Rufus. (413 hits)
Category: Quotes & StoriesRating: -1.79 on 26 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by †Øñ×Ðre† (View user info) at 2007-01-10 17:40:40 EST
Rufus awoke to a noise that can only be described with a few words, enraged female. This strange and absolutely horrifying experience does not go well with six o' clock, and Monday morning. Rufus rubs his eyes and runs downstairs. "YOU!" His mother exclaims, rasping for breath. Her eyes are puffy and she is heaving for air. "You plan to sleep all day do you?" "DON'T YOU?" "Answer me boy!" Rufus calmly tries to avoid the confrontation. "Uh mom, you look a little stressed". His mother then made the sound of a wilder beast being strangled and getting stabbed in the jugular. This could have been a deadly situation; however Rufus nimbly steps to the side, by the sink, and grabs a large dinner plate. "Listen bitch i'am tired of this shit, calm the fuck down". His mother's eyes slide up into slits while she eyes him like a caged animal. Rufus stands for a moment and ponders the situation, then in one fluid motion flings the dinner plate at his mothers head. It connects sending her to the floor unconscious, Rufus grabs forty-five dollars and the car keys, opens the front door and steps into the light.
Squinting now, Rufus shields his eyes and points them in the direction of the car. A rusty, and dilapidated looking van sat in the driveway. It's flaked and scratched; worn gray paint made it the polar opposite to a cop magnet. Rufus hops in and peers at the gas level, "half full", he murmurs. Rufus starts the machine shifts to reverse, and drives out of his driveway. Slamming the van into drive Rufus guns the engine as he passes through the town. People don't acknowledge him, or the eyesores presence, unless it's a shake of their heads. Rufus stops at a stoplight and notices an old man is watching him. Rufus glares at the man, as the man wiggles his finger at him. Engulfed in rage, Rufus accelerated up to the curb, and jumps out of the van. "You got a fucking problem old man?" The old mans face wrinkled into a snarl, "You little punk, get out of my neighborhood." Rufus laughs loudly, while a smile creeps onto his face, he smirks and replies, "You just made a big mistake you old fuck". As Rufus finished his sentence he was hit across the face with a cane. Blood squirts out of his nose and sprays his shirt. He glances up to the old man who is breathing shallow, leaning heavily on his cane. His eyes seem glassy and somewhat distant as he clutches to his chest. His breathing starts to come at short gasps, his eyes rolling back into his skull. Rufus watches the old man fall to the pavement and slightly twitch. Rufus grabs the old mans wallet, runs to the van and drives off.
User Reviews
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2007-01-12 13:53:14 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Fuck you people for digging this up again.
DIE
Submitted by inion_de_trua (user info) at 2007-01-12 13:41:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
first sentence did it for me.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-01-12 13:37:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I regard this as a serious contender for Worst Ever..good job
Submitted by ChalupaTres (user info) at 2007-01-10 18:10:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Well so far... so good
Submitted by Gunslinger (user info) at 2007-01-10 18:08:11 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Points his eyes, huh?
YOU ARE CLEARLY A GENIUS
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-01-10 18:04:46 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
you should be executed for posting this.
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2007-01-10 18:04:25 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I wasn't touching spelling and syntax. I'm not a fucking genie, y'know.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-01-10 18:03:29 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Bravo Foolproof. Nice work.
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2007-01-10 18:02:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Rufus awoke to a noise that can only be described with a few words; enraged female. This strange and absolutely horrifying experience does not go well with six o' clock, and Monday morning. Rufus rubs his eyes and runs downstairs.
"YOU!" his mother exclaims, rasping for breath. Her eyes are puffy and she is heaving for air. "You plan to sleep all day do you? DON'T YOU? Answer me boy!"
Rufus calmly tries to avoid the confrontation.
"Uh mom, you look a little stressed".
His mother then made the sound of a wilder beast being strangled and getting stabbed in the jugular. This could have been a deadly situation. However Rufus nimbly steps to the side, by the sink, and grabs a large dinner plate.
"Listen bitch I'm tired of this shit. Calm the fuck down".
His mother's eyes slide up into slits while she eyes him like a caged animal. Rufus stands for a moment and ponders the situation, then in one fluid motion flings the dinner plate at his mothers head. It connects sending her to the floor unconscious. Rufus grabs forty-five dollars and the car keys, opens the front door, and steps into the light.
Squinting now, Rufus shields his eyes and points them in the direction of the car. A rusty, and dilapidated looking van sat in the driveway. It's flaked and scratched; worn gray paint made it the polar opposite to a cop magnet. Rufus hops in and peers at the gas level
"Half full", he murmurs.
