The Dogs of War (Part 1): Prepare to be Mutt-Fucked (785 hits)
Category: HumorLabels: Dogs_Of_War
Rating: 1.75 on 14 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by JoeyG (View user info) at 2007-01-18 10:12:28 EST
Jason and Naomi led on the blanket in the middle of the park. The wine they had taken with them was gone, and they kissed and cuddled in the warmth of the midday sun. With the alcohol warming him further, Jason slid his hand under Naomi's tight fitting top.
"Stop it!" She giggled.
"What's the matter? There's no-one else here. C'mon...."
"Hold it right there, Romeo! Besides, that dog is watching us. Look." Naomi pointed over towards the bushes where a small dog sat watching them. As Jason sat up to take a look, another dog came out of the trees and sat down next to his canine counterpart.
*-*-*-*
Danny the Daschund sat and watched the two lovers for nearly half an hour before they noticed him. The male appeared to be trying to get under the females 'clothes', but she was having none of it. Danny had never gotten the point of clothes. It was just another one of the many weird things these creatures seemed to do. Vincent Vizsla came out of the bush, sat beside him, and broke the silence.
"Man, that was a good shit...... Oh, would you look at that? Fucking disgusting. He's all over her like a cat in heat."
Danny nodded in agreement, not taking his eyes of the cavorting couple.
"That definitely him?" asked Vincent. Again, Danny just sat and nodded before replying.
"Cunt don't even recognise me...."
"You've found him, that's what matters. Come on, we need to report back."
"Three fucking years with that twat, and the only time he would ever look at me was to kick me up the arse..... all I did was piss in an old shoebox with a load of paper in it..... You know what I mean, those bits of paper with faces on, that they swap for stuff. And what do I get? A steel toe-capped boot straight in the shitter, and I'm out on my ear."
"Don't worry. Not long now, and you'll get your own back. We all will......"
*-*-*-*
For the past three years, the dogs had been preparing. From all breeds, and all places, they gathered, united in their hatred for the human race, which had tormented them all their lives. They had fled their homes and their owners in search of new doggy dreams.
Rallies were held in waste lands. Pep talks were held in back alleys. Small groups came together to form larger units, and before long they were able to put up a small resistance.
Each day, more and more would join.
"......Fucker chopped my balls off....."
"........You see this haircut. I mean, come on, what the fuck..... "
"......I licked up this pile of white stuff he had on a mirror. Boy, was he pissed...."
"......They made me star in a Dutch porno. I didn't mind that blonde chick sucking me off, but when she pulled out that strap on, I was outta there...."
"......The little one kept hitting me with some rattly thing......"
"......'Fido', for fuck's sake. What the hell kinda name is 'Fido'...."
The Great Council of Danes was formed, and they acted as leaders for the rebellious hounds. Armies were founded, and split into various divisions. The Alsatian Brigade was a crack troop of ex-police dogs, who knew how things went. Platoons of Pitbulls would provide the muscle when required. Various hunting dogs would work as trackers, and those dogs that were too small to fight were sent out as spies.
The message from The Great Council of Danes was clear: Every dog would have their day. They would deal one by one with the individuals that had brought them here, and then they would march to glory across the globe. Victory would be theirs, and they would rule the world!
They just had one thing to figure out first.
Who the fuck was going to drive the trucks?
The absence of opposable thumbs was not the last obstacle they had to overcome.....
To be continued.....
User Reviews
Submitted by LittleMonster (user info) at 2007-01-19 07:55:08 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Game on
Submitted by Doogsterville (user info) at 2007-01-18 15:33:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+1 For the tie-in to your previous post on the cruellest thing you've ever done
+1 For good story telling
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2007-01-18 15:22:36 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I loved this.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-01-18 14:09:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2007-01-18 13:18:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
No Comment
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-01-18 11:27:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-01-18 10:56:35 (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-01-18 10:54:06 (#)
Ranking: 1
Amusing but the third word was spelt wrong ><
That being said it's still a cool idea. Looking forward to seeing where it goes *coughsnowdogs* *coughthatstupidpuppyfilmwheretheywerejamesbondtypedogs*
Nuff said :)
=-=-==-
Actually that's the 4th word. Put your helmet back on :)
----
I think you'll find it's a 'safety hat' actually... that being said I was too lazy to go back and count. In other news I'm writing stuff of quality again as of tommorrow!
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-01-18 11:18:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2007-01-18 11:14:01 (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for Mutt-Fucked
I've seen you type "led" before. Is that some strange Britisher way of typing laid?
------------
No, that's just me being thick.
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2007-01-18 11:14:01 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 for Mutt-Fucked
I've seen you type "led" before. Is that some strange Britisher way of typing laid?
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-01-18 11:00:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-01-18 10:54:06 (#)
Ranking: 1
Amusing but the third word was spelt wrong ><
-----------------
Just one of several grammatical errors.
I, er, put them in all my posts to keep people on their toes....
yes, thats right.....keep them on their toes.....honest.
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-01-18 10:56:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-01-18 10:54:06 (#)
Ranking: 1
Amusing but the third word was spelt wrong ><
That being said it's still a cool idea. Looking forward to seeing where it goes *coughsnowdogs* *coughthatstupidpuppyfilmwheretheywerejamesbondtypedogs*
Nuff said :)
=-=-==-
Actually that's the 4th word. Put your helmet back on :)
Submitted by Amontillado (user info) at 2007-01-18 10:56:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
No Comment
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-01-18 10:56:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I can't wait to see the rest of this.
Submitted by hour_man (user info) at 2007-01-18 10:54:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Amusing but the third word was spelt wrong ><
That being said it's still a cool idea. Looking forward to seeing where it goes *coughsnowdogs* *coughthatstupidpuppyfilmwheretheywerejamesbondtypedogs*
Nuff said :)
Submitted by JoeyG (user info) at 2007-01-18 10:14:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Inspired by http://www.ubersite.com/m/97617#2276071