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-01-06 20:04:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by homer42 (user info) at 2007-01-06 18:40:08 (#)
Ranking: 0
You said it much better than I did...
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2007-01-06 18:22:03 (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh and just to illustrate the otherwise inconsequential nature of Canada, if tomorrow every Canadian decided to euthanize himself and turn the country over to polar bears, penguins, and harp seals, it would be about seven weeks before the rest of the world realized it.
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He did say it much better than you - yet equally as fucking ignorant.
Impressive.
Submitted by homer42 (user info) at 2007-01-06 18:40:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
You said it much better than I did...
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2007-01-06 18:22:03 (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh and just to illustrate the otherwise inconsequential nature of Canada, if tomorrow every Canadian decided to euthanize himself and turn the country over to polar bears, penguins, and harp seals, it would be about seven weeks before the rest of the world realized it.
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2007-01-06 18:22:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Oh and just to illustrate the otherwise inconsequential nature of Canada, if tomorrow every Canadian decided to euthanize himself and turn the country over to polar bears, penguins, and harp seals, it would be about seven weeks before the rest of the world realized it.
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2007-01-06 18:19:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2007-01-06 17:11:12 (#)
Ranking: 0
What a load of dog shit.
Chretien was anything but a US lapdog. Fucking guy got nailed for slamming the US over an open mic at the UN.
Bush told him to follow into Iraq and was kindly told to go fuck himself, and we all know who made the smarter decision there.
That, and I gotta admire a Prime Minister who'd not afraid to grab an overzealous protester by his skinny throat.
Chretien had balls. Yours are apparently in between your ears.
His administration ended in scandal and I don't particularly care. He was more of a leader, where the world stage was concerned, than we have had in a very long time.
Did you even know anything about him before spouting this bullshit?
-----
I know that he followed the same Canadian pathology of being totally exorcised at not being European. The message sent by his entire administration was "Good God, please, just let us not be Americans." I never said Chretien was a lapdog, I said he relegated Canada to the role of the US' retarded brother - he sat his dead ass back and as usual allowed Americans to do the heavy lifting on this continent. Harper at least has a pair banging around down there - he's shown dedication to being part of the solution to international terrorism, rather than worrying about the approval of the French. You should be down on your fucking knees, thanking the electorate. It's only because of him that any Canadian outside of the ones fighting in Afghanistan right now deserves the title of "man".
Submitted by homer42 (user info) at 2007-01-06 18:14:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Do Canadians realize how fucking dumb and unimportant they are, eh?
Do you realize your shitty country border and at least two of your major cities are closer to me than the majority of our States yet you are mentioned in both the US and world news virtually never. I don't even know what you assholes do up there besides pay high taxes but I do know that countries like Zimbabwe, Croatia, Iceland, Somalia and a who list of other small unimportant countries get more press in a week than you do in a year!
You're socialists, you're losers, you are the bitch of the north American continent. Everyone I know from Canada, even if they like it for some unknown reason, says your taxes are so crippling that they couldn't possibly afford to live there and enjoy even remotely close to the standard of living they enjoy here. Do something notable or shut the fuck up, your country sucks and we could own your asses any time we feel like it.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-01-06 02:35:37 (#)
Ranking: -2
Americans are weird. And LOUD why are americans loud? everytime I'm out somewhere there's this brash annoying twang that assaults my ears. Do americans realise that it is not necessary to talk louder than the band?
Submitted by homer42 (user info) at 2007-01-06 18:08:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
You're an idiot. The planet is 6 billion years old. Just because we have a few years in a row where it's a couple degrees warmer than normal doesn't give us the ability to draw any significant SCIENTIFIC conclusions about it. Even if it's been warmer than it's ever been during the whole of human existance that is but a mere second in timeline of the world. Drastic shifts in weather patterns have been occuring naturally since a long time before humans were around. Remember ice ages? Yea shit like happens on cycles of thousands, hundreds of thousands or even millions of years - much longer than recorded history. Quit being a fucking cry baby. Assholes like you were trying to scare everyone into thinking there would be another ICE AGE in the 70's. Stop being a fucking alarmist!