Rufus starts the machine, shifts to reverse, and drives out of his driveway. Slamming the van into drive, Rufus guns the engine as he passes through the town. People don't acknowledge him, or the eyesores presence, unless it's a shake of their heads. Rufus stops at a stoplight and notices an old man is watching him. Rufus glares at the man, as the man wiggles his finger at him. Engulfed in rage, Rufus accelerated up to the curb, and jumps out of the van.
"You got a fucking problem old man?"
The old mans face wrinkled into a snarl.
"You little punk, get out of my neighborhood."
Rufus laughs loudly, while a smile creeps onto his face, he smirks and replies,"You just made a big mistake you old fuck".
As Rufus finished his sentence he was hit across the face with a cane. Blood squirts out of his nose and sprays his shirt. He glances up to the old man who is breathing shallow, leaning heavily on his cane. His eyes seem glassy and somewhat distant as he clutches to his chest. His breathing starts to come at short gasps, his eyes rolling back into his skull. Rufus watches the old man fall to the pavement and slightly twitch. Rufus grabs the old mans wallet, runs to the van and drives off.
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Even fixed up, this is a pile of steaming-teen-angst shit.
Submitted by Razor (user info) at 2007-01-10 18:02:20 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Remember how there was that episode of Star Trek where Q put humanity on trial for it's crimes? It's like it's happening all over again, except that it's entirely your fault.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2007-01-10 17:59:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
you know, any story involving a guy flinging a dinner plate at his mother's head while she snorts like a large african mammal COULD be comedy gold. hell, scratch that - it SHOULD be. by fuckin law. and you've violated that law. so fuck off, pissant
Submitted by ChalupaTres (user info) at 2007-01-10 17:59:09 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
im not retarded you people get all butt hurt about grammAr who gives a damn words still mean what they mean. do you read stuff for the grammAr or what
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2007-01-10 17:56:31 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by ChalupaTres (user info) at 2007-01-10 17:51:52 (#)
Ranking: 0
damn i didnt know that grammer fucking matters to people little dots and stuff....
------
See, that didn't even make sense. Let's break it down:
"...didnt know that grammer (mis-spelled) matters..."
In literary devices, which this vaguely resembles, grammAr is the entire structure. Else, you'd just have random words and punctuation placed haphazardly. Which you have done.
"...to people little dots and stuff..."
This isn't even a fucking sentence. There is no reason for these words to be together.
You are a fucking idiot and I truly hope you are mentally retarded. If not, try suicide, it's your best bet in life.
Submitted by consuelo212 (user info) at 2007-01-10 17:55:42 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Ever since I saw you in your family tree, I've wanted to cut it down.
Submitted by ChalupaTres (user info) at 2007-01-10 17:51:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
damn i didnt know that grammer fucking matters to people little dots and stuff....
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2007-01-10 17:51:09 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Goddamn you make me angry
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2007-01-10 17:50:33 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
on another note, fucking choke, and then go buy this fucking book http://www.mcdougallittell.com/ml/la.htm?lvl=4&ID=1005500000030340
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2007-01-10 17:49:59 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I hate you.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-01-10 17:48:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I should be burnt for writing like that. So sorry.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-01-10 17:47:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Good point.
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2007-01-10 17:46:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
So is your spelling.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-01-10 17:46:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Holy crap! My grammer is horrible.
