"The Alter of the Opera" - Prologue and Act I (581 hits)
Category: Sound & MusicLabels: alter_of_the_opera ubermusical
Rating: 1.67 on 35 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by CaptainThorns (View user info) at 2007-01-19 12:19:05 EST
As promised last July by Orgmasmatron and myself, the production of "The Alter of the Opera" is now in production and ready for its world premiere.
Everybody remember this? No? Okay, that's what I thought. Perhaps this will jog your memory: http://www.ubersite.com/m/90577
Anyways, please take your seat in the theatre, turn off all cellular phones and pagers, and enjoy the show...
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~~~ Prologue - Auction at Bart Cilfone's vacant apartment, 2007 ~~~
AUCTIONEER: Sold. Your number, sir? Thank you. Lot 663, then, ladies and gentlemen: a painting for this site's production of "Go Bears Wooo" by Habeeb Thomas.
PORTER: Showing here.
AUCTIONEER: Do I have ten francs? Five then. Five I am bid. Six, seven. Against you, sir, seven. Eight. Eight once. Selling twice. Sold, to Scourge, Vicomte de Springfield.
Lot 664: a topaz cock ring and three dead rabbits from the 2006 production of "UberMadness" by Snark. Ten francs for this. Ten, thank you. Ten francs still. Fifteen, thank you, sir Fifteen I am bid. Going at fifteen. Your number, sir?
665, ladies and gentlemen: a papier-mache musical box, in the shape of a male organ. Attached, the figure of an emu in Uberian robes playing the skin flute. This item, discovered in the vaults of the theatre, still in working order.
PORTER: Showing here.
AUCTIONEER: May I start at twenty francs? Fifteen, then? Fifteen I am bid. Sold, for thirty francs to the Vicomte de Springfield. Thank you, sir.
SCOURGE (RAOUL): A collector's piece indeed . . . every detail exactly as she said . . .She often spoke of you, my friend ....Your furry lining, and your figurine of lead...Will you still play, when all the rest of us are dead?
AUCTIONEER: Lot 666, then: a MVA post in pieces. Some of you may recall the strange affair of the Alter of the Opera: a mystery never fully explained. We are told, ladies and gentlemen, that this is the very post which figures in the famous disaster. Our regular posters have repaired it and altered parts of it for the new look and feel, so that we may get a hint of how it may look when reassembled. Perhaps we may frighten away the ghost of so many years ago with a linkwhore, gentlemen?
~~~ Horse87 ~~~
TIGERLILLY (CARLOTTA): This trophy from our saviours, from our saviours! From the enslaving force of Greece!
GIRL'S CHORUS: With rating and ranting and song, tonight in celebration, we greet the victorious Jack McCallum, returned to bring salvation!
MEN'S CHORUS: The trumpets of Athens resound! Hear, Grecians, now and tremble! Hark to our step on the ground!
ALL: Hear the drums -- Horse87 comes!
METHOD (PIANGI): Sad to return to find the land, we love threatened once more by Grease's far-reaching grasp,
ETS (REYER): Signor . . . if you please: "Greece." We say "Greece," not "Grease!"
METHOD (PIANGI): Si, si, Greece, not Grease. Is very hard for me.
BART (LEFEVRE): This way, gentlemen, this way. Provisions, as you see, are under way, for a new incarnation of McCallum's "Horse87." Ladies and gentlemen, some of you may already, perhaps, have met M. LaFlamme and M. Shlongy ...
ETS (REYER): I'm sorry, M. Cilfone, we ARE rehearsing. And the government is at hand! If you wouldn't mind waiting a moment?
BART (LEFEVRE): My apologies, M. Linzy. Proceed, proceed ...
ETS (REYER): Thank you, monsieur. "Sad to return..." Signor ...
BART (LEFEVRE): M. Linzy, our chief repetiteur. Rather a tyrant, I'm afraid.
METHOD (PIANGI): Sad to return to find the land we love threatened once more by Greece's far-reaching grasp. Tomorrow, we shall break the chains of Greece. Tonight, rejoice - your mother wears fleece!
BART (LEFEVRE): Signor MeTHod, our principal tenor. He does play so opposite La TigerLilly.