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-01-06 17:59:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2007-01-06 17:11:12 (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2007-01-05 23:03:31 (#)
Ranking: -1
Stephen Harper is the only reason you fucking canucks have any right to hold your head up. When you had that scumbat Chretien or whatever the hell his name was, as a nation you weren't fit to shampoo a street tramp's crotch. Harper made Canadians start acting like a country instead of the smaller, retarded brother of the United States.
On the other hand, I'll only -1 because at least your fucking life doesn't revolve around George Bush like half the losers on this site.
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What a load of dog shit.
Chretien was anything but a US lapdog. Fucking guy got nailed for slamming the US over an open mic at the UN.
Bush told him to follow into Iraq and was kindly told to go fuck himself, and we all know who made the smarter decision there.
That, and I gotta admire a Prime Minister who'd not afraid to grab an overzealous protester by his skinny throat.
Chretien had balls. Yours are apparently in between your ears.
His administration ended in scandal and I don't particularly care. He was more of a leader, where the world stage was concerned, than we have had in a very long time.
Did you even know anything about him before spouting this bullshit?
---
I was getting all wound up to say something suitably snarky...
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2007-01-06 17:11:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2007-01-05 23:03:31 (#)
Ranking: -1
Stephen Harper is the only reason you fucking canucks have any right to hold your head up. When you had that scumbat Chretien or whatever the hell his name was, as a nation you weren't fit to shampoo a street tramp's crotch. Harper made Canadians start acting like a country instead of the smaller, retarded brother of the United States.
On the other hand, I'll only -1 because at least your fucking life doesn't revolve around George Bush like half the losers on this site.
---------------------
What a load of dog shit.
Chretien was anything but a US lapdog. Fucking guy got nailed for slamming the US over an open mic at the UN.
Bush told him to follow into Iraq and was kindly told to go fuck himself, and we all know who made the smarter decision there.
That, and I gotta admire a Prime Minister who'd not afraid to grab an overzealous protester by his skinny throat.
Chretien had balls. Yours are apparently in between your ears.
His administration ended in scandal and I don't particularly care. He was more of a leader, where the world stage was concerned, than we have had in a very long time.
Did you even know anything about him before spouting this bullshit?
Submitted by Bizdorph (user info) at 2007-01-06 08:26:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
correction: harpe ris every canadian's reason to fear for the future of our country.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-01-06 02:35:37 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Americans are weird. And LOUD why are americans loud? everytime I'm out somewhere there's this brash annoying twang that assaults my ears. Do americans realise that it is not necessary to talk louder than the band?
Submitted by domenad (user info) at 2007-01-05 23:03:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Stephen Harper is the only reason you fucking canucks have any right to hold your head up. When you had that scumbat Chretien or whatever the hell his name was, as a nation you weren't fit to shampoo a street tramp's crotch. Harper made Canadians start acting like a country instead of the smaller, retarded brother of the United States.
On the other hand, I'll only -1 because at least your fucking life doesn't revolve around George Bush like half the losers on this site.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-01-05 19:04:04 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Happy fucking horseshit.
Submitted by Falafel (user info) at 2007-01-05 18:49:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
NDP is the lesser of the three evils for sure but Steven Harper looks untrustworthy.. he looks like a child of the fucking corn with those eyes! I still maintain that he eats babies.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/82856
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2007-01-05 18:07:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
"If you love Canada, you're clearly a Liberal and hate Stephen Harper anyway."
I don't care for Harper much myself, but this is the most ignorant statement I've ever read.
Submitted by JMG114 (user info) at 2007-01-05 17:52:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Don't be so sure. Harper might blame himself, too. You know how those Canadians are.
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2007-01-05 17:10:23 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I thought Canada still worshiped the Queen.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-01-05 16:27:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
um.. No. But I like where yer head's at.
Submitted by dexpaxas (user info) at 2007-01-05 16:12:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Yeah I'm not Canadian, eh.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-01-05 15:53:00 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Jesus Christ, what is it with you Canadians and East Timor? Are you EVER going to shut the fuck up about it?