The Breakdown (715 hits)
Category: UberMadness! EntryRating: 1 on 4 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Pentameter (View user info) at 2007-01-09 08:51:26 EST
This post was an official UberMadness! entry. Click here to view the original matchup.
Sam rode his bike down the street, just like he had so many times before. Even though it was hot and humid, a cool breeze would occasionally blow, giving him temporary relief from the heat. He pedaled slowly, weaving around parked cars in his Everywhere, USA suburban town.
He rested both arms across his handlebars and began pedaling a little faster, and as he went to learn into a curve in the road, he noticed something odd in the middle of the street, and it made him stop so hard that he nearly flipped over the front of his bike.
It was a kernel of popcorn.
Before he got off of his bike, he looked around to see if anyone was watching. In civics class, his teacher had explained the various penalties one would face if caught consuming corn because that was defiling a national treasure.
The war in the early 2000s had left the United States a very different place. When the government banned the importation of crude oil in 2016, farmers became the new Carnegies. Corn was named the national vegetable, and was often found depicted with bald eagles in many patriotic drawings and paintings. Even the President was crowned with cornhusks on Inauguration Day.
And there, in the street, lay one popped corn kernel. Sam has seen pictures of popcorn in his history books at school, but since the consumption of corn for anything but fuel was against the law, he had never seen it in real life. He got down on the pavement and inspected it, then gently placed it in the palm of his hand.
When he held it up to the sun, he saw in the distance what appeared to be snowstorm.
Sam took a deep breath.
It was happening.
The whispers he had heard amongst his parents' friends were true - the terrorists were attacking the cornfields. They didn't need to be overt. The drought of 2077 had already reached critical status, with many of the nation's cornfields drying out under the hot summer sun. All they needed was a little bit of oil...such as the oil the United States wasn't purchasing from them anymore. The heat of the sun would cause the kernels to explode, filling the skies and the streets with popcorn.
He hopped onto his bike and rode to his friend Daniel's house, where he knocked so hard on their glass storm door that he put his entire hand through it. The sound of glass crashing to the floor brought Daniel's entire family to the door. Daniel's father looked up at the sky and shouted, "Holy fuck!"
Every station broadcasted emergency warnings and advised everyone to conserve their fuel. Across the nation, people stopped their cars on the highways and began walking. Factories, businesses, malls and restaurants shut down.
Slowly, popcorn began filling the streets. Some people began grabbing handfuls and stuffing them in their mouths, other people began jumping from their roofs and landing in the soft piles of popcorn that had filled the streets.
Everyone was so preoccupied with the attack on the cornfields that they didn't even notice the bombers flying overhead, and most people were too worried about not being able to play their computer games and drive their cars and go out shopping that when the nuclear bombs were dropped, they didn't even feel a thing.
Obviously, everyone died.
The end.
User Reviews
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2008-09-17 16:44:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Alter (user info) at 2007-09-26 21:04:39 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No, Comment.
Submitted by rorrim (user info) at 2007-08-14 13:00:48 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Where are the reviews?
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-06-05 12:13:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2