SACRILICIOUS (GIRY): Gentlemen, please! If you would kindly move to one side? *claps labia quickly in the manner of castanets*
BART (LEFEVRE): My apologies, Mme. Sacrilicious. Mme. Sacrilicious, our mistress of head, er, I mean, head mistress. I don't mind confessing, M. Shlongy, I shan't be sorry to be rid of the whole blessed business.
SHLONGY (FIRMIN): I keep asking you, dickcheese, why exactly are you retiring from Uber?
BART (LEFEVRE): Because I once took a particular pride here in the excellence of our posts...which can no longer be resurrected.
CAULAINCOURT (ANDRE): Sacre bleu! Who's that girl, Bart?
BART (LEFEVRE): Her? Anansie, Madame Sacrilicious's understudy. Promising dancer, M. LaFlamme, most promising.
SACRILICIOUS (GIRY): You! Ghola Minus Two Daaé! Concentrate, girl!
ANANSIE (MEG): Ghola . . . What's the matter?
SHLONGY (FIRMIN): MInus Two Daaé? Curious name...and MOST curious tits.
BART (LEFEVRE): Swedish.
CAULAINCOURT (ANDRE): Any relation to the librettist?
BART (LEFEVRE); His daughter, I believe. Always has a cock in her box, I'm afraid.
CHORUS: Bid welcome to Horse87's guests -the greasy men of Athens! As guides on our conquering quests, Wisher sends McCallum's friends!
TIGERLILLY (CARLOTTA): Once more to my stumpy leg my love returns in splendour!
METHOD (PIANGI): Once more to those sweetest of charms my heart and soul surrender!
CHORUS: The trumpeting warriors sound -- hear, Grecians, now and tremble! Hark to their step on the ground -- hear the drums! Horse87 comes!
BART (LEFEVRE): Ladies and gentlemen - Madame Sacrilicious, thank you - may I have your attention, please? As you know, for some weeks there have been rumours of my imminent retirement. I can now tell you that these were all true and it is my pleasure to introduce to you the two gentlemen who now own the Opera Uberpopulaire, M. Herbert J. Shlongy and M. Alain LaFlamme. Gentlemen, Signora TigerLilly Unilegi, our leading soprano for five seasons now.
CAULAINCOURT (ANDRE): Naturellement, naturellement. I have experienced all of your greatest holes, I mean ROLES, Signora.
BART (LEFEVRE): And Signor MeTHod.
SHLONGY (FIRMIN): An honour, Signor Papadopolous.
CAULAINCOURT (ANDRE): If I remember rightly, she has a rather fine aria in Act Three of "Horse87". I wonder, Signora, if, as a personal favour, you would oblige us with a private rendition? Unless, of course, M. Linzy objects . . .
TIGERLILLY (CARLOTTA): My manager commands . . . M. Linzy?
ETS (REYER): GOD DAMNIT! WHY WON'T ANYONE LISTEN TO ME! YOU ARE ALL IN MORTAL DANGER!!! *composes self* Er, pardon that little outburst. My diva commands. Will two bars be sufficient introduction?
SHLONGY (FIRMIN): Two bars will be quite sufficient, knob-gobbler.
ETS (REYER): Signora?
TIGERLILLY (CARLOTTA): Maestro.
TIGERLILLY (CARLOTTA): Think of me, think of me fondling when we say goodbye...Remember me, once in a while, when you sleep with a guy...on that day, that not so distant day, when you are far away and free, if you ever find a moment, spare a cock for me ...Think of me, think of me...
CHORUS: The Alter of the Opera! He's with us, he's a ghost ...He's here! The Alter of the Opera!
BART (LEFEVRE): Signora! Are you all right? JGreening! Where is JGreening? Get that man down here! Chief of the flies. He's responsible for this. JGreening! For God's sake, man, what's going on up there?
JGREENING (BUQUET): *stammers, jam dribbling down chin* Please monsieur don't look at me: as Shlongy's my witness, I was not logged into that post. Please monsieur, there's no one there: and if there is, well then, it must be a ghost . . .
ANANSIE (MEG): He's there; the Alter of the Opera ...
CAULAINCOURT (ANDRE): Good heavens! Will you show a little courtesy?
SHLONGY (FIRMIN): Mademoiselle, please ...
CAULAINCOURT (ANDRE): These things do happen!
TIGERLILLY (CARLOTTA): Si! These things do happen! Well, until you stop these things happening, I'm leaving Uber! MeTHod! Andiamo!
METHOD (PIANGI): Can I interest you in a large gold necklace, madame? I have ten for sale inside of my coat!
BART (LEFEVRE): I don't think there's much more to assist you, gentlemen. Good luck. If you need me, I shall be in Chicago.
CAULAINCOURT (ANDRE): TigerLilly will be back.
SACRILICIOUS (GIRY): You think so, messieurs? I have a message, sir, from the Opera Ghost.
SHLONGY (FIRMIN): Christ on a pogo stick, you're all obsessed!
SACRILICIOUS (GIRY): He merely welcomes you to his domain and commands you to continue to leave a front page spot empty for his use, and reminds you that his salary is due.
SHLONGY (FIRMIN): His salary?
SACRILICIOUS (GIRY): Monsieur Cilfone paid him a thousand plus two's per month. Perhaps you can afford more, with the Vicomte de Springfield as your patron.
CAULAINCOURT (ANDRE): Madame, I had hoped to have made that announcement myself.
SACRILICIOUS (GIRY): Will the Vicomte be logged in tonight, monsieur?
SHLONGY (FIRMIN): Yes, most definitely.
CAULAINCOURT (ANDRE): Madame, who is the understudy for Signora Unilegi?
ETS (REYER): There is no understudy, monsieur - the vacancy is new.
ANANSIE (MEG): Ghola "Minus Two" Daaé could handle it, sir.
SHLONGY (FIRMIN): The emo girl?
ANANSIE (MEG): She's been taking lessons from a great teacher.
CAULAINCOURT (ANDRE): From whom?
GHOLA (CHRISTINE): I don't know, sir . . .
SHLONGY (FIRMIN): Oh, fuck all! Can you believe it? A Monday on Ubersite - and no quality posters!
SACRILICIOUS (GIRY): Let her post for you, monsieur. She has been well taught!
ETS (REYER): From the beginning then, mam'selle.
~~~ Think of Me ~~~
GHOLA (CHRISTINE): Think of me, think of me fondling when we say goodbye. Remember me, once in a while, when you sleep with a guy...
SHLONGY (FIRMIN): Caul, this is doing nothing for my nerves.
CAULAINCOURT (ANDRE): Simmer down Shlongy, the nurse will be around with your cup of sugar-free Jello in a minute!
GHOLA (CHRISTINE): On that day, that not so distant day, when you are far away and free, if you ever find a moment, spare a cock for me...
And though it's clear, though it was always clear that this was never meant to be, if you happen to remember, stop and think of me.... Think of August when the posts were great - don't think about the ways things might have been...
Think of me, think of me wanking, naked and resigned. Imagine me, trying too hard to see you in my mind.
Think of me, please say you'll think of me, whomever else you choose to do -- There will never be a day when I won't think of you ...
SCOURGE (RAOUL): Can it be? Can it be Ghola? Brava! ... Brava! Long ago ... It seems so long ago ... How young and innocent we were ... She may not remember me, but I remember her ...
GHOLA (CHRISTINE): Orgasms fake, the loins of men do quake-- in menstruation, so do we ... But please promise me that sometimes, you will think ... ... of me!
SACRILICIOUS (GIRY): Yes, you did well. He will be pleased. (to the DANCERS) And you! You were a disgrace tonight! Honestly! Such ronds de jambe! Such temps de cuisse! Come on my face, then we rehearse. Now! *claps labia in hormonal fury*
~~~ Alter of Uber ~~~
BRIAN BLESSED/REDSKIESLOOKFAKE (ALTER): BRAVA! BRAVA! WHAT A PERFORMANCE!!! BOY OH BOY DO I LIKE TO SCREAM!!!!!!!
ANANSIE (MEG): Where in the world have you been hiding? Really, you were perfect! I only wish I knew your secret! Who is this new tutor?
GHOLA (CHRISTINE): Father once spoke of an alter ...
I used to dream he'd appear ...
Now as I write I can sense him ...
And I know he's here ...
Here in this post he calls so loudly...
somewhere inside ... hiding ...
Somehow I know he's always with me ...
He - the unseen genius ...
ANANSIE (MEG): I watched your face from the shitposts
Distant through all the applause
I read your posts in the darkness,
But the words aren't yours
GHOLA (CHRISTINE): Alter of Uber! Guide and guardian! Grant to me your glory!
ANANSIE (MEG): Who is this angel? This ...
BOTH: Alter of Uber! Hide no longer! Secret and strange alter ...
GHOLA (CHRISTINE): He's with me, even now ...
ANANSIE (MEG): Your hands are cold ...
GHOLA (CHRISTINE): All around me ...
ANANSIE (MEG): Your face, Ghola, it's white ...
GHOLA (CHRISTINE): It frightens me...
ANANSIE (MEG): Don't be frightened ...
SACRILICIOUS (GIRY): Anansie. Are you a dancer? Then come and practice.
*turns to Ghola* My dear, I was asked to give you this.
GHOLA (CHRISTINE): A black scarf ... the attic ... Little Lotto ...
CAULAINCOURT (ANDRE): A tour de force! No other way to describe it!
SHLONGY (FIRMIN): Thank Christ! What a relief! Not a single refund!
MRS. SHLONGY (MRS. FIRMIN): Greedy cunt.
CAULAINCOURT (ANDRE): Herbert, I think we've made quite a discovery in Miss Minus Two Daaé!
SHLONGY (FIRMIN): Here we are, Monsieur le Scourge.
SCOURGE (RAOUL): Gentlemen if you wouldn't mind. This is one visit I should prefer to make unaccompanied...in hopes of getting laid.
CAULAINCOURT (ANDRE): As you wish, monsieur.
SHLONGY (FIRMIN): They appear to have met before...in my bordello! Aaahahahahahahahahaha.......
~~~ Little Lotto ~~~
SCOURGE (RAOUL): Ghola Minus Two Daaé, where is your scarf?
GHOLA (CHRISTINE): Monsieur?
SCOURGE (RAOUL): You can't have lost it. Not after all the trouble I took. I was just a n00b here and soaked to the skin ...
GHOLA (CHRISTINE): Because you had run into the middle of a +2bukkake-fest. Oh, Scourge. So it is you!
SCOURGE (RAOUL): Ghola. Little lotto lets your wallet and mind wander ...
GHOLA (CHRISTINE): Remember that, too ... ?
SCOURGE (RAOUL): Little lotto, indeed. Am I fonder of balls,
BOTH: Or of assgoblins or shoes...
GHOLA (CHRISTINE): Or of diddling or smocks...
SCOURGE (RAOUL): Those orgies at the Ubercons? Or of chockomuts...
GHOLA (CHRISTINE): Thorns playing the violin ...
SCOURGE (RAOUL): As we read to each other dark stories of the 'Net...
GHOLA (CHRISTINE): No, what I love best, is when I'm asleep in my bed, and the Alter of Uber resounds in my head!
BOTH: The Alter of Uber resounds in my head!
GHOLA (CHRISTINE): Father said, "When I'm in heaven, child, I will send the Alter of Uber to you". Well, father is dead, Scourge, and I have been visited by the Alter of Uber.
SCOURGE (RAOUL): There's no doubt of that. But now, we'll go to supper!
GHOLA (CHRISTINE): No, Scourge, the Alter of Uber is very strict.
SCOURGE (RAOUL): I shan't keep you up late! C'mon...just a quick bite to eat and then a boink!
GHOLA (CHRISTINE): No, Scourge ...
SCOURGE (RAOUL): You must change. I must get my hat. Two minutes.
GHOLA (CHRISTINE): Scourge! Things have changed, Scourge...
~~~ The Mirror ~~~
BRIAN BLESSED/REDSKIESLOOKFAKE (ALTER): INSOLENT FOOL!
THIS SLAVE OF PASSION,
BASKING IN YOUR GLORYHOLE!
IGNORANT FOOL!
THIS BRAVE YOUNG PIRATE,
SHARING IN MY TRIUMPH!
GHOLA (CHRISTINE): Alter! I hear you!
Speak - I listen ...
stay by my side, guide me!
Alter, my soul was weak -
forgive me ...
enter at last, Master!
BRIAN BLESSED/REDSKIESLOOKFAKE (ALTER): FLATTERING GIRL,
COME AND KNOW ME!
SEE WHY IN SHADOW I HIDE!
LOOK AT YOUR NAME HERE ON UBER-
I AM THERE INSIDE!
GHOLA (CHRISTINE): Alter of Uber!
Guide and guardian!
Grant to me your glory!
Alter of Uber!
Hide no longer!
Come to me, strange alter ...
~~~ The Alter of the Opera ~~~
GHOLA (CHRISTINE): In sleep he sang to me,
in posts he spoke ...
that voice which calls to me
a most fine bloke...
And shall I post again?
For now I find
the Alter of the Opera is there -
inside my mind ...
BRIAN BLESSED/REDSKIESLOOKFAKE (ALTER): SING ONCE AGAIN WITH ME,
OUR STRANGE DUET!
MY RANK BESTOWED ON YOU
GROWS STRONGER YET...
AND WHEN YOU RUN FROM ME,
YOU'LL SURELY FIND,
THE ALTER OF THE OPERA IS THERE -
INSIDE YOUR MIND!!!
GHOLA (CHRISTINE): Those who have seen your posts
draw back in fear ...
I am the mask you wear ...
BRIAN BLESSED/REDSKIESLOOKFAKE (ALTER): IT'S ME THEY HEAR!!!
BOTH: Your/MYspirit and your/MY voice
in one combined:
the Alter of the Opera is there -
inside my/YOUR mind ...
CHORUS: He's there, the Alter of the Opera ...
Beware, the Alter of the Opera ...
BRIAN BLESSED/REDSKIESLOOKFAKE (ALTER): IN ALL YOUR FANTASIES,
YOU ALWAYS KNEW
THAT MAN AND MYSTERY...
GHOLA (CHRISTINE): ... were both in you ...
BOTH: And in this labyrinth,
where night is blind,
the Alter of the Opera is THERE/here
inside YOUR/my mind ...
BRIAN BLESSED/REDSKIESLOOKFAKE (ALTER): WRITE, MY ANGEL OF UBER!
GHOLA (CHRISTINE): He's there, the Alter of the Opera ...
BRIAN BLESSED/REDSKIESLOOKFAKE (ALTER): WRITE FOR ME... WRITE!
WRITE MY ANGEL...WRITE!
WRITE FOR MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
BRIAN BLESSED/REDSKIESLOOKFAKE (ALTER): I HAVE BROUGHT YOU TO THE SEAT OF SWEET UBER'S THRONE . . .
TO THIS KINGDOM WHERE ALL MUST PAY HOMAGE TO UBER . . .UBER . . .
YOU HAVE COME HERE, FOR ONE PURPOSE, AND ONE ALONE . . .
SINCE THE MOMENT I FIRST SAW YOU WRITE,
I HAVE NEEDED YOU WITH ME, TO SERVE ME, TO FIGHT,
HERE ON UBER . . .MY UBER . . .
~~~ Uber of the Night ~~~
BRIAN BLESSED/REDSKIESLOOKFAKE (ALTER): NIGHT-TIME SHARPENS, HEIGHTENS EACH SENSATION . . .
SHITPOSTS STIR AND WAKE IMAGINATION . . .
SILENTLY THE SENSES ABANDON THEIR DEFENSES . . .
SLOWLY, GENTLY, BART UNFURLS ITS SPLENDOUR . . .
GRASP IT, SENSE IT - TREMULOUS AND TENDER . . .
WASTE YOUR WORKING DAYS, HAVE SOME BUTTSECKS WITH TEH GHEYS,
TURN YOUR THOUGHTS AWAY FROM WHAT YOU USED TO WRITE -
AND VISIT WITH YOUR UBER FRIENDS TONIGHT . . .
CLOSE YOUR EYES AND SURRENDER TO YOUR DARKEST DREAMS!
PURGE YOUR THOUGHTS OF THE LIFE YOU KNEW BEFORE!
RATE SOME POSTS, LET YOUR ALTERS START TO SOAR!
AND YOU'LL LIVE AS YOU'VE NEVER LIVED BEFORE . . .
SOFTLY, DEFTLY, UBER SHALL SURROUND YOU . . .
FEEL IT, SEE IT CLOSING IN AROUND YOU . . .
OPEN UP YOUR MIND, LET YOUR FANTASIES UNWIND,
IN THIS DARKNESS WHICH YOU KNOW YOU CANNOT FIGHT -
AND VISIT WITH YOUR UBER FRIENDS TONIGHT . . .
LET YOUR MIND START A JOURNEY THROUGH A STRANGE NEW WORLD!
