How to Uber on 5 Minutes a Day (2109 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.78 on 60 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Razor <Jeremy_21117.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2007-01-10 10:47:55 EST
How To Uber In 5 Minutes A Day
Are you a hopelessly afflicted Ubersite addict suffering from the demands of the so-called "real world"? Are you worried that the time you spend "working" and "having a social life" might cause your Ubersite status to suffer due to inattention? Do you find Shlongy strangely attractive?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, read on. If you answered no, you are a liar. Nobody can resist the Shlonginator.
Now, even if you are too busy to really participate in the goings-on of Ubersite, it doesn't have to APPEAR that way. Use this handy guide to take care of your daily Uber obligations in under five minutes. People probably won't even notice the difference.
Step 1: Get involved in the heat
Go click on the post at the top of most heated.
If the post was written by Method, respond with "shenanigans", give it whatever rating you want, and move on to Step 2.
If the post was written by ETS, toss out a -2 and write some insult about conspiracy nuts, or maybe shake it up a little with a +2 and "You know, I'm starting to believe".
Otherwise, if the post has a rating of over 1, simply give it a +2 with No Comment. If the rating is negative, grab a handy insult from here: (warning, NSFW) http://www.insultmonger.com/generators/index.htm and paste it in with a -2.
Elapsed time: 45 seconds.
Step 2: Get into an argument
Click on the second most heated post and use CTRL-F to find a response by Caulaincourt. Copy his response, then rate the post however you want, copying Caul's text and saying something like "I'd about expect that from a brie snorting frog humper".
Bookmark the page. Once an hour over the course of the day, just rerate the post with another insult from insultmonger and Culo will think you're engaged in a tough battle.
Elapsed Time: 2 minutes, 15 seconds (in aggregate).
Step 3: Read the "Good Stuff"
Well, not really. Go give the latest post by Ghola, Orgasmatron, TTOM, Nath (wyttaswhatever) all +2s. Respond with "Wow. More of the same!" or some variation on that.
Go find Jack's latest post. If it's political, either +2 or -2 it depending on your orientation. If it's a story, go ahead and give it the "Ghola treatment".
Elapsed time: 3 minutes, 15 seconds
Step 4: Diss on the bad stuff
Just go find 3 posts that have a negative rating and -2 them with copied text from insultmonger.
Elapsed time: 3 minutes, 45 seconds
Step 4: Write A Post!
Speaking of Jack, just scroll back a couple of years in his user history, copy one of his own stories, and repost it as your own. Jack spits out so much shit, neither he nor anyone else is very likely to remember it, and people will read your stuff and weep at its beauty.
Elapsed Time: 5 minutes
And there you have it! In 5 minutes a day or less, you can seem to be a completely involved member of the Ubersite community. Hell, you're probably contributing more than most people do around here. Except me. I'm taking Uber back one awesome post at a time. Now, to go look up Jack's history...
User Reviews
Submitted by d_prime (user info) at 2007-03-12 13:46:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
You hit this place like... um something about a hammer and a nail. You know.
Submitted by QueenAshlee (user info) at 2007-01-13 23:42:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
OMG U r my hero!!!!1 LOLERSKATES
Glad to see you posting again... I only get time to check back once and awhile and this makes it easy to find something worth reading. How's the new house?
Submitted by Danger_Ranger (user info) at 2007-01-13 16:46:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
THEY ARE NOT REALLY FROM BALTIMORE YOU KNOW SIREN
Submitted by Siren (user info) at 2007-01-13 16:35:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
L.O.L.
Go Ravens woo woo woo.
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-01-12 18:28:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/97561#2274539
i lay the blame for this at your feet.
i'm impressionable.
Submitted by Brdn_Nkd (user info) at 2007-01-11 09:19:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WoW!
Submitted by Crystle (user info) at 2007-01-11 01:11:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahaha-- this is awesome
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2007-01-10 22:06:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
seems that way, huh?
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-01-10 21:53:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Method, you can add me in your Steam friends list: CacaLauncher25
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2007-01-10 21:52:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
That was a long ass insult.
Submitted by Sinistral (user info) at 2007-01-10 21:52:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Your post is a tedious, homogenised, chameleon-esque scribble which amounts to nothing more than the demented cacophonous racket of a drugged lunatic banging loudly on kitchen pots and pans. Your ineffective imitation of good posting style only serves to illuminate your lack of substance, good taste, and decency.
You amaze me! I didn't think it was possible for one person to possess such a vast reservoir of undiluted gibberish! I understand what you are trying to say, even though you obviously don't. If you knew what you're talking about, you'd be dangerous. To quote Martin Luther King, Jr.: "Nothing in the world is more dangerous than a sincere ignorance and conscientious stupidity."
Calling you dull is a gross underestimation of just how tedious you are. You have the personality of a damp sponge and the appeal of a moldy sweat sock. Any friend of yours is a lousy judge of character. Seriously, I've come across decomposing dog carcases that are less offensive to the senses than you are. Maybe you wouldn't read like such a pathetic loser if you didn't have an intellect rivaled only by the Village Idiot's stupider brother; if your weren't so fat that your clothes come in three sizes: Extra Large, Jumbo, and Oh-My-God-It's-Coming-Towards-Us!, or if you didn't have a face like a bulldog chewing a stinging nettle while taking a constipated dump in a heat wave. Who am I kidding? You would.
In closing, I suggest the next time that you feel an urge to embarrass yourself and bore others, that you summon all your might, and resist.
Submitted by BLITZKREIG_BOB (user info) at 2007-01-10 21:29:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is pretty much all that I do anymore.
Um, I mean....This is stupid. You suck.
Submitted by iddqd (user info) at 2007-01-10 20:18:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
"Ghola treatment".
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2007-01-10 18:00:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2007-01-10 17:08:45 (#)
Ranking: 2
haha
i have less than 5 mins due to high maintence baby- what should i do?
-------------
Give method your password. he won't do anything wrong, honest.
Submitted by ilikesteak (user info) at 2007-01-10 17:21:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
WOO!
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-01-10 17:10:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Denounce your citizenship
Submitted by c1ndy (user info) at 2007-01-10 17:08:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
haha
i have less than 5 mins due to high maintence baby- what should i do?
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-01-10 17:01:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
FUCK THAT SHIT IM A ZOMBIE HUNTER
Submitted by Gunslinger (user info) at 2007-01-10 16:58:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-01-10 12:48:32 (#)
Ranking: 0
Caulaincourt, what's your steam ID? We have to kill zombies together.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
lol nub l2p the real game
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-01-10 16:47:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Jack spits out so much shit, neither he nor anyone else is very likely to remember it...
--
Hell, when you're right, you're right.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2007-01-10 16:01:43 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
God, what have I done?
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-01-10 15:50:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
hahahaah
look what you've started!
Submitted by PMN (user info) at 2007-01-10 15:44:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Keep talking. I always yawn when I'm interested.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2007-01-10 15:30:37 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Jack, I'm sorry. I really am. But I am also laughing. At you. Not with you.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-01-10 15:06:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
taking back Ubersite since 2004
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-01-10 13:01:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
http://www.ubersite.com/m/97553
http://www.ubersite.com/m/97552
http://www.ubersite.com/m/97549
Submitted by polyamorousaj (user info) at 2007-01-10 12:57:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-01-10 12:56:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This is exactly what I do, only I usually include a few expletives and a few dozen -2s.
You're lucky today....cocksucker.
Doh!
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-01-10 12:48:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Caulaincourt, what's your steam ID? We have to kill zombies together.
Submitted by Snark (user info) at 2007-01-10 12:48:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Huh?
What?
Submitted by Caulaincourt (user info) at 2007-01-10 12:44:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Culo will think you're engaged in a tough battle. """
i never thought that. besides, i don't have internet at work so it's hard to keep track of all the arguing. and i'm kinda bored with it. nowadays, i mostly come on uber in-between rounds of counter-strike.
Submitted by rob_berg (user info) at 2007-01-10 12:42:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
...under 2 mins!
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-01-10 12:36:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
useful
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-01-10 12:32:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
go on then.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-01-10 12:27:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i'm pretty sure you messed up and gave me a +1 today.
THAT'S OK.
You may go +2 it now. NO problem.
(Thanks for the crit btw. I changed it. Don't have to hand it in until 5)
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2007-01-10 12:25:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Eh, the title was READ the good stuff, and I was saying "You don't actually have to read it to look involved, just +2 it"
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2007-01-10 12:23:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I approve, even if "good stuff" seems to say that you don't agree its the good stuff
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2007-01-10 11:57:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2007-01-10 11:50:12 (#)
Ranking: 2
I just follow the ratings.
If something is rated well, I give it a look. If something is rated badly, I skip over it. I hardly ever click on the most heated posts unless the title looks interesting.
Oh, and I read your posts Jeremy.
----
This was just more of a tongue in cheek analysis of what the average person does on Uber.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-01-10 11:52:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Bigmike (user info) at 2007-01-10 11:50:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I just follow the ratings.
If something is rated well, I give it a look. If something is rated badly, I skip over it. I hardly ever click on the most heated posts unless the title looks interesting.
Oh, and I read your posts Jeremy.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2007-01-10 11:49:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
That's your fault for picking one of his posts with perfect 2s across the board.
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-01-10 11:47:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
You asshole, you said no one would notice = (
Submitted by Cadrach (user info) at 2007-01-10 11:44:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-01-10 11:41:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-01-10 10:53:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
It must be hard to hold all those uber cocks at once?
--
Why wont anybody hold my dick?
Is it the rash? Hell I'm using the cream, there is just no pleasing you people.
Do you know how degrading it is to have to sit down to piss? because I'm fucked if I'm going to touch it.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-01-10 11:39:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
most amusing
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2007-01-10 11:38:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-01-10 11:32:18 (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. More of the same!
----
God, thank you for the compliment. I will really take it to heart.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-01-10 11:37:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-01-10 11:13:50 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-01-10 10:59:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-01-10 10:53:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
It must be hard to hold all those uber cocks at once?
---
Mine takes up 98% of his hands. The other 2% is split between the other males above.
--
I like the plurality of hand.
---
Well, sometimes hangdowns are so plentiful that two hands are absolutely essential.
For mine anyway. I don't know about these other limpdicks.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-01-10 11:32:18 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow. More of the same!
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-01-10 11:22:44 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-01-10 11:20:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
ha
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-01-10 11:13:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-01-10 10:59:39 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-01-10 10:53:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
It must be hard to hold all those uber cocks at once?
---
Mine takes up 98% of his hands. The other 2% is split between the other males above.
--
I like the plurality of hand.
Submitted by Stabkill (user info) at 2007-01-10 11:12:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by redskieslookfake (user info) at 2007-01-10 11:01:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
heh
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-01-10 10:59:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-01-10 10:53:17 (#)
Ranking: 2
It must be hard to hold all those uber cocks at once?
---
Mine takes up 98% of his hands. The other 2% is split between the other males above.
Submitted by cshape (user info) at 2007-01-10 10:56:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
pretty truthful, actually.
Submitted by homer42 (user info) at 2007-01-10 10:55:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Mildly amusing.
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-01-10 10:53:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It must be hard to hold all those uber cocks at once?
....I am so shit at insults.
This was funny.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-01-10 10:51:51 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Good stuff. Can people +2 Me as well please? Oh to be in an Uber Clique. *sniff wail whimper*.
Submitted by pannerplant (user info) at 2007-01-10 10:49:12 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
radical