Submitted by GodChicken (user info) at 2007-01-10 17:45:27 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
RUFUS AWOK3 2 A NOIES TAHT CAN ONLEY B DESCRIEBD WIT A FAW WORDS ENRAEGD F3MAEL!1!1!1 OMG THES STRANGE AND ABSOLUTELEY HORIFYNG EXPEREINCE DOES NOT GO WEL WIT SIX O CLOK AND MONDAY MORNNG!!!!11 OMG WTF LOL RUFUS RUBS HIS 3YES AND RUNS DOWNSTARES!1111111! LOL U!11111!!! HIS MOTHER 3XCLAMES RASPNG FOR BRAATH!1!1111!! OMG WTF LOL HER EYES R PUFY AND SHE SI H3AVNG FOR ARE!!11!1! OMG LOL U PLAN 2 SLEP AL DAY DO U??!!! WTF LOL DONT U??!!??!?? WTF LOL ANSW3R MA BOY!1111111 WTF LOL RUFUS CALMLEY TREIS 2 AVOID DA CONFRONTATION!11!! WTF LOL UH MOM U LOK A LITL3 STRASED!!!!!1!1 WTF HIS MOTHER THEN MAED TEH SOUND OF A WILDER BAST BNG STRANGL3D AND GATNG STABED IN DA JUGULAR!1!!1!11 WTF THES CUD HAEV BEN A DEADLEY SITUATION HOW3VAR RUFUS NIMBLEY STEPS 2 TEH SIED BY DA SINK AND GRABS A LARG3 DIN3R PLAET!!!!!11!1 OMG LISTEN BITCH IM TIERD OF THES SHIT CALM DA FUK DOWN!!11111 OMG WTF LOL HIS MOTHERS AYES SLIED UP IN2 SLITS WHIEL SH3 AY3S HIM LIEK A CAEGD ANIMAL!11!! OMG LOL RUFUS STANDS FOR A MOMENT AND PONDARS TEH SITUATION THEN IN ONE FLUID MOTION FLNGS TEH DINAR PLAET AT HIS MOTHARS HEAD!111!1111 WTF LOL IT CONECTS SANDNG HER 2 DA FLOR UNCONSCIOS RUFUS GRABS FORTY-FIEV DOLARS AND TEH CAR KEYS OPENS DA FRONT DOR AND STAPS IN2 TEH LIGHT!11!!!! OMG WTF
SQUINTNG NOW RUFUS SHEILDS HIS EY3S AND POINTS THEM IN DA DIERCTION OF TEH CAR!!!1!11!1 A RUSTY AND DILAPIDAETD LOKNG VAN SAT IN DA DRIEVWAY!!!11 OMG WTF LOL ITS FLAEKD AND SCRATCH3D WORN GRAY PANET MAED IT DA POLAR OPOSIET 2 A COP MAGNET!!111!1! OMG WTF LOL RUFUS HOPS IN AND PERS AT TEH GAS LEVEL HALF FUL H3 MURMURS!11!1! OMG RUFUS STARTS TEH MACHIEN SHIFTS 2 REVERSE AND DRIEVS OUT OF HIS DRIEVWAY!1!1!!! OMG WTF LOL SLMMNG DA VAN IN2 DRIEV RUFUS GUNS TEH ANGIEN AS HE PASES THROUGH DA 2WN!!!1!1! PEOPL3 DONT AKNOWLEDGE HIM OR TEH AYESORES PRASENCA UNL3S ITS A SHAEK OF THEYRE H3ADS!!11! LOL RUFUS S2PS AT A S2PLIGHT AND NOTIECS AN OLD MAN SI WATCHNG HIM!!11!1 RUFUS GLAERS AT TEH MAN AS TEH MAN WIGL3S HIS FNG3R AT HIM!1!111!!! OMG WTF LOL ENGULFAD IN RAEG RUFUS ACAL3RAETD UP 2 DA CURB AND JUMPS OUT OF TEH VAN!!!!!1!!! OMG U GOT A FUKNG PROBL3M OLD MAN??!!?! WTF TEH OLD MANS FAEC WRINKLAD IN2 A SNARL U LITL3 PUNK GET OUT OF MAH NEIGHBORHOD!!!11!! RUFUS LAUGHS LOUDLEY WHIEL A SMIEL CREPS ON2 HIS FAEC HE SMIRKS AND RAPLEIS U JUST MAED A BIG MISTAEK U OLD FUK!!1!11!! LOL AS RUFUS FINISHED HIS S3NTANC3 H3 WAS HIT ACROS DA FAEC WIT A CAEN!!11!1 OMG BLOD SQUIRTS OUT OF HIS NOSE AND SPRAYS HIS SHIRT!!1111!1 OMG LOL H3 GLANCES UP 2 DA OLD MAN WHO SI BR3ATHNG SHALOW LAANNG HEAVILEY ON HIS CAEN!!11!11 OMG WTF HIS EYES SEM GLASY AND WUT DISTANT AS H3 CLUTCH3S 2 HIS CH3ST!!11!!11! LOL HIS BR3ATHNG STARTS 2 COME AT SHORT GASPS HIS 3Y3S ROLNG BAK IN2 HIS SKUL!!!!11! WTF RUFUS WATCHAS DA OLD MAN FAL 2 TEH PAEVM3NT AND SLIGHTLEY TWITCH!!!!1!! WTF LOL RUFUS GRABS DA OLD MANS WALET RUNS 2 DA VAN AND DRIEVS OF
!1!!111
Submitted by forensicgirl3 (user info) at 2007-01-10 17:45:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
If your 7th grade English teacher didn't like this, what makes you think that the people here will?
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-01-10 17:44:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't know where your going with this darlin. it started ok, then got abit fucked up, then just a little understated and pointless. We need a bit of Rufus's emotions in this to make it reach out and slap you.
Submitted by Genko (user info) at 2007-01-10 17:44:16 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Looks like it's back to English class for you and Rufus.