Sicking It Up (1128 hits)
Category: NoneLabels: shit
Rating: 0.68 on 18 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Rad (View user info) at 2007-01-10 12:40:57 EST
At lunch hour I went down to the cafeteria. The other fellows from the institute's engineering department were already at our regular table. I moved through the serving line, realizing with a start that today was Wednesday. Flan day. I hoped I wasn't too late. I pushed my tray along the line and when I reached the dessert display case I saw it. Ernesto's Magic Flan. There was one serving left. I grabbed it quickly.
When I sat down at the table I saw that Hawkins and Laporte also had little plates on their trays, square slices of the world's most delicious flan awaiting them. I was looking forward to eating my own flan. The only dessert I liked as much as Ernesto's Magic Flan was my wife's fantastic rice pudding.
Gilroy was sitting beside me, chewing listlessly on a bland sandwich. He had an apple for dessert.
"Hey Gil," I said, you missed out on the flan."
Gilroy said nothing, his eyes twitching down to my tray and away to the window. He put down his sandwich.
"You look kinda' green, Gil," Hawkins said.
Gilroy said nothing. He looked Hawkins in the eye, looked down at Hawkins' flan, and then grabbed his apple and left the cafeteria.
I shot the shit with Laporte and the Hawk, and when lunch was over I was back at my desk studying a set of blueprints. A shadow moved over the page and I looked up.
"Did you eat the flan?" Gilroy asked. He was pale, a film of perspiration sparkling on his high forehead.
I nodded. "Delicious. You should have tried it."
Gilroy shuddered and looked like he was going to throw up. "Don't," he said.
I frowned. "Don't what?"
"Don't eat the flan. Next time they serve it.. don't."
"What's up with you, Gil? Ernesto's flan is my favorite dessert."
"Do you know where it comes from?"
I shrugged. "They make it fresh every Wednesday. It says so on the menu board."
Gilroy gave me a sickly smile, his throat working silently for a moment. "Oh yeah. Fresh. Every Wednesday."
I asked Gil if he had a hair up his ass about something. He looked at me a long time. Then he spoke in a whisper.
"Listen. Coupla' weeks ago, Willard, the cafeteria manager, asked me if I could go into the kitchen and take a look at his sink. It was clogged, he said, and a plumber would cost him a frigging fortune. He said if I could fix the sink before lunchtime he'd buy me a case of beer, and pay for any parts I might need."
I asked Gil to cut to the chase. I had to finish checking these blues before tomorrow morning.
"I got my tools and crawled under the sink," Gil said. "It was a big sink, lots of room under there so I was sort of hidden away while I was working on the pipe. I got the elbow off and cleaned some crud out of it, and when I was finishing the job I heard somebody come hustling in to the kitchen. It was Ernesto."
Gilroy looked over his shoulder, as if to make sure we were still alone in the room. "He got one of those long, low Tupperware containers, yunno, the big ones, and put it on the table in front of him. Then he puked in it."
"No shit?" I asked.
Gilroy nodded. "He sicked up this pale, pasty stuff. It came out of him slow, but it was really thick, like he was barfing up the world's biggest candle. It looked steaming hot, and when the tray was full and it settled, he wiped his mouth and put the tray in the freezer. When he stepped out of the kitchen a few minutes later I crawled out from under the sink, gathered up my tools and got the hell outta' there. As I was leaving Ernesto rushed back in and took the tray out of the freezer. The last thing I saw was him cutting stuff that looked like flan into little portions. And leaving the cafeteria I noticed the menu board. It said, 'Wednesday's special. Ernesto's Magic Flan. Made fresh daily.'"
Gilroy looked like he was going to say more when Hawkins came through the door. "Don't eat the flan," Gil whispered, leaving the room.
I thought about Gil's story all afternoon, but by the time I got home it was forgotten.
When I opened the front door I could smell a roast cooking. I smiled. Roast beef was a sure sign my favorite dessert (other than Ernesto's Magic Flan) was going to be served. I went into the kitchen and kissed my wife on the cheek. She returned the kiss, and then leaned over a serving bowl and began sicking up that delicious rice pudding.
User Reviews
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-01-13 11:39:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Rate the profferer.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-01-11 14:16:47 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
NOW I get it.
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-01-10 19:36:54 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
No Comment
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-01-10 16:24:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I blame you for keeping this wagon on its wheels.
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2007-01-10 16:13:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Ha ha Jack.
Submitted by PMN (user info) at 2007-01-10 15:43:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Jack_McCallum (user info) at 2007-01-10 14:40:58 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
THAT'S MY FUCKING STORY!!!!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-01-10 13:44:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Needs more interesting stuff.
Submitted by Director (user info) at 2007-01-10 13:43:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
FUCK YOU PRISON GUARD.
Submitted by apollo88 (user info) at 2007-01-10 13:17:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
rubbish
Submitted by hot_pocket (user info) at 2007-01-10 13:16:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
wtf is flan
Submitted by homer42 (user info) at 2007-01-10 13:14:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Sick indeed...
Submitted by Beano312003 (user info) at 2007-01-10 13:04:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I do not approve of this bandwagon.
But I do approve of Rad *winks*
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-01-10 13:03:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-01-10 12:43:28 (#)
Ranking: 2
shenanigans
Submitted by pannerplant (user info) at 2007-01-10 13:03:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Great story.
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-01-10 12:56:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
aha!
Submitted by Method (user info) at 2007-01-10 12:48:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by VileSin (user info) at 2007-01-10 12:44:34 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
-2 Reposting
+1 Vegas
http://www.ubersite.com/m/48427