Ubertines 07: R1 - "Desire To Be Still" (515 hits)
Category: RomanceLabels: Contests
Rating: 1.43 on 17 reviews (Rate this item) (V)
Submitted by kaos-king (antius777) (View user info) at 2007-01-24 09:29:33 EST
So cruise on by real subtle and seductive
My beautiful dancing delusion
All the king's horses and all of his men
Couldn't bring this fucker down
Because you're too much of a good thing
And that you've finally had enough
Of useless sunsets and happy endings
You see...
History books tell the best tales
And words of treason that were spoken
Archers raise your weapons
Take aim at everything
Now it's time for one last profound thought
Too bad it won't come from me
Why can't you just rest your fingers
Somewhere against my face
Make it feel like rain drops
So we can pretend this is natural again
I have no desire to be still
Not when your machine is unjust
Running, smoking, screeching away
At some point this all must end
We have so many moments left to spare
Never stray from these heroics
Listen to me, I sound like your father
So tell me something so typical
Something that will keep me up at night
I have something that tastes like an escape
Teach me a new word for it
Maybe it wasn't our fault
Maybe I was spitting sweetness in your ear
Instead of laying out decoys for destruction
Ink spills ruin your new wedding dress
And that blackness matches my heart
But they say silence is golden
It illuminates your eyes so very well
Travels the length of your porcelain flesh
Leaving its mark upon me
Marking me red, marking me dead
User Reviews
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-01-30 00:09:59 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
And have another, because it deserves a higher rating, overall.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-01-30 00:09:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
It reads like a song to me. I love that you took this chance, and I bet it felt good. There were a few lines that seemed a little disjointed, but a bunch more that were fucking ace. Yeah.
Submitted by Sacrilicious (user info) at 2007-01-30 00:07:05 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
I'm glad I came back to this and read it again, because I like it much better on the second read.
1.5
Submitted by ghola (user info) at 2007-01-28 15:36:54 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
i liked this. had a nice sound to it
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2007-01-25 19:01:26 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
No Comment
Submitted by Unabonger (user info) at 2007-01-25 19:01:11 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
going .5 here. sorry, it just doesn't seem to be your thing.
great effort.
Submitted by DrogoRoch (user info) at 2007-01-25 10:51:06 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I liked this. Very different from your normal stuff.
Still trying to think of mine; mind you the title I gave to myself doesn't help.
Submitted by Susie_Derkins (user info) at 2007-01-25 10:31:13 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
Sorry, Kaos. I thought I already rated this.
Submitted by Shlongy (user info) at 2007-01-24 19:57:24 EST (#)
Ranking: 0
I have a strange feeling that my entry won't be this long.
Or, this boring.
Hey, but good luck with this sappy approach to this stupid contest!
Me? I'm taking a diifferent angle.
Submitted by swimmingbirdblue (user info) at 2007-01-24 19:39:32 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Not bad. Not great, but I can do no better. Poetry is not my strong suit. The +1 is for the pic.
Submitted by JonnyX (user info) at 2007-01-24 16:00:52 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
you wrote this thinking about lisa - admit it!
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-01-24 13:27:10 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
And the rating completion. Nice effort, kaos.
Submitted by CaptainThorns (user info) at 2007-01-24 13:26:39 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I'll have to go with the 1.5 on this one, kaos. It started off really strong but the word choice from midpoint on seemed rather forced to me. The style of this type of poetry begs careful word choice.
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2007-01-24 12:56:31 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
I like it at 1.5
Submitted by goferforhire (user info) at 2007-01-24 12:56:15 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
not bad, but it's not really your strong suit
Submitted by St_Jimmy (user info) at 2007-01-24 12:51:20 EST (#)
Ranking: 2
"the length of your porcelain flesh "
Wait a minute?! Was this about a toilet?!?
Really though, not bad.
Hold on, I mean -2DIE POETRY EMO FAG, etc...
Submitted by marginwalker (user info) at 2007-01-24 12:04:34 EST (#)
Ranking: 1
Lovely