LEAVE ALL THOUGHTS OF THE WORLD YOU KNEW BEFORE!
LET YOUR POSTS TAKE YOU WHERE YOU LONG TO BE!
ONLY WHEN YOU LOG IN CAN YOU RATE ME. . .
FLOATING, FALLING, SAVOR EACH SENSATION!
RABBITS, EMUS, GOATSE FORNICATION!
LET THE DREAM BEGIN, LET YOUR DARKER SIDE GIVE IN
TO THE POWER OF A TRUTH YOU CANNOT FIGHT -
AND VISIT WITH YOUR UBER FRIENDS TONIGHT . . .
User Reviews
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-01-25 10:41:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-01-25 08:50:14 (#)
Ranking: 2
i didn't mean you...
------------------------
Touche. Just clarifying that I'm one of the few menz on here NOT stalking you. ;)
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-01-25 08:50:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i didn't mean you...
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-01-25 08:22:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-01-24 15:59:54 (#)
Ranking: 2
how the hell did i not know with this? as much as you fuckers email me you could've at least sent me a link.
--------------
Not all of us have your e-mail, ghola dear...
Submitted by swimmingbirdblue (user info) at 2007-01-24 20:58:53 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
A bit lengthy, but it likely coun't be helped. Very good.
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-01-24 15:59:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
how the hell did i not know with this? as much as you fuckers email me you could've at least sent me a link.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-01-22 09:03:35 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I can't believe this cacaphonous mess has a positive rating...
...I love you all!
Submitted by MandaPanda (user info) at 2007-01-20 19:01:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I need your address, so either email me or IM me.
Submitted by TheUniter (user info) at 2007-01-20 03:27:21 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Zebra (user info) at 2007-01-19 19:22:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Wow.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-01-19 19:10:48 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Maltese darling- 2 reasons- 1) it was cast by vote a while back, and 2) because if you were, every time you had a line you would repeat yourself 57 times, and then it would never end, you see.
Submitted by Maltese (user info) at 2007-01-19 19:05:12 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
FUCK YOU, WHY AM I NOT IN THIS!!!
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FUCK YOU, WHY AM I NOT IN THIS!!!
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FUCK YOU, WHY AM I NOT IN THIS!!!
FUCK YOU, WHY AM I NOT IN THIS!!!
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Seriously.
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-01-19 18:58:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-01-19 16:29:14 (#)
Ranking: 0
Tiger!
I was wondering if you'd be lurking around to see this...
--------------------------------------
I'll always check out my favs!
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-01-19 18:57:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"And you! You were a disgrace tonight! Honestly! Such ronds de jambe! Such temps de cuisse! Come on my face, then we rehearse. Now! *claps labia in hormonal fury*"
I love drama- I get to do cool things like speak French and play the cuntstanets.
Submitted by TheCrystalShip (user info) at 2007-01-19 18:36:22 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm in a good mood tonight, actually I'm just drunk.
Submitted by messmind (user info) at 2007-01-19 16:45:56 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-01-19 13:03:10 (#)
Ranking: 0
3) DON'T wear pants. I can tell you were wearing pants when you wrote this.
hahahahaha!
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-01-19 16:30:07 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm not quite sure what the fuck is going on but if I could have made it through more than half of this mess, it was probably funny and clever.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-01-19 16:29:14 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Tiger!
I was wondering if you'd be lurking around to see this...
Submitted by TigerLilly (user info) at 2007-01-19 16:07:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
This was great.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-01-19 15:02:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
*claps labia quickly in the manner of castanets*
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this was gold, but you will take crap for its' length.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-01-19 14:27:45 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Brian_Blessed (user info) at 2007-01-19 14:19:16 (#)
Ranking: 2
JOLLY GOOD SHOW, CHAP!!
I SAY, MY PERFORMANCE HERE WAS OUTSTANDING, AS USUAL.
BUT ONE QUESTION BEFORE I GO...WHO IS THIS REDSKIESLOOKFAKE CHAP YOU'VE REFERENCED IN CONNECTION TO MYSELF? I HAVE NEVER HEARD OF THE MAN AND WON'T BE ASSOCIATED WITH HIM AND ANY OTHER IMAGINARY CHARACTER YOU DREAM UP.
------------------------
aaaahhhahahahahahahahaha
Submitted by scourge (user info) at 2007-01-19 14:25:02 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
+2 me
Submitted by Brian_Blessed (user info) at 2007-01-19 14:19:16 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
JOLLY GOOD SHOW, CHAP!!
I SAY, MY PERFORMANCE HERE WAS OUTSTANDING, AS USUAL.
BUT ONE QUESTION BEFORE I GO...WHO IS THIS REDSKIESLOOKFAKE CHAP YOU'VE REFERENCED IN CONNECTION TO MYSELF? I HAVE NEVER HEARD OF THE MAN AND WON'T BE ASSOCIATED WITH HIM AND ANY OTHER IMAGINARY CHARACTER YOU DREAM UP.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2007-01-19 14:14:03 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-01-19 13:23:13 (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, I'm hilarious. For true. Everybody thinks so. Now I'd like a lollipop, please.
============================
Gracie Allen lives!
Submitted by sicosemen (user info) at 2007-01-19 14:11:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
CTRL + F, s - i - c - o - s - e - m - e - n, moving on.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-01-19 13:32:21 EST (#)
Ranking: -2
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-01-19 13:03:10 (#)
Ranking: 0
1) If someone else approaches you with an idea, DO wait for them to begin the project or release it to you before starting it yourself. Putting the cart before the horse can sometimes result in the horse getting horny and fucking the cart, y'know?
2) If you're going to reference the other person in an introduction, DO make it a point to spell their name right.
----------------
I misspelled your name?!?
*checks*
FUCK ME RUNNING
*dies*
And hey, nothing wrong with a little horny horse action... :p
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-01-19 13:23:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Oh, I'm hilarious. For true. Everybody thinks so. Now I'd like a lollipop, please.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-01-19 13:17:49 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'm sure Shlongy and Caul would look positively dapper in tuxedos.
And by dapper I mean "attractive to men who pay for sex."
Or co-grooms at a wedding.
Submitted by HotWillie (user info) at 2007-01-19 13:15:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I don't even know who some of these people are, nor do I have the inside knowledge to fully appreciate this, I believe.
Quite a lot of work, though. Certainly worth reading.
I would prefer something similar which could be enjoyed by those who haven't lived and breathed ubersite for three years. But that's just me.
On a side note, Sacrilicious is pretty funny. Her proprietary comment re: orgasmatron reads as though you stole her child's lollipop, or something.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-01-19 13:10:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
OMG liek this is so fake. Like bart gives out +2s. Psh.
Loved the Christine/Raoul memory exchange.
Loved that Mrs. Shlongy made an appearance.
It's great that you kept all of Blessed's lines in caps. The world needs more Blessed.
Oh, Flash Gordon. You silly fuck.
Submitted by Orgasmatron (user info) at 2007-01-19 13:03:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I didn't ok you starting this - I gave you the green light to take it over completely, as I said I had yet to really get around to beginning this. This is your baby now, as you certainly seem to be in the zone for it. And good luck, because it's a big project.
Some DOs and DONTs for future collaborations, though --
1) If someone else approaches you with an idea, DO wait for them to begin the project or release it to you before starting it yourself. Putting the cart before the horse can sometimes result in the horse getting horny and fucking the cart, y'know?
2) If you're going to reference the other person in an introduction, DO make it a point to spell their name right.
3) DON'T wear pants. I can tell you were wearing pants when you wrote this.
4) DO have fun and DO see it through to the end.
Now, to read this.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-01-19 12:35:57 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-01-19 12:31:46 (#)
Ranking: 2
Hmm..I thought this was an eventual Orgasmatron project.
Are you going to take over Uberbury Tales, too?
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Fuck no. Olde English expert, I am not. Your beloved O-Man simply gave me the green flag to do the initial writing on this as he currently has writer's block. And it was always intended to be a joint project of ours, like "Beebed"...I suspect this will get his mojo working.
Right?
Submitted by Axolotl (user info) at 2007-01-19 12:33:25 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Les Miserables next
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-01-19 12:31:46 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Hmm..I thought this was an eventual Orgasmatron project.
Are you going to take over Uberbury Tales, too?
+2 for effort and Sacrilicious alone- I'll read this later, CT.
Submitted by Luther (user info) at 2007-01-19 12:22:41 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
Let me know when it's on YouTube, please.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-01-19 12:20:50 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
And to think that this is only about 25% of the beastly musical...