Why did I take this class, Help me Ubersite (584 hits)
Category: GeneralRating: 0.43 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Nyxmar - Yes I'm Still Alive Inion (View user info) at 2007-01-08 16:36:12 EST
Okay, first off, I fucking hate poetry. I don't mind reading it but hate writing it. I hate discussing it too. Its pointless, who in the hell knows what makes a good poem or what the original artist was thinking. That said I have to turn in an entry for class. I can't decide. These three seemed the best to me, but then again, they might be crap. An artist always thinks their shit is good. I am not an artist by any stretch of the imagination. The first two have already been on this site. The last one I came up with after reading a book yesterday. If you think they are all crap, hey that's fine too, just tell me which one I should enter in.
(1) "In this waning light may you receive the warm tender caress's and kisses that are so desperately needed to melt the cold harshness of a frozen heart, still enamored with winters chill. In hopes that spring will yield a beautiful thaw from which life and love will spring forth from the lonely seed now enclosed by a hard, bitter shell. Only when warmth has destroyed this bitter frost will the world stray from bitter gray's and cold whites to vibrant shades and beautiful visions, and all will weep for winter's end and spring's glorious beginning."
(2) "My soul has soared to eagle's peaks, only to descend to the darkest depths, to be heard from no more. The falling a gentle sigh like the whisperings of a lover as the walls unprotected are cast down and the soul laid bare for all to see. It is in this moment that its nakedness is known and all will see beginning's end."
(3)
Silver moon shining, her hair of spun gold
Driven forth from life and all that is known
She weeps for a love never sated
And a foretelling, long since grown cold
A curse of three was laid upon thee
To know love, grief, and sorrow
Deprived of hope, consumed in fire
Cast adrift in time's sweet caress for ever after
Beyond miseries edge she waits and sleeps no more
Anyway, how can a teacher that cant even write poetry be allowed to grade a poem, its all bullshit.
User Reviews
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-01-09 08:17:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Odd...I'm almost exactly the opposite. I don't think there's a posted poem of mine that's been created because I felt I had to write it, or because something in my life inspired me to.
Submitted by nyxmar (user info) at 2007-01-09 00:43:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
wow, thanx O'tron. I think you made 2 look very passable. All of these i wrote kind half asleep, that time where you fall asleep, or when you start to wake. I could never will myself to write poetry at any other time because it feels forced. All three have a strong emotion for me. The 2nd i wrote to deal with the physical and emotional stuff in my life. The second was a review for Lisa. I love her writing but it leaves me sorrowful and would hope that she would find happiness. The 3rd was about a book that moved me. Only when i feel a strong emotion can i ever even think about writing poetry.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-01-09 00:36:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Without changing any of your lines you could break #2 up into something like this:
My soul has soared to eagle's peaks,
Only to descend to the darkest depths
To be heard from no more.
The falling a gentle sigh
Like the whisperings of a lover
As the walls
Unprotected
Are cast down and the soul laid bare for all to see.
It is in this moment that its nakedness is known
And all will see beginning's end.
I like what you're doing in this one more than what you're up to in #1, but I think #1 has a bit more body to it. It just seems like you're working too hard to get your money's worth out of language in #1, which comes off as a sort of overkill. Be conservative with your words, and free with your drive. Your emotion. Your 'line.' Whatever. If you know that, and see that, your verse will shape itself around the concept.
Michael Gambon has a great line in The Good Shepherd about how poetry is like mathematics, and how good poetry forces you to look behind the words for their meaning. I have to agree with this to an extent. Not to the point where 'good poetry' is too crafty and confusing for its own good, but rather that one shouldn't waste any more time on an idea than he/she has to.
If it's something you wind up enjoying, keep it up. If not, suffer through it until the course is over.
Worst case you can turn in some of my more...extreme...pieces to see if you can get your teacher to pass out.
Submitted by coley (user info) at 2007-01-08 22:45:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I vote for Bubba's reformatted one.
or the third
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2007-01-08 21:48:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The thing with poetry is that you could pretty much write some random bullshit that sounded metaphorical and get an A. My suggestion would be to turn in anything you damn well fealt like.
Submitted by Bubba2341 (user info) at 2007-01-08 20:55:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
#1 doesn't come out so bad if edited and put in verse form:
In this waning light may you receive
The warm tender caresses and kisses
That are so desperately needed to melt
The cold harshness of a frozen heart
Still enamored with winters chill
In hopes that spring will yield
A beautiful thaw from which
Life and love will spring forth
From the lonely seed now
Enclosed by a hard bitter shell
Only when warmth has destroyed
This bitter frost will the world stray
From bitter grays and cold whites
To vibrant shades and beautiful visions
And all will weep for Winter's end
And Spring's glorious beginning
Submitted by nyxmar (user info) at 2007-01-08 19:51:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
okay, so I really suck at poetry. O tron wanna help me out? There no rules, the poems dont necessarily have to rhyme, but as has been said, should probably be in true form, I'll have to fix that on the first two.
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-01-08 19:10:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
The first one is alright, though not in poem form.
Submitted by BadAssJulie (user info) at 2007-01-08 18:49:30 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Do it the easy way. Cheat and make O'tron write one for you.
Submitted by homer42 (user info) at 2007-01-08 17:09:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You hit the nail right on the head poetry sucks. Teachers that teach about poetry suck. Pretty much everything that involves poetry sucks. I'll make an exception for Edgar Allen Poe cause his shit is just cool but that's the only caveat.
I like you also despise these whiny cunts that are so pretentious somehow they think they can tell me what some author was thinking when he wrote something even though he may be anywhere from 100 - 2,000 years in the grave. Fuck these pretentious assholes.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-01-08 16:57:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
What's the assignment? Just "turn in a poem?"
Are there specifics?
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-01-08 16:55:03 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This sure can't hurt. Poetry is my life.
http://www.ubersite.com/m/44437
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-01-08 16:53:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
3
Might just be the mood I'm in though
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-01-08 16:52:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I don't like shitty poems, and I just read three in a row. -2 shitty poetry.
Why not make a poem about how much poetry sucks. Your teacher shall appreciate your half assed attempt at irony.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-01-08 16:46:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Not bad, for a first attempt at poetry. The first two are not written here in the form of poetry, though. Where does each line end?
But based also on content, I like the third one, except for the second line.
Submitted by cshape (user info) at 2007-01-08 16:43:28 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
All crap.
Well... not crap, but I couldn't really recommend handing any of them in.
Go with your gut, bitch.
Submitted by marginwalker (user info) at 2007-01-08 16:42:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
1 & 2 = too many run-on's
3 is your best bet.