Burnt Pork and Grease in the Land of Delta Blues (552 hits)
Category: NoneRating: 1.87 on 21 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Drew "ajanssen" Janssen (View user info) at 2007-01-10 17:54:35 EST
I left Corky's extremely disappointed and still hungry. An hour earlier I was guided there by an ancient black man with yellowed eyes half covered in cataracts and hanging cheeks. He was loitering on the street in a threadbare wool suit that must have been tailored in the 1940's. I just knew he was chock full of old school wisdom and sound advice. I had to throw a $10 bill in his upturned hat and wave my hands around like a faggot to get him to stop blowing in his saxophone. I guess I'm a rude fuck but I was on a mission.
"Sorry to bother you sir, but I've come all the way from the Lone Star state to sample ya'lls barbecue. I don't want any shit that caters to tourists. I want the real thing. Nothing that has anything to do with Elvis. A dry rub and sweet tea, fuck the sides"
He winked and replied, "Corky's...go to Corky's." while pointing his gnarled index finger, "Two blocks south on Beale."
His almost inaudible voice was so scratchy that I instinctively cleared my own throat.
A quick nod and I was on my way.
The dilapidated, hand painted sign on Corky's declared it was the best in the country. I knew that was an exaggeration as it is common knowledge the best barbecue in the world comes from Lockhart, Texas (http://www.ubersite.com/m/95469 ). But the fucked up sign did tell me that this was a Mom and Pop's shithole in the wall and that immediately lifted my spirits.
I swung the front door and was taken aback by Sting and the Police blaring from the radio. This made me extremely wary. No self respecting greasy shithole plays Sting. Blast Hank Williams, Johnny Cash, Merle Haggard, or fuck it even Elvis but you don't play that kind of shit in a barbecue joint.
Things took a turn for the worse with the sweet tea. You could tell it was brewed too long by the slightly dry, bitter aftertaste and the blaspheming assholes had put lemons in the container. Any Southerner worth his salt will tell you a lemon wedge can be squeezed fresh into the glass but lemon half's left to float around in the pitcher is a Class B felony in 9 states.
Better than urine I thought to myself.
"Gimme a full rack, dry rub and the spiciest you've got." I barked out.
"You sure you want the spiciest? They're a little warm." the washed up floozie behind the counter warned.
The teeth that weren't missing were yellowed and looked like broken corn-dog sticks.
I looked away so as not to lose my appetite and forced a polite smile.
"Yes, I'm sure......and no sides just meat"
The ends of the bones were extra charred. I knew before biting them that they weren't cooked slow enough or they were cooked properly and then thrown onto a grill later to warm them back up. Either way, completely unacceptable.
Larger pieces of seasoning on the outside had also charred and had a gritty, sooty taste to it. The meat was dry and a bit chewy. It didn't slide off the bone near easily enough for my liking. I was hungry as fuck and could have eaten it just to eat but it goes against everything I stand for and I wouldn't give these heathens the satisfaction.
I threw my plate back and stood up in a hurry.
"Everything alright, hun?"
"No, as a matter of fact it's not. If I knew this was the way you people conducted business I would have saved some time and money and stopped by 7-11 and bought a Slim Jim. The texture seems to be exactly the same."
I headed back towards the hotel to drink the tiny bottles of liquor and wonder why the fuck I was here to begin with.
I passed by the old blues player on my way back. He was sitting on the curb smoking one of those awfully long brown cigarettes with gold trim that just scream emphysema.
He smiled as I approached.
"Whadditellya?"
I was a little frustrated but I tried not to show it.
"The outrageous claims this city makes about ribs and barbecue and that shit wasn't even edible. I hope you were wrong and that's not a reflection of this city's tradition."
"City's tradition? This is the land of Delta Blues. Have a seat sonny."
There was at least 5 minutes of complete silence while he finished his cancer fix.
"Close your eyes and take a deep breath, junior. You can taste the Mississippi River. Spend enough time here and it gets in your blood. I'll show about passed on tradition. You'll buy me lunch?"
"But I already gave you so....fuck it. Yeah, I'll get you lunch. Where are we going?"
He didn't reply so I followed after him hoping for the best. After 10 minutes of walking and hobbling we arrived at even a bigger shithole. Apprehension set in again as I walked in. I was the only white person in the entire establishment. There weren't even Mexicans in the back. I shifted uneasily on the greasy bar stool and gave him a questioning look but he just smiled and tapped his foot.
"Hey Charlie!" he hollered out, "Two channel cat specials!" It sounded like he was gurgling pebbles.
A few minutes later two plates heaping over the sides with food slid in front of us. It was catfish freshly pulled out of the Mississippi and dredged through coarse, stone ground corn meal then deep fried in a cast iron skillet to exact specifications. A fluffy pile of grits covered half of the plate. They were full of jalapenos and melted cheese and drowning in cracked pepper country gravy. The green beans had been simmered all day in apple wood smoked bacon and a slew of other spices that few people would ever have the recipe for. The rolls were soft, straight out of the oven, and slathered in melted butter.
I didn't take long for us to finish.
I hadn't eaten this good in months.
I stumbled out of the restaurant with the old man, fat and full.
He turned to me again and laughed. "Stay in Texas for the barbecue but this is where you'll find real soul food."
With a soft chuckle he turned his back started to hobble off.
"Your welcome!" I yelled back.
If youre ever in Memphis their barbecue isn't worth a shit but stop by Alcenia's for the best soul food you'll ever find.
Catfish and Grits, you can't go wrong
User Reviews
Submitted by Bob_Dole (user info) at 2007-01-15 22:35:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Reminds me of Alton Brown a little...
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-01-12 06:44:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Cool
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-01-12 03:10:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by dexpaxas (user info) at 2007-01-11 17:11:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Food stories are the bestest stories.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-01-11 16:41:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Beale Street fucking rocks
interestingly enough, I found a really great Russian restaurant downtown - kinda weird.
Submitted by Doogsterville (user info) at 2007-01-11 15:40:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Dammit. Now I'm hungry....
Submitted by lungfish (user info) at 2007-01-10 23:10:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Stagger_Lee (user info) at 2007-01-10 22:59:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you had me at delta blues
Submitted by Sepsis (user info) at 2007-01-10 21:26:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Ducky (user info) at 2007-01-10 21:11:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-01-10 20:37:00 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like Me'phis. Big fan.
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2007-01-10 18:46:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
ill cross that bridge when i get to it
Submitted by i_can_get_you_a_toe (user info) at 2007-01-10 18:45:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, man, Midnight. Baseball bats and boogeymen. Beautiful.
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-01-10 18:23:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you gonna be fat when you get old
Submitted by rad1101 (user info) at 2007-01-10 18:17:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I didnt read this but Im going to drink a glass of sweet apple blossom tea right now. just thought Id share that with you
Submitted by ajanssen (user info) at 2007-01-10 18:12:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Hey fucker, we still havent got shitfaced and popped the thongs of turned out strippers. Get your shit together.
Submitted by Istaros (user info) at 2007-01-10 18:10:19 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-01-10 18:09:58 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
KEEP! Keep it up.
Damn it to hell.....
Submitted by Foolproof (user info) at 2007-01-10 18:06:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I stopped reading at "Corky".
Any story with the name Corky in it HAS to be good.
Submitted by ticklish_squirrel (user info) at 2007-01-10 18:06:04 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
In a strange way I was hoping to hear some old stories from the black dude. I've been let down, but I'm glad your appetite was satisfied.
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-01-10 18:01:27 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm hungry now. Your one of the few writers that inspire me to eat. Kepp it up.