I Tell Thee (302 hits)
Category: HumorRating: -1.33 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Jiminee (View user info) at 2007-01-10 08:26:38 EST
I wake up, where am I, why am I wearing this.... Im in hospital! Not again I think to myself, not AGAIN! A doctor walks in the room, looking at me, staring at me, he stands there studying at me in an uncomfortable silence.
'Spit it out' I say, 'why am I here this time!!!'
'sir, what's the last thing you remember'
'What do you mean', I said, 'just let me go ok, this is the 10th time this year,' I was shocked; I didn't know why I was here, I just wanted to go home. Im sick of this shit!
'sir, you were in an accident' the doc said
'Another one, for fuckity fucks sake man, I was on a train, no, that was last time, I was on a plain, coming back from the US back to the UK.'
The doctor continued:
'Im afraid that the plain never left the runway sir, before take off the plain ran off the runway and exploded due to a malfunction in the autopilot, an investigation is still being carried out as we speak'
'So the plain did leave the runway then, you lied' I joked trying to add light to the fact that Im in hospital for like the umpteenth time this year
'Sir this is not a laughing matter, please be serious, I have some questions I'd like to ask' the doctor said in a bitter tone
'So I won't be getting my suitcase then' I laughed, the doctor still not amused continued to stare at me
'Shit, I just bought a knew fucking suit man, now what then, I know I'm ok, were their any fatalities, what what whats the problem' I began to panic
'Well sir, that's the point, all 247 persons aboard the plain bar you were killed, can you explain'
'Holy mother fricking frick, what do you mean can I explain, NO, I can't ok, WHAT ARE YOU INCINUATING!' damn I love that word
'Sir, please calm down, I'm just amazed you survived, the plain was incinerated in minutes only your were found next to the wreckage, not a scratch, burn or bruise on you, can you explain'
'mmmmmmmmm well mmmmmmmm yes I CAN actually, my name is David Dunn, I am UNBREAKABLE I tell thee!'
'sir please, can you remember anything at all, any suspicious persons, anything, the police would like to talk you, I have explained you are unhurt'
'I know I am unhurt I am UNBREAKABLE I tell thee'
'Sir, Im going to keep you in for tonight so we can do some observation tests on you would that be ok'
'sure, that's fine, as long as I can leave tomorrow morning, I also have some good deeds to do!'
'That's fine sir, are you sure you feel ok, would you like me to call your family, tea coffee, anything,'
'No thank you doctor, just go and save some frickin lives for gods sake'
The doctor leaves my room, I'm alone, it is the year 2100, my son is dead, my wife dead, everyone I ever loved, dead, and I am UNBREAKABLE I tell thee. The only way I can die is if I am submerged under water until my breath no longer breathes. But I'm scared of water, yeah I know, fag. I have attempted putting my head in the oven, jumping off a bridge and even gay sex but nothing works. God has put me in a train, car, bus, boat, tram, elephant, plain any form of transportation crash, he has now killed 4001 people and 2 elephants trying to get me, either that or Elijah Price has just gone totally fucking crazy. I decide to leave the hospital through the 10th floor window, being UNBREAKABLE I tell thee, the fall won't hurt me, I must admit it has its good points though. I have become a bazillionaire due to my strength, I have become WWF,WWE,WWC champion, Boxing Champion, Worlds Strongest man, I have broken numerous Guiness World Records, kicked the shit out of Chuck Norris, sleighed thousands of animals, and much more. People thought I'd use my powers to save lives, BULLSHIT, Im UNBREAKABLE I tell thee, you gonna tell me what to do, no, I TELL THEE. I decide to leave a note for the doc:
Im sure our paths will cross again Yipee-kye-yay motherfucker!!!!!!!!
User Reviews
Submitted by tartpumper (user info) at 2007-01-12 07:30:40 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This post was very 'plane'....
Submitted by locksly (user info) at 2007-01-12 07:16:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
this was rivetting
Submitted by sexualchocolate1984 (user info) at 2007-01-12 06:48:48 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
I just bought a knew fucking suit.
Nuff said.
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-01-10 11:06:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
your spelling is worse than Berty's and Nath's. I'm almost impressed
Submitted by HurtByTheSun (user info) at 2007-01-10 10:48:17 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Jiminee (user info) at 2007-01-10 10:38:32 (#)
Ranking: -2
SHIT
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2007-01-10 10:23:42 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Jiminee (user info) at 2007-01-10 09:17:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
your boring me, good day
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-01-10 09:13:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/97537
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didn't take you long to stick that retaliatory -2 did it? Fucking tool.
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-01-10 09:07:18 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
-2: One a day
-10: It's a good film and this was ultra shite.
-1000000: Because going with the crowd is less dangerous.
Submitted by Jiminee (user info) at 2007-01-10 09:05:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
thanks STIX!
Submitted by STIXS (user info) at 2007-01-10 09:01:49 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
-2 because this post really wasn't all that great, but +1 because you and my penis share the same name.
Submitted by Jiminee (user info) at 2007-01-10 08:59:55 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
you give me a minus just for the fun of it, ass holes
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-01-10 08:54:43 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
one a day
Submitted by Timmaaaaah (user info) at 2007-01-10 08:48:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Weirdly it made me laugh!! But at you.
Submitted by Jiminee (user info) at 2007-01-10 08:43:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Its just a bit of fun guys
Submitted by skrapmetal (user info) at 2007-01-10 08:32:10 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
This sucks like the center of a -2rnado.
Submitted by DCWoody (user info) at 2007-01-10 08:30:30 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Christ. Learn to spell.