New Modern Slang (funny shit!) (3787 hits)
Category: HumorRating: 0.63 on 27 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by Paul T <gr_05.at.hotmail.com> (View user info) at 2003-07-06 18:20:32 EDT
This is excellent, some of you have no doubt seen it before, hopefully you yanks get the brit humour....
New Slang Dictionary....AEROPLANE BLONDE
One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a 'black box'.
AUSSIE KISS
Similar to a French kiss, but given down under.
BADLY PACKED KEBAB
A vulgar (but still excellent) term for the female genitalia.
BEAVER LEAVER
A homosexual.
BREAKING THE SEAL
Your first piss in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking.
After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be required every 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.
BRITNEY SPEARS
Modern Slang for 'beers', e.g. "Couple of Britneys please, Doreen".
BRUCE LEE
Erect nipple (as in, a hard Nip).
DOUBLE BASS
A sexual position in which the man enters the woman from behind, and then fiddles with the woman's nipples with one hand and her Budgie's Tongue with the other. The position is similar to that used when playing a double bass instrument, but the sound produced is slightly different.
DRINK-LINK
A modern term for a cash point machine (ATM).
Named so because it is common to visit one before going out on the booze.
ETCH-A-SKETCH
Trying to draw a smile on a woman's face by twiddling both of her nipples simultaneously.
FRIGMAROLE
Unnecessarily time-consuming foreplay.
F@CKSH1TF@CKSH1TF@CKSH1T
The sound made when driving through too narrow a gap at too high a speed.
GOING FOR A McSh1t
Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food, you're just going to the bog.
If challenged by a pimply staff member, your declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is a McSh1t With Lies.
GREYHOUND
A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.
HAND-TO-GLAND COMBAT
A vigorous masturbation session.
JOHNNY-NO-STARS
A young man of substandard intelligence, the typical adolescent who works in a burger restaurant. The 'no-stars' comes from the badges displaying stars that staffs at fast-food restaurants often wear to show their level of training.
MILLENIUM DOMES
The contents of a Wonderbra, i.e. extremely impressive when viewed from the outside, but there's actually F@ck-all worth seeing.
MONKEY BATH
A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: "Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa!Aa!Aa!".
MUMBLER
An attractive girl in tight shorts or jeans, etc. i.e. you can see the lips moving but can't quite make out what they're saying.
MYSTERY BUS
The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you're in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.
MYSTERY TAXI
The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with, and leaves a 10-Pinter in your bed instead.
NBR (No Beers Required)
Someone that you'd chat up instantly in the pub. The opposite of a 10-Pinter.
NELSON MANDELA
Rhyming Slang for 'Stella' (the lager).
ONE IN THE DEPARTURE LOUNGE
The need to defecate imminently.
PEARL HARBOUR
Cold (weather). An example of it would be - "It's a bit Pearl Harbour out there!" Meaning - there's a nasty 'nip in the air.
PICASSO @rse
A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she's got 4 buttocks.
RAGMAN'S COAT
Untidy and unkempt pubic hair e.g. "That mumbler looks quite fit but I bet she's got a kebab like a ragman's coat!"
RELEASE A CHOCOLATE HOSTAGE
To defecate e.g. " I've got one in the departure lounge, so I'm just nipping out to release a chocolate hostage".
SALAD DODGER
An excellent phrase for an overweight person.
SKIN-CHIMNEY - see BADLY PACKED KEBAB
SPERM WAIL
A verbal outburst during the male orgasm.
STARFISH TROOPER or @rseTRONAUT
A homosexual.
SWAMP-DONKEY
A deeply unattractive woman.
TART FUEL or BITCH PISS
Bottled Alcopops, e.g. Hooch, regularly consumed by young women.
TEN-Pinter
Someone that you'd only chat up after drinking at least 10 pints.
TITANIC
A lady who goes down first time out.
TODGER DODGER
A lesbian.
TWO-BAGGER or DOUBLE BAGGER
Someone that you'd need 2 paper bags to have sex with (1 to cover their head, and 1 to cover yours, in case their bag falls off).
UP ON BLOCKS
Menstruating i.e. out of action, a bit like a car in a garage.e.g. Don't think I'll be in luck tonight lads, the missus is up on blocks".
VAGINA DECLINER
A homosexual.
WALLACE AND GROMIT
Rhyming Slang for 'vomit'.
W*NK SEANCE
During a masturbation session, the eerie feeling that your dead relatives are watching you with disgust.
WYNONA RYDER
Rhyming Slang for 'cider'. e.g. "Pint of Wynona, half a Nelson and a bottle of tart fuel please Doreen".
X-PILES
Unwanted visitors from Uranus.
_________________
User Reviews
Submitted by Staccers (user info) at 2004-04-29 14:53:44 EDT (#)
Ranking: -2
(funny shit!)? You lie, Sir.
Submitted by tuesdaydelay (user info) at 2004-04-16 15:03:42 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
All stolen from www.viz.co.uk's Profanisaurus.
I liked:
"Agatha Christie - a fart nobody owns up to and only one person in the room knows Whodunnit".
Submitted by Donitsu <Donitsu2002.at.juno.com> at 2004-03-23 18:27:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Heh.... Double bagger is kinda like... american "burger king bag it" y'know like.. Put a burger king bag over her head and have it your way?
Submitted by sebcharrot (user info) at 2004-03-23 18:07:19 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Somebody's been reading the Viz...
Submitted by The_taste_of_Monkeys (user info) at 2004-02-18 11:25:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
SWAMP-DONKEY
A deeply unattractive woman.
That ones easily the best
+2 brother.
Submitted by DraconianKing (user info) at 2004-02-05 20:58:56 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
I thought this was exceedingly lame.
Submitted by kgbpasha (user info) at 2004-01-21 04:02:38 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I use "Fuckin' Limey" all the time.
A bit surprised it's not on your list...
Submitted by Bellebrown (user info) at 2004-01-21 03:46:17 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
bleh........... I saw this on a forward mail years ago.
We brits are so advanced...
And for that you get a worth reading. It is a good mail, but I didnt smile cos I knew the punchlines.
Submitted by Redrum (user info) at 2004-01-21 03:44:40 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Very nice, and I'm going to give it a +2 even though it wasn't original. I figure you deserve it for bringing that all the way across the pond to me =)
Submitted by Falconer (user info) at 2004-01-21 02:57:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Most excellent.
Submitted by SammySam (user info) at 2004-01-21 02:48:42 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
"That mumbler looks quite fit but I bet she's got a kebab like a ragman's coat!"
funny
I can't help but read all your comments with an english accent, it actually makes it more funny I believe.
I heard of double bagger, I fear the triple bagger. One for her head, one for your head, and one for anyones head who may accidently catch you.
Submitted by I_Have_a_Kristen_Fetish (user info) at 2004-01-18 07:59:05 EST (#)
Ranking: -1
Wasn't really hitting on much...
Submitted by Creepy_guy (user info) at 2004-01-14 00:43:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
TITANIC
A lady who goes down first time out
____________________________________
Haaaaa ha ha ha.... That made me laugh good and hard. Nice.
+2 for some really funny shit.
Submitted by Hadooken (user info) at 2003-07-07 05:32:26 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
almost i should say.
Submitted by Hadooken (user info) at 2003-07-07 05:32:11 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
I almosy pissed my pants!
Submitted by dasteve (user info) at 2003-07-07 00:15:05 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DooZa at 2003-07-06 23:50:58 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
Damn poms .. You know who you are
Submitted by dolphgr13 (user info) at 2003-07-06 22:17:31 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
oooh, progress.
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2003-07-06 22:02:18 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
ok, ETCH-A-SKETCH was funny, too. but that's it.
Submitted by El_Guapo (user info) at 2003-07-06 21:58:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
"ETCH-A-SKETCH
Trying to draw a smile on a woman's face by twiddling both of her nipples simultaneously. "
"GOING FOR A McSh1t
Entering a fast food restaurant with no intention of buying food, you're just going to the bog.
If challenged by a pimply staff member, your declaration to them that you'll buy their food afterwards is a McSh1t With Lies."
"GREYHOUND
A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare. "
hahahah!
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2003-07-06 21:55:01 EDT (#)
Ranking: 0
confirmed?
it's a matter of opinion, and in my opinion, this wasn't very funny.
Submitted by Flapjacksupreme (user info) at 2003-07-06 21:46:45 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
damn fine rad. I'm going to use "Swamp-Donkey" from now on.
Submitted by dolphgr13 (user info) at 2003-07-06 19:32:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
Hidden, how can you not find more of that funny? It's confirmed....
Submitted by hidden101 (user info) at 2003-07-06 19:00:02 EDT (#)
Ranking: -1
only funny thing on the list is X-Piles.
Submitted by yidele (user info) at 2003-07-06 18:47:38 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
funny. release the chocolate hostage!
Submitted by Beer_bong (user info) at 2003-07-06 18:39:12 EDT (#)
Ranking: 2
AAAAHHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAAHAHAAHAHAHAHHAHHAHAHAAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHA
AHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHHAAHAAHAHHAAHAHAHHAHAAHHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAAHHAAH
Best.
Post.
Ever.
Submitted by Insanethemind (user info) at 2003-07-06 18:30:17 EDT